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From Magazine Discussion / My life as a man #22
Posted 19 Oct 12 19:47
Believe it or not, this silly story has gotten more than 3400 hits since 8 p.m. EDT last night. When I went to bed I think it had, maybe, 35 or 40.

Have absolutely no idea why some stories in this series get a few dozen hits, some get a few hundred, and this one goes apeshit. I spent no more time writing it than many of those I thought were far better.

Thanks to each writer here because it is for you folks I write!

From Magazine Discussion / My life as a man #22
Posted 18 Oct 12 22:55
How is this story? Does it 'read' in the UK? How could I have made it a better story?


From General Discussion / Jimmy Savile
Posted 17 Oct 12 17:54
Ya know what, folks; I am very pleased to see such a serious discussion of this issue here where our readers can view it.

Satire does not have to be funny; we all know that. We have an obligation to satirize the behaviors of the well known, the also rans, and yes, Honey fucking Boo Boo. Sick behavior must be pointed out, whatever the cost to the sicko. Insofar as rapists and child molestors are concerned, I don't really give a shit about their rights, period.

This past week, Mark returned to me two stories that he noted were unsuitable for One was "in bad taste;" and one, he said "was defamatory." OK, I get it. But I'm going to keep writing them, and submitting them.

He publishes enough of my stories that I have no complaint when he decides not to publish one!

That said, I read many spoofs here in approval that cause me to cringe, or worse! But I do not disapprove them just because they do not suit my tastes. I never will.

Write your stories; I read them and judge them on the basis of whether or not I find them to ring true to the writer's intent. If you can pump smoke up my arse, do it, by all means.

BTW, I got one-thumbed twice yesterday. I find that just as rewarding as getting a 5er. Thanks to whomever it was.

From General Discussion / Jimmy Savile
Posted 17 Oct 12 08:26
Saw that video three days ago.

BTW, all my Illuminati stories are due to this guy Icke and the other stuff I've read since you guys started on JS.

Jimmy Savile... JS... Jerry Sandusky... JS... Sandusky is a Mason, BTW.

However, I loved Rowdy Roddy Piper in that flick!

Back to David Icke, though.

On page 10 of Jay Kinney's 2009 book "The Masonic Myth" is this passage:

"...the preoccupation with identifying ancient origins for Masonry takes a decidedly sinister turn in the elaborate conspiracy theories of David Icke. The charismatic Icke, whose past accomplishments include soccer announcer and UK Green Party spokesman, struck gold in New Age circles with a series of popular self-published books alleging tha the human race is unknowingly under the sway of shape-shifting reptilian aliens from another dimension.

"Icke identifies Freemasonry as a successor of an ancient Babylonian brotherhood (including the Illuminati?), wise men who originally sought to free human consciousness from energy-sucking reptilians. The Brotherhood's necessary use of secrecy became, over the centuries, corrupted into a form of manipulation and power control, leading the membership to (page 11) eventually sell out to the aliens. Material posted at Icke's website alleges that there are secret tunnels beneath every Masonic lodge to faclilitate reptilian reproduction."

It took a lot of effort for me to get this out of print book, but reading it floored me. Icke also claims the Illuminati are the New World Order, but then again, a lot of sane people believe that. I'm assuming Icke means the Bavarian Illuminati and not Rihanna and her ilk.

Reptilian aliens aside, though, there are some whacked out secret societies that sprang up in the UK. The Hellfire Club, for one. Modern Freemasonry began in London when, in 1717, four lodges joined to form the Grand Lodge. But whacked out Masons?

I don't think most are so. My Uncle Kyle is a Mason and he has only been whacked out on booze to my knowledge. Plus, he's scared shitless of lizards.

But there are some Masons (P-2) who are scary as hell. Who knows what those freak shows show?

From General Discussion / Jimmy Savile
Posted 17 Oct 12 02:10

Your point is well taken, but all the same, if the UK had 325 million people (legals), its crime rate, including serial murder, rape and child molestation would most likely be similar. Our two nations are quite alike. Sorry, but that is true.

The US is no slouch when it comes to locking up bad people. The fact is (according to DOJ) there are nine (9) violent serials out there for every one (1) known.

