Forum Home / Login / Register

This forum does not allow guest posting. You must register to participate in this forum.

Messages ordered by earliest posts first
All times are GMT

Forum Home / General Discussion / General Discussion


2 Pages - [1] 2 »
AuthorMessage
Johnny Shlep
Deleted
Posted: 21 Sep 19 04:59
Zhukov was ruthless, Rommel was tactically superb, Montogmery was inventive and adored by his men while Patton was an egomaniac prone to recklessness in the face of unlikely odds.


Johnny Shlep
Deleted
Posted: 24 Sep 19 13:15
I don't know any Japanese WWII generals but I should imagine they were all short in stature and unnecessarily cruel.

Sir Geoffroy Cockface
Writer


Registered: 29 Aug 15

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 24 Sep 19 15:37

Quote: Johnny Shlep

I don't know any Japanese WWII generals but I should imagine they were all short in stature and unnecessarily cruel.


You forget Jimmy "Origami" Kyushi of Yokohama, who was so tall he had to bend over to fit inside an aeroplane. He was 5ft 10.
They found him still fighting in the jungles of Guam in the mid-1970s, not knowing the war had ended. Soon after they brought him back home, he died of a heart attack when he saw a karaoke machine for the first time. His last words were "please stop the boogie".


Johnny Shlep
Deleted
Posted: 24 Sep 19 16:24
5' 10" ??

His mum must have stood him in a pot of Baby Bio when he was a nipper.

Karaoke machines?

I've got one in my front room

Last Saturday night, I started belting out a few 60s classics and the neighbours loved it so much they called the feds so they could have a listen too.

Johnny Shlep
Deleted
Posted: 25 Sep 19 05:27
THAT'S MY FINAL WORD ON THIS ONE!

Johnny Shlep
Deleted
Posted: 25 Sep 19 05:28
UNLESS I THINK OF ANY MORE GENERALS!

Johnny Shlep
Deleted
Posted: 25 Sep 19 05:28
THAT'S MY FINAL WORD ON THIS ONE!

Johnny Shlep
Deleted
Posted: 25 Sep 19 05:29
IN ALL PROBABILITY!!!

Erskin Quint
Opium-eater
Erskin Quint

Registered: 15 Oct 07

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 3 Oct 19 17:04
I like the Frank Carson joke where he says (said?) that when he was a kid they were so poor that his Mam had to get all their clothes from War on Want.

One year he had to go to school dressed as a Japanese Admiral.

Just sayin'.

Monkey Woods
Dirty Ape
Monkey Woods

Location: Planet Earth
Registered: 29 Dec 06

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 3 Oct 19 22:10
It was the way he told them.

Mark
Spoofer-in-Chief
Mark

Location: Lancaster, England
Registered: 8 Apr 03

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 4 Oct 19 07:49
I love that, that's made my day EQ

Purple Girl
Writer


Registered: 9 Jun 17

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 5 Oct 19 11:12
I don't care about anyone's final worms.

Erskin Quint
Opium-eater
Erskin Quint

Registered: 15 Oct 07

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 15 Mar 20 23:43 - Edited By: Erskin Quint, 15 Mar 20 23:45

Quote: Sir Geoffroy Cockface


Quote: Johnny Shlep

I don't know any Japanese WWII generals but I should imagine they were all short in stature and unnecessarily cruel.


You forget Jimmy "Origami" Kyushi of Yokohama, who was so tall he had to bend over to fit inside an aeroplane. He was 5ft 10.
They found him still fighting in the jungles of Guam in the mid-1970s, not knowing the war had ended. Soon after they brought him back home, he died of a heart attack when he saw a karaoke machine for the first time. His last words were "please stop the boogie".



Jimmy "Origami" Kyushi? Creased me up, that one.

Jungles of Guam? I thought jungles were made out of trees. Isn't Guam a kind of jam or something? It's more likely to be something than a kind of jam. I'll give you that, as the man said, handing a coconut rhinoceros beetle to the traffic warden. A real curse, in Guam, is the coconut rhinoceros beetle. It's the main reason that pop music never took off in Guam. Unlike the US Airforce. Or should that be "on Guam"? I'm never sure with islands. Anyway, The Coconut Rhinoceros Beatles weren't a patch on the Fab Four from Liverpool.

Dr. Billingsgate
Academic zero, literary hero


Location: Galapagos Islands
Registered: 22 Feb 10

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 15 Mar 20 23:56
I was in Guam in 1967. Never saw the bastard. Are you sure he was still there?

Dr. Billingsgate
Academic zero, literary hero


Location: Galapagos Islands
Registered: 22 Feb 10

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 16 Mar 20 00:10
I was in Guam in 1967. Never saw the bastard. Are you sure he was still there?

