Discussion Forum

"We're rounding 'em up in a very humane way, in a very nice way. And they're going to be very happy because they want to be legalised. And, by the way, I know it doesn't sound nice, but it is nice and not everything sounds nice." - President Donald Trump on immigration.

More thought-provoking profundity in just a few moments...

He's absolutely right! Not everythings sounds nice! Like for example,when I say Donald Trump is a fucking moron and completely morally bankrupt, I mean that in the nicest sense of the words possible. Absolutely no hatred or malice on my part.

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Quote: Clive Danton

"We're rounding 'em up in a very humane way, in a very nice way. And they're going to be very happy because they want to be legalised. And, by the way, I know it doesn't sound nice, but it is nice and not everything sounds nice." - President Donald Trump on immigration.

More thought-provoking profundity in just a few moments...

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Then vote for Pocahontas or Sanders. You will never have to write stupid stories for The Spoof to supplement your income.

Trump On Global Warming

"The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive."

Twitter, 6/10/12

Stay tooned for more breathtaking wisdom

Funny thing is the President has about zilch to do with the overall world economy. The 2009 Housing bubble did not happen because Bush was actively encouraging and deregulating the banking industry, anymore than Obama's efforts to prevent future predator lending practices. Both failed miserably in their efforts to influence the economy. So you see my friends we can skip the f-ing elections, save billions and all be a lot better off, because we all know those providing jobs care about us and will allow that money to trickle down and help the average joe, mary-jo, sleepy joe, and jo-jo the gorilla.

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Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

Then vote for Pocahontas or Sanders. You will never have to write stupid stories for The Spoof to supplement your income.

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"If Brexit doesn't happen on October 21st this whole country will explode" - Diminutive right-wing fucknut and stunt double for R2-D2, Mark Francois.

I think you need to check the detonator, Mark old son.

"My administration is running like a finely-tooned machine" - President Trump shortly after a large number of his government aides had either quit or been thrown in The Big House.

Trump to Recruiting Sergeant - "Before we go any further, you do know I have bone spurs, right?"

What has that to do with Harry Maguire’s hemorrhoids keeping him out of military service? If he can play football, he sure as hell can shoot a gun.

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Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

What has that to do with Harry Maguire’s hemorrhoids keeping him out of military service? If he can play football, he sure as hell can shoot a gun.

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Don't mention HM, Doc. You know it upsets me. Why I outta...!

You'll like this one, Doc. This joker is a lefty, snowflake sumbitch:

"This train is absolutely ram packed!" - Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, while sitting on the floor of a half-empty train in a bid to push his policy to nationalise the railways

"We won the argument" - Jeremy Corbyn after being handed a king-sized can of Whup-Ass by the Tories in the general election

We're all fucked.

Allegedly.

"Home Secretary" Priti Patel a while back:

'There is a police investigation taking place right now and this offender clearly had some history in relation to counter-terrorism offences. It's right that the police are investigating that.
'We've also been very clear that we will be bringing about a counter-terrorism bill the first 100 days and we will absolutely do that.
'Tomorrow we will also be announcing some fundamental changes - in addition to what I've already said - to deal with counter terrorism and counter terrorism offenders.'

Now is she saying that counter-terrorism is a bad thing? Is she talking about terrorism that has something to do with counters (terrorism in shops?) Terrorism that weaponises the discs called counters used in games? Is she taking action against the police and intelligence agencies that try to stop terrorism?

Or is she a robotic halfwit?

Robotic halfwit sounds about right, but it's too nice.

I could think of other descriptions...

Really nasty ones...

Regards

Skoob

"Maybe they could use some of the old flu vaccine to cure coronavirus. I don't know if that would work?" - Donald J Trump.

Real people are going to vote for this guy, incidentally.

Yes, you heard me right. Real live people.

Give President Trump credit for his incredible restraint. Not carpeting bombing China with neutron bombs (as I personally recommended) to eliminate both the virus and Apple phones, Trump, once again, went against his worse instincts to make the world a better place.

Hoorah for the Donald.

You are rooting for a man who thinks that a vaccine that is used for one particular disease will be effective against an entirely different one and who fervently believes that the USAF has invisible fighter planes.
Just think about that for a moment.

I know the poor guy is a martyr to a crippling bone spur condition that prevents him fighting for his country and submitting a tax return but even so...

Clive, You have been reading too many Harry Maguire stories, and your brain has become addled as a result.

I, of course, blame Monkey Woods for this.

But to the Coronavirus vaccine: I have a doctorate in Biochemistry and am currently working day and night to build a better virus trap so the World will be saved, Trump vindicated, and myself, awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

"The 2020 election is a partisan plot by the losing democrats to remove me from office" - Donald J Trump.

Ok, I made that one up, but you can quite easily conceive of him saying the above, can't you?

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Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

Clive, You have been reading too many Harry Maguire stories, and your brain has become addled as a result.

I, of course, blame Monkey Woods for this.

But to the Coronavirus vaccine: I have a doctorate in Biochemistry and am currently working day and night to build a better virus trap so the World will be saved, Trump vindicated, and myself, awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

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Hang in there, Doc. Stranger things have happened my friend. But wait...

I wish you well in your doughty and ongoing struggle against the forces of the Harry Maguire stories but I fear you may be on the losing team.

I find the whole thing absolutely comical tbh.

Quite what the poor sod gets out of churning them out like a man feverishly cranking the handle of a sausage machine is utterly beyond me.

Still, live and let live, dear boy

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Quote: Clive Danton

Quite what the poor sod gets out of churning them out like a man feverishly cranking the handle of a sausage machine is utterly beyond me.

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What I have, at the back of my mind, is just how much it seems to bother you chaps.

It spurs me on.

If you build it...they will come. Part Deux

Ok, back on topic

"We are still in phase one of our response to coronavirus" - Health Minister, Nick Hancock, earlier today

"We are in phase two of our response to coronavirus" - Britain's Chief Medical Officer, two hours earlier

Mr Trump spells it, 'caronavirus' btw.

“A hoax virus will ultimately be cured by a hoax vaccine.”

Boris Johnson, circa, 5 March 2020.

"Many contingencies. A lot of positive, different numbers, all different numbers. Very large numbers. And some small numbers too." - President Donald Trump putting the nation's troubled minds at rest on the coronavirus issue.