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From News Discussion / Revenge Of Jacques De Molay As Notre Dame Is Toast
Posted 19 Apr 19 18:46
Greetings queen: Nice to see you're still somewhere or thereabouts out there/in here.

In other words - more or less collectively disguised as, oh yeah, these - as far as the recent inflammatory activity going on at Notre Dame as of late, as always, once again, leave it to the nearest available ever-so reliable Earthly-tested/Cosmically-approved what goes around comes back around rule to eventually strike while it's hot, if not hotter depending, of course, on how one chooses to look both whichever which ways these days (and nights) of right about now (and how).

In still other words, any chance the local greater metro Paris rehab crew responsible for this brand of almost but not quite done job might be up to relocating themselves over here, long enough to perform a well needed torch - I mean, touch - up or two on the (until further notice) federal-wise(guy) residence of president Humpty & his in-house family of (it only takes a village, and then some) idiots?

Just wondering.

If so, please let 'em know that someone - I'm not saying who (or at least have so far been advised by numerous legal professionals not to at this time - but that's another story) - will be sure to leave a light on in the usual one if by land, two if by sea window, of sorts, with any luck before it's too late (again, another story, but, what the hey, by this point in the otherwise ongoing on with the showgram, aren't they all?)

In still other other words, thanks queen for such a wonderful funifull tragic-driven in here story, as always, good luck, take care, have fun, and, oh yeah, till next.

yours true,
john peurach

p.s. have no fear, I'm still more or less here, just more not worthy and a little bit more or all the rest. (In stereo, where available.)

From News Discussion / Sorry Ladies, Charles Manson Is About to be Taken Off the Market
Posted 26 Nov 14 02:26
ATTN. D P: Meanwhile, on an otherwise have to go there side note, of sorts, at least you always know what to get your bro every time Christmas comes rolling around again.

Uhhh, no pun intended. But then, what the hell, you know the drill.

Or, at least based on your reporting, someone back home does, that's for dang sure.

From General Discussion / Bill Cosby Show
Posted 20 Nov 14 05:24
Well, with any luck things back there will clear up in time so you can properly enjoy Cos and the ghost of Totie Fields in their all new and semi-improved TV Land pilot remake of John Astin & Marty Ingels' early 60s laff riot-a-thon, now conveniently retitled for your confusion as, "He's Dickens, Her Fenster."

From News Discussion / 'Fake' Mandela memorial interpreter fully booked for funerals including Pope Benedict, George Bush Sr and Queen Elizabeth: reports
Posted 17 Dec 13 18:42
Greetings queen:

As usual, way, way, above altogether top shelf, and/or, now and forever simply totally outstanding.

In other words, we should all be half as altogether marvelous - word-wise - as you.

But, since we can't, and never in a million years ever will be, thanks ever-so much for doing such a band up job in our stead.

Or, something like that, if not more so, yeah, what else is new?

Till Next,
john peurach.

P.S. That's funny, I always had Nancy Reagan pegged (after a few drinks, of course) for being not a day over 103.

From General Discussion / What have you all been up to?
Posted 6 Dec 13 05:25
Okay, so what I miss?

Meanwhile, back at the lieu of a big all encompassing hug since I'm all the way out there/in here, still waiting for the light to change on La Brea, how about I just roll down the window and wave?

And oh yeah, hope to heaven and hell that the dude behind me - the one giving me the finger - doesn't think I'm making light of his, I'm guessing, urgent need to be somewhere else, or thereabouts.

That is, in a helluva hurry, right about now (and how) in this way, way out west coast-like town where America ends.

Or, something like that, if not more so.

From News Discussion / Split Beaver Full Moon plus imminent solar flip to wreak havoc on LA porn industry astrologers warn
Posted 20 Nov 13 18:06
Greetings queen:

Truly inspiring. Keep up the good, greater, as always, wall to wall best work.

Till next.

Ever Yours,
john peurach
(still unworthy, but, more or less, used to it by now)

From News Discussion / Did Joseph Kennedy want his son killed for his own egomania?
Posted 19 Nov 13 18:47
Way to go, Colorado Joe! You got a clear cut, no more calls, folks, we have a now and forever total winner here, that's for sure.

In other words, thanks for penning (or, technically, tapping out - but who's keeping score?) the best all the way with JFK spoof friendly think piece, as in....EVER!

In still other words, too bad Mel Brooks ain't in much of mood to do this thing up right on Broadway.

Or is he?

Who knows? Maybe if Burt Bacharach could get someone to finish up the go-to/must-hear lyrics to the big semi-sort of "My Favorite Things" styled second act showstopper - "Secretaries, Stenographers, Mistresses, Hookers, Escort Girls, Call Girls and Prostitutes" - then you and Mel would really be sitting pretty with a gigantor hot ticket hit on your hands, and/or, all over your nearby full swing (and then some) dancing if not totally prancing, yeah, feet.