Erskin Quint
Opium-eater
Erskin Quint

Registered: 15 Oct 07

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 25 Apr 20 16:42
Do you claim to do any work on claims?

Dr. Billingsgate
Academic zero, literary hero


Location: Galapagos Islands
Registered: 22 Feb 10

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 25 Apr 20 17:04
I’m the last Vietnam War veteran to survive the Poke and Stroke Cabaret in Olongapo, Philippines. They found be in the jungle outside Subic Bay, scratching my nuts, eating a banana and chatting with my monkey buddies. This was nearly 40 years after the war ended.

Erskin Quint
Opium-eater
Erskin Quint

Registered: 15 Oct 07

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 25 Apr 20 18:51
Dear Sir,

I was just about to disinfect my lungs after listening to Donald Trump when I realised that

  1. I had run out of disinfectant after dealing with a capybara infestation
  2. Trump is an idiot


I was so deflated.

I wonder: can I make a claim for something? I feel that I am justified, but wouldn't know where to start.

That poor man in the Philippines sounds like he needs help too. Can you help us?

Yours

Jimmy Durante

PS It's my nose's birthday today but I don't feel like celebrating after this disinfectant business!



Dr. Billingsgate
Academic zero, literary hero


Location: Galapagos Islands
Registered: 22 Feb 10

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 25 Apr 20 23:33
Erskin, you’re making too much of this disinfectant baloney. Suggest you read some of my early stories about Trump wearing an albino raccoon hairpiece with beady sensor eyes peering out from underneath; an inauguration gift from Vladimir.

Stick to the real news, please.


Dewani Unhatched
Writer
Dewani Unhatched

Location: Fort Lauderdale
Registered: 4 Dec 18

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 26 Apr 20 02:16

Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

I’m the last Vietnam War veteran to survive the Poke and Stroke Cabaret in Olongapo, Philippines. They found be in the jungle outside Subic Bay, scratching my nuts, eating a banana and chatting with my monkey buddies. This was nearly 40 years after the war ended.


Hahahaha!

Apart from the typos, hilarious!

Thelonius
Writer


Registered: 7 Dec 11

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 26 Apr 20 02:17
No Erskine. You’re not making too much of the disinfectant baloney.

It was an incredibly ignorant thing to say. And it was said by the person who would cause the most damage in the world by saying it. Can you imagine the kind of simian creatures who voted for him and will vote for him again?

Dr. Billingsgate
Academic zero, literary hero


Location: Galapagos Islands
Registered: 22 Feb 10

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 26 Apr 20 02:43 - Edited By: Dr. Billingsgate, 26 Apr 20 02:49
You mean, like me? How many times do I have to mention that I have twelve f*cking doctorates? If I am so stupid, how do you explain my academic achievement?

By the way, I knew from the very first time I read some of your garbage that you would never amount to a hill of beans.

Thelonius
Writer


Registered: 7 Dec 11

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 26 Apr 20 03:50
Come on Billingsgate! Be serious! We’re just fucking around here. The Onion is not interested in much of what is written here. This is not the way many of us make our hill of beans ( except perhaps for Duncan and a very few others ). We’re just fucking around.

And, on a site where we’re just fucking around, where anyone in the world can get published, you get stuff returned because there’s nothing funny about it. As a matter of fact, you get some of your stuff displayed as examples of things that are NOT funny.

How can you criticize anyone else’s efforts?

You should be grateful they let your ornery ass play here.



Thelonius
Writer


Registered: 7 Dec 11

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 26 Apr 20 04:19
Come on Billingsgate! Be serious! We’re just fucking around here. The Onion is not interested in much of what is written here. This is not the way many of us make our hill of beans ( except perhaps for Duncan and a very few others ). We’re just fucking around.

And, on a site where we’re just fucking around, where anyone in the world can get published, you get stuff returned because there’s nothing funny about it. As a matter of fact, you get some of your stuff displayed as examples of things that are NOT funny.

How can you criticize anyone else’s efforts?

You should be grateful they let your ornery ass play here.



Dr. Billingsgate
Academic zero, literary hero


Location: Galapagos Islands
Registered: 22 Feb 10

Forum Profile
Writer's Profile
Posted: 26 Apr 20 13:57
Even your dog don't like you.


2 Pages - [1] 2 »
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

Go to top

Forum permissions

You are not logged in.

  • You cannot create new topics in this forum
  • You cannot post new messages in this forum
  • You cannot add polls
  • You cannot link to external images in this forum
  • You cannot upload images in this forum
  • You cannot upload files in this forum
Who is online?

There is 1 registered user currently online: none are active , 1 is currently inactive .

Users online:

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more