Medical Jokes 7>12

Submitted by Inchcock

Saturday, 5 February 2011

7:
Q: What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common?

A: They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!

8:
After a long drive, I finally arrived home from work.

Turning the corner, I noticed an ambulance parked outside my house; lights still flashing vibrantly.

I froze instantly, shock ran through my motionless body as I attempted to come to terms with what I was witnessing...

That git had took my parking space.

9:
I work at B&Q, and this family with a young child came in to look at the Christmas trees.

The pesky nipper kept knocking one of the trees over, so I nailed it to the floor.

That's when the mum started screaming and called an ambulance! "Think about it!"

10:
David Beckham arrives home one day to find Victoria, all sweating, flushed and breathless.

He rushes over to her and asks if she is alright.

Posh stutters a reply, "I'm - er, er.... I'm having a heart attack."

"Oh no," he cries in despair. "I'll call an ambulance"

He runs downstairs, picks up the phone and begins dialling 999.

However, he is stopped in his tracks by his tearful son Brooklyn.
"What's the matter?" asks Becks.

"Uncle Giggsy is in the wardrobe with no clothes on, daddy," sniffles Brooklyn.

Infuriated by this, Beckham runs upstairs and kicks down the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, the carpet-chested Welshman is stood there, starkers.

"You wanker, Giggsy," screams Becks. "My wife is right over there having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the shit out of Brooklyn. What the 'eck is wrong with you?"

11:
This guy went to the doctor and said to him "Doctor….I don't know
what's wrong with me, but every time I fart, it sounds like the word
Honda".

"That's interesting, never heard of anything like that before. Do you
think you could fart for me?" says the doctor.

The guy says "Sure." And sure enough, the doctor hears "Honda".

After several attempts to figure out what's wrong with this guy, the
doctor runs out of ideas. He sends him to all sorts of stomach
specialists and none of them can figure out why this guys farts say
"Honda."

It is a completely out of this world medical condition.

Finally, as a last resort, the doctors think they should send the man
to a dentist.

After explaining the problem to the dentist, the dentist opened up
the guys mouth and examining it.

The dentist says "A-haa!!!!….I have solved the problem."

The patient says "What is it? What is it. Please tell me doc"…..The
dentist replies "Well, sir, you have an abscess tooth."

The guy says "Yeah….so….What has that got to do with my farts?"

The dentist replies, "Cant you see??….. Abscess Makes The Fart Go Honda"

Oooh! - bad one that!

12:
The young man was quite adamant. He insisted to the surgeon that he wanted to be castrated. The surgeon pointed out that this was a drastic step for a young man to take and strongly urged him to reconsider his request.

"No," said the young man, "I have thought long and hard about it, I have read all there is about it and my mind is made up. I must have the operation."

The operation was duly carried out and when he had recovered from the anaesthetic and was back in the ward he got to talking to the other patients.

"And what are you in here for?" he asked the fellow in the next bed.

"To be circumcised."

"DAMN, THAT was the word I meant !"


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