Updates to the Women's Dictionary

Submitted by Inchcock

Thursday, 16 February 2012

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realised it yet.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Drinks (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a packet of chocolate biscuits.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down shopping centres mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then ignore when you get to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware/Electrical Store (hard*war elektic'al stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, colouring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card


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