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Spoof stories written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw

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Charlie Brown Loses Virginity

Funny story: Charlie Brown Loses Virginity

The sequence of events began innocuously enough, with the Cute Little Red-Haired Girl flashing a shy smile in Charlie Brown's direction as she read the note which he had hidden in her spelling textbook. When the final bell rang, she wasted no time in tucking her gym towel under one arm and taking Charlie by the hand, coyly leading him to a remote corner of the local pumpkin patch. After her...

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BMW Researching Self-Driving Cars

Funny story: BMW Researching Self-Driving Cars

Like many auto manufacturers, BMW has been actively researching technologies that will, in the not too distant future, enable cars to drive themselves. In an exclusive Spoof News interview, Chief Engineer Max Brennstoff outlined some of the challenges that his team has encountered. "We failed to anticipate how difficult it would be to program even the most sophisticated computers available tod...

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Canada, Mexico Propose Longest International Bridge Ever

Funny story: Canada, Mexico Propose Longest International Bridge Ever

At the close of the recent "Three Amoebas" summit in Ottawa, Canadian Pry Minister Justin Truedough and Mexican President Enrique Pipi Nuevo passed a joint back and forth before jointly taking the podium to make a joint announcement: "While Enriqu...

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Church of Satan Sues Led Zeppelin

Funny story: Church of Satan Sues Led Zeppelin

Auntie Sandra Levi, High Priestess of The Church of Satan, filed a lawsuit this week alleging that rock band Led Zeppelin plagiarized the copyrighted liturgy of her church. "When they recorded the subliminal Satanic lyrics in Stairway to Heaven, t...

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Massive Riots Follow NYPD Shooting

Funny story: Massive Riots Follow NYPD Shooting

Race riots erupted all over New York City following the announcement that, on Tuesday morning, NYPD officers fatally shot a black Muslim man who was armed with nothing more than a stolen H-bomb. Truck driver Muhammad Baker was killed instantly in...

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Apple Refuses to Share Mind-Reading Software With FBI

Funny story: Apple Refuses to Share Mind-Reading Software With FBI

In a press release held Thursday morning, FBI investigator Tracey McCall expressed her frustration at Apple's refusal to cooperate with the San Bernardino shooting investigation: "We know that they install mind-reading software in all of their iPh...

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Pope Presides Over Human Sacrifice

Funny story: Pope Presides Over Human Sacrifice

Pope Francis closed off his visit to Mexico with the ultimate nod of approval to the blending of Catholic teachings with indigenous Mexican spiritual traditions. Donning a Santa Muerta costume, he climbed to the top of a Mayan pyramid to preside...

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Kanye, Taylor to Resolve Dispute with Pistol Duel

Funny story: Kanye, Taylor to Resolve Dispute with Pistol Duel

Kanye West and Taylor Swift have agreed that there is only one way to settle their ongoing feud: They will meet this coming Saturday at high noon, packing matching Colt .45 Peacemakers, at the O.K. Corral in Tombstone, Arizona, for a good old-fashio...

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Canadian Government to Buy Playboy Mansion

Funny story: Canadian Government to Buy Playboy Mansion

After only a few short weeks on the market, it appears that the Playboy Mansion has attracted a firm purchase offer from, of all parties, the Government of Canada. McKenzie Brothers Real Estate, acting on Canada's behalf, has revealed that their p...

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North Korea to Accept Ten Million Syrian Refugees

Funny story: North Korea to Accept Ten Million Syrian Refugees

"Well, fuck!" said North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, "It's not like anyone else wants to come here. Yes, the double meaning --I said 'come'-- is intentional: After a typical eighty-hour work week, while subsisting on 1200 calories a day, the averag...

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Paradise Unsure of What to Do With Martyr Couple

Funny story: Paradise Unsure of What to Do With Martyr Couple

"This has us stumped," said a spokesangel in Paradise. "I mean, do we give them each seventy-two virgins? Do we make them share the same seventy-two? In the latter case, should there be thirty-six male virgins and thirty-six female?" "Or, do w...

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NRA Demands Tighter Controls on Body Armor Sales

Funny story: NRA Demands Tighter Controls on Body Armor Sales

NRA spokesmilf Sierra Paylin caught the first available flight to San Bernardino (She even spelled it right!) to address the press with regards to an issue that has been bugging the NRA for years: "How is it possible for any deranged nut in this c...

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U.S. to Screen Syrian Refugees According to Bra Size

Funny story: U.S. to Screen Syrian Refugees According to Bra Size

A Senate committee on the Syrian refugee crisis held a press conference in Twin Peaks, California this morning to discuss their recommendations on U.S. policy towards granting asylum to Syrian refugees. "We can't let any of the men into the countr...

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Surprise Late Entry into Republican Primary

DETROIT--On Wednesday morning, reporters gathered in the Motor City to hear legendary rocker Vincent Furnier--better known as Alice Cooper-- announce that he was vying to run for president under the Republican banner. Cooper added that, in an unusua...

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DNA Test Confirms: Justin Trudeau Actually Mick Jagger's Son

On Thursday morning of this past week, Dr. Maxwell Zilberhammer of the Great White North Health Sciences Laboratory announced the results of a DNA test ordered and paid for by the campaign of recently defeated Canadian Prime Minister Harpo Stevens.

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Jihadis Attempt to Blow Up Great Pyramid, Extra-Terrestrials Return Fire!

Funny story: Jihadis Attempt to Blow Up Great Pyramid, Extra-Terrestrials Return Fire!

On Tuesday morning, a ragtag band of Muslim fundamentalists attempted to tunnel under the Great Pyramid of Giza with the intent of planting and detonating a crude thermonuclear device underneath it. They were instantly annihilated by an intense beam...

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Oktoberfest in Canada

Those motorists who've ever decided to save a few miles and dodge a few highway tolls on the drive between Buffalo NY and Chicago by passing through that large game sanctuary known as "Canada" may have wondered: "What is there to do here besides hunt moose, photograph Mounties, and guzzle buckets of Tim Horny's coffee?" Well, anyone who braves this passage in early October --just before the ent...

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Worst Mass Shooting in U.S. History

Yesterday morning, everyone in the lower forty-eight states was killed or critically wounded in the worst mass shooting in U.S. history. Investigators from Canada's RCMP and Mexico's Policia Federales issued the following joint statement (as they...

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