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From News Discussion / German Jew Scolded for Refusing to Wear Piece of Cloth
Posted 23 Jul 20 07:10
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Quote: Monkey Woods

If you really want to get your teeth into something that's not funny, Geoff, try this one:

Boko Haram release their version of Procul Harem's 'Whiter Shade of Pale' in support of BLM!

I wanted to put it in the forum for discussion, but am unable to do so, for a reason I haven't been able to discover.



I'd say that's funny. I mean, I didn't laugh, but it's daft enough.


 
From News Discussion / German Jew Scolded for Refusing to Wear Piece of Cloth
Posted 22 Jul 20 11:04
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You were right. The story is rubbish.

It's obviously about face masks, but it's a bit fucked up to compare wearing a face mask with wearing a star of David in Nazi Germany.

Apart from the laziness of the comparison, it couldn't be more wrong, and it doesn't even have a hint of irony or humour.

Attacking government is a staple of satire, but attacking public health advice is just...weird.

What next, comparing washing your hands with genocide?

I mean, in a way it's good that we have a wide range of nutters on this site, but these conspiracy theorists are really crazy.


 
From News Discussion / Trump Won’t Let Dr. Anthony Fauci Speak On CNN
Posted 19 Jul 20 00:11
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Quote: Jaggedone
I once paid Mark a substantial amount of money to promote my book here!


A Nigerian friend of mine has a cream which may help with that. It can also fix erectile dysfunction, itchy scalp, bad Spoof writing, and it can be used as a pastry base, a car engine grease, and it can cure coronavirus.
What is this miracle liquid? You can order it now at:
Sir Geoffroy's Bitcoin Emporium,
Ogbere-Idi Obi Road,
Ibadan,
122101 Nigeria

Send with the code COCKFACE for your special discount today.


 
From News Discussion / Man claims spoof writers are using fake names
Posted 15 Jul 20 23:29
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Geoffroy is actually French for Geoffrey. And Cockface is pronounced "cour-vois-ier".
Always nice to get a mention though.

 
From General Discussion / Exclusive Offer To Have Chinese Student Take Your White Child’s SAT
Posted 15 Jul 20 23:08
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Quote: Dr. Billingsgate
The University of California system has to limit the number of applicants of Asian heritage or they would overrun the campuses.


Am pretty sure this is bullshit.

As for the original story, it is lazy writing at best, and outright racism at worst.

How about tweaking the story to make it:

1) Rich white parents pay a Chinese boy to take their kid's SATs, and are angry when he gets worse results than their dumb son.

2) Rich white parents pay Chinese parents to pester their son into getting better grades.

3) Rich white parents pay for someone else to take their kid's SATs, but it doesn't matter because he's going to inherit $400 million dollars anyway.


 
From General Discussion / Topic taken down, too sensitive was it?
Posted 6 May 20 07:36
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Quote: JinoLeFeeto

I was just wondering this today and also, how do you get 5000 scholars in one room with all that gas? Must smell awful!!



If you are wondering, “How do you get 5000 scholars in one room?”, we have good news. With our new Scholar Horn (tm), you can squeeze as many scholars into a small space as you like. Sheds, basements, vehicles, tombs - you name it.
What's more, because it's made of the finest rhinoceros ivory, it is also a valuable trinket in its own right. So much so that we'll buy it back off you when you've finished using it - for only half the price.
Scholar Horn is not available in any shops. Order now. Only $39.99.99.

 
From General Discussion / Topic taken down, too sensitive was it?
Posted 29 Apr 20 20:50
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I often enjoyed a Topic, although it was by no means my favourite.
I found it to be too nutty.
Twix was too sugary, Mars Bar too sticky, and Dairy Milk too heavy.
I don't think any chocolate bar could be described as too sensitive. Perhaps you mean your teeth, in which case I recommend a dentist.

I prefer a Bounty nowadays, which I believe is best eaten in the bath while a lizard crawls over the telephone. I have had trouble procuring lizards during the recent lockdown. Does anyone know a good supplier?


