New Scotland Yard had a "bad day at the office" when officers included pictures of actors from a seedy 1970s porn film among images of people wanted after a recent football riot. The error came about when the Metropolitan Police used an old betam...
Sex Offenders and Monkeys have failed, stupid knee-jerk reactions to mortgage problems and vain attempts to look like they do something have had no impact, the British public still think that ailing financial regulators are still about as useful as s...
Foetid Crotch-Rotter of the Monthly Cycle's Business Pages reports: My old Estonian Grandfather once told me the greatest misnomer in life was Military Intelligence. Well, I can only imagine that the UK regulator everyone loves to despise, the FSA is following this adage to the letter. They recently married their "much-feared" Enforcement section to their toothless Financial Crime and "In...
In a move that has astonished nobody, the wastes of skin at the FSA have announced that they intend to get "tough" on Mortgage Brokers and the Mortgage Industry, who they claim have been exploiting consumers for "a very long time". As families acr...
In an awesome example of Karma, the Daily Mail have today claimed that the national outpouring of hatred and vehement anti-mail sentiment, sparked by their recent "entirely innocent" homophobia against the late Stephen Gateley, was entirely drummed u...
After tonight's shock announcement that brain diseased Irish C*nts John and Edward had avoided the sing-off for another week, and the loss of bland Scottish folk-here Rickey Loney-Onanism, the nation is still reeling. Alec Salmond, Chieftain of th...
UK Financial Regulator the FSA, has rocked the financial world today, announcing a bizarre new recruitment policy. FSA spokes-person Grenville Mann-Gland, society louche and inveterate cottager announced today from FSA HQ or Shit Towers as it has...
Chronic Masturbators around the UK are in uproar today, after Cheryl Cole and Daniiiiii Minogue accused flibberty-gibbets and strumpets "Kandy Rain" of being too shameless, slutty and getting their minges out on Saturday's X factor. The idiot-chil...
The news that two innocent missing bureaucrats may have inadvertently been taken hostage in Canary Wharf and sentenced to 12 years of FSA Regulation was greeted with alarm by their families, human rights groups and UN officials. The isolate...
In a shock announcement today the Financial Services Authority have advised the Monthly Cycle that they intend to regulate certain Cockney Rhyming Slang. The move comes on the back of the announcement by Satan's Bankers Barclays that their Fascist...
In travel news, the Monthly Cycle's roving reporter Ulver announces that on her latest sojourn to the former Eastern Bloc, she has found the new Southend on Sea. The Port of Sarande, the Ionian gateway to Albania has it all, sun, sea, sand, pollut...
Beleaguered Financial Regulator, the FSA, has today announced yet another revamp to make it a vibrant 21st Century threat to those prepared to flout their rules. Sir Thrust Bulging, spokes-person for the Regulator revealed today, "We stand at a cr...
Sources within the major intelligence services of the world, including the UK and France, have today stated that Iran may be building a secret Rhum Ba Ba enrichment plant that could soon be operational; according to a senior aide to the country's Sup...
Girls Aloud "Phenomenon" Cheryl Cole was left speechless on her birthday after being upstaged by a knickerless cavernous crotch flash by her own Mum. The Girls Aloud crotch-rotter hit the town to celebrate her 26th birthday with disease-ridden se...
After being told that her latest expose of the Lady GaGa "Is She or Isn't He?" scandal was "Too Defamatory" Estonian Muck Raker, manager of the National Estonian Fudge-Hut and Grandmother of 27 Vaginia-Eston- Flapski aka Ulver remains in hiding shame...
The three-year marriage of Vacuous Tart Jordan and pointless twat Peter Andre was brought to an end in little more than a minute today when the insipid celebrity couple were granted a "quickie divorce". The divorce proceedings lasted considerably...
A planned demonstration in Birmingham against literacy and being a bit "fey", by The Ignorance Defence League, resulted in angry clashes with teachers and librarians at the weekend. Gangs of men and youths, whom Police believe may be latent homose...
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