BILLINGSGATE POST: Leaders of the Mormon Church in Salt Lake City unanimously voted to include one of their most faithful disciples into their pantheon of award winning weasels. To be considered for this celebrated award, a disciple must distinguis...
Mitt Romney reminded me of how genetically sensitive most of us are in detecting "An Asshole". Darwin probably would have said it was a critical part of the natural selection process and connected to our most basic human reproduction drives. I mean -you don't want to reproduce with an asshole because your children will most likely become assholes (just look around) If Darwin DIDN'T think of this...
WASHINGTON - It has surfaced that Mitt Romney has desire to run again for his third presidential bid. Although he has yet to officially throw his hat into the 2016 mix, sources close to him say that he is excited and has a good feeling about th...
WHITEWASHINGTON, DC/AC - Hillary Clintoon is celebrating the news: forty percent of the respondents to a Phew Poll affirmed that they want to see a woman in the Oval Orifice. Clintoon (Hillary, not Bill), who may run for president in 2016, beamed...
Across the nation, four GOP presidential hopefuls drowned this week while testing the waters for the 2016 presidential run. Mitt Romney, according to nearby witnesses, drowned outside his residence in San Diego, CA, while taking a morning dip in t...
WASHINGTON, D. C. (DP)-Mitt Romney, who died in 2028 at the age of eighty-one while running for president for the seventh time, is poised to give it another shot, advisors to the cryogenically frozen candidate reported today. Close advisors to...
BOSTON - A 22-year-old computer programmer living in Boston has come forth with an astonishing claim. Mavis Drillwater has informed the news media that she is Mitt Romney's daughter. She said that she did not know it until recently when she found...
PARAMUS, New Jersey - Governor Chris Christie has made it perfectly clear that he wants to be the Republican presidential nominee in 2016. The popular New Jersey governor recently sat down with Amos Soursuckle of GOPicky Magazine at a local Burger...
Gay marriages are having a hard time because, most say, marriage means commitment, and most of them have never tried that over a long period of time. "This is Rash Limbo and I'm giving it my two cents worth." "Now don't turn away. After all, I...
TRENTON - Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey has stated that he will bet anyone who cares to make a bet that he will be the 2016 GOP presidential candidate. The rotund governor said that he will continue to lose weight until he looks a little l...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Vice-President Joe Biden asked the commander-in-chief if he could throw a little holiday White House Weenie Roast in the backyard of the White House. The president answered that he thought it would be a great idea and a fabulous...
BOISE, Idaho - Mitt Romney was up in Idaho visiting a potato seed packing plant when he was approached by Sinclair Petaluma with Political Salad Bar Magazine. Petaluma asked the 66-year-old Massachusetts native how he feels now that he has had tim...
8 months ago Mitt Romney attacked Big Bird in an attempt to become president. Mr. Bird is still feeling the effects today. "I cant stop thinking of it" said Mr. Bird. "He really fu-ked up my life man! The government has taken it's money away and...
Faded Spotlight Magazine Presents... U.S. POLITICOS: WHERE ARE THEY NOW? Mitt Romney - The old Flip-Flopper, who got trounced in the 2012 presidential election by President Barack Obama, is seriously considering moving down to Mexico and living with one of his cousins who owns a piñata factory. Ron Paul - The 77-year-old congressman from Texas is living in the Lone Star state and trying t...
BOISE, Idaho - Ann Coulter was in town speaking at the Mashed Potatoes Arena before a group of frustrated Republicans who hate the mess that Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, and especially Sarah Palin have put the GOP in. The Republican maven was asked wha...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama is smiling from ear-to-ear after having made an NBA bet with the man he defeated in the 2012 presidential election, Mitt Romney. President Obama said that he was sitting in the backyard at the White House enjoyin...
COWPATH, Iowa (ABSNN) - An "apparently" booze filled, 87-year-old WWII veteran playing Santa, exploded Sunday afternoon, killing himself, and injuring 27 men and women who were waiting in line to have their pictures taken in his lap. According to on...
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