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Spoof stories written by Ralph E. Shaffer

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White House in Chaos as Chief Gardener Resigns

Citing irreconcilable policy differences on how the White House roses should be pruned, retired marine corps career non-com Sgt. Kelly Flynn submitted his written resignation at a meeting with President Donald Trump this morning. "The president is...

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Raiders May Move to Hawaii, Play in Volcano

With a nod to his late father, Al Davis, son Mark, owner of the Oakland Raiders, is negotiating a deal with Honolulu business and sports interests, that involves moving the Raiders from Oakland to Hawaii next season. That would leave Las Vegas, where...

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Supreme Court Ready to Overturn Same-Sex Marriage

Charging that same-sex marriage violates God's law, is contrary to the laws of nature, and attacks the moral values on which this country was founded, Roy Moore, now an Alabama county clerk, has refused to issue a marriage license to two elderly wome...

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Russia Will Pay for Trump's Wall

Moscow. Special to The Spoof. Vladimir Putin, tweeting before breakfast, offered to pay the $5 billion reluctant Democrats won't vote to begin the first phase of the president's projected border wall with Mexico. The stand-off between Trump and cong...

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Far Right Militia Will Revolt if Trump's Impeached

President Donald Trump's prediction that the people will revolt if he is impeached has received enthusiastic endorsement from Etaoin Shrdlu, supreme commander of a far right, Minute Man-style, rag-tag band of Second Amendment zealots. Shrdlu told The...

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Giuliani: "It's a Giant Conspiracy Against Trump"

Rudy Giuliani, President Donald Trump's legal adviser, responded today to the fast-moving pace of special counsel Robert Mueller's "Anti-Trump Conspiracy," as Mr. Giuliani phrased it. "It is a conspiracy," Mr. Giuliani insisted. "Who instructed Mi...

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A Christmas Parody: A Gift for the Madge I.

"One hundred thousand, eight hundred seventy dollars and fifty two cents! Is that all?" Madge I. Young - she always insisted on using her middle initial - it said on her checks but she hadn't looked at a bank statement for weeks. There was really no need to. Her husband, Mr. James Dillingham Young, Esquire, Ph, D., LL. B., C.P.A., a bright and promising young executive at one of New York City's m...

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President Hillary? Will Clinton Replace Pence as Veep?

In the wake of Michael Cohen's sentencing and revelations from special counsel Mueller and prosecutors from the second district of New York, leading senate Republicans and Democrats met late yesterday to discuss a peaceful resolution to the stolen 20...

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"PETA" Boycotts Autry's "Rudolph"

Charging that Gene Autry's "Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer" contributes to the acceptance of bullying, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals [PETA] today called on all radio stations to ban the song during the holiday season. A PETA spokesm...

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Lakers' LeBron James will Return to Cavaliers

Staples Center, Los Angeles. Magic Johnson, head of basketball operations for the Los Angeles Lakers, has reportedly reached a secret deal with the Cleveland Cavaliers sending NBA superstar LeBron James back to Cleveland before the end of the current...

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Macy's Mannequin Attacks Department Store Groper

Los Angeles, CA. Holiday shoppers were shocked today when an elderly man was seen groping female mannequins at Macy's department store on Wilshire Blvd. He was caught when one of the automated mannequins apparently slapped him in the face so har...

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Trump Switches, Market Twitches, Goodbye Riches

Wall Street, NYC. The Dow Jones Industrial Averages, which rose dramatically Monday following President Donald Trump's proclamation that the tariff war with China had ended in victory for America, fell precipitously Tuesday when the president seeming...

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SNL: Trump Indictees Give New Meaning to Old Songs

Appearing on Saturday Night Live, three former aides to President Donald Trump, all recently indicted by special prosecutor Robert Mueller, gave a funny if not professional performance with a medley of old songs containing very appropriate lyrics, sl...

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Turks, Kurds and Whey, Weigh, Way

Istanbul, Turkey. Special to The Spoof. Turkey's president Recep Tayyip Erdogan today said he would read a peace proposal submitted by the Kurds and weigh the consequences of a summit with their leader, Abdullah Ocalan. "But which Kurds does this...

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Grumpy Trump, He Wanted a Wall

San Ysidro, CA. Hundreds of asylum-seeking Hondurans stormed the heavily fortified wall today at this port of entry for those seeking to enter the United States. U. S. border patrol agents used tear gas to turn away the throng when some of the refug...

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Trump Sends 900 Jews Seeking Asylum back to Nazi Germany

The White House. June 1, 1939. President Donald Trump today approved the recommendation of Secretary of State Cordell Hull that the German passenger liner St. Louis not be given permission to dock and unload approximately 900 Jews seeking asylum out...

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King Donald Tweets Executive Orders to the Tides

Once upon a time, King Donald of America built a Tower of Nationalism on the sandy shore of Florida and ordered the Tide of Transnationalism not to wash flotsam and jetsam onto the base of his Tower. "I am the most powerful king in the world, and even the tide must obey me." The sea seemed to obey - the tide was actually retreating when he issued his executive order - and King Donald thought the...

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"Ptomaine Romaine"...Again. Chef Retains Romaine's Remains

Just as romaine lettuce growers were recovering from the e coli scare of last spring, the Center for Disease Control issued a "do not serve" and "do not eat" warning covering romaine lettuce from any source and in every state. One defiant salad chef...

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