Caption Competition

Getting tired yet?

Not hardly!

Keep on running...

...keep on hiding

That's Left-Right-Left!

Oh No. No military crap here!

"Your father was there when you left! Sound off!

Nope. I'm civilian!

Look at me, I look like a spider!

Maker must have been higher than a kite!

High on GLUE you mean.

I'm glued to your every word. Except those old marching numbers!

Ain't no use in going home, Jody's got your girl and gone!

Have to admit it's catchy!

Sound off!

One-Two, Three-Four!

Now you're into it.

Yeah, but we're jogging not marching.

Mark finally changed us from the Meerkats?

But we're made of Meerkat leather!

Wuss!

Nazi!

You know, we really don't have much of an ass.

That's why we're jogging alone.

You know, we really don't have much of an ass.

Our tits ain't much to talk about either.

What kind of music are we listening to on the walkman?

You probably wish it was "sole" music.

How many pounds do we need to lose until we have a nice ass?

We'll be in this park longer than the meerkats!

I thought that the rule was "no fat chicks in Lycra?"

That's why this one is trying to get skinny.

Hey, you told me that I stepped on a piece of gum!

I'm just trying out my new April Fool's jokes.

I'm up to seventy five ants squished today.

Yeah, but I've got five roaches, a beetle, a ladybug, and a dog turd.

Do you think we'd look cooler if we had a swoosh?

I think we'd look cooler if our runner had a nice ass.

How many miles do you think we'll have to jog today?

Look at the ass; we need about 85, but will be lucky to make 1/4th.

These sweat socks make my padding smell bad after jogging.

Yeah, and the sock in me has a hole in it.

Do you think we're jogging in this park to pick up chicks?

Chickes? This fat ass can barely pick up his feet.

Montzuma Two-Step!

Double-Time!

Watch out, there's a curve coming up ahead.

On the track, or a nice one on a lady jogger?

Not whatsa matter?

DOG SHIT! Why do they let them in the park?

Why don't we jog in the grass? It's easier on our knees and ankles.

Yeah, but there's broken bottles and dog turds hidden on the lawn.

Close encounters of the turd kind?

Oh, shaddup!

Wearing allblack while jogging in summer. This guy think he's Zorro?

No, probably some kind of Twilight vampire.

Do you think we'll be up here four weeks like the Meerkats?

If we have to jog four weeks, we'll wear the rubber off our feet.

I think I got a clown shoe pregnant.

They say that all the time. Like the thyroid thing. They're obese!

I wonder if this guy is in training to run a marathon?

No, maybe he's in training to climb one flight of stairs without panting.

This has got to be a girl jogger. No guy would wear shoes this color.

Oh No! We may be on the feet of a faggot!

Shoe fly, don't bother Me!

I'd rather hear the marches.

This has got to be a girl jogger. No guy would wear shoes this color.

Yes, but look how we match the pattern on the knees.

This has got to be a girl jogger. No guy would wear shoes this color.

...and no girl would ever let her ass look that bad.

Everybody hitting this new pic, we'll cross wires all morning.

Just don't mention, "meerkats".

This has got to be a girl jogger. No guy would wear shoes this color.

Yes, it's a girl. She's ready to not wear white after Labor Day.

Your laces aren't tied.

That's because I have velcro, you idiot! I don't have laces.

How about a date?

Do you give tongue?

Do you think we're jogging just to try to pick up chicks in this park?

Pick up? No. I think we're stalking them.

Damn, Bureau just made a "tongue" joke.

Don't worry, there will be lots of time for other tongue puns.

In the army, this is a part of Basic training.

But for shoes, they call this "asic" training.

Look at the numbers go!

We're running amuk!

I saw you flirting with that other left tennis shoe in the closet.

Yeah! She let me squeeze her pumps.

I saw you flirting with that other left tennis shoe in the closet.

You mean the one with the really long tongue?

I saw you flirting with that other left tennis shoe in the closet.

Yep, she actually shaves her reebox.

