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Extract from Story:
Jilted John, the man who ruled the music world with his 1978 hit single, 'Jilted John', through which he relentlessly told listeners "Gordon is a moron", has the song re-released on May 22 - the artist's 61st birthday - with slightly different lyrics.
Instead of the word 'Gordon', JJ will use the word 'Boris'
Clearly, not much effort has been put into the rewrite, but JJ thinks the song wil.....
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PLEASE NOTE: The story you are discussing is a JOKE. It is a SPOOF NEWS story written on a SPOOF NEWS website.
Registered: 15 Oct 07
I prefer his work as John Shuttleworth, however.
Location: Out on a limb
Registered: 5 Sep 08
My cousin Ken worked for John Shuttleworth on his legendary 1996 Euro Tribute Tour of Derbyshire car park openings. Ken said that at the time, fame had gone to John's head and he became very demanding.
If John's Stylophone and Yamaha keyboard weren't tuned to perfection, and he hadn't received a complimentary sack of oatcakes, he's just sit and sulk for hours on end. Usually on a bench in a public place, feeding pigeons.
Such outrageous behaviour led to an inevitable rift, and the two rarely work together these days. Cousin Ken still lives in a semi in Sheffield, whereas John , attracted no doubt by the lure of cosmopolitan life has been lured by the bright lights of the big city and currently occupies a flat above a Tesco Local in Matlock.
Somewhat ironically, Julie, the girl who jilted John, now lives in a flat above the chippy that John cried all the way to. She's a mother of three with a serious drug habit. The three kids are all grown and have fled the nest. They all now work as civil servants, one being a special advisor to Boris Johnson.
In summary, whilst Gordon may have won the hand of the once fair maiden, Julie, things went downhill for him shortly after the initial fuse burned out. Gordon was convicted of a sexual offence against an ostrich in Chester Zoo and sentenced to twenty years bird.
Life in the fast lane's not all glam and cocaine drifts.
Ken'll tell you.
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.
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