The UK is compact. The US is vast and has 21,000 political jusrisdictions that should, but don't comminicate well, even across county boundaries. Fifty states, seven territories, nine "zones" of influence, 9 time zones. It is huge. And we carry guns, yet violent crime is down, including murder, rape, abduction, assault and, yes, child molestations (at least what we know about, and we are looking).

You had Savile; we have Sandusky. Both monsters who should've been shot.

Skoob, I'm a Catholic too. And I take them to task all of the time for their short comings and crimes against children. You seem to think I was making light of this horror; if so, you were wrong.

There is a certain dislocation of basic morality in the entire world today that transcends politico-religious boundaries. Skoob, you see me take it on, without mercy, everyday on other web sites. I find nothing funny about any of this.

And yet, none of this answers the question I asked earlier: What is all the lizard people stuff, and the Masonic-Illuminati stuff about JS? I didn't make this up, and just reread it again. Am I to assume this is real?

My Lord, friends, the man was a monster, but what is real? What do you believe? I trust your judgement implicitly, so tell me.

And I did say our press is nothing to hold up as a shining light.

Get rest, skoob. You've carried a heavy load of late.

From General Discussion / Jimmy Savile
Posted 16 Oct 12 22:14
I must have read 20 spoofs on JS in approval. Then I googled the guy and read everything I could get. Next I put him into a search engine at work and read all of that. If everything I've read about him is true, he was worse than pond scum.

Now, I also read your lizard man stuff (above), and fed it into the search engine at work (a state law enforcement engine). I found, believe it or not, references linking Saville to the Free Masons, the friggin Illuminati, reptile-like alien beings hidden for centuries by both, and a shit load more totally off the wall stuff.

Are you guys telling me that there is a basis for this off-the-wall stuff?

British scandals are meat and potatoes for your broad sheets. I remember when Christine Keeler brought down John Profumo and Harold MacMillan's government, and how that scandal was hidden all the way up through the BBC to Buckingham Palace. Looks to me like nothing much has changed.

I gotta tell you, a government run press has obvious draw backs--not that the US press is anything to brag about anymore.

You Brits have it all over us colonials when it comes to cover-ups. All we can boast of is Richard Nixon, and the current Zumba scandal that has a bunch of Kennebunk guys in real hot water.

It interests me, this stuff, and it has opened my eyes to some wacky stuff.


From News Discussion / Arizona's Brewer shoots down Austrian ballonist. War declared by NM Governor.
Posted 16 Oct 12 20:16
Hey, Wendy!

Welcome to the Zoo.

And good eye for story improvement, too!

I'm looking forward to reading your spoofs.


From General Discussion / The Chippy thread
Posted 16 Oct 12 17:12
Shit's sake, I thought this was a thread about wuminsess.

From News Discussion / Arizona's Brewer shoots down Austrian ballonist. War declared by NM Governor.
Posted 15 Oct 12 11:50
OK, folks: have at it. Make it better! I'll make changes and resubmit it.


From General Discussion / Baumgartner Skydive
Posted 14 Oct 12 20:02
He was shot down by AZ Gov Jan Brewer and forced to bail out. I just read the breaking story!

From General Discussion / I'm rone ree, So Rone ree
Posted 12 Oct 12 19:29
Nope, was with you all the time. Just invisible since I had a run in with a troll. I've got your six, but then, that should be a worry now and again.

From Magazine Discussion / My life as a man #20
Posted 11 Oct 12 10:50
This piece got nearly 420 hits since I posted it six hours ago.

And I do not know why. I hid the humor, sick as it is, until the very laast. And I worried about how the John Hinckley-Jody Foster angle would play out. The paragraph about the Walton girl was even more Hinckley than the first reference.

Question: Is this taking a joke too far? Why all the interest in a story than reads like a marshmallow?

Tear it up!

From General Discussion / The coin a word or phrase game
Posted 11 Oct 12 00:27
"Spankurbation" (n)

The act of simulatneously spanking one's monkey while tossing off (OK, it is a stretch).

He was killed while spankurbating. Actually, the coroner said he was "Carradineing."

Bonus word:

"Carradineing" (v) above.

From Magazine Discussion / Quentin Kelp MP - My Ten Commandments
Posted 10 Oct 12 18:51
DITTO! 5 from me as well!