So who are we on, Steppenwolf?

Steppinshit over here.

I saw you flirting with that other left tennis shoe in the closet.

Yeah, but you had that shoe horn in you for hours.

I saw you flirting with that other left tennis shoe in the closet.

Tennis shoe? I was talking with the rubbers.

I saw you flirting with that other left tennis shoe in the closet.

She's really "instep

I saw you flirting with that other left tennis shoe in the closet.

What do you expect with a girl named "Lacey?"

Do you think we'll run a marathon today?

We'll run at least that if we're here as long as the Meerkats were.

What's your favorite cartoon show?

We're shoes! Of course it's Wallace and Grommit!

If you don't move over to the right, I'm going to be in the grass soon.

I'm trying to get you to trip on a sprinkler head.

How come you aren't saying anything about Punk Rock bands?

Because we haven't run out of ideas yet.

I still say that we're trying to get in shape for our health.

...and I say that we're just trying to get a better looking ass.

At least we've covered up and aren't in shorty shorts today.

Yes, but it's still a cottage cheese ass in Lycra.

Is this guy always on "The road less taken?"

He's running at The Four Corners Marathon next!

That's in Navajo Country.

Ya-ho tay !

Do you think people calling us fatass are being nice?

No, they're being heels.

How come you're not getting all tired and sweaty?

It's because I'm jelling!

Why do you get Dr. Scholl's inserts and I don't

It's because your on the left and want to wear Birkenstocks.

You righties are just so ancient with your conservative crap.

You lefties are just scared we're taking back Congress.

You know, I haven't seen our owner's face in months.

I saw both of his chins in the mirror last week. Not pleasant.

I wonder if Lowton took this picture because he likes the jogger?

Sure, Lowton always did have a thing for a fat, shapeless ass.

Is this what they mean by "pounding the pavement."

No, and this also isn't what they mean when they say "the runs."

It's embarrassing running on a fat ass like this.

Yeah, but at least fatso isn't wearing a sissy fanny pack.

Where do you think we're running to?

Look at the size of the ass! Probably a hot dog stand somewhere.

Do these socks make my butt look fat?

Everything makes that butt look fat...it is!

It doesn't take as long for the captions to load up now.

Yep, it's moving about as fast as we are!

It stinks when we get those sweat socks crammed inside of us.

Yeah, but it stinks more when this fat guy takes off the lycra suit!

I wonder if this guy has ever considered buying Odor Eaters?

No, they'd probably make his sweaty ass disappear.

Do you think this guy would be like the wicked witch with odor eaters?

He stinks, but they wouldn't make him melt.

I'm embarrassed having to run on a fat ass like this.

I'm embarrassed just by our color. Powder blue! How gay!

Which command was he trying to teach his dog this week?

Heel

What song is fatso listening to on his Walkman?

Sole Man?

What movie are we going to see tonight?

The Running Man?

What movie did you see at the classic theatre last week?

Marathon Man

What song is fatso listening to on his Walkman?

Band on the Run

What song is fatso listening to on his Walkman?

It's a fox trot

What song is fatso listening to on his Walkman?

Who let the Jogs out?

How many laps you think we'll do today?

It kind of looks to me like we're just standing in place. What laps?

Do you think the Meerkats are upset they aren't here?

Guard duty for a month? They're asleep.

Did you hear the galoshes quit using birth control?

The rubbers threw away their rubbers?

How come we're jogging? We're supposed to be tennis shoes!

No, we do everything. We're cross trainers.

I wonder what this lard butt is in training for?

the buffet?

Look! There's a pair of shoes on those electric wires?

They probably didn't help their jogger lose weight fast enough.

Look! There's a pair of shoes on those electric wires?

Last year's models

Look! There's a pair of shoes on those electric wires?

Funny, but they're always tied. You never see velcro shoes up there.

Look! There's a pair of shoes on those electric wires?

I'll bet the kid was thrown in his locker and got a wedgie too.

Look at that low class jogger up ahead.

