The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death!
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid...then I was petrified!
The wife has been missing a week now.
Police said to prepare for the worst.
So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back!
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time!
I start a new job in Seoul next week.
I thought it was a good Korea move!
I was driving this morning when I saw an Automobile Association van parked up.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown".
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said "English speaking Doctor"
I thought, "What a good idea, why don't we have them back in England?"
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. "
I think that Death is hereditary!
One day I was sitting in the park wondering to myself why frisbees seem to grow larger... then it hit me!