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Dr. Billingsgate
Academic zero, literary hero


Location: Galapagos Islands
Registered: 22 Feb 10

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Posted: 19 Aug 19 16:34
My most recent post has been pending approval for two days. All I see are Maguire, Maguire and more Maguire. What’s happening at headquarters?

I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.
Michael Sienicki
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Registered: 23 Jul 18

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Posted: 19 Aug 19 17:18
I just approved a number of stories. Not sure if any of them were yours, but check and see. I'm still waiting for one of mine to be approved as well.

Ask me about my herpes.
queen mudder
Spoof Queen
queen mudder

Location: london and nyc
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Posted: 19 Aug 19 18:02 - Edited By: queen mudder, 19 Aug 19 18:07
Bloody harry maguire, must be something a bit more interesting to bore the pants off the readership

Gravity is a myth, the earth sux?
Dr. Billingsgate
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Posted: 19 Aug 19 19:48

Quote: queen mudder

Bloody harry maguire, must be something a bit more interesting to bore the pants off the readership


I agree. Who reads that offal? My pending approval:

“Hannibal Lector Scores New Epstein Lampshade: Where’s The Meat” is a blockbuster. It might be too controversial in England because Prince Andrew is mentioned.

Otherwise, it meets all current literary standards of TheSpoof.

I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.
Dr. Billingsgate
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Posted: 19 Aug 19 20:04

Quote: queen mudder

Bloody harry maguire, must be something a bit more interesting to bore the pants off the readership


I agree. Who reads that offal? My pending approval:

“Hannibal Lector Scores New Epstein Lampshade: Where’s The Meat” is a blockbuster. It might be too controversial in England because Prince Andrew is mentioned.

Otherwise, it meets all current literary standards of TheSpoof.

I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.
Michael Sienicki
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Posted: 19 Aug 19 20:34
I believe that was one of the number of pieces I approved, if memory serves me right. I checked the approval center again and there's nothing pending at the moment.

Ask me about my herpes.
queen mudder
Spoof Queen
queen mudder

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Posted: 19 Aug 19 20:41 - Edited By: queen mudder, 19 Aug 19 20:43
Still cannot approve anything because some sort of glitch prevents me from doing so.

Nearly six months since I was able to contribute via Approvals.

Can see NINE items in Approvals Box, first one dated 13 August.

Duh.

Gravity is a myth, the earth sux?
Dr. Billingsgate
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Location: Galapagos Islands
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Posted: 19 Aug 19 20:47
Just checked. Still not approved.

I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.
queen mudder
Spoof Queen
queen mudder

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Posted: 19 Aug 19 20:58 - Edited By: queen mudder, 19 Aug 19 20:59
Being locked out from Approvals, I cannot bump up your Hannibal Lecter and out into the wide outside.

So gave it 5* instead, Dr B

qm

Gravity is a myth, the earth sux?
Dr. Billingsgate
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Posted: 19 Aug 19 21:32
It does not appear on the current approval list. I have no idea what has happened to it. Probably buried in some Harry Maguire graveyard. WTF is going on? I thought Monkey Woods was responsible for my approvals. I have been writing since 2010. Why does my stuff have to go through some bogus approval protocol? I have never had a story rejected. This never happens in America.

I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.
Dr. Billingsgate
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Posted: 19 Aug 19 21:39
Never mind. I just submitted story to The Onion.. The editor said it could possibly be submitted for Pulitzer Prize consideration.

Sorry. If you snooze you lose.

I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.
queen mudder
Spoof Queen
queen mudder

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Posted: 19 Aug 19 21:43
Approvals still a fathomless pit of inaccessibility.

Having been a writer here since 2004 I am used to the odd glitch or two.

This latest one takes the proverbial biscuit however.

Feel powerless to help in the quagmire of uncertainty, Spoof cyberspace has me flummoxed.



Gravity is a myth, the earth sux?
Dr. Billingsgate
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Posted: 19 Aug 19 21:48
Where’s Mark? My story will be colder than Jeffrey Epstein’s dick.

I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.
Dr. Billingsgate
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Posted: 20 Aug 19 01:11
Still not approved. WHAT IS GOING ON?

I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.
Dr. Billingsgate
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Posted: 20 Aug 19 01:25
Wake up, you limey bastards. I need someone to approve my story.

I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.
Johnny Shlep
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Location: London, United Kingdom
Registered: 12 Feb 18

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Posted: 20 Aug 19 01:38
BREAKING: Spoof to be rebranded: The Harry Maguire Bugle Incorporating Harry Maguire's Gardening Tips Monthly.

