McCoy: "I've borrowed Mr. Scott's bagpipes."
Kirk: "But you can't play them."
McCoy: "While I've got them, neither can he!"
Lieutenant Kyle: "Dr. McCoy, I sleep all day, stay awake all night. I'm hot all the time and can't stop dancing. And I see rings before my eyes! What's wrong with me?"
McCoy: "Sounds like Saturn Day Night Fever."
Spock gets the rare urge to mate,and is forced to buy Vulcanized rubbers.
McCoy: "Do you serve crabs here?" - Mess officer: "We serve anybody. Sit down."
Dr. McCoy finished his examination of Scotty and shook his head. "Scotty, I can't find any reason for your stomach pains. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."
"In that case, Leonard," said Scotty, "I'll come back when you're sober."
Uhura was working at her console when she suddenly straightened up.
"I think there's a sick crewmember on Deck 9," she said.
As no message had been received, Kirk was baffled, but sent McCoy to check it out.
Sure enough, the doctor reproted that a crewmember had, indeed, collapsed where Uhura had predicted - Impressed, Kirk turned to her. "You must be psychic, Uhura. How did you know that crewman was ill?"
Uhura smiled. "I had my ailing frequencies open, sir."