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Sir Geoffroy Cockface
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Registered: 29 Aug 15

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Posted: 23 Nov 18 16:30
Black Friday is perhaps the most poignant day of Black History Month, when we remember how everyone is now a slave to consumerism.

Erskin Quint
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Erskin Quint

Registered: 15 Oct 07

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Posted: 29 Nov 18 12:10
Cyber Man Day is an odd one. Why don't the Daleks get their own day?

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Sir Geoffroy Cockface
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Posted: 29 Nov 18 18:04

Quote: Erskin Quint

Cyber Man Day is an odd one. Why don't the Daleks get their own day?


I assume you haven't heard of "Day of the Daleks"?

Erskin Quint
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Erskin Quint

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Posted: 29 Nov 18 18:49
Yes but that's a silly TV program. The Daleks don't actually get a day like Cyber Man Day.

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Sir Geoffroy Cockface
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Posted: 29 Nov 18 18:53 - Edited By: Sir Geoffroy Cockface, 29 Nov 18 18:56
Erskin Quint
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Erskin Quint

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Posted: 30 Nov 18 11:33
Dear Mrs Clockface

No, that's not quite right.


That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.


What you have got hold of there is another silly thing that childish people have invented to do with Dr Who, a silly TV program.

Also, you are unfortunate in your choice of example, as it appears to have been written by an idiot, or an illiterate machine of some kind, eg:


Most people don’t know this, but the Dalek’s were inspired by and fashioned after the Nazi’s of Third Reich Germany. They’re strong believers that everything not a Dalek is an inferior race, and are fashioned out to be the master race by their creator Davros.


If you were to read my earlier missive, you might discover that I said:


Cyber Man Day is an odd one. Why don't the Daleks get their own day?


I think you will find that the Daleks have never got their own day. An invented day made up by Dr Who fans is hardly a Day to compare with Cyber Man Day, when the attempts by humans to upgrade themselves via technology are celebrated by platoons of proud Cyber Men.

My reference to Daleks may have been ironic, in that the Daleks are already machines, or it may not. Who can tell?

The reference to the "Nazi's" in your example is interesting, however, and very much to the point in these discussions.


Anyway, a girl must dash. Wounded soldiers to treat and a ravenous pet owl to feed. It's all go for a pioneer of modern nursing!

Yours,

Flo Nightingale,
Crimea




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Sir Geoffroy Cockface
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Posted: 30 Nov 18 17:43
Dear Mrs Benjamin,

Surely all national days are childish inventions. I mean, who celebrates Christmas anyway.

I do hope the Daleks will get their day some day, but perhaps they could be given a minute instead. At 11:34 each morning we could all strap a sink plunger to the chest and yell 'Exterminate' enthusiastically while considering the horror of being a slime brain strapped inside a death machine and failing to be able to use stairs.

This girl must DASH also, that is Daleks Also Suffering Herpes, one of my favourite charities.

Not yours, keep your hands off you filthy slag,

Vladimir Putin,
Moscow


Erskin Quint
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Posted: 30 Nov 18 21:16
Dear Msr Rockface


while considering the horror of being a slime brain strapped inside a death machine and failing to be able to use stairs.



My life already!


yours etc,


The Venerable Bede (Retired)



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Sir Geoffroy Cockface
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Posted: 1 Dec 18 00:04
Dear Mr Bede,

I enjoyed very much your Ecclesiastical History of the English People, although I thought the ending was a bit of an anticlimax. Perhaps you could take a leaf from Dan Brown, and add more monk-torture and beheaded nuns. Also try to make your mind up about when Easter fucking is! We have eggs to paint.

I am sorry to hear that your slime brain has been trapped in a death machine. I do hope that you can call a plumber soonishly.

Yours,

Her Majesty Queen Vaseline,
The Republic of Lube


Erskin Quint
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Erskin Quint

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Posted: 1 Dec 18 20:18 - Edited By: Erskin Quint, 1 Dec 18 20:18
Dear Queen of Lube

thank you for your letter which I have committed to the flames.

Please refrain from writing any more letters.

I am very busy and to make matters worse, we are running short of candles and quills, so I haven't got the resources to waste on writing replies to all the cranks what have been writing to me since I done the history book. I wish I had never of done the bleedin thing now and should of stuck to the butchery trade, at least that was a steady income.

yours


Ven. Bede
121b Railway Sidings
Khartoum


PS I don't live in Khartoum, I am just disguising my address to keep the loonies from writing.

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Sir Geoffroy Cockface
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Posted: 6 Dec 18 00:16
Dear Mr Bede,

I hope this letter finds you well.

I should inform you that for the last seven years I have been running a segment in esteemed publication Readers’ Wives called “Ask Bede”. For this, I simply forward readers’ letters (and their wives’) to you, and then publish your often hilarious responses. It is a popular column, and I’m sure you know how hard it can be to maintain a column in Readers’ Wives.

Geoff Fnarrquhar,
Readers’ Wives Editor,
Chichester (not that one),
Uranus


Erskin Quint
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Posted: 8 Dec 18 15:42
Dear Mr Farquhar

Now I know why all the monks keep giggling and asking me for advice on masturbation and talking about "sticky pages" whenever I visit Lindisfarne.

You naughty Farquhar.

You can expect to hear from my solicitors Quandary, Quandary, Nostrum, Buntyboy, Robinson, Jounce, Codfather, Nonce, Whelkenuncle, Jiddering, Jiddering, Jiddering and Milkingstoole in the near future.

yours

Ven Bede.


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