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Rosie and Dim - On the Roseanne Barr Fallout

TV creature Rosanne Barr has blamed a series of racist Tweets on a sedative she had been taking. As we wait for the judge to come back from recess in our trial (completely trumped up charges of multi million pound embezzlement, we can’t even spell embezzlement without auto correct) we had a look at what other celebrities blamed shit behaviour on. Tommy Robinson: Recently incarcerated racist pat...

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Tracing the source of an unwanted bank deposit

Funny story: Tracing the source of an unwanted bank deposit

A repeated anonymous donor from Stoke has been thrown out of his home by his wife. John Ewes, 42, occasional smoker, had been donating to local sperm banks for 22 years and had never once informed his wife. Mary Ewes, 42, smoker (we think she was...

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Police force report shows "significant improvement"

The police watchdog announced on Tuesday “Woof, woof, woof.” No, not really, we just thought we’d open with a joke because the world is such a terrible place full of shit and hate right now. Stark, but true. A police watchdog has actually said: "H...

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End Of Season Review

After a weekend of sporting drama both at home and on the continent, it is with great pleasure that Back and to the Left news can announce that Doncaster Captain, James Coppinger, has signed a new one year deal with the club. The new contract, wi...

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Space Threats Rain Down on Post-Brexit UK

The UK’s defence secretary has declared that we must be “ready to counter threats from space”. He made the announcement after watching Starship Troopers and posting a live Vlog of him standing on ants. The UK has proved itself incapable of dealing...

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The Royal Wedding: A Review

Surprisingly we at back and to the left news weren’t invited to the latest Royal Wedding and we’re guessing neither were you. Despite the fact that we helped pay for it. But we’re not bitter. We’re not anything really after we took our medication this morning. We’re beginning to think we took too much or the Dr got our doses wrong, we guess we’ll find out. So in the spirit of the Royal wedd...

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Cup Final Review

Despite spending the GDP of a medium sized country Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, has ended the season as empty handed as the homeless people who were forced out of Windsor for the Royal wedding. The final itself was an affair completely d...

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Wedding Undress? or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Royal Wedding

As the big day draws near speculation is reaching fever pitch and only one question is on the countries lips: What will Megan wear on the big day? Many experts and commentators have thrown their speculation around like jizz at an orgy and a pleth...

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Worrisome Wisbech Worries

A series of strange, yet brutally horrifying, stabbings has struck the idyllic Norfolk town of Wisbech! The murders have been recorded on the steps of Peckover house, in the shadow of the Clarkson Memorial, in the social clubs clock tower and at the...

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Fondle The Meat Balls

Insane and somewhat destructive news has come hurtling out of Sweden today as the country admitted that it’s famed “Swedish Meatballs” are in fact “Turkish”. At the mention of foreigners Brexiteers were up in arms and The Daily Mail published a “are...

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Open Mouthed Banter

After the greatest team in the world was denied a definite FA cup final win by Manchester United people have been up in arms about a “tweet” sent from the official FA account about Harry Kane. Normally Harry is only up in arms about the sun setting a...

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The Hunt's On For GOOGLE

Cancerous pustule, Jeremy Hunt, has threatened Social media giants with more laws because he says they don’t do enough to protect children. Jeremy of course knows all about protecting children having closed down many children’s wards as health minist...

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Mourinho Spending Spree

Despite this season being a catastrophic failure of somewhat epic proportions Manchester United manager, Jose Maureen, will more than likely be handed even more money to throw at his failing team. The subsequent spending spree will more than like...

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Opinion: Trump V Syria

US windbag and all round walking political piss take, Donald Trump, has defended his “mission accomplished” tweet after it was ridiculed by actual media outlets. The same outlets Donald keeps claiming are fake. It always seems odd to us that a man with no political qualifications sits in a political job and calls qualified individuals “fake”. Anyway we digress.... Of course Donald authorised ai...

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Editorial: May Attacks Syria

So after PM May decided “fuck it” and bombed the shit out of another country on tenuous evidence (where have we heard this before) she now fears a public backlash. The main shame is that she won’t be receiving said “back lashes” across her back with a glass encrusted whip. The carrion eyed cunt completely misjudged the public appetite for more wanton slaughter from above and now fear repercussi...

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Boris Blames

Back and to the Left news and Boris Johnson have something in common. Both of us like to make up wildly inaccurate stories to discredit or embarrass others. However where we are a pair of idiots travelling around the country singing stupid songs he i...

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12 Hilarious Things Everybody Does

Over here at Back and to the Left news we are very, very busy people so bust in fact we can’t always come up with our own ideas for articles. So we take ideas from others. It’s not stealing as such more a re-appropriation of concepts from less talented writers and giving said ideas access to a larger global audience. With this in mind we went through MSN news and found the article “40 Hilarious...

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Miliband Money Worries

David Miliband (the brother of the bacon sandwich guy) has apologised for the MP’s expenses scandal. In which tonnes of MP’s thought “fuck you” to the tax payer and claimed on everything they could. £100 breakfasts, Grey Goose vodka for dictators and...

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