Dear Wal*Mart Self-Flushing Toilet: I'm not done pooping. Stop spraying my butt with your jumping-the-gun juice.
If self-deprecation was a product of modesty, then mother Theresa would have complained about her lumpy tits.
When Bowser sniffs pee, I realize that my dog is addicted to what another dog's dick did.
(I Love you, Sarah.)