Films & TV Jokes Selection - A

Submitted by Inchcock

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

After settling down to watch the Arsenal vs Liverpool football match on television, Howard fell asleep and spent the whole night on the settee.
In the morning, his wife Griselda woke him up.
"Get up dear," she said, "it's 20 to seven."
He awoke with a start and said, "In which team scored the 20?"

Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

George and June were watching Who Wants to be a Millionaire on the box, George suddenly says "June darling, whaddya say we go upstairs and have a little sex?"
"No," she replies, "I have a headache."
"Is that your final answer?" he asks.
"Of course."
"In that case, I'm going to have to phone a friend."

The top ten reasons why the television is better than the World Wide Web
10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Match of the Day" and got a "Error 404" message?
8. There are fewer grating colour schemes on TV--even on MTV.
7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.
4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

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