Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick of Texas says that the shooting last week at Santa Fe and other school shootings elsewhere were caused by:...
What I learned today from Heidegger about unripe fruit: “’The not-yet of un-ripeness does not mean something other which is outstanding that could be objectively present in and with it in a way indifferent...
A man slowly walks into a bar, as if in great pain, groans as he sits down on a stool, and orders 10 shots of bourbon. Once served the ten drinks, he suddenly has enough energy to start drinking them...
A boyfriend and girlfriend want permission to go to the prom, but the girls father refuses. Absolutely not! the father says, shaking his head angrily. Therell be dancing there, and dancing can lead to...
Riddle: Name a Confederate statue that is still standing in Washington DC, that was made during the Civil War, is old and past its time, is out of date with modern times, that is decayed and in disrepair,...
Donald Trump and two other people die at the same time and stand before God, who is sitting.on his holy throne, with one empty seat on the left and one on the right. What do you believe in, James Parker?...
A widow walks into a newspaper to have her recently-deceased husbands obituary printed in the paper. His name was William Bruce Fitzpatrick and he was 75 years old, she tells the editor proudly. Heres my...
Bring it on. My agent called me today to tell me that he has received an offer for me of £10,000 for a role in a hardcore porn film co-starring with Jennifer Lawrence. Of course, with an offer like that I...
Q: How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one, but it really gets screwed. Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat? A: Nothing. There are some things a pig wont do....
Q. If ex-President Barack Obama and not-President Hillary Clinton were together in boat in the middle of the ocean and it sank, who would survive? A. Who cares? As has been widely reported, Hillary Clinton broke...
What does Barack Obama call illegal aliens? Undocumented democrats. Barack Obama is on a sinking ship, who gets saved? The Country! What drink do you get with the McObama Happy Meal in Pakistan? No drink JUST ICE!...
A man walks into a bar with a Mallard duck draped over his head, its wings hanging over the mans ears. This garners stares from the other patrons, as the man sits down. Wow, thats weird! Whered you get that? asks the...
Donald Trump woke up at the witching hour and hurriedly grabbing onto his cell phone situated right next to his son Barrons favorite stuffed animal, a pink and yellow and green striped zebra, began tweeting...
I think people no longer compose their own tweets. They just go to a menu of items: Misstatement, Apology, Reversal, Cheating on Spouse. (No, scratch that last one, which is something you apparently...
A drunk stumbles into a bar, and staggers over to a young man sitting alone at a table, and looks down at him with a leer, telling him, Hey! You! You know your mother is fat, dontcha?! And ug-ugly!...
And the first lady says, Im sick of your behavior and your tricks. Youre a Great Orange Fraud, like that Vargo nut always calls you. Im back here in the Czech Republic and Im about to have a date with...
And so he says Ill pay you fifty bucks to have some fun. He whispers to her. She giggles and snorts, Youre such a bad boy. They both laugh. Hows about three hundred, the buxom beauty snorts. Nope....
As a man was watching TV at home, he was greeted by his wife dressed in seductive, sexy lingerie, and twirling a pair of handcuffs around her finger. Handcuff me to the bed, she purred, And you can do...
Aware that their anniversary was fast approaching, a wife asked her husband Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary? The husband thinks about this as he peruses his newspaper, and replies,...
Attorney General Jeff Sessions to his owner: And even for that do I love you the more. I am your spaniel. And, Mr. President, The more you beat me, I will fawn on you. Use me but as your spaniel—spurn...
A guy calls 9-1-1, and cries out, Help! I need help right away! The operator asks, Yes, sir, and what is your emergency? Two girls are fighting over me! The operator angrily tells him, Sir, thats not an...
A husband paces back and forth as he speaks to his friend on the telephone, as he tells him about his marital problems. Jack, it’s been raining for days now and my wife seems very depressed by it. She just...
Attempting to meet some girls at a swimming pool, Corey followed his fathers idea to get attention. However, Corey stomped through the front door, angry and embarrassed. You told me to put a potato in my swimming...
Trump goes to speak on a Navajo Indian Reservation after watching the movie The Windtalkers, about the Navajo language and its use as a secret code during World War II. As Trump talked, the tribe members called out...
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