WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN) -- Second-hand Estrogen (SHE) is more dangerous to males than even second-hand smoke, says a joint report issued Wednesay by the Enivironmental Protection Agency (EPA) and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). "Second-ha...
DETROIT, MI - Soon you won't have to drink juice to get your Agent Orange because it will be in corn. And corn is in almost all the food you buy, most commonly as a syrup. Dr. Umbday Eadhay, family doctor in the rust belt, our source, is going to...
INDIA - In the wake of many deaths by methanol in India, the resurgence of aspartame inhalation is rampant. According to our source, staff doctor, Dr. Whine Galena, when inhaled, pure aspartame releases enough methanol to produce a narcotic 'high'...
WASHINGTON DC - It soon may be a crime to go on a diet of 500 calories, unless you consume at least 6 aspartame flavored beverages - per day. FDA spokesman, Dr. Strangedeath, indicated that too many cases of people losing weight by using the HCG hor...
Special to INS - The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved sawdust as a food supplement. FDA administrator Constance Twiddle announced that the following varieties are suitable for human consumption: white pine, white birch, and white ash.
The FDA has issued a warning on the box of the Evital, otherwise known as the 'Morning after Pill' as counterfeit and is actually Clomiphene, a pill that can release multiple eggs and result in a pregnancy of two or more infants during unprotected se...
Parents who look to their children's school lunches as a source of nutrition can now rest easy, knowing that their Federal Government (through the Food and Drug Administration) has declared Kool-Aid to be a fruit. The beverage will count as a full se...
LAS VEGAS - Romantic soul singer Darvon has announced he will voluntarily comply with an FDA request to stop performing due to serious and sometimes fatal heart rhythm abnormalities in older female members of his audiences. Darvon and the Darvocet...
Since the Food and Drug Administration can't actually force you to stop sticking lit cigarettes in your mouth --'cause Prohibition against alcohol worked really well--, the FDA has announced that they will stick really f--ked up imagery on packs of s...
Contrasupporters of the US Food and Drug Administration have come out swinging, criticizing the organization for allegedly curbing research into an effective vaccine against lentivirus protagonists and opportunistic 6T and 6T(S) infections. Infec...
WASHINGTON, DC - FDA Secretary Thomas J. Vilsack has assigned a task-force to investigate the recent natural-gas explosion and fire that killed four and injured scores in San Bruno, California. When asked why the FDA was investigating, Vilsack res...
WASHINGTON DC - After the EPA agreed to consider banning lead bullets, the FDA completed their investigation of EPA. The findings of the FDA investigation cited evidence of E. coli present in the mountain of SH*T that the EPA considers to be in th...
In an effort to protect the U.S. public from low cost, healthy foods, the US Food and Drug Administration will now ban fresh broccoli from human consumption. "This ban is being implemented after multiple reports of the benefits of fresh broccoli a...
The US Food and Drug Administration, taking the unprecedented step of barring the manufacture and sale of a perfectly legal product, has banned the manufacture, sale or use of cereal variety packs. " 'Big Cereal' has taken advantage of moms, value...
SACRAMENTO, CA - A new strain of hyper virulent, deadly Cryptococcus gattii fungus has been discovered in the United States a new study says. The outbreak has already killed six people in Oregon and it will likely creep into northern California a...
A voluntary recall has been issued for more than 40 over-the-counter drugs intended for protection against the toxic byproducts of children, including Tylenol and Motrin, because they don't meet quality standards. "This recall is not being underta...
Following numerous news reports of fighting during National Football League playoff parties, the Food and Drug Association has determined that the source of most man-on-man violence originated over individual hoarding of potato chip dip. Not yet r...
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