Japan - A monkey that escaped from the zoo in Tokyo, Japan and bit over a hundred people, stated in an interview that everyone he bit tasted just awful. "Hey, I've tasted a lot of people in my time, but the people in Tokyo have a terrible after...
A gay man raised thousands of pounds for a local charity by offering to shave a monkey's arse. For free. Larry Sabu, 20, a regular visitor to gay bars and male brothels on the high street, spent an evening in his house shaving the monkey's arse wi...
Geneva, Switzerland - JoJo, a rescued research monkey and former casual labor employee of Sexxxy Sadie's Topless Dance Club in Baltimore, was recently hired as a Junior Physicist to head up one of the operational systems at the Hadron Collider near G...
A local man, Dick Hertz, was mauled by a rescued research monkey Saturday night around 11pm at the local topless dance club known as Sexxxy Sadie's. Apparently, Mr. Hertz was embroiled in a verbal confrontation with Bambi, one of the dancers, when...
Passengers on a budget airline were shocked to discover that a flight they took from Spain to Luton was temporarily piloted by a chimpanzee. The 23 year old chimp called Trevor was spotted by passengers sitting in the cockpit wearing a pilot's hat...
The world's baddest-assed chimpanzee --a 300 pounder named Sueko-- flipped his sh-t, broke free of its chains, and terrorized downtown Kansas City, MO, finally being caught as it ate an entire police cruiser. DID YOU KNOW?? That Network, the 197...
South African smoking Chimp Charlie (RIP) has proven to the world that being a chain smoking primate has no bad effects on the lungs and survived till the ripe old of 52 chimp years (roughly 250 human years, wow!). Charlie was quite an institution...
Further allegations in the seedy personal life of footballing fiend Wayne Rooney have come to light this week. His marriage already hangs in the balance due to several infidelities with hotel-room prostitutes, but a shocking confession from a tra...
(Washington, DC) Republican Senators John McCain and Tom Coburn Released a report today titled "Summertime Blues." The report lists 100 projects funded under the $862 billion stimulus bill. Senator McCain (R-AZ), who lost the presidential race to...
Charlie, a chimpanzee owned by animal psychologist, Mary Lively, celebrated his 6th birthday by sending text messages on his very own laptop computer. The computer was specially designed for Charlie by Apeco Technologies at the urging of Lively, when...
By studying footage recorded in zoos, the team found that the great apes would hit a playmate and then run away, chased by the gorilla they had struck. In other instances, it was noticed that one gorilla would hang around the watering hole and com...
A shocking report this morning, suggested that head-teacher's in UK schools are increasingly using trained chimpanzees as a cheaper alternative to trained teaching assistants. In one particular North London primary school, chimpanzees had been eng...
After many complaints about the poor calls being made by the referees hired to service the World Cup 2010 soccer matches, FIFA officials have decided to hire trained monkeys to referee the remaining games. Said one official "there is no doubt in o...
A British woman has been savaged by a pack of macaque monkeys whilst holidaying at a Thai nature resort. Dee Darwell, 56 who herself confesses to having a huge phobia of monkeys, wanted to conquer that phobia but the plan horribly backfired when i...
This is a true story: Approximately five years ago, Dr. Ollie and Dr. Buddy, the first chimpanzee plastic surgeon team recognized by the American Board of Plastic Surgeons, successfully completed a radical facelift on Mr. St. James Davis without the...
Bubbles the chimp has been admitted to hospital suffering from a sore arse. The pampered primate had recently been adopted by Graham Norton after the tragic death of his brother, Michael. Doctors at the Royal Marzipan Hospital are desperately s...
Hot on the heels of our exclusive last week - Ape research points the way to origin of religion - comes the results of yet more studies supporting the hypothesis that apes may be evolving their own religion. In one study a group of scientists from...
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