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Spoof stories written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

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Adventures in the Merchant Arse-Gravy

Funny story: Adventures in the Merchant Arse-Gravy

It was early in the spring of 1835 when me and my friend Arsecock were shanghai-ed. We had only had a few pints in The Admirals' Cockles in Plymouth, but there must have been something in the brew. When I woke up, I was sick, the whole world was rolling from side to side, and everything smelt of shit. "Where am I?" I asked. "Hahar! Ye've awoken," said a gruff bearded old man in a smart unifo...

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Climate change "will not affect Scotland"

Funny story: Climate change "will not affect Scotland"

Scotland is known for its dark winters, cool summers and a constant drizzle which ensures that nobody in the country has ever tasted a dry chip. In the UN's latest climate change report, it predicts that nothing will change. The report says that a...

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Complaints about Dr Who rise

Funny story: Complaints about Dr Who rise

This weekend, the new Dr Who, Jodie Whittaker, began her role as the famous sci-fi character. However, there are many people who are unhappy that a woman is playing the part for the first time. The character of Dr Who "regenerates" regularly, allo...

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History Channel To Be Renamed The Hitler Channel

Funny story: History Channel To Be Renamed The Hitler Channel

For years, the History Channel has broadcast a variety of documentaries on different eras in human history, from the Stone Age right up to the modern age. In recent years, however, a particular period in history has come to dominate the channel's sch...

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First man ever completes Glasgow Marathon

Funny story: First man ever completes Glasgow Marathon

It is one of the toughest events in sport, but today Geoff Shoes, 37, a professional runner from Kenya won the Glasgow Marathon. He is the first person to cross the finish line of the event since it started in 1980. Organisers were shocked to see Sho...

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Man aims to reach South Pole

Funny story: Man aims to reach South Pole

Geoffcock Shackles, 43, of Norwich, is planning to be the first man to reach the South Pole solo, sustained only by biscuits. At McMurdo station, Shackles was ready to make the 2000km voyage to the South pole and back on foot, supplied only with h...

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Kennels for the homeless

Funny story: Kennels for the homeless

Theresa May has revealed her new flagship programme to help thousands of homeless Britons find their way back into society. Today she announced that, from next January, homeless people will be able to apply for their own kennel, giving them shelter f...

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Man doesn't like Muslims

Funny story: Man doesn't like Muslims

Geoff Baffle, 47, of Coventry, has begun a campaign to eliminate Muslims from his town. The campaign so far has 3,000 followers, but councillors have so far ignored him. Baffle protests that Muslims dress in a strange manner and often try to attra...

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Space vans to rent

Funny story: Space vans to rent

Do you need to transport goods into a low earth orbit at bargain basement prices? Perhaps you've always wanted to see the majesty of space through a windscreen, but without spending a fortune? Or have you ever wondered what the van of the future looks like? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you need to rent a Space Van. A Space Van is just like a regular van, with fou...

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Social Justice Warriors set to be new blockbuster film

Funny story: Social Justice Warriors set to be new blockbuster film

It is a superhero film for millenials, set around four fearless progressives who campaign for fairness against the patriarchy. Social Justice League of America is out this month, and is expected to be a hit. The four heros are: Feministman, who wa...

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Flat President theory gains support

Funny story: Flat President theory gains support

Presidents attract conspiracy theories like dung attracts flies. Some dung is more popular than others, and a growing group of oddball truth-seekers are claiming that President Trump is actually flat. Geoff Hoax, 45 and unemployed of Tennessee, is...

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Chuckle Brothers were in C'thulhu cult

Funny story: Chuckle Brothers were in C'thulhu cult

Barry Chuckle, beloved children’s entertainer, recently passed away. Yet his passing raises a few questions of its own, particularly when his bequeathal is considered. Mr Chuckle left 2 million pounds to his good friend, the Nigerian prince Ali Nb...

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The Ugly Truth About Right Wingers

Funny story: The Ugly Truth About Right Wingers

Steve Bannon. Nigel Farage. Geert Wilders. Jacob Rees Mogg. Every one of them is as ugly on the outside as their dead black souls are on the inside. Why should that be? Does a lack of attractiveness lead to bitterness, hate, and the dark side of politics? Or does a desire for racial purity ironically lead to a hideous appearance? Geoff Article of TheSpoof investigates. There have been a numb...

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Art Garfunkel breaks pelvic bridge over trouble passing water

Funny story: Art Garfunkel breaks pelvic bridge over trouble passing water

Hairy singer Art Garfunkel, 73, is best known as the eye candy in one-man folk duo Simon and Garfunkel. This week he hit the headlines for different reasons - he broke part of his pelvis after falling off the toilet. "I was pushing really hard, th...

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May's African trip causes mass deaths

Funny story: May's African trip causes mass deaths

At least 39 people are now confirmed dead in what is the worst outbreak of embarrassment in Britain since Nigel Farage gloated about winning the Brexit vote. Prime Minister Theresa May has been in Kenya this week, the first UK PM to visit the country...

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Geoffroy is the number one name for boys - and girls - in the UK

Funny story: Geoffroy is the number one name for boys - and girls - in the UK

The most popular list of boys and girls names for children born in the UK has been revealed, and it is no surprise that Geoffroy takes first place for boys yet again. What is surprising is that it now tops the girls' list as well. The top ten boys...

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Katie Hopkins' rabies nightmare

Funny story: Katie Hopkins' rabies nightmare

Professional troll Katie Hopkins has revealed that she suffers from recurring nightmares about rabies. She has had the disturbing dreams for years, but cannot remember when they started. In her monthly column for the Daily Shitstirrer, she moaned abo...

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Michael Cohen uses "Trump defence" in court

Funny story: Michael Cohen uses "Trump defence" in court

President Trump's former lawyer and "fixer" Michael Cohen has been charged on eight counts of fraud and other financial crimes, including tax evasion and paying off Stormy Daniels for having to sleep with the orange leader. Unusually, Cohen defend...

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