Judas - The Bastard

Submitted by D P Whitehead

Thursday, 27 March 2014

Judas Joke 1 (Found on Internet)

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, come in."

Another soft knock is heard. "Who is it?" "It's Matthew" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Matthew?" "Cocaine from Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."

At the next knock Jesus asks, "Who is it?" "It's John" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring John?" "Crack from New York" "Very well son, come in."

Someone starts pounding on the door. "Who is it?" "It's Judas" Jesus laughs "Come in Judith"

Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Judas?" "FREEZE! THIS IS THE FBI!"

Jesus turns to Judas and says "You bastard Judith, you did it again."

Judas replies, "My name is Judas, not Judith, maybe if you hadn't given me that stupid nickname things would have been different."

As he is led away in handcuffs, Jesus turns to Judas and spits at him "Fuck you....Judith."


Judas Joke 2 (Based On Steven Clark Stand-up Joke)

"So I take it Thursday's cancelled then, what with all the heat?" asks Judas

"Thursday, what was happening Thursday?" replies Jesus

"The last supper - a few drinks, pizza" says Judas

"The what. The last what?" replies Jesus,

"Pizza, drinks, supper...you know? Just normal supper" replies Judas......

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