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From News Discussion / Joe Biden changes his name to Joe Bidet
Posted 29 Sep 20 20:24
So instead of sniffing your butt, he spits on it?

From News Discussion / Google releases robot which will scratch your butt
Posted 29 Sep 20 02:09
Wait for Apple to clone it. Then there will be an iWipe or iPaper.

From News Discussion / Black Lives Matter Points Out That Half The Dudes on Mount Rushmore Owned Slaves
Posted 10 Sep 20 20:04
Just put a couple of non-white pimps up in their place. The problem that folks object to is that their skin color, not that they owned slaves.

From News Discussion / Mars rover finds McDonalds drive-thru
Posted 10 Sep 20 19:20
I wonder what race of ghetto-acting beings were staffing the place. I could see some Green person with matted scalp tentacles (as that seems to be their style), speaking so much slang that their own people cannot understand them, being high on whatever alien drugs of choice, maybe wearing a Green Lives Matter pin, and dropping shed alien body parts in the food out of spite toward "Human supremacists."

From News Discussion / Idiot Decapitated by French Revolution Guillotine Ride at Georgia Six Flags
Posted 14 Jul 20 01:13
This reminds me of the Weird Al parody called Constipated. In one verse, the guy in the song did something like this, and the lyrics in that part go:

"Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated?"

From General Discussion / Non-recursive Acronyms
Posted 9 Mar 20 03:17
Always Beating Up Someone Else

From General Discussion / Non-recursive Acronyms
Posted 9 Mar 20 03:14
Don't commit this:

Something Unacceptable Is Critical If (it) Decides Everything

From News Discussion / All Bill Cosby's Fellow Prisoners Have Escaped
Posted 7 Mar 20 04:36
All I can say for the other inmates is to not drink the pruno if he's anywhere around it and to avoid sleeping on their stomachs. Or maybe try to convince the wardens to provide lockable chainmail tunics.

From News Discussion / Coronavirus Antidote Found
Posted 3 Feb 20 06:59
Is it safe to eat baseball bat?

From News Discussion / San Francisco 49ers To Wear LGBT Uniforms In Super Bowl
Posted 1 Feb 20 17:31
I've always said that most sports are inherently gay or at least sexual. Let's see:

* Footballers often pat each other on the butt.

* Then there is the tackle. So they simulate a certain crime on each other with their clothes on.

* Most ballgames involve taking someone else's ball and preventing others from taking it when you have it.

* Baseball players used to spit a lot. Spitting symbolizes ejaculation.

* Athletes sometimes carry a sports hero like carrying a bride over the threshold, and they "consummate" this "marriage" by opening champagne over their head (much like a "facial").

There are more, but this is enough to get the point.

From News Discussion / Dogwalker Jailed For Failing To Pick Up Dog Shit
Posted 15 Jan 20 21:25
Too bad they didn't get an activist judge. An activist judge would have considered the alternative punishment that they suggested.

"Bailiff, get us a dog in here and a poo pad. I'm amending my sentence where the defendant has to either eat dog mess or do the time."

From News Discussion / Provincetown, Massachusetts School District To Provide Free Condoms To Six Year Olds
Posted 1 Jan 20 09:53
Teacher, can I get a few of those balloons?

From General Discussion / Non-recursive Acronyms
Posted 15 Dec 19 19:04
What about one of the worst crimes?

Random Attack of Penile Entrance

From News Discussion / Democrats Vote To Decriminalize Crime: No More Folsom Prison Blues
Posted 12 Nov 19 23:42
I might still write my own version, but I'd focus on the PC demand for double standards. Like a law requiring that certain groups of people be exempt from the laws on the grounds that it could be [insert favorite word ending with -ist, -ism, or -phobia].

From News Discussion / Treatment to eliminate pedophilia has been discovered
Posted 27 Oct 19 22:18

Quote: Aspartame Boy

After reading only one line of this story I knew exactly the mineral.

However, being an master of the long sling, able to shoot large rocks a quarter mile with my hammer-throw style, in my case many minerals would suffice.

Yes, with enough velocity, nearly any mineral would work.

From General Discussion / General Discussion
Posted 5 Oct 19 11:12
I don't care about anyone's final worms.

From General Discussion / Lifestyle Tips
Posted 12 Sep 19 18:12
So this is more for stuff like this:

From News Discussion / Guy with worlds biggest penis dates gal with worlds smallest vagina
Posted 2 Sep 19 04:47
Sounds like a bloody shame.

From General Discussion / Apologies for the downtime
Posted 12 Aug 19 18:22
Also, there is a pic of a Glock in an avocado sauce. I guess you can call that Glockamole.

From General Discussion / Apologies for the downtime
Posted 10 Aug 19 15:05

Quote: Johnny Shlep

Nice one.

A hearty meal with a bullet

If you dig through an image search, you can even find a Glock in mac and cheese with the shells as a topping.

From General Discussion / Apologies for the downtime
Posted 10 Aug 19 06:23
From General Discussion / Apologies for the downtime
Posted 7 Aug 19 20:47
This requires Trump to take action. Make hard drives great again!

From General Discussion / Non-recursive Acronyms
Posted 29 Jul 19 21:35
I've thought about inventing a Super High Induction Transformer.

Many employers like to give their employees Super High-Intensity Traning.

From General Discussion / Non-recursive Acronyms
Posted 15 Jul 19 07:30
This is to be similar to the other thread, but the word you are making doesn't have to be included in the acronym.

Beautiful Intelligent Talented Canine Hound

Communist Or Marxist People Using Technology (to) Exclude Racists.

From General Discussion / It's a bit quiet in here, isn't it?
Posted 13 Jul 19 02:08
Maybe the comment tracking feature is new.

But yeah, maybe a wall will help keep them out.

2 Pages - [1] 2 »
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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