Great job.

From General Discussion / The coin a word or phrase game
Posted 10 Oct 12 18:42
This is not the acronym game, so don't use those submissions.


Your word must be original to you and never used in any dictionary.

You need not get too technical regarding its part of speech (noun, verb, etc). If you know the part of speech add it though.

You must use your word in a sentence. Extra points will be awarded (by whom I don't know) for use of your word in one of your spoofs.

I'll begin; my word is:

"Dipshittery." (n)

Dipshittery is any word, or any part of a speech, issuing from the mouth of a politician.

"Romney's speech was complete and utter dipshittery."

"Obama's fiscal policy is dipshittery of the highest order.

I used my word in today's "My life as a man #19.

From News Discussion / Jimmy Savile's Grave 'Subsiding' - Scarborough Council
Posted 10 Oct 12 14:30
I loved this story and it caused me to read all of the JS stories. I have learned more about this guy than I ever wanted to know.

When I read this in approval I made a comment like:

This is a great story even though I haven't a clue as to what it is about. Most Americans don't know squat about this guy, but the story made him real to me.

That is what satire is all about, far as I'm concerned.

Bravo skoob! 5 from me.

From General Discussion / The worst haiku ever written in the WesternWorld thread
Posted 8 Oct 12 20:32
The geese fly southward
But I am condmened to watch,
And clean up their shit.

From News Discussion / 'Cougars' responsible for Seattle pet deaths!
Posted 7 Oct 12 10:18
When I saw the actual story's headline, on MSN, I couldn't help myself! I had to write this.

But I fear people will overlook it.

From News Discussion / Lady Gaga's NYC eatery designated 'A Gagger' by city health officials
Posted 6 Oct 12 15:05
Have at it, b's & g's. I saw the real story when it hit MSN and thesmokinggun and I cranked this out, in five minutes, to scoop other satire writers.

The spoof suffered from my haste.

How could this have been a better spoof?

From General Discussion / The worst haiku ever written in the WesternWorld thread
Posted 5 Oct 12 18:31
Zero point home loans
Are products of Fanny Mae.
I qualified not.

From General Discussion / The Chain
Posted 5 Oct 12 18:28
For the love of Ada - For the love of Ada

Love is a many splintered thing - Frank Zappa

From News Discussion / 'Evil' Bert goes after Romney
Posted 5 Oct 12 11:45
"Anyhoo, what's the general feeling towards Mitt and Barack out there in the States? It seems like a close run campaign to me, but I don't particularly like Mitt Romney personally. He doesn't seem genuine to me," wrote Mark.

This is a very funny article! I only want to comment on two things:

(1) The US is no better fiscally under Obama than it was when he came into office. You can say that is because of the mess he inherited from Bush II, and to some extent that is true. But he isn't a businessman, never made a payroll, and hasn't shown any real leadership by working with congress to make necessary changes. In other words, he hasn't dug in his heels and forced congress to act.

(2) Despite kicking Obama's ass in the debate, Mitt Romney is not a "likeable" guy. And therein lies Mitt's real problem. He may be right about the economy (personally I think he's far better qualified to lead an economic recovery), but he can't get elected because Mitt Romney, a Mormon, doesn't drink beer. Yes, I know, that seems a stupid idea--but trust me, if people can't see ole Mitt as one of them, they will not elect him.

Funny and timely magazine article that makes you think about these two candidates regardless of where you live. And that is the beauty of it! 55555

From General Discussion / Why do we get ill?
Posted 5 Oct 12 11:29
"I think I've gone insane and should probably sleep."

I agree.

From General Discussion / The worst haiku ever written in the WesternWorld thread
Posted 4 Oct 12 22:17
Oh give me a home,
With a zero point mortgage.
And I'll kiss your ass!

From Magazine Discussion / My life as a man #11
Posted 4 Oct 12 15:35
Excellent catch, Ian. And this is what we writers can do to help each other improve, So, I will add robin williams and loose the fork. And resubmit it.

(Done at 11:25 EDT, Thursday)

We may all learn from this exercise. This is how I would like approvals to be done!

9 Pages - «« « 3 4 [5] 6 7 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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