Ignore them. Foot Locker shoes like us don't talk to Kmart specials.

We're lucky that we got purchased at the Foot Locker.

Yep! $100 a pair, and not even on the clearance table.

It's a bragging point to say that we were bought at Foot Locker!

You make us sound like a high priced call girl.

What happened to this girl's old running shoes?

They got stabbed in his closet by a jealous pair of stilletto heels.

I saw that you had a premature ejaculation problem yesterday

That wasn't P.E., that was shoe goo to fix a rip.

Wow, only up for a few hours and we almost made 100 captions.

Yep, only 16 days at this rate to beat the Meerkats.

Why couldn't we be on a hot girl or a skank like Lindsay Lohan?

You just want to try and look up her skirt.

I saw that one pair of athletic shoes worn with a dress and pearls.

Yep, I guess the cross trainers are also cross dressers.

I wonder why Lowton finally changed our picture?

Maybe he wanted to show everyone his ass without the mustache.

I think that you're an old piece of cow leather!

Don't be a heel.

You want to go out tonight?

You kidding. It would take a shoe horn to get me out of that closet.

I got a tongue longer than Gene Simmons.

You got a smell worse than Richard Simmons!

I think I really put my foot in it that time.

Smells like it.

You want to run around the house after dark, scaring him?

Yeah. The cops will be furious.

I bet he lifts you up next.

Oh GOD! How long is it before you realise what's going on?!

I bet if we could get someone to throw us at Obama, we'd get some cash.

I'd be willing to try, as long as no strings are attached.

Foot Stomping Flasher Ahead!

Good. He's on YOUR side!

This guy is a slob.

Yeah. He pissed on me last night too.

Have you ever actually had a cat get your tongue

No, but the dog tends to chew it up.

What do you think of the laces going through the hold in your tongue.

Makes me feel all tongue tied.

I wish we had no rubber and were made of pure leather.

Why, so we could be the famous blue suede shoes?

How come we had to come out jogging this morning?

Because we're not loafers.

Why wouldn't that dog shut up when I told him to be quiet?

Because we're not hush puppies!

I'd like to be on a cute little kid instead of a fat old jogger.

Yes, but we're not keds.

We can run like the wind, but we can't fly.

That's because we're not wing tips.

Have you ever felt run down?

You always say that when I'm the one on the ground.

How come you never lose your balance?

Because I'm not a slipper.

I'd hate to be a politician's shoe.

Yep, they've always got their feet in their mouth.

I hate it when I get a rock inside of me.

We all know you love to get your rocks off.

Did you hear that Rosie O'Donnell got some new sneakers?

Sneakers? I thought Rosie only wore horse shoes!

I'm a EE!

That means something in bra sizes, but not so much in shoes.

One of my feet has a corn and I'm irritating it really bad.

Well, one of my toes is ingrown, and it's getting pus all over me.

I think this guy is going to get calluses.

Instead of running his fat ass off, he's going to run his feet off.

This guy has six toes on his left foot.

He's only got four on the right, so I guess he comes out even.

How come you didn't want to stay in the closet last night?

There were a pair of crocs in the corner.

Why didn't you want a peanut butter sandwich for lunch?

I was worried about what happened to the jellies.

What kind of shoes does a politician wear?

Most of them go with flip flops.

Have you ever run on the beach?

I thought that was what "sand"els were for.

So why do you think socks go to hell?

Because they don't have a sole.

Do you think Lady Godiva will come back and write captions for us?

Depends. Did she wear shoes when riding her horse naked?

I hope he washes us tonight.

At Least wash his feet. Toe jam, may the socks preserve us.

You know what would be nice?

Silence?

I wonder if not having meerkats will chase people away from here.

No, but the fat ass on the jogger just might.

No. If we got ourselves pierced?

How?

I wonder if Lowton is ever going to let anyone see the jogger's face.

Probably not, if it's as ugly as the fat ass.

We could get taps on our toes.

