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Trump Says Democrats Should Thank Him for Being Such A Terrible President

...Because they never would've won the House by such a wide margin without him!

Straight-A Liberal Arts and Philosophy Graduate Asks Local Janitor If He Wants Fries With That

Reported increase of recent college graduates practicing "please pull around to the second window" in front of mirror.

Middle Aged Man Still Convinced He's Putting Spin On Ball In Pong Video Game

And everyone 30 years old and under has no idea what the hell I'm talking about.

Single mom wins Powerball lottery

Single mom L. West won the $700 million Iowa Powerball lottery. "Now, maybe someone will marry me," she said, overjoyed at the prospect.

The Koch Brothers and George Soros to Fight it Out

Each side is to field an army who will fight it out, colosseum style, while $$$s are exchanged.

Fox News Viewers Commit Mass Suicide!

"Anything other than be taken alive and tortured by the savage criminal migrant caravan!" as one said.

Trump denies being a white nationalist

Trump admitted being white and a nationalist, but said, "I'm not a white nationalist."
He then could not help adding, "Not that there's anything wrong with that."

Trump Asks America For Unity

In the wake of last week's violence President Trump called for unity and an end to divisiveness by asking all Americans to come together, "even the criminal immigrants and terrorist Muslims."

Trump Says the Immigrant Caravan is Bringing the Plague, Rabies, and Hepatitis Z to the U.S.

And then there's the really bad stuff Trump says is coming if the Democrats win.

Trump Promises to Grant Every Person in America A Tax Break, 40 Acres, and a Mule, All Before the Election

Valid birth certificate required.