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From General Discussion / Dear Spoof "Now with added idle drunken rhetoric"
Posted 9 Dec 13 20:37
Dear Spoof:

A year on now since the massacre in four-part harmony. What have I learned? Crispin Hard Apple Cider will get you fucked up.

That's about all. Cept Clive Danton is a carp and he did start the shit. Had he not, no shit would have been started.

Merry Xmas.

BTW, who is fighting on Boxing Day?

Francois Dubois, S.J.

From General Discussion / Cocks on the dunghill syndrome
Posted 6 Feb 13 22:10
That is what is going on here. You know it; I know it; Mark knows it; and the readers sure as shit know it too. More than two months if this constant bullshit barking at one another has done absolutely nothing to improve things here.

Good writers who cared more about this site--and who did more for this site than all of the bitchers combined--have stopped writing and the reason is that a cadre of banty hens and a few broken cocks have climbed all the way to the top of the dunghill and now crow about and preen as if they've won a great victory.

You have won a pile of shit you dumb-asses. Enjoy the perch till the land owner plows it under and gets some new blood. Every other comedy and satire site on the web laughs at this place and with good fucking reason.

And don't give me any more of that bogus bullshit about not writing anything since December. When people start caring about this place again--and it becomes a fun place to come and share again--a lot of people will start writing again. Till then crow and pile the shit you're standing on in pretty hills.

From General Discussion / One-Thumb tosser
Posted 6 Feb 13 13:01
This is all very exciting! Since the PC (post Clivey) era began in December, the forums have been about as entertaining as a Walton's rerun festival.

If you folks would put all of this passion into writing entertaining stories, well...

From General Discussion / One-Thumb tosser
Posted 4 Feb 13 12:20
Clivey... did you one-thumb QM in black-face? Cuz that would be bad.

From General Discussion / One-Thumb tosser
Posted 25 Jan 13 18:52
Sort what out, exactly? Maybe the reader didn't like your stories. I used to get one thumbed a lot; so what?

And as for making this a fun place again, that is simple enough: write funny stuff again.

From General Discussion / Dead as a DoDo!
Posted 16 Jan 13 22:37

I take what you just said as a personal attack. I'm going to have the gang of whores beat you up.

From General Discussion / Who's gonn a cover butt chugging? Vote now
Posted 31 Dec 12 21:38
Vote for one entry only

From General Discussion / Season's Greetings From The Isle Of SSHite!
Posted 24 Dec 12 22:25
"SSHite is as SSHite does."
Forest Gump

From General Discussion / Season's Greetings From The Isle Of SSHite!
Posted 24 Dec 12 18:50
As SSHite Prelate I wish add my Christmas greetings to those of my fellow uncircumscribed Philistines herein gathered on these sunny beaches.

We gathered today for Xmas Mass, 12 apostles and the One True Lord of SSHite, whose name may not be spoken.

Tho there are at least four queens here (maybe six), we have no mudder, yet we are not bereft of succor. So long as the SSHite lasts, we will endeavor to persevere.

Abba, dabba, fucking doobie, doobie doo. Don't bogart that pun my son, pass it over to me.

From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 22 Dec 12 13:04
Dear Spoof:

I had virtual sex with four of your writers about two weeks ago, and I am writing to warn the rest of you to avoid intercourse with them.

I admit I was willing to go toes up for them, but I did not realize that they would go behind my back (well I allowed that too) and tell the headmaster that I was a slut and all.

Well, that was bad enough, but I seem to have contracted some type of disease that makes my balls itch and burn constantly.


Dom Perigrine

From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 21 Dec 12 13:57
Dear Spoof:

If the Gang of Whores has any to spare, they might donate theirs to the Sanitary Commission at 6 Broad Street, Dunbar.

From Magazine Discussion / The Reality of Santa Claus and Christmas Eve
Posted 20 Dec 12 21:36
But what if it's pneumonic plagiarism?

From Magazine Discussion / The Reality of Santa Claus and Christmas Eve
Posted 20 Dec 12 18:57
HIGNFY plagiarized a plagiarized plagiarist and you missed it?

From General Discussion / Happy Christmas Spoofers
Posted 9 Dec 12 15:57
I hope you catch crotch rot you ole sot.

