Local man and former Dorking resident, Martin Shuttlecock, a dashing 27 year old lion tamer, with a baldy head, and some of his own teeth, now based in Titchfield, today revealed that he had received a marriage proposal from a potential bunny boiler.
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today came out with a full on assault against people who believe in horoscopes, runes, tarot cards, and what he described as 'related tomfoolery.' "It's absolute numptyism is that," Shuttlecock told reporters. "Nobod...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today announced that he wasn't going to have his brother - who he describes as a 'daft bastard' - bumped off after all. Sources relate that Shuttlecock had invested the sum of twenty two pounds fifty with an Ordsall...
Local couple, Martin and Anne Shuttlecock went for a big night out this evening, in order to celebrate Anne's ongoing recovery from major surgery, and her subsequently excellent prognosis. Various options for the big night out were explored, before Anne finally elected to go shopping at the new Tesco store in downtown Dorking. The one by the roundabout with the really confusing array of traf...
Following the terrible news that soul diva, Whitney Houston was found dead in the bathroom of a Hollywood hotel yesterday, at the age of 48 - local man, Martin Shuttlecock, laid bare his thoughts on the demise of an iconic figure in the world of music. "I didn't even know her," a stunned Shuttlecock told reporters. "Never met the woman, but the wife was a bit upset about it. She said she shed a...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, 27 and startlingly ancient looking for his age, Cordon Verde chef extraordinaire, has pronounced his latest experimental sandwich, a roaring success, following three days of trials. Shuttlecock's latest delicacy cons...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today announced that he is to lobby a local radio station, and even be a nuisance if necessary, if the station concerned don't stop playing Adele tracks every other song, all day every day. Shuttlecock explained that...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, 29, a dashingly handsome south coast based spear fisherman (Not true on any count - Ed) today announced his full backing for the Sun newspaper's online 'Target A Troll' campaign. "I'm all for it," Shuttlecock told re...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today revealed how he prepared for the imminent big freeze blizzards, by nipping up the shops wearing odd gloves and carrying a rucksack, to stock up on beer supplies in order to get the better of the furious blizzard w...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, 32, today revealed that he popped up the shops wearing odd gloves, much to the consternation of his fellow shoppers. Amongst whom was a fat bloke without a coat in utter defiance of the impending big freeze. It se...
In Sunday's shock development, as revealed in explicit detail in the Sunday redtops, we here at SEN can almost but not quite exclusively reveal, that local man, Martin Shuttlecock, has invited Bollywood icon Aishwarya Rai down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexi...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, was left furiously chewing the curtains with his false teeth this afternoon, after Dirk Kuyt pounced in the 89th minute to lash the ball past a flailing David DeGea in front of a jubilant Kop. Kuyt's winner came on t...
Hi there. You probably don't know me, but that's beside the point. I'm Yuck Skidmark, and I live in Stella Street, Dorking, which although you've probably never heard of it, is where international superstars (who aren't in rehab) come to chill out and take five. It's an interesting street, with lots of exciting stuff going on in it, and near it, come to think of it. So I thought I'd write do...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today added his contribution to serial killer research by saying that chocolate digestive biscuits can be a fundamental element in the tracking down and apprehension of seriously disturbed serial killers. According t...
When it comes to meaningless headlines and insubstantial non-news stories, the British tabloid press are unsurpassed, as The DM proved today by asking the question referred to in the headline of this article. Indeed, the Mail came out on top of to...
Lexicologists today gathered at the Great Hall Of Lexicology near London's Golden Square, to debate the veracity of the word 'clunge' amid recent claims that 'clunge' is the most obscene description of female genitalia ever coined in the English lang...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, celebrated late into the night this morning as he was informed that he'd won third prize in a prestigious writing tournament yesterday for the Spoof dot com, the internet's leading satire site and refuge for life's waif...
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