Discussion Forum

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Sheffield topiarist 'disgusted by drunk hedge sex'

A topiarist says he is having to make regular repairs to his hedge due to drunk people pretending to have sex with it.

"They're climbing on top of her and pulling her legs apart - you know, it's disgusting," he said.

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Google wouldn't approve.

Good grief, she could be a right little earner for him! He needs to put a little donations tin on the wall.

Takes tree-hugging to new depths.

How can they? The face is very sinister, like a green leafy monkey.

Sexuality is a queer business. A blind biological imperative which, when mixed with the chaos of the human psyche - and a cocktail of strong drugs - gives us the topiary sex-symbol.

Carina has hit upon something. One could create a topiary brothel and make a fortune in Sheffield. There's a story here if anyone can be bothered/find the time.

He could branch out.

Not sure who to "root" for here....

Years from now, "Your Daddy was a sap!"

"Sorry kid Im not really your father I wuz grafted."

If they would add some poison ivy then small medical dispensary could be built to treat itchy privits...hedges too.

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Quote: JinoLeFeeto

"Sorry kid Im not really your father I wuz grafted."

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Brings a whole new meaning to the term "hard graft".