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From News Discussion / HEATWAVE LATEST: Tempers flare as temperatures in Scotland top 9 degrees
Posted 26 Jul 19 12:14
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I recall Billy Connolly saying that because he's Scottish he's blue from the neck downwards. Of course, there is the exception to the rule as my little Scotty friend Christine proved when she greeted me with a hug recently in her tiny white bikini. I was sure that it was at least 40 degrees C for a minute or two.

 
From News Discussion / HEATWAVE LATEST: Tempers flare as temperatures in Scotland top 9 degrees
Posted 26 Jul 19 09:41
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Only too true, Johnny. I used to work as the London regional manager for a Scottish company and whenever the weather in Scotland reached a manageable 16 degrees I would tell the secretaries that there would be deaths. I was also taught a term of endearment by the warehouse team who loved it when I called them "bawbags".

 
From News Discussion / Queen Mother's Mummified Stool Fetches £7 Million
Posted 25 Jul 19 12:36
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Love it, Johnny. One for the republicans.

 
From News Discussion / London teen catches entire family masturbating
Posted 23 Jul 19 09:36
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Haha! Were they watching Hollyoaks?

 
From News Discussion / Vegan flatulence a serious threat to the ozone layer say scientists
Posted 22 Jul 19 10:40
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Good one again, Johnny. I am tempted to send it to my vegan daughter-in-law but I think she's still reeling from my dad's speech at the wedding when I said that despite watching every episode of Star Trek I had never before come across a vegan.

 
From News Discussion / TV Guide 11 July
Posted 12 Jul 19 14:24
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Does anybody know how I can get this TV channel? Is it on Sky?

 
From News Discussion / Survey reveals staff and pupils at London school have all seen each other's genitals online
Posted 12 Jul 19 12:50
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Good one, Johnny. In my day we only got to see each other's genitals in the PE changing rooms. Unfortunately it was a boys' school.

No, I don't want to see your genitals, thank you.

 
From General Discussion / It's a bit quiet in here, isn't it?
Posted 12 Jul 19 12:45
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Shhhh

 
From News Discussion / Blair feared alien nanocraft 'were stalking Cherie'
Posted 9 Jul 19 10:23
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Utter madness. Queen mudder, you really should seek treatment. Love it.

 
From News Discussion / Mohammed Bin Bags Would Be Rubbish King
Posted 28 Jun 19 14:55
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Queen Mudder's insane invective is something to which I aspire, but I'm too nice.

 
From News Discussion / Beaver Touts New Bikini with Latest Fish Odor-Absorbing Technology
Posted 19 Jun 19 20:12
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I cannot see anything amusing about this story. It is something I would expect from Donald Trump's "locker room talk". Whatever that is. Offensive and demeaning to women.

 
From News Discussion / Politically Correct Man Guiltily Has a Racial Thought
Posted 11 Jun 19 14:18
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Indeed, Monkey but I can sympathise with Imperial, it's hard to be politically correct for a red blooded male.

I remember a few years ago (I don't know how the subject arose but it was at a party) discussing sexual fantasies with one of my wife's friends (risky, I know). I claimed that there are four fantasies: being forced to have sex, having sex with a stranger, having sex with a person of another race and group sex. I then stated aloud that my fantasy is none of those and that I merely fantasise about being ravished by the Jamaican women's sprint team.

I am not allowed to watch women's athletics any more.

 
From General Discussion / Help, please
Posted 24 May 19 14:16
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I have three stories almost ready for publishing but the publish button is black not green and isn't working. This has happened to me before. Is it me?

 
From General Discussion / Do any of you have blogs?
Posted 22 May 19 12:30
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No I don't. I have had the vaccination.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 16 May 19 11:12
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CRAP: Campaign for Redistribution of Absorbent Paper.

1970s St. Thomas' Hospital medical students protesting about cheap shiny toilet paper. For a few days everyone was mystified that CRAP graffiti was being seen everywhere.

 
From News Discussion / Man Has Aspirations Of Being An International Spoof Playboy
Posted 15 May 19 09:12
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Hello Monkey

My daughter-in-law loved the story and her favourite part was "Stig Dump".

 
From News Discussion / Man Has Aspirations Of Being An International Spoof Playboy
Posted 14 May 19 15:29
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https://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/world/144206/stockholm-international-airports-anti-terrorism-toilets-raise-eyebrows

Loved this one, Monkey. I've just sent it to my Swedish daughter-in-law.

 
From News Discussion / Surgeons find Duchy Originals condom wedged inside Camilla
Posted 3 May 19 13:39
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Love your profile picture, QM. Your husband must be very happy.

 
From News Discussion / Surgeons find Duchy Originals condom wedged inside Camilla
Posted 3 May 19 10:12
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I love Queen Mudder and her special brand of lunatic invective.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 23 Nov 18 16:48
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One of my favourites was when I worked at St. Thomas' Hospital in London and the toilet paper was changed to that nasty shiny stuff, ugh! The medical students began to write CRAP all over the place:

Campaign for Redistribution of Absorbent Paper

They won!

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 4 Apr 18 14:23
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C.R.A.P.
Campaign for Redistribution of Absorbent Paper.

St. Thomas' Hospital, London. 1970s medical students' protest against imposition of (yuk!) shiny bog paper.

 
 
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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