Moleturd comes into Ye Olde Martha Grimes Pub with burns ll over his face.
"What happened to you, Moleturd?" asks the bartender.
"That woman I married. I must have been on something. But it's been twelve years now!"
"She burned your face?"
"No! I was blowing out the candles on my birthday cake and she yelled for me to make a wish. So I said, I'd like to trade my 32-year-old wife for two 16-year-olds!"
"So she mashed my face into the cake and the candles were all lit!"