Screen Name: Alfred J. McLaser
Alfred J. McLaser has published 4 items on The Spoof.
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Latest Spoof News Story: Thursday 1st April 2004
Spoofing since: Sunday 28th March 2004
Location: 1943, Dimension P8YY-003E
Profile: Alfred J. McLaser is a world-renown reporter whose coverage of major events such as the First and Second Iraq wars, and Michael Eugene Smith's stubbed toe has led to him being recognised at the fore-front of international journalism.
His unique and often misunderstood journalism techniques are so complex to the extent that the reporter himself will give only one explaination, "ask John Hoaks" followed by a wink and nudge.
Alfred J. McLaser grew up in relative obscurity, being the son of a wealthy Scottish scientist who found fame by being the discoverer of the first laser. It is from there that the McLaser name has lived on.
By the age of 92, he completed his secondary schooling and left on the voyage of the first fleet to found the new colony of New South Wales (modern-day Australia). There he both created and destroyed its first university, the aptly named University of Not-for-long.
He first experience with humour came when he volunteer as a stand-up comedian at a Penal Colony. It was there that he was not received well by the audience of convicts. As one convicted reported saying, "there is only THIS many times one can hear a joke about PENAL colonies before you get sick of the damn jokes."
Tired of being having milk bottles thrown at him, Alfred J. McLaser decided to migrate to the 24th Century AD. Finding that buying a good radio was hard as trying to pass a kidney stone, he decided to renounce all technology and move to the 8th Century BC. No record exists of what occured during his stint as a military officer in the Athenian army, but speculation exists that he may have been personally responsible for telling the Persians to invade Greece and for causing Athens to loose the Peloponnesian War.
3 months later, Alfred J. McLaser was found in dirty and disheviled clothes along the National Transport Carrier in Uzbekistan. He was confused and disorientated, but this did not stop his determined spirit to make a name for himself in the modern world. He finally achieved this and came up with the name "Julian Fishsticks", he however thought that the name "sucked ass" and was "shittier that a baby's wet diaper". He later rescinded that decision and kept his name as Alfred J. McLaser.
Before finally settling into journalism, Alfred J. McLaser, took up comedy performances again, but this time in the 126th Century AD among the Gyrooq tribes of the Planet Yugartyoupa.
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