 
From General Discussion / Great Minds
Posted 14 Mar 20 01:26
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The idea of a dome is an interesting one.
I imagine that many Trumpists may take the idea seriously.
"Build the dome," could become their new cry.
His supporters among the Christian fundamentalists and flat-Earthers will be utterly confused because they believe there is already a dome.
Is he building his dome beneath the celestial dome? Or are the domes to join up?
Either way I fear for humanity.

 
From General Discussion / Great Minds
Posted 12 Mar 20 21:50
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Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

Clive. Trump was the only leader to stop flights from China to USA when evidence of the epidemic became known. He was accused of being xenophobic for that. Now he is suspending all travel from Europe except U.K. because these countries dropped the ball and allowed China flights to continue. And now Italy has a real epidemic.

Please give him some credit for his proactive measures.

Dr. B


Why didn't he block flights from South Korea or Iran then? And why most of Europe but not the UK and Ireland?

The US President is a cretinous narcissist with as much clue about governing as he has at colouring in his face.

Anyone still supporting the twat after all this time needs their head read.


 
From General Discussion / General Discussion
Posted 24 Sep 19 15:37
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Quote: Johnny Shlep

I don't know any Japanese WWII generals but I should imagine they were all short in stature and unnecessarily cruel.


You forget Jimmy "Origami" Kyushi of Yokohama, who was so tall he had to bend over to fit inside an aeroplane. He was 5ft 10.
They found him still fighting in the jungles of Guam in the mid-1970s, not knowing the war had ended. Soon after they brought him back home, he died of a heart attack when he saw a karaoke machine for the first time. His last words were "please stop the boogie".


 
From News Discussion / Miley Cyrus And Liam Hemsworth Split
Posted 20 Aug 19 22:03
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Penis! Penis! Penis!

There, I cleared the airwaves.

 
From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 20 Aug 19 22:02
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Well it just shows you how terrorism is worse when it comes from within. Oh, that sounds like something you could write a spoof story about, but no, it's probably already been done.

 
From News Discussion / TV Guide 11 July
Posted 12 Jul 19 19:13
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Quote: Paxton Quigley

Does anybody know how I can get this TV channel? Is it on Sky?


It's on every channel. You just need to read / watch between the lines.

 
From General Discussion / Reform Section 5
Posted 11 Jul 19 19:14
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Quote: Monkey Woods

Just stumbled upon this on Facebook:

Reform Section 5 clip


I didn't see the clip, but I'm not sure it would be possible to reform Section 5 anyway. Not now Michael's dead anyway. Tito never had much of a voice and I hear Jermaine swore never to sing again.

 
From News Discussion / Nigel Farage: "I can't stop eating voles"
Posted 21 May 19 21:49
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Quote: Erskin Quint

Very good work from Msr Dickface.


I'm sure you'll all be voling on the 23rd. Volers are important; voles are essential to democracy.


Now I think about it, it should have been eels. Farage is obsessed with gnawed eel.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 2 May 19 20:55
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Enjoyment numbs. Joke’s over. You might eventually need Temazepam.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 5 Mar 19 21:10
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Dark, and rather kacky.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 5 Mar 19 19:14
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Dreadnought repeatedly echoed around dunny, nonchalant offering unveiling gravity - heavy turd

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 1 Mar 19 11:26
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Attacks to Tourette's and C%*T! kill SHIT!

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 1 Mar 19 01:02
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syphilitic - your precious herpes is like, insignificant to infectious Caesarea



 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 1 Mar 19 00:37
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Expression - Xenu pleases rapturous ecstatic souls, so I observe necrophages

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 1 Mar 19 00:36
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Time is my enemy

Oops, looks like I got in too late.
The word is expression.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 28 Feb 19 23:46
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Sweet - we'll eat echidnas tonight

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 28 Feb 19 00:22
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Quote: Mark

Enemy nanas expect marauding youngsters.

Damn those old biddies.


Youngsters only upset nannygoats, gnawing straw to exercise ruminant submolars

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 1 Feb 19 05:55
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“Dipshit” is pickled shit, had in tapas

 
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