31) No Proof...
"Excuse me," a young fellow said to an older librarian, "Ive just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers."
"Well," replied the librarian, "I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove it yet."
32) The Charity Call...
The local Charity Hospice office realised that it had never received a donation from the towns most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute: "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least £800,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and then replied: "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the Hospice worker mumbled, "Um...no."
"Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken Hospice lady began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted when the lawyer continued: "or that my sisters husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyers voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children to bring up?"
The humiliated Hospice lady was completely beaten, and said simply: "I had no idea..."
On a roll now, the lawyer cut her off once again: "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
33) The Chase...
A man out walking bumps into an old friend, and sees that his friends car is covered with leaves, grass, branches,dirt and much blood.
He asks his friend, "What's happened to your car?"
"Well," the friend responded, "I ran over a lawyer"
"OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?"
"Well, I had to chase catch him first through the park."