Jokes

All jokes submitted by whatinthe world.

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Builder joke

Three house builders are on holiday by the sea when one says to the other two, I bet I could erect a home in half the time it takes you pair to build. Not at all put off by his comment,...

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Sold

I bought a used car yesterday from a salesman. Only problem was he was trying to sell me steak knives. Day before I bought a set of encyclopedias...

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Bus joke

Bus driver is carrying a load of aged people on day trip when a gang of hoodlums hold up the coach. They ask the driver to hand over everybodys wallets...

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A cow farmer is herding his flock when a ghost appears and duly tells the farmer that he should stay away from bulls. The farmer, shaking in his boots, asks why. Because theyre fast and they... Right...

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Life on Mars

Scientists have discovered little green men on the planet Mars. Theyre believed to have been there for the last two hundred thousand years. Nobody is quite sure...

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Doctor joke

A doctor is attending one of his patients who has a small complaint. Here, why do you guys charge so much? asks the inquisitive patient. Well, weve got overheads to meet and, besides, you can get reimbursed through the National Health system...

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Just a joke.

An electrician divorced his wife saying there was no spark in their marriage. She remarried a camel salesman and now gets a lot more humping than she used to. They built a house...

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Bookshop joke

Paddy walks into the bookshop and asks for a copy of Twenty Ways to Pick Up Women. We dont seem to have that title, sir replies the sales assistant but we do have Attracting Women...

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Aviation joke

Irishman is flying a commercial jet airliner from London to Dublin. As he approaches home, he requests permission to land from the control tower. Permission denied comes the response from the airport authorities. The pilot cant believe his ears as its a fine day and theres...

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Moon landing

An astronaut is launched into space and he lands on the Moon. As he descends the craft to start exploring, he is approached by a suited gentleman selling real estate. Ive got just the property for you says the salesman....

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Duck hunting

Harry and his mate go duck hunting one winters day. They see a flock of ducks and start aiming their shotguns. Gee these ducks are fast says Harrys mate. I know. May be we should use sling shots replies Harry. Lets...

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Chickens

A tourist is visiting a farm when she sees the farm owners collection of chickens. My, you have such wonderful chickens! she tells the farm owner. Thank you he replies. I love them, I...

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Flower joke

Gardener is setting down a new flower bed when a drunk party goer walks by. Here, I like flowers. What, ah, sort of flowers...? says the sozzled individual. Theyre petunias. Ive also got some...

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Police joke

A Policeman pulls over a driver on the highway after he finds the man speeding. Okay sir, whats the reason for going so fast? You were doing 100mph says the lawman. Officer, I was trying to...

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Fur coat

One day while Im walking around town, a policeman approaches me and says hey, didnt you steal that fur coat from the millionairess? What is your proof? I reply. Youve got it on answers the busy lawman....

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Car trouble

My car is on fire. I race down to the garden shed and connect the garden hose in an attempt to put out the flames. However, there is no water as I have not paid my water rates. I call the local fire brigade who cannot attend immediately...

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A horse of course

A man walks into a department store and asks where he can find the right section to buy a horse. We dont sell horses here replies the sales assistant. But I saw an advertisement for a horse in your catalogue...

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Man and his suitcase

Man is driving across town in his car when he runs over a large suitcase. He stops the car to investigate and then notices a person hop out of the bag.What the hell were you doing? the emerging fellow cries. More like what were you doing? replied the driver....

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bar joke

A giraffe walks into a bar and summons the bartender. Hey you! Yeah, you! How come you stole my wallet? demanded the giraffe. Why I dont believe I did, Mr Giraffe replied the bartender, taken aback. Yes, you did sir. When the horse and the camel came in here several hours ago, they paid for their drinks with cash...

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Bishop joke

Three bishops are walking in the Scottish highlands when a truck pulls up beside them and the driver leans out of the passenger window saying Which one of you individuals stole my prize sheep? The first bishop replies Well Im the bishop...

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Camping

A pair of accountants go camping one weekend. They pitch a tent near a lovely river bed and settle down to relax. When darkness falls, a loud roar is heard coming from the nearby forest. Whats that? asks the first accountant. Ah, its just the sounds of nature. Relax says the other. A few minutes later the same...

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Joke time

A horse walks into a bar and finds an Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman. They are quickly joined by a postman, a milkman and a policeman....

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Animal joke

A rooster, a crocodile and an elephant are walking through the Mayfair shops. I think Ill buy a feather boa says the rooster. I think Ill buy a leather wallet says the croc. How bout you, elephant?...

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The Horsemen

Four men are riding horses in the Mojave Desert in America. One of them asks what time it is. Its half past a freckle says the other rider. Oh, thats a help! the horseman replies. Well what do you expect for a cheap joke? says the other man. So they...

Jokes

Builder joke

Sold

Bus joke

Bull joke

Life on Mars

Doctor joke

Just a joke.

Bookshop joke

Aviation joke

Moon landing

Duck hunting

Chickens

Flower joke

Police joke

Fur coat

Car trouble

A horse of course

Man and his suitcase

bar joke

Bishop joke

Camping

Joke time

Animal joke

The Horsemen

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