Discussion Forum

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Extract from Story:
Scientists have recently discovered a fact about bees that has been staring us in the face for hundreds of years. Bees are, in fact, really, really thick. A report for the "Old Scientist" has stated that in tests bees have the IQ of a subnormal neanderthal and cannot reasonably be expected to survive beyond the next 50 years based on their incredible stupidity. In scientific tests using win.....

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Please discuss at will.
PLEASE NOTE: The story you are discussing is a JOKE. It is a SPOOF NEWS story written on a SPOOF NEWS website.

Oh, yes!

Ah, bees are very much like ourselves, it seems, apart from making honey, living in hives, buzzing, being insects, having wings and having jolly yellow and black furry suits to fly about in. "Speak for yourself!", I hear you cry. "Who else can I speak for?" I hear me answer.


Actually, as well as a papier mache bust of Hereward The Wake, I'm looking for one of those jolly bee-suits, if anyone can lay their hands on one. As well as a papier mache bust of Hereward The Wake, if I haven't mentioned that already, which I have.


Anyway, with regard to the article in question, it is rather good. Anything with bees is good. Apart from an omelette. I wouldn't recommend bee-omelette. A buzzing omelette is simply too recherche.

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There was an old man in a tree
Who was horribly bored by a bee;
When they said, "Does it buzz?"
He replied, "Yes it does!
It's a regular brute of a bee!"

Edward Lear

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Spigot

More words from our sponsor:

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Dear Spuff,


your latest article about the bees says that the bees are dining out because they are stupid. Are you calling me stupid then because of my name? Eh? Eh?


Al Fresco

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I have worn a bee suit. There is a photograph somewhere. I hope it was burned many years ago, the photo and the suit. I didn’t feel like a jolly fellow, I’m not jolly and I’m not a fellow. Also its awkward to pick things up in a bee suit, especially when you are working piecework and have to be fast. So not funny when your co- workers are laughing at you dressed in a bee suit trying to go fast. Then you have to go to the loo at some point. That’s awkward. I don’t have the bee- suit, if I did you could have it. Although the trauma of finding it might have killed me.

Now you've got me imagining you in the bee-suit. Though the bee-suit and the piece-work scenario (didn't Henry Kissinger do piece-work?) is a rather disturbing juxtaposition, and I'm sorry for dredging up old trauma.

Old trauma and disturbing juxtapositions. My life already.

Bees seem to manage to pick things up, though they do have different hands, and I don't know how they manage the loo, nor do I know how they cope with factory life, except that the hive seems to be a very terrific kind of factory place.


Hmm, there seems to be quite a lot to this being a bee lark...

Why are the ees disappearing? Noody seems to know. Here are some of the theories eing deated aout the reason for disappearing ees.

It was earlier this year, during spring that news agencies first egan reporting aout a worrisome phenomenon about eekeepers going to their hives and discovering that their ees had vanished. Sometimes, all that remained were the queen ee and a few hatchling ees. The puzzling thing was that the eekeepers did not find any evidence of the usual predators of ees, such as wasps and animals that like honey. Neither did they find any trace of large numers of dead ees nor any sign of ee diseases such as foulrood or chalkrood, which the developing larvae of ees usually fall prey to, nor was there any evidence of any of the mite species that attack fully grown or developing ees. Hence, on the asis of this evidence, it was surmised that the ees couldn't have died of any sickness or predator attack. Plus, many of the eekeepers also reported that other ees, animals and moths stayed away from the newly aandoned nests, at least for the initial few days. From past experience, this phenomenon has een known to happen when ees have died of chemical contamination or disease.

Here you go:

https://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/bee-lady-queen-new-year-987129

Tried to get you a link, but it won't have it.

It's probably me. Or the bee.

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Quote: victor nicholas

Why are the ees disappearing? Noody seems to know. Here are some of the theories eing deated aout the reason for disappearing ees.

It was earlier this year, during spring that news agencies first egan reporting aout a worrisome phenomenon about eekeepers going to their hives and discovering that their ees had vanished. Sometimes, all that remained were the queen ee and a few hatchling ees. The puzzling thing was that the eekeepers did not find any evidence of the usual predators of ees, such as wasps and animals that like honey. Neither did they find any trace of large numers of dead ees nor any sign of ee diseases such as foulrood or chalkrood, which the developing larvae of ees usually fall prey to, nor was there any evidence of any of the mite species that attack fully grown or developing ees. Hence, on the asis of this evidence, it was surmised that the ees couldn't have died of any sickness or predator attack. Plus, many of the eekeepers also reported that other ees, animals and moths stayed away from the newly aandoned nests, at least for the initial few days. From past experience, this phenomenon has een known to happen when ees have died of chemical contamination or disease.

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Nice!

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Quote: Monkey Woods

Here you go:

https://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/bee-lady-queen-new-year-987129

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Fantastic. That's lovely!

"If you're like me, you'll be on cloud nine. Well, cloud ten really."


Wonderful.

In the uk, many types of butterflies have disappeared or decreased. One type was near extinction so they allocated land to preserve them and just let it go wild with no intervention. It didn’t work and the bloody things disappeared from the uk. Many years and a lot of studies later they discovered that the butterfly was totally dependant on the grass being the correct height. Literally the height that an animal grazes it to. Uncut or wild grass was too long and mowed grass was too short for the eggs to survive. So every butterfly out there has a little genetic idiosyncrasy that will kill it off. I think the bees are the same, it will be some obscure little twist that they can’t cope with as a species. You know why they couldn’t breed pandas for so long? They have to mate twice in a row. The first time nothing happens, the second time bingo! Hence why we are now flooded with baby pandas. If we could miniaturise pandas and train them to make honey we would be sorted.

The grass was the wrong height?

I'm so incensed about this, that I'm going to write a story about it.

I have read your story and was very disappointed at the lack of miniature pandas in it.
Yours
Disgruntled of Sevenoaks

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Quote: carina-eta

I have read your story and was very disappointed at the lack of miniature pandas in it.
Yours
Disgruntled of Sevenoaks

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I thought it was Twelveoaks! What'd you do with the other 5! Cut them down didn't ya!!

I have never seen you so angry Monkey.

You are as incensed as a priest at midnight mass.

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Quote: Monkey Woods

The grass was the wrong height?

I'm so incensed about this, that I'm going to write a story about it.

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I thought the miniature pandas had died out because the bamboo was too high, or something.

I think something similar happened to the eohippus, or was it the pygmy hippo?

No, I believe the pygmy hippo trundles still, in his watery domains, so it must have been the eohippus that died out. I haven't seen one lately.

All this would make wonderful stories, if life didn't get in the way.