They're be blowing taps for this guy's toes.

Lowton spelled it wrong. We're actually shoes with "soles."

I think soul was supposed to be a play on words because we talk.

People think that shoes can't talk?

Of course we can! That's why we have tongues.

Wow,Turdblossom is letting J-man write a caption for us shoes.

Yeah, J-man has to write at least once a month to stay on the charts

J-man and Turdblossom are done. Bureau can take over now.

Must be time for lunch.

What are you having for lunch?

I was thinking about fillet of sole.

I wonder how come we aren't talking with the Lycra pants?

Are you kidding? Not even a fart could sneak out of those fat pants.

I wonder if this jogger isn't secretly The Flash?

More likely The Flasher.

Wow, we're in the same spot as Hilter, the Queen, Einstein.....

...and Timon.

At least this guy isn't wearing dorky looking white socks.

...and powder blue gay looking shoes isn't dorky enough for you?

My mother told me that I should keep myself in shape by exercising daily.

So how do you explain being bought by blubber butt?

To quote an old tv commercial "It's gotta be the shoes!"

I agree 100%... "It's gotta be the right shoe!"

How come we couldn't be the shoes of some cute cheerleader?

You'd do anything to get into that locker room, wouldn't you?

I hate it when I get off on the wrong foot.

"Said the guy with the foot fetish!"

I really wanted to be a cheerleader's shoe.

Get your tongue back inside. You're drooling and it looks gross.

I really wanted to be a cheerleader's shoes.

I'd rather have my leather be the glove of the one lifting the girl.

At least we're not basketball shoes in the WNBA!

I think you'd find the missing link with those ugly looking women.

We could be the shoes of the East German Women's Olympic Team.

Yeah, their hair would fall all over us when they shaved.

Whew I was afraid we would wind up on Larry Craig.

Spend half our time taping foots in bathroom stalls

I didn't believe that guy at the party, did you?

The one who claimed to be a cousin to the shoe thrown at Bush? No!

How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?

My socks feel so exposed!

My favorite song? I don't know.

Never Heard of it. I liked Sole Finger!

How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?

I'm afraid of cancer from all those x-rays.

How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?

It's only bad when my socks have a hole in them.

How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?

I'm uncomfortable about the foot fetishists

I mean I hadn't a favorite. Maybe, A Heart Full Of Sole?

How about "Soleful Strut?" Sounds like Bigass here.

How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?

It's okay if I get to snuggle up against a pair of high heels.

How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?

I just wish there had been a "bra bomber"

How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?

Why didn't they react the same to the underwear bomber?

"I Still Got Some Sand In My Shoes".

"These Shoes Were Made For Walking?"

That was Boots! Boots!

OK OK! These Shoes Were Made For Boots", Happy now?

How do you feel about getting taken off at airports?

Their floors are always cold and get my socks dirty.

What's your favorite saying?

If the shoe fits, wear it!

I'd rather run to work than ride in a Chevy Volt.

With only 40 miles to a charge, whoever buys one will be running.

Did you hear about the running back who tore his ACLU?

Must have been in his left leg.

How long do you think Lowton will leave the shoes running?

Four weeks, unless we run out of steam earlier.

Turdblossom must have missed doing captions to write so many today.

He said that he got tired of beating a dead Meerkat.

We've been out jogging for about nine hours.

I think we'll wear out the treads on our shoes before we're done.

If Gypsy Rose Lee had bells on her toes, how'd she get shoes on?

Not everyone wears shoes, you moron.

If Shoeless Joe Jackson played baseball today, would he wear us?

Pay him 3 million and he'd wear high heels and a push up bra.

What kind of shoes did they wear in Barefoot in the Park?

The ones that go with a birthday suit.

Can a surf boarder hang ten and still wear shoes?

Only if they have individual toe sections.

I wish I could make a pattern like a waffle stomper.

You're a shoe, not a boot.

When I grow up, I want to be in the rodeo.

Funny, but I've never seen a Cowboy in tennis boots.

