Discussion Forum

Zhukov was ruthless, Rommel was tactically superb, Montogmery was inventive and adored by his men while Patton was an egomaniac prone to recklessness in the face of unlikely odds.

I don't know any Japanese WWII generals but I should imagine they were all short in stature and unnecessarily cruel.

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Quote: Johnny Shlep

I don't know any Japanese WWII generals but I should imagine they were all short in stature and unnecessarily cruel.

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You forget Jimmy "Origami" Kyushi of Yokohama, who was so tall he had to bend over to fit inside an aeroplane. He was 5ft 10.
They found him still fighting in the jungles of Guam in the mid-1970s, not knowing the war had ended. Soon after they brought him back home, he died of a heart attack when he saw a karaoke machine for the first time. His last words were "please stop the boogie".

5' 10" ??

His mum must have stood him in a pot of Baby Bio when he was a nipper.

Karaoke machines?

I've got one in my front room

Last Saturday night, I started belting out a few 60s classics and the neighbours loved it so much they called the feds so they could have a listen too.

THAT'S MY FINAL WORD ON THIS ONE!

UNLESS I THINK OF ANY MORE GENERALS!

THAT'S MY FINAL WORD ON THIS ONE!

IN ALL PROBABILITY!!!

I like the Frank Carson joke where he says (said?) that when he was a kid they were so poor that his Mam had to get all their clothes from War on Want.

One year he had to go to school dressed as a Japanese Admiral.

Just sayin'.

It was the way he told them.

I love that, that's made my day EQ

I don't care about anyone's final worms.

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Quote: Sir Geoffroy Cockface

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Quote: Johnny Shlep

I don't know any Japanese WWII generals but I should imagine they were all short in stature and unnecessarily cruel.

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You forget Jimmy "Origami" Kyushi of Yokohama, who was so tall he had to bend over to fit inside an aeroplane. He was 5ft 10.
They found him still fighting in the jungles of Guam in the mid-1970s, not knowing the war had ended. Soon after they brought him back home, he died of a heart attack when he saw a karaoke machine for the first time. His last words were "please stop the boogie".

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Jimmy "Origami" Kyushi? Creased me up, that one.

Jungles of Guam? I thought jungles were made out of trees. Isn't Guam a kind of jam or something? It's more likely to be something than a kind of jam. I'll give you that, as the man said, handing a coconut rhinoceros beetle to the traffic warden. A real curse, in Guam, is the coconut rhinoceros beetle. It's the main reason that pop music never took off in Guam. Unlike the US Airforce. Or should that be "on Guam"? I'm never sure with islands. Anyway, The Coconut Rhinoceros Beatles weren't a patch on the Fab Four from Liverpool.

I was in Guam in 1967. Never saw the bastard. Are you sure he was still there?

I was in Guam in 1967. Never saw the bastard. Are you sure he was still there?

Do you claim to do any work on claims?

I’m the last Vietnam War veteran to survive the Poke and Stroke Cabaret in Olongapo, Philippines. They found be in the jungle outside Subic Bay, scratching my nuts, eating a banana and chatting with my monkey buddies. This was nearly 40 years after the war ended.

Dear Sir,

I was just about to disinfect my lungs after listening to Donald Trump when I realised that

1. I had run out of disinfectant after dealing with a capybara infestation
2. Trump is an idiot

I was so deflated.

I wonder: can I make a claim for something? I feel that I am justified, but wouldn't know where to start.

That poor man in the Philippines sounds like he needs help too. Can you help us?

Yours

Jimmy Durante

PS It's my nose's birthday today but I don't feel like celebrating after this disinfectant business!

Erskin, you’re making too much of this disinfectant baloney. Suggest you read some of my early stories about Trump wearing an albino raccoon hairpiece with beady sensor eyes peering out from underneath; an inauguration gift from Vladimir.

Stick to the real news, please.

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Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

I’m the last Vietnam War veteran to survive the Poke and Stroke Cabaret in Olongapo, Philippines. They found be in the jungle outside Subic Bay, scratching my nuts, eating a banana and chatting with my monkey buddies. This was nearly 40 years after the war ended.

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Hahahaha!

Apart from the typos, hilarious!

No Erskine. You’re not making too much of the disinfectant baloney.

It was an incredibly ignorant thing to say. And it was said by the person who would cause the most damage in the world by saying it. Can you imagine the kind of simian creatures who voted for him and will vote for him again?

You mean, like me? How many times do I have to mention that I have twelve f*cking doctorates? If I am so stupid, how do you explain my academic achievement?

By the way, I knew from the very first time I read some of your garbage that you would never amount to a hill of beans.

Come on Billingsgate! Be serious! We’re just fucking around here. The Onion is not interested in much of what is written here. This is not the way many of us make our hill of beans ( except perhaps for Duncan and a very few others ). We’re just fucking around.

And, on a site where we’re just fucking around, where anyone in the world can get published, you get stuff returned because there’s nothing funny about it. As a matter of fact, you get some of your stuff displayed as examples of things that are NOT funny.

How can you criticize anyone else’s efforts?

You should be grateful they let your ornery ass play here.

Come on Billingsgate! Be serious! We’re just fucking around here. The Onion is not interested in much of what is written here. This is not the way many of us make our hill of beans ( except perhaps for Duncan and a very few others ). We’re just fucking around.

And, on a site where we’re just fucking around, where anyone in the world can get published, you get stuff returned because there’s nothing funny about it. As a matter of fact, you get some of your stuff displayed as examples of things that are NOT funny.

How can you criticize anyone else’s efforts?

You should be grateful they let your ornery ass play here.

Even your dog don't like you.