From News Discussion / The 12 Worst Movie-Related Obamacare Ads on TV
Posted 15 Nov 13 07:32
Thanks Bureau. Nothing but winners, from start to finish.

Although I have to admit I did think that "The Bitter Tears of Petra von Obamacare" would have gotten more attention somewhere along the way. I mean, especially given the fact that it pretty much explains and/or in the long run perfectly describes the overall (lose their) mindset of anyone attempting to steer they're way through the online nightmare of a whole lotta WTF whatever when attempting to check-in before checking out.

Or something like that if not more so.....what?

(In stereo where available.)

From News Discussion / Woman Fakes Orgasm
Posted 13 Nov 13 22:31
A thousand and one thanks, Mr. Woods. What you've ever-so marvelously captured here is essentially the now and forever foundation of what gives, and thus, can't help but always live, one way another, within the cozy confines of whatever sort of psycho-sexual arrangement (batteries not included) that have subsequently found a way to unwind accordingly while somehow surviving all the here to there and back (and then some) that has otherwise existed between Earthly man and his way, way better half, ever since Eve asked Adam whether or not he skipped breakfast again and was, you know, maybe up for a quick snack before lunch was served.

Or, something like that, only more so, due to various well observed on-sight requirements by local labor organizations and/or any nearby on staff reptile handlers not otherwise engaged in a) drinking heavily cause the sun came out earlier in the day; b) betting on a bountiful supply of competitive team oriented sports, cause, what the hell, why not; c) temporarily occupied with more pressing matters - aka taking a leak pretty much anywhere and everywhere due to an overindulgence of "a"; d) all of the above.

From News Discussion / Inchcock Inducted Into Spoof Hall Of Fame
Posted 18 May 12 07:28

All things considered, it really was - if only just because - only a matter of time.

In other words, he rang the door bell, didn't he?

In still other words, at least now we know how it's all supposed to be fun and done.

Or, something like that.

john peurach.

From Magazine Discussion / "Vampire Diaries Gothic Romance" - Starring Lady Sybilla & Alf Starling - With Ian Somerhalder & Robert Pattinson
Posted 7 Feb 12 16:37
No more calls, we have a winner.

And still champ.

In other words, long live the King, the Queen, and, well, Tommy Cooper, too, if you can dig him up in time.

In still other words, 5 X 5 X 5 X, well, just keep multiplying and/or adding things up accordingly from there, until you hit infinity.

And, then be sure to take it a few extra clicks beyond that, as well.

From News Discussion / Ian Somerhalder pulls a Rambo after Nina Dobrev agrees to be the new Bachelorette
Posted 21 Jan 12 01:22
Greetings Lady S.:

Hey, anything to help you out.

Although, at this point in the program it seems like all you really need is perhaps maybe just a bigger boat to cart around all those points you've been racking up since you jumped into the pool here and immediately took over the deep end.

Anyway, good luck on your soon to be next up to the minute effort in total Spoof domination.

Or, something like that.

Till next,
john peurach.

From News Discussion / Ian Somerhalder pulls a Rambo after Nina Dobrev agrees to be the new Bachelorette
Posted 20 Jan 12 17:34
Greetings Lady S.:

With any luck one (or more) of the, as usual, quick thinking producers will take time out from seeing who's turn it is to change a light bulb and figure out a way to milk this whole hunky guy down a mine shaft thing the way Kirk Douglas did in Billy Wilder's "Ace In The Hole."

And then, once that's been established, maybe round up a few more shirtless cast members - either gender will do - send them in, down, or whatever, with, of course, enough technical know-how gadgetry to maintain an on-location remote-like hook-up that could be both broadcast and properly streamed accordingly all along the various here to there and back watchtowers.

Or, at least until some of the (cuter) guys from Chile can show up to hopefully save the day just in time for a very special mid-May season finale.

In other words, it's a win-win the old fashioned way.

And, for once, nobody has to approve the message.

Till next,
john peurach.

From News Discussion / Armenian loses his head in Hollywood!
Posted 19 Jan 12 22:51
Greetings Jaggedone:

Nice little update on the latest slice and dice happenings going on here in Tinsleburg.

Meanwhile, now that Quentin T. has laid claim to the head for intellectual property purposes, it won't be long until Nike starts using the feet in there ads, and, an assortment of collegiate types begin co-opting the hands for their all-important "We're #1!!" chants at this year's NCAA basketball tournament.

Other than than, no news yet if any of the circle jerks responsible for dreaming up scenarios for the films of either Belladonna, Luscious Lopez, and/or Flower Tucci (at least to start off with) have figured out what they're gonna do once they find the uhh.....right note to follow sew, so to speak.

