All I Want for Christmas Is a Pocket Catheter

Submitted by Matt Birkenhauer

Monday, 12 December 2016

After spending way too much time, over the last six months, watching the various cable news outlets in the morning, I have been programmed to want the following for Christmas:

A self-lubricating pocket catheter
Cialis
Xarelto (to head off any blood clots; I don't want to join Arnold Palmer on the 19th hole)
Too many vitamin brands to remember
Lumonol (to improve my failing memory)
Invokana (I'm not sure why. I don't have diabetes, but I feel this strong urge to order it, quickly!)
Advil
Gift certificates for a knee replacement.

Merry Christmas! Ho ho, cough cough cough


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