Selection of 10 Really Corny jokes

Submitted by Inchcock

Sunday, 5 February 2012

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today.

It's so tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.

I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.

He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener.

I said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana."

He said, "No, this is for the custard."

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre.

She said, "Are you having me on?"

I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

I phoned the local builders today, I said to them "Can I have a skip outside my house?"

He said, "I'm not stopping you"

This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi folks!"

I fancied a game of darts with my mate.

He said, "Nearest the bull goes first"

He went "Baah" and I went "Moo"

He said "You're closest"

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue.

I just couldn't put it down.

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