Or, something like that.

Anyway, thanks for being on top of this live, local, and late-breaking story from the get-go.

Due to the ongoing Madonna/Elton John feud, and, of course, all that who's kissin' or not kissin' who stuff going on in vampireland, real life at it's worst news tends to always get lost in the way, way, out west here where America ends (eventually) shuffle, of sorts.

Till next,
john peurach.

From News Discussion / 'CSI: Kardashian' Puts the Madcap Back into Murder
Posted 7 Jan 12 21:14
Now that's definitely not gonna close in New Haven. But will, most likely, clean up better than most at the Tonys.

Especially if the songs by Marc Shaiman are up to snuff - and there's no reason they shouldn't be - and, if they can, of course, somehow coax Larry Storch out of his MIA-like would-be retirement to, no doubt, nightly bring down the house in the can't miss part of Bruce Jenner.

No word yet on who would play Lamar Odom, but, according to everyone's short list, it looks like Dave Chappelle and Nick Swardson are neck and neck.

Hey, it wouldn't be the first time, but that's another story.

From News Discussion / 'CSI: Kardashian' Puts the Madcap Back into Murder
Posted 7 Jan 12 05:32
Greetings Michael:

Totally loved your must-see (and, hopefully not step into) prime time get down with the sisters Kardashian.

And, absolutely loved the "too dumb to fail" approach to current on-air programming, which apparently is the mantra of every current, up to his/her painted on smile, Network TV exec, who's main motivation is to preserve the fact that they have a parking space with their name on it.

Meanwhile, any truth to the rumor that the sisters are planning a similar scorched earth routine in the vicinity of the Big Apple's Great White Way, via a, no doubt, legit theatre taffy pull/tug job of sorts involving a supposed updated version of Chekhov's "Three Sisters" more or less built around a major event last summer when - I'm not sure which - one of the sisters came down with a severe urinary infection that prevented them from going on a weekend cruise to Catalina?

Or, something like that.

Either way, here's hoping they don't close in New Haven.

In other words, keep up the good work sir, your fellow Spoofers need you, and, of course, any laughs herein/therein to immediately follow.

Till next,
john peurach.

From General Discussion / Happy New Year One and All
Posted 1 Jan 12 09:23
Greetings One & All (and anyone else lurking about):

Happy New Year (and then some) to all of you's, from all
those who have seen fit to otherwise conspire to be the more or less all of me's.

Or, something, not like, but exactly that.

In a nutshell, that is and/or was, if only just because.

In other words, good luck, take care, stay healthy, and wishing you all the best in 2012.

And, oh yeah, thanks so much for being the best dang on-line satirical task force up and running somewhere out there/in here, and/or everywhere else just the same.

Till next,
john peurach.

From News Discussion / The American Irrespective: President Obama's Good News, Bad News, and, More Or Less, Worser News (So Far)
Posted 24 Mar 11 00:23
Greetings Charpa:

Thanks for the response. For a second there I thought nobody noticed me over here. All I know is, it definitely pays to have a silly hat.

Upon further review, I seem to recall this being dictated to my crack staff of in-house underlings, at that point in the program, right after the car accident, and just before the jury duty, at which point the there was still a lot of fun yet to get in and out of, at least third gear, over there in beautiful downtown Cairo.

Which was - if I got my scenario right, and who doesn't these days? - after Tunisa, around the time of the Super Bowl, a little before "The King's Speech" became Oscarized For Your Protection, and thus, way before Libya. Or, at least enough of a window-like time for Muammar Gaddafi order up enough Skittles and Michelob Light in case he had to be somewhere (that wasn't New Jersey) in a hurray.

All of which means, I'm glad you recognized what sort of point I was attempting to play with the hand that I was summarily dealt by forces outside the grasp of my somewhat now limited and categorically indecisive control.

Or, so said the the guy caught in the middle of the intersection in front of me, for the moment, unable to turn anyway but straight ahead to a whole future of unknown.

In other words, welcome to the club. What took you so long?

In any case, thanks Charpa. Hope to return the favor someday.

Sooner, than later.

But, in the meantime, yeah, it's early yet. At least, so far.

Till Next,
john peurach,

From News Discussion / Scott Walker Begs Koch Brothers to Release Him from Pact
Posted 10 Mar 11 21:00
Greetings Charpa:

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Meanwhile, in a slight variation of a popular advertising jingle that, ever-so quickly, has become something of an unhappy lead-in cue to real life at it's worst for countless sea to shining seen enoughsters from coast to coast: "Only sh**** things go better with Koch."

And/or generally can't help but occur as a result of their direct and altogether heartless involvement here and therein.

In other words, you get what other's pay for. And, as usual, that buck stops way before it ever gets to you.

In still other words, thanks for the swell story, and, oh yeah, have a nice a day.