Who was the co-star in "The Man With One Red Shoe?"

I don't know... maybe his sock?

Neil Armstrong's shoeprints on the moon are a really famous picture.

True, but your shoeprint in a dog turd doesn't make anyone happy.

Did you know Turdblossom has posted 173 captions today?

174 if you include this one.

I wonder if I'll ever get to have argyle socks inside of me.

Argyle socks with powder blue tennis shoes... sounds real gay.

I hear that Ed Sullivan wore 'a really big shoe' on Sunday nights.

He had clowns too.

A Shoe of Shoes!

OK, we got it!

The Shoe MUST go on each Sunday night!

Sid Caesar did the "Shoe of Shoes"

Wish we were blue suede shoes.

The old Elvis song! Ah Yes!

We could hang around the Rock Hall of fame!

Shoe the history of Rock to the fans.

Instead we're on stink street!

Sooner or later we'll die. Or smell like it.

Rock Hall Of Fame!

"Put On Your High Heel Sneakers"

Put On Your High Heel Sneakers!

Rock Hall Of Fame!

"My Adidas!"

Tan Shoes & Pink Shoe Laces!

"Shoe Send Me"

Sam Cooke!

Who's your favorite Pirate?

Jean Lafitte (la feet), naturally

I've been considering breaking the rules at work.

You know that you should always toe the line!

I think this guy has a case of athlete's foot.

Well he sure doesn't have athlete's ass!

I know we have soles, but do we also have souls?

You mean that you actually read the headline above us?

I know we have soles, but do we also have souls?

Sure, I plan to go to heaven when I die... the girl's locker room!

I know we have soles, but do we also have souls?

It's all in how you spell it.

I know we have soles, but do we also have souls?

No, Moses had to remove his sandals near the burning bush.

You put your right foot in and pull your left foot out!

So my turn first?

That's right. Get it. Right!

Well, I DON'T do no hokey pokey! So shake it all about, yourself.

I'm the left shoe because he put you on first?

Right!

Beep! Beep! More dogshit ahead!

He's not listening.

Oh doggy doo! It got YOU!

*&%$$#(*!!

I bet this guy running alongside that beautiful lady yesterday caused some talk.

Me too. I couldn't hold my tongue.

I can't believe we're stinking being this new.

That's me. Eyelet one.

So whay are we here?

Someone had to be a shoe.

Do we have an immortal sole?

Not if you judge the ones that pass us. Some have new soles.

At least we walk the walk & not just talk the talk.

You're sole right there!

It could have been worse.

How?

We could have been that dogshit.

Guess we shouldn't complain.

Every body has to step in it sometimes.

Right. But I seem to get more than my share.

My mother wanted me to be a dress shoe.

Look at the bight side, you could have been a horse shoe!

Horseshoes are lucky.

Like the rabbit's foot?

Horseshes are lucky.

They still make horseshoes?

Sure, lots of horses out there.

Do vets shoe horses now?

You mean like retired military personell?

No, like animal doctors.

The was a Diamond Tool & Horseshoe Company in Duluth.

I think it closed.

One the news this morning, they said that a Tool & Die factory worker died.

..when a tool fell on him. Yeah. I heard that too.

Maybe that's where they make horseshoes.

We're not even leather!

"I'm a sole man!"

Are you Jake or Elwood?

"Love is a river running, sole deep!"

The Box Cars

"Heart Full Of Sole!"

Yardbirds!

Sweet Soul Music!

Arthur Conley!

Stone Sole Picnic!

The Fifth Dimension

I think my laces came untied.

Don't look at me, I thought we were held on with velcro.

Did you know some Chinese worker made us for cheap wages?

Is that why our brand name says Nike-san?

I always wanted to be a pair of Air Jordans.

Instead, you're getting worn by Tubby Jordan.

Is the guy wearing us black, white, hispanic, oriental, or what?

Gotta be white; no one else would have a lard ass like his.

So then this really hot woman tied me up.....

