Expectant mothers waiting to give birth are to be deployed at various drought hit locations across England in 'labour camps' to fully utilise the vital output of mother minge's waters breaking, according to reports. The unseasonably dry weather is...
The government of Northern Ireland is to overcome the water shortages by importing sachets of dried water from Russia. The dried water was developed by the Russians in 1986,to overcome a lack of drinking water in an area the size of Wales,followin...
Deodorant sales soar and soap sales plummet as many people cut down on washing their body to combat rising fuel costs. Bathing is now a definite no-no and occasional showering is the in thing. Exfoliation is a completely natural process that needs no assistance from either soap or water. Millions of cash strapped brits are turning to metered water supplies in an effort to cut their consumption...
Abbottabad - That 'Arab Spring' tagline has taken a bashing amid reports Bin Laden made 'an absolute killing' flogging poisoned water on his Holy Shit! website. The liquid's supernatural powers had seen it branded the world's top ills' whitewasher...
Popular Scientist, Dr. Denver Colorado has been at it again and today proven that a watched kettle will actually boil. Denver, 43, from Cleethorpes University is an absolute Science boffin and loves solving things in the name of Science. I've often thought that this particular statement was a bit of old waffle but never done anything to try to prove it. I've always been a bit scared of ho...
(Published 2060) PALO ALTERNATIVE, CA - After months in development, Apple Inc. have released this year's new gadget. The Clean Water, which is based on a former compound from the early 21st century called H2O. "This may not be new," said Stev...
Boffins at a top research university have exploded as a myth the received wisdom that a watched pot never boils. Scientists at the University of Thames Valley East have published their findings in the latest edition of Serious Physics Monthly. The...
Mineral water leaks have today been exposed as the biggest waste of water on the British mainland. Tests have revealed that for every pint of water lost through inadequate infrastructure, 2 more are lost through bottled water. A spokesman for Ten...
It's now official - as broadcast this morning on BBC Radio Four's morning News Briefing programme, water will become more valuable than oil and land by 2020. Activities revealed by our Spoof Gazette reporter, directly from the Stock Exchange news...
It was announced this morning by Seamus McTootlepootle, the Chairman and MD of Irish Water PLC, that the cases of fluid deprivation recently experienced by millions will be temporarily eased by the timely and selfless actions of a group of philanthro...
The Belfast water shortage was brought to and end this morning when Ardle O'Realy, Minister for Water shortages, rattled out his new strategy for a long term solution. Speaking at the press conference, Mr O'realy said; "Oye was tinking der udde...
Pittsburgh Organic Water bottling company, H2 uh-oh, sells consumers on the idea of "fresh water." Critics and scientists say this product may be too fresh. The water is served in a clear bottle however the end product has a tannish brown color w...
Chicago IL: EPA Administrator Lisa Jackson met with Mayor Richard Daley to discuss a planned investigation of Chicago water quality. The EPA feels that Chicago water may be somewhat responsible for the gangsters and politicians that have emerged in t...
Supermarket giants Tescoburydas are to sell 'boil in the bag' water for the first time, after successful trials of the product. Demand significantly outstripped supply during the three week test period, leading Tescoburydas to steal a march on the...
The Latest Thoughts from the World Renowned Professor Norton Folgate: If someone invented an engine that ran on water, it wouldn't be as good an idea as they, or you, might think. Yeah it would be as cheap as chips, well cheaper seeing the fucking price of chips these days; over ten bastard quid for two fish and frigging chips, but what would happen in the summer? When we all have a hosep...
A major water supplier in the south of England is launching a new bottled water which it says is as pure as the water you get from your tap. They got the idea after a certain dark fizzy drink manufacturer tried to sell bottles of tap water from Sidcup, in Kent. A spokesperson claims that the major bottled waters are all unpurified and therefore its new water, which it calls Limpido, and is,...
If you are one of the millions who grabbed a vitamin water out of the convenience store cooler without reading the bottle, you probably assume that it was vitamin-fortified water. If you actually read the label though, you learn that the vitamin l...
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