Dr. Billingsgate
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Posted: 20 Aug 19 03:01
Is there some way to find out if Monkey Woods pulled off a coup and somehow wrestled control of The Spoof from Mark? This f**king Harry Maguire bullshit didn’t happen in a vacuum. Just follow the money. Someone is making dough off this, and it ain’t me.

I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.
Michael Sienicki
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Posted: 20 Aug 19 03:13
Just checked the approval center again and the story isn't there. Maybe us folks in the states aren't allowed to approve UK stories because [insert Trump joke here]. Wish I could help buddy. The anticipation to read your piece has now become unbearable. BURN IT ALL DOWN!!

Ask me about my herpes.
Dr. Billingsgate
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Posted: 20 Aug 19 06:52
It’s a US story. Where did it go?

I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.
Michael Sienicki
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Posted: 20 Aug 19 07:21
Well I'm just as lost as you are. My story is still unpublished as well. Perhaps if we make a flag and scream for justice we'll finally get some answers. We should have a chant though...

Ask me about my herpes.
Mark
Spoofer-in-Chief
Mark

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Posted: 20 Aug 19 10:44
So sorry for the delays all.

I am okay, no need for concern, but I'm afraid I've not been able to check in with The Spoof for the past few days.

I have approved all awaiting stories now.

It's a quirk of the automated selection process that popular stories get promoted on the homepage over others. I'll need to work on that to try and balance the selection more when this sort of thing occurs, it does look quite odd to have so many stories on the same subject appearing on the front page.

Apologies again to anyone inconvenienced by my absence.

Spoofing all over the world
Johnny Shlep
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Location: London, United Kingdom
Registered: 12 Feb 18

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Posted: 20 Aug 19 11:59
Firstly, I'm glad you're ok

Secondly, as well as sorting out this farcical Harry bastard Maguire shitshow, it would be rather jolly if contributors were given a fairer crack of the whip vis a vis front page exposure.

At present, all 5 pieces of the fp are from the same individual. Not a particularly singular occurrence either, I have observed.

Now I don't give a monkeys (see what I just did?) because I have many outlets foolish enough to publish my copy, some even hand out pecuniary gratuities believe it or not.

However, I can see why the natives here are a little restless at present, tbh.

Anyway, who am I to question the status quo? (I always found their guitar riffs a tad repetitive tbh)

Have a fantastic day and try not to think about Brexit too much.

Regards

Johnny



Dr. Billingsgate
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Posted: 20 Aug 19 12:34
Thanks Mark. I suggest that if the same subject by the same author dominates the headlines for two weeks, there might be reason to question the fairness of the system.

Best,

Dr. B

I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.
Monkey Woods
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Posted: 20 Aug 19 15:58
I've been 'on the road' to England since Saturday evening, and unable to access the internet. I did mention it to Mark, but he's busy, so it probably slipped his mind.

As far as Harry Maguire goes, shit sells, and so that was the shit I was selling last week. Sorry if it wasn't your cup of tea. As for what appears on the front page, Johnny, that's already been explained a couple of times by Mark. Everyone gets a fair crack of the whip.

My attendance here will be sporadic for the next three weeks, so I apologise for that now.

To have ambitions, was my ambition
Mark
Spoofer-in-Chief
Mark

Location: Lancaster, England
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Posted: 20 Aug 19 16:52
I understand your frustration Dr B.

The selection process is there to showcase what's supposed to be the most popular stories on The Spoof, with the expectation that what's most popular is intended to appeal to the widest audience, which should attract the most readers. Put the good stuff in the window to get the people in the door.

It usually works, but I know it's vulnerable to being gamed.

I think it's important to highlight that the front page comprises a tiny percentage of page views overall, fewer still are from people who are first visiting The Spoof. However, the front page still is regularly one of the most viewed individual pages on the site, so it's an important asset.

I don't like how one popular topic can dominate the front page because the lack of variety is a big turn off - whatever the topic. Even if it's something you're really interested in, you don't expect the majority of stories on the front page of a magazine website to be all on the same subject.

That's why I proposed a mechanism to balance the stories by topic.

I feel it would promote some level of fairness insofar as in the case where one writer writes prolifically on one popular subject, the front page wouldn't be dominated by those articles. In the case where more than one writer is targeting a popular topic, it would allow them to battle to be showcased on the front page.

It wouldn't interfere with the exposure of their individual articles though as the popular stories aren't made popular by being on the front page, it's social networking, news aggregators, and search which drive that.

This wouldn't resolve the issue of the writers who write many popular stories per day having a greater chance of occupying a spot on the front page, but I'm not sure how to balance that in a way which is fair for all.

Spoofing all over the world

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Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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