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From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 21 Aug 19 14:14
Message

Quote: Monkey Woods

With all the above in mind, and having seen how irritated some writers have become with certain stories being published and read by readers who may not have visited the Spoof before, until they were forced, by their own clicking errors, to read some information that wasn't completely true about Harry Maguire, I have decided that I'm not going to write any more stories on that subject.

I wouldn't want to lose you all as friends.

What else is popular at the moment?


How about Prince Andrew? I understand he is hiding somewhere in *uckingham Palace.

 
From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 20 Aug 19 22:36
Message
Mark, I appreciate your response. However, if the Harry Maguire stories are more popular than those written by the rest of us; then the rest of us should swear off writing.

Groucho Marx said it best:

“I don’t care to belong to any club that would have me as a member.”

If Harry Maguire has that many readers, the only way I could compete is by dividing my stories into four sections, and after 100 words, write “to be continued.”

Hopefully, you can figure out a way that is equitable for all.

Best regards,

Dr. B



 
From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 20 Aug 19 12:34
Message
Thanks Mark. I suggest that if the same subject by the same author dominates the headlines for two weeks, there might be reason to question the fairness of the system.

Best,

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 20 Aug 19 06:52
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It’s a US story. Where did it go?

 
From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 20 Aug 19 03:01
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Is there some way to find out if Monkey Woods pulled off a coup and somehow wrestled control of The Spoof from Mark? This f**king Harry Maguire bullshit didn’t happen in a vacuum. Just follow the money. Someone is making dough off this, and it ain’t me.

 
From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 20 Aug 19 01:25
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Wake up, you limey bastards. I need someone to approve my story.

 
From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 20 Aug 19 01:11
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Still not approved. WHAT IS GOING ON?

 
From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 19 Aug 19 21:48
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Where’s Mark? My story will be colder than Jeffrey Epstein’s dick.

 
From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 19 Aug 19 21:39
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Never mind. I just submitted story to The Onion.. The editor said it could possibly be submitted for Pulitzer Prize consideration.

Sorry. If you snooze you lose.

 
From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 19 Aug 19 21:32
Message
It does not appear on the current approval list. I have no idea what has happened to it. Probably buried in some Harry Maguire graveyard. WTF is going on? I thought Monkey Woods was responsible for my approvals. I have been writing since 2010. Why does my stuff have to go through some bogus approval protocol? I have never had a story rejected. This never happens in America.

 
From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 19 Aug 19 20:47
Message
Just checked. Still not approved.

 
From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 19 Aug 19 20:04
Message

Quote: queen mudder

Bloody harry maguire, must be something a bit more interesting to bore the pants off the readership


I agree. Who reads that offal? My pending approval:

“Hannibal Lector Scores New Epstein Lampshade: Where’s The Meat” is a blockbuster. It might be too controversial in England because Prince Andrew is mentioned.

Otherwise, it meets all current literary standards of TheSpoof.

 
From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 19 Aug 19 19:48
Message

Quote: queen mudder

Bloody harry maguire, must be something a bit more interesting to bore the pants off the readership


I agree. Who reads that offal? My pending approval:

“Hannibal Lector Scores New Epstein Lampshade: Where’s The Meat” is a blockbuster. It might be too controversial in England because Prince Andrew is mentioned.

Otherwise, it meets all current literary standards of TheSpoof.

 
From General Discussion / Delays irksome
Posted 19 Aug 19 16:34
Message
My most recent post has been pending approval for two days. All I see are Maguire, Maguire and more Maguire. What’s happening at headquarters?

 
From News Discussion / Did "The Garlic" Knock The Spoof Offline?
Posted 14 Jun 19 21:56
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And I thought it was an effort by the United States Intelligence Community (IC) to shut me down for dissing Comey, Brennan and Clapper. Excellent story; even if Fake News.

 
From General Discussion / Camelopard missing
Posted 22 Sep 18 01:39
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I recently had a private tour through the San Diego Zoo arranged by the Australian Consulate General. Mostly saw animals indigenous to Aus. Got to go through feeding areas not part of regular tours. Got to pet Tasmanian Devil and feed Koalas. Didn’t see your pet. Maybe next time.

 
From General Discussion / Camelopard missing
Posted 21 Sep 18 22:33
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Yes. I painted his gums with Gentian violet because I observed signs of fungal growth. Hopefully, he will recover. In any event, he will be easily recognized.

 
From News Discussion / Julius Caesar gets attacked for eating sheep
Posted 12 Mar 18 14:16
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Something may have been lost in the translation from Latin to English. As long as both were left smiling, who can complain?

 
From News Discussion / Julius Caesar gets attacked for eating sheep
Posted 11 Mar 18 23:31
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It should be noted that the “Montana Pole” had yet to be invented when Julius “My Boy” Caesar was having carnal knowledge with sheep. Infact, Montana hadn’t been invented.

For those who have not read previously, the Montana Pole was first invented by a very lonely shepherd from that eponymous state who attached a mirror to the handle of a pitchfork. After mounting the sheep from behind (is there any other way), he would dangle the mirror in front of the sheep’s head to see if the sheep were smiling.

 
From General Discussion / Wombats
Posted 8 Mar 18 22:53
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Interesting to note that Wombat spelled backwards = Tabmow.

 
From General Discussion / Britain Runs Out of Chicken
Posted 23 Feb 18 17:38
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If you love chicken, try ChickFila. Best chicken sandwich in USA

 
From General Discussion / Britain Runs Out of Chicken
Posted 21 Feb 18 03:11
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Quote: victor nicholas

So where did the chicken in Britain go to?

Can we equate this to bravery?


Don’t egg them on. They took one in the gizzard for Team Leghorn

 
From General Discussion / Britain Runs Out of Chicken
Posted 20 Feb 18 22:26
Message
Cock-a-doodle-do, that’s my old hen.
She lays eggs the best she kin.
Sometimes nine, sometimes ten.
But that won’t help the KFC spin,
As their franchises take it on the chin.

Cock-a-doodle-do, that’s my old hen.

 
From General Discussion / Britain Runs Out of Chicken
Posted 20 Feb 18 03:30
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I can speak with some authority on this issue. I raised chickens when I was a teenager and worked in a poultry processing plant during the summers of my college years. The only reason that you should ever run out of chickens is that the chickens sensed that they were being set up for slaughter.

Believe me, no chicken, whether a Rhode Island Red or just a common place spring chicken wants to have his neck rung just so an ersatz Kentucky Colonel can make a fast buck. There lies the problem. Solve that and you will have an endless line of chickens volunteering to jump into the broaster to serve you, the common man.

 
From General Discussion / New Olympic Sports
Posted 19 Feb 18 03:03
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Any dog that evades the stew pot in PyeongChang is my choice.

 
12 Pages - [1] 2 3 4 5 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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