From General Discussion / The Gang Of Four
Posted 9 Dec 12 15:54
Back in the day, there was a "band" named the Fugs. Their biggest hit was "I feel like homemade shit."

I bought that album and played it on air at my radidio station Dubya Tea Arf Arf in central Floridia.

Got into big trouble with the EffSee of See too.

But that was nothing like when I got rode out of Salt Lake City on a rail after telling my listeners that Joseph Smith and Brigham Young were child molestersesess.

Some people have no sense of humor.

From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 5 Dec 12 03:15
Debbie Darling
c/o The

Dear Debbie,

If that skirt was any shorter, you'd have to buy a hair net.

Jes Hewit

P.S. I'm outta here and hereby secede from this union. Give all my points to some soul that covets them.

From News Discussion / Air New Zealand ad goes 'balls to the wall'
Posted 4 Dec 12 12:48
I don't make this shit up; I just write the fricking stories!

From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 3 Dec 12 22:15
I played John Proctor in that show.

"Who is John Proctor? WHO IS JOHN PROCTOR!"

Then the bastards hanged me.

(The critics too.)

From News Discussion / Drunk Santa explodes at VFW Hall in Iowa
Posted 3 Dec 12 18:11
This story is where I learned armfeetandtoe's first name was Valdo.

How dare he come to the US and not stop in WV to see me!

From General Discussion / Worrying Statistics
Posted 3 Dec 12 14:45
1 out of 10 Jesuits wish they were Dominicans.

6 out of 10 Jesuits wish they were Jimmy Swaggart

7 out of 10 Jesuits believe Pope Bentdick is the anti-Christ.

9 out of 10 Jesuits wish they were women.

3 out of 10 Jesuits have dated Debbie.

Jesuit secrets revealed by Fr. Francois Dubois, SJ.
(available exclusively through Good News for Modern Jesuits Publishing House, Convent of the Queer, WV.)

From General Discussion / 2 new facts about armfeetand toe!
Posted 2 Dec 12 21:18
All I know is what I read in the papers.

To wit:

"The ladder trucks were necessary because five of the victims had been blown through the VFW Hall roof and onto grain silos two blocks away," said a British tourist, Valdo Armfeetandtoe, who was visiting Cowpath's famous "Little Cow Patty House on the Prairie," the historic home of novelist Laura Ingles.

"The explosion knocked me wonky," said Armfeetandtoe.

From General Discussion / 2 new facts about armfeetand toe!
Posted 2 Dec 12 19:59
(1) His first name is Valdo.

(2) He was in Cowpath, Iowa Sunday and witnessed a Santaxplosion.

From General Discussion / My Friend At Work Called James
Posted 2 Dec 12 18:22
Beutifeel writing Clive. Have you ever thought of doing any writing?


From News Discussion / WV anti-bullying law unfair to Evangelical, straight kids says pastor
Posted 2 Dec 12 12:32
Happy AIDS Awareness Day. And may I just say that bullying is not protected free speech; it is assault! Dumb fuckers! I challenge you Brits to tell me that you have people this dumb that address your legislature (not that you guys don't have a hell of a brouhaha every now and then). But this fuckhead's statements were entered intot he official record.

From General Discussion / Great Sporting Obscenities
Posted 1 Dec 12 17:28
And speaking of our dear departed Macho Camacho, his two sisters and "current" girlfriend got into a brawl at his wake in San Jose! A birch-slapping, food throwing, hair pulling two on one that the cops had to break up.

Round two will happen in New Yawk City at his second wake.

Heavy weight boxing has never had the speed (well, maybe Ali did at one time) of the welter weight division. for pure speed, those fly weights are worth every penny.

Who was the greatest? I saw Liston fight Clay on TV. Piece of shit fight. I watched Ali get his ass beaten and his jaw broken by Leon Spinks in San Diego (a hell of a fight).

I was ringside when Floyd Merriweather took his first title. He was one of the best and I think the match of any fighter near that class, Sugar Ray Leonard couldn't have taken one of his right uppercuts and not have "break danced."

My dad said Sugar Ray Robinson was the best "pound for pound" that ever lived.

I think Sugar Ray Robinson vs. Jake Lamotta was the very best fight I ever watched (on tape, I'm not quite that old).

I have serious doubts that any heavy weight could go 15 rounds anymore.

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Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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