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Skoob1999
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Skoob1999

Location: Out on a limb
Registered: 5 Sep 08

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Posted: 28 Sep 19 10:31
I was at work on Thursday night when something zipped by by head and flopped on the bench. It was bee. It was knackered. It could barely move.

This is how brilliant the internet is. Most of the time, it's shite, but sometimes it's useful, like when it tells you how to make aircraft hangars for flying ants out of empty cornflake boxes, or when it tells you that you can't sit down because that thing that hurts like a bastard in your undercarriage is a perineal abscess.

Anyway, I'd read on the internet that bees quite often get knackered or dehydrated or whatever because they're such grafters, and that we can help them by giving them sugary water when they've been grafting their bumbly little arses off and they go all floppy.

Back in the day I'd have just ignored it, because shit happens and bees die of old age, or stupidity. Not any more. I was determined to help this little chap, but being at work and that, I didn't have any sugar on me.

But I did have a flask of coffee with sugar in it. So what I did - to cut a short story long - was I fashioned a bee like drinking fountain out of the foil I had me butties in, and I poured a bit of sweet coffee into it, allowing a bit of cooling time, then I shoved it within close proximity of the struggling bee, who by this point was doing a fairly reasonable impression of being just about dead.

Anyway, the bee reacted. He sort of crawled over to the foil coffee fountain, nearly fell in it, but then, amazingly it thrust its little proboscis out and started slurping the coffee.

After about ten minutes or so, it backed away from the coffee foil drinking fountain, paused for a bit, then stretched its little legs and took off like an F15 fighter jet.

The coffee had that bee buzzing.

So that's my little heart warming story for this week, and it's absolutely 100% true.

No doubt some clever bastard on here can top my heart warming little true story by rescuing a baby elephant from out of a well, or stopping an alpha male lion from killing the cute cubs that his lioness had given birth to after cheating with his little brother, but I don't really give a shit.

I helped a bee, and that'll do for me.

Regards

Skoob.



RIP
Johnny Shlep
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Location: London, United Kingdom
Registered: 12 Feb 18

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Posted: 28 Sep 19 10:42
BREAKING: Bee Found Dead. Caffeine Poisoning Suspected. Police Baffled.

In other news: Boris Johnson Shuns Trump Offer to Swap Ukrainian President for Pole Dancer.

WEATHER UPDATE: Getting a bit nippier as the week goes on.

AND THAT'S MY FINAL METEOROLOGICAL WORD ON THIS ONE!!!

Skoob1999
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Skoob1999

Location: Out on a limb
Registered: 5 Sep 08

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Posted: 28 Sep 19 10:48
The Ten Bells is shite anyway. All students, leather sofas and piss weak beer. At £189 a pint. Thieving bastards.

Regards

Skoob

RIP
Johnny Shlep
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Location: London, United Kingdom
Registered: 12 Feb 18

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Posted: 28 Sep 19 12:39
YES!

I WENT IN THERE LAST NIGHT AND THE PLACE WAS HEAVING WITH LEATHER STUDENTS ON SOFAS COSTING IN EXCESS OF £189!!

I IMMEDIATELY KNOCKED ONE OF THEM TO THE GROUND!!!

"IS THAT YOUR FINAL WORD ON THIS ONE?" HE ROARED

"NO!!!!" I BELLOWED AND GAVE HIS GIRLFRIEND A LENGTHING IN THE TOILETS!!!!!


 
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