A huge water bird returning from its midday feast had to make an emergency landing on Lake Windermere yesterday. The flying duck panicked on its way back as it neared the landing area and started to flap its wings. "It was flapping like mad,...
The most recent quarterly testing of New York City's water supply revealed dangerous levels of stupid in the city's water - over eighteen times the permissible levels, even by New York's lenient stupid standards (New York is second only to Georgia in...
LOS ANGELES - Ryan Seacrest has just remarked on his L.A. radio show that he thinks that Katy Perry may just have broken the record for the most marriage proposals in 48 hours. He disclosed that he had spoken with the ex-Mrs. Russell Brand and she...
HOUSTON - NASA launched the Mars Rover Curiosity on November 26, 2011, and on August 6, 2012, it landed on Mars in the middle of Aeolis Palus, which is a subdivision of Aeolis Acres, formerly known as Mount Sharp Estates. The Mars Science Laborato...
For several million years water has been the most dangerous thing on the planet to humans. Its danger to humans has been in existence far longer than fire, building collapse or turning up to a party in the same dress as that woman from thirty-five wh...
The Windermere Vista Hotel in the Lake District, Cumbria, is at the centre of a scientific investigation after it was discovered to be the centre of an outbreak of spontaneous boob growth. "People have been adding up to two cup sizes to their brea...
As England, Wales and Scotland were battered by wind and rain yesterday and today a weather expert warned that this could be the wettest drought on record. Many water authorities in the south east of England have imposed hosepipe bans as local wat...
A UK charity that aids homeless people, have come up with a unique way to help alleviate the low water levels of resevoirs in the south east of England. Charity spokesman Mr I.M. Torkingcrap spokesman said "We were on our usual nightly run offerin...
Seven water companies across southern and eastern England are to introduce hosepipe bans amid drought conditions. However, for the first time it will now become an offence just to own a hosepipe. A sliding scale of fines will be introduced, with...
CNN News recently ran a story about the cosmetic rider that is included in the Buffalo, New York school teacher union health insurance contract. It noted that the "nip and tuck" benefit has cost Buffalo's citizens as much as nine million dollars a y...
Buoyant environmentalists across the UK have asserted their satisfaction that the anticipated surge in sea levels around the globe has been comprehensively outstripped by an average 5.7% rise in household water prices. Scientists believe sea level...
Following last week's decision that water does not prevent dehydration, EC mandarins now reckon it's good for you! Adam's ale has been at the forefront of the European Food Standards Authority's (EFSA) minds lately. They were roundly ridiculed...
Latest legislation passed in Brussels will make it a crime to say that water is wet. The news follows hard on the decision by the European Food Standards Authority (EFSA) that water does not hydrate. A meeting of 21 Euroboffins in Parma came to...
MyWay have been flooded with complaints from customers using their latest applelet for the iPhone after a sizable portion of them have suffered a catastrophic failure of their phones. "I think MyWay have shot themselves in the foot with this parti...
The British pint of beer is to be watered down from October this year. The watery pints will mostly be selling in the pubs and bars of Britain where the majority of customers are under 25 years of age, though all pubs are to be encouraged by the gove...
Striking new images of Mars revealing what appear to be hundreds of incomplete road-works littering its surface may be the best evidence that the planet once had the flowing water capable of excusing delays to millions of car journeys every year.
Latest research from the Institute for the Mentally Challenged has shown that drinking water is terribly bad for people and should be avoided. "We ran an experiment for three weeks," said head of Research and Money Laundering, Bev Average. "We spl...
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