Forum Home / Login / Register

This forum does not allow guest posting. You must register to participate in this forum.

Messages ordered by earliest posts first
All times are GMT

Forum Home / General Discussion / Football


[This topic is LOCKED]

AuthorMessage
Erskin Quint
This user is offline Opium-eater
Erskin Quint

Registered: 15 Oct 07

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 6 Feb 18 21:33 - Edited By: Erskin Quint, 6 Feb 18 21:34
Football would be more entertaining if they replaced the 'l' in goal with a 't'.**

Goatkeeper. A great goat, a spectacular goat, an own goat.

The goatkeeper's jersey. A goat kick. The goat line. The goatscorer.

Goat difference, eg Chesterfield are above Port Vale on goat difference.

Barrow beat Wrexham by three goats to two.

Good grief! Jenkins thunders a shot against the goatpost!

It's goats that count.

And so on.

** Or replaced the 't' in foot with an 'l'. Foolball anyone?

SERIOUS ABOUT DRIVEL
Jaggedone
This user is offline Warning: Sharp edges
Jaggedone

Location: Back under the bridge!
Registered: 8 Apr 09

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Email
 Website
Posted: 7 Feb 18 09:01
The Flat Cap Army has been replaced by the Fat Cat Army in the Premier League, and footy, once the sport of the working class, has become the sport of elitist scumbags scavenging off our love of the game...

It is astonishing that working class people still flock to see this elitist, multi-millionaire freak show, where the financial SKY is the limit for kicking a fucking ball for 90 minutes!

I have developed a "love-hate" relationship to the game because I'm too fucking old to stop watching the over-hyped crap that modern day players produce! I feel like I'm a hooked junkie!

EQ, watching a bunch of mountain goats clinging to a cliff edge can be more entertaining sometimes...And more therapeutic...


Nutters United...
Erskin Quint
This user is offline Opium-eater
Erskin Quint

Registered: 15 Oct 07

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 7 Feb 18 20:18
Why not watch grass roots football, sorry, foolball.


Quote: Jaggedone

The Flat Cap Army has been replaced by the Fat Cat Army in the Premier League, and footy, once the sport of the working class, has become the sport of elitist scumbags scavenging off our love of the game...

It is astonishing that working class people still flock to see this elitist, multi-millionaire freak show, where the financial SKY is the limit for kicking a fucking ball for 90 minutes!

I have developed a "love-hate" relationship to the game because I'm too fucking old to stop watching the over-hyped crap that modern day players produce! I feel like I'm a hooked junkie!

EQ, watching a bunch of mountain goats clinging to a cliff edge can be more entertaining sometimes...And more therapeutic...


SERIOUS ABOUT DRIVEL
Sir Geoffroy Cockface
This user is offline Writer


Registered: 29 Aug 15

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 7 Feb 18 21:07
Grass roots football is where a set of footballers smoke weed while trying to calculate the square roots of various randomly generated numbers, with the winner being the one to get the most correct.

It would revolutionise the game, that's for sure.


Erskin Quint
This user is offline Opium-eater
Erskin Quint

Registered: 15 Oct 07

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 10 Feb 18 18:52
Of course they have walking football now.

Now if that were to be adopted professionally worldwide, that would be quite something.

At present, it's only the English team that plays it.

SERIOUS ABOUT DRIVEL
Jaggedone
This user is offline Warning: Sharp edges
Jaggedone

Location: Back under the bridge!
Registered: 8 Apr 09

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Email
 Website
Posted: 11 Feb 18 13:33
A foot in the mouth is worth a kick in the balls

A SOCK in the mouth is worth 'Er in the bath

Confucius said

Nutters United...
Monkey Woods
This user is offline Dirty Ape
Monkey Woods

Location: Battambang
Registered: 29 Dec 06

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Email
Posted: 14 Feb 18 04:40 - Edited By: Monkey Woods, 14 Feb 18 04:42
"Jumpers for goatposts."

"And, I don't know what you think, Brian, but that third goat was really something special."

"Chelsea in full flow now, and bearing down on the Burnley goat."


Yes, I see how this could work...

To have ambitions, was my ambition
Erskin Quint
This user is offline Opium-eater
Erskin Quint

Registered: 15 Oct 07

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 14 Feb 18 20:01 - Edited By: Erskin Quint, 14 Feb 18 20:06
Some wonderful goats to enjoy there, Gary. Very much so, in fact.

And now back to tonight's match, with the Aris Salonika goatkeeper keeping Bayern at bay almost single-handedly, as his team cling on to their slender single-goat advantage.

And let's not forget that Aris still hold that precious away goat.

Yes indeed. Mind you, it might have been a different story if Robben hadn't spurned that second-minute open goat, Alan. The goat was gaping. Oh yes indeed.


Quote: Monkey Woods

"Jumpers for goatposts."

"And, I don't know what you think, Brian, but that third goat was really something special."

"Chelsea in full flow now, and bearing down on the Burnley goat."


Yes, I see how this could work...


SERIOUS ABOUT DRIVEL
Jaggedone
This user is offline Warning: Sharp edges
Jaggedone

Location: Back under the bridge!
Registered: 8 Apr 09

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Email
 Website
Posted: 15 Feb 18 07:58
I feel the need to inform the RSPCA of this despicable usage of goats being booted at during footy games...

Nutters United...
Sir Geoffroy Cockface
This user is offline Writer


Registered: 29 Aug 15

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 15 Feb 18 15:36
He's hoofed that goat from the edge of his own goat area.

Remember, it's the team with the most goats that wins.

I've never seen a goat come so soon after such bad play, he was dribbling all over the place.


Monkey Woods
This user is offline Dirty Ape
Monkey Woods

Location: Battambang
Registered: 29 Dec 06

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Email
Posted: 16 Feb 18 08:18
And, of course, the inevitable:

"It only takes a second to score a goat."

To have ambitions, was my ambition

 
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

Go to top

Forum permissions

You are not logged in.

  • You cannot create new topics in this forum
  • You cannot post new messages in this forum
  • You cannot add polls
  • You cannot link to external images in this forum
  • You cannot upload images in this forum
  • You cannot upload files in this forum
Who is online?

There are 2 registered users currently online: 2 are active , none are currently inactive .

Users online:

Featured writer
Zabdgrov667
Zabdgrov667
Joined: 09 July 2009
Stories Written: 57
Go to top
77 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more