Till Next,
john peurach,

From News Discussion / The Queen's shagged every US President since 1953 'except Lyndon Johnson'
Posted 18 Feb 11 20:25
Greetings queen:

Outstanding, as usual.

I hear tell that, technically speaking, Gerry Ford's participation in any overt sexual encounter with Her Majesty was aided significantly by a rather well-coordinated trip and fall, with quite the strategic follow through.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Carter's otherwise amorous here to there maneuvers with the go-to British Monarch, was altogether brief, to say nothing of entirely uncomfortable, due to the unfortunate inclusion of his favorite sweater, which, according to legend, was used as a temporary necessary substitute, when the parlor room throw pillow (normally designated for use as a plush-like bumper zone between Queenie's back porch and the palace floor during such incoming international occasions) was, for a few moments anyway, inconveniently parked nearby underneath First Brother Billy's big ass, overall encased, rear end.

Oh well, as the sign only half tells ya (at least the ones that don't say "Mind The Step"), apparently you can't keep some not so good men down, either. Especially when the most inappropriate royal feet are waving around up in the air.

Till Next,
john peurach.

From News Discussion / Hail Mary! LA Diocese Axes Heterosexual Priest l Hour After They Find He's Not "Gay!"
Posted 16 Feb 11 02:07
Greetings Morse:

All of which puts a whole lot more on the line.

Especially when it comes time (and you just know it will), for any of those full-tilt ball and bat boys to pull off a head first slide into....well, third base, mainly cause, due to a substantial lack of funds at the moment, all I got is a three-dollar bill to lay down as a wager to determine whether the would-be slider is safe, or like, all the way out.

Upon further review....the fella did appear to know some show tunes.

So, as usual, any tie goes to the runner.

Even if it doesn't match his pants and/or neatly tucked-in buttoned down thing with the extra stripes.

In other words, man do I miss football.

Go Lions! And, Raiders, too. Especially anyone one of them not currently up before a grand jury, and/or already serving the first part of their 5 to 10
for unruly conduct against the Broncos.

Till Next,
john peurach.

From News Discussion / Hail Mary! LA Diocese Axes Heterosexual Priest l Hour After They Find He's Not "Gay!"
Posted 15 Feb 11 01:31
Greetings Morse:

Nice one.

I mean, as in out of the ball park, and all that.

No, not that kind. But, then maybe so, due to all the bush league stuff coming out as it did.

Meanwhile, I suppose you just can't keep a good man of the cloth down these days.

Unless, of course, it's time to pass the plate, so to speak, the new old fashion way.

And yes, for once, I do mean that way that commonly used to mean, well.....happy, and never much more than that.

Check, please!

In other words, this is getting to be a habit with me.

Uh-oh, apparently everybody wants to suit up with the other team.

Till Next,
john peurach.

From General Discussion / Question about comedy (Aimed at UK users)
Posted 11 Feb 11 20:08
Thought I'd check-in to, maybe shock and awe (if not entirely disappoint the world) by giving a slight tip of the hat to the "To The Manor Born" gang - especially meddlesome Marge.

And, oh yeah, my kingdom for the late Tommy Cooper.


From News Discussion / Bill Clinton Says Daughter Chelsea's Reported Marital Problems "Blown Out of Proportion!"
Posted 8 Feb 11 20:54
Greetings Morse:

Nice (not) kiss and tell with this one, sir.

Meanwhile, if anybody is going to know where to put the accent mark on "blown," leave it to Dollar Bill to still know how to get up and give it ye olde college try, once things get in and/or out of hand accordingly, while on their otherwise merry-like way to strategic nearby points of entry elsewhere.

In other words, "I did not have......what was that again? To tell you the truth, in all the excitement, I seemed to have forgotten how to ride a bike."

Till Next,
john peurach.

From News Discussion / Crap
Posted 8 Feb 11 19:38
And here I always thought that, due to an all too obvious increase in assorted well chosen matters such as these (in an ever-increasing variety of ways and means), that the U.S. had somehow closed the crap gap that had otherwise separated us for so long from the mother of all countries.

In other words, you mean we're in for another WTF, holy hell, crap race all over again?

Yeah well, I guess, if the shoe fits, may as well take a bite out of it before everyone lines up for a big old fashioned taste test.

Especially while the cows come home, and, of course, the evening wears on.

In still other words, thanks for the head's up.

Which, considering that's where ours generally is, one would think that we should have at least been a little more prepared for whatever apparently can't help but still arrive, more or less on time, with a certain degree of (hopefully) naturally induced regularity.

And, with any luck, only a chance of showers.

But then, all things being relatively separate but unequal, just to show we're not all that into showing off our collective down and front, we'll fold what we got in half, just to level out the playing field, eh...

14 Pages - [1] 2 3 4 5 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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