It's not a bondage story when you're a shoe and it's just your laces.

Why can't shoes be into bondage?

Because we're supposed to get tied up every day.

I'm thinking of filing for divorce.

But we've been a pair ever since we left the factory!

I'm thinking of filing for divorce.

Okay, but I want custody of the keds.

I'm thinking of filing for divorce.

I'll sue you for child support... and arch support.

I'm thinking of filing for divorce.

I saw you making eyes at that pair of high heels.

I'm thinking of filing for divorce.

You're cheating with that loafer. I saw you slipper the tongue!

I'm thinking of filing for divorce.

I'm all woman, but your new girlfriend is just a flat.

Why do cowboys always die with their boots on?

Otherwise, they couldn't be buried in Boot Hill.

What do they call the children's section of an old west Cemetery?

Bootie Hill

I'm thinking of filing for divorce.

I saw you last night telling that cowgirl to shake her bootie.

Your left, your left, your left, right, left

You just like that marching cadence because it mentions you

I'm thinking of filing for divorce.

You've got more experience on a tennis court than in divorce court.

I'm thinking of filing for divorce.

Don't be a heel.

I'm thinking of filing for divorce.

Okay, but I want sole custody of the keds.

...and the Great Pumpkin visits the most worthy Pumpkin patch...

Right, and you also think shoes come from shoe trees.

How come some shoes are small than others?

Maybe the shoe trees where they grew didn't get enough water.

How do you explain Bozo the clown's shoes?

His shoe tree got miracle grow.

What happens to the left over shoes from people with one leg?

They go to the Island of Misfit Toys. Don't you watch Rudolph?

How come we never got to see Ed Sullivan's "Really Big Shoe?"

It was an accent, you idiot. Comics made fun of him, like me to you.

I LEFT my heart in San Fransisco......

RIGHT on!

D'you wanna change feet!

Good idea...but wait till the bugger stops jogging.

Did you get a new charcoal innersole this morning?

No...and it's getting rather rancid in here.

Do you have aglets?

Don't be so personal.

I'll bet this guy isn't an English major.

Too many run on sentences?

You going to run for the Senate this year?

That would be great. Maybe for the White House?

No, Lardass wouldn't get very far.

You're right...no, I'm right. But he bought us, trying to get in shape.

He's in a shape now..or more like an ink blot.

Yeah. He's lost weight in his belly and head.

Buut the ass is still bouncing an hour after he gets through running.

Knocked the chair out from under him yesterday.

Do you ever darn your socks?

That's too nice. I usually damn then to hell for eternity.

Glad the Meerkats finally left.

So were they.

Do you think Godiva has been checking out the jogger's ass?

Nope, she's checking us out cuz she's a smurf and we're blue!

What do you think of those shoes you see hanging on power lines?

They get the scenic view.

What do you think of those shoes you see hanging on power lines?

I'd be shocked if anyone ever wore them again.

Are we Nike?

More like "Korean Kidd"

Did you see the old giy in the canvas shoes yesterday?

Yes. The shoes were even older than him.

What do you think of those shoes you see hanging on power lines?

I think the owner's parents probably got pissed about buying new ones.

I felt bad coming from Shoe World .

Me too. But some I've seen look like "Everything For A Dollar!"

What do you think of the Republican chances in the next elections?

I think they're a shoe in to win control of the Congress.

The guy really speeded up back there. What gives?

Skunk.

How much do you think we costed?

I don't know. "Shoe me the money!"

I'll shoe you the meerkats if we back up one.

Oh no! Those guys are mad as hatters.

I hope the NHS will cover my operation after this beating!

I've already gone private-I had a tongue & sole donation just last month!

I swear that there's a monster in the closet just like Monsters Inc.

You probably got high smelling yourself and imagined it.

and I had this bra on top of me the hole night. It was so hot!

She was 11 and it was a training bra, you pervert.

You're starting to rank the closet at home.

Oh, and yor're not?

I didn't step in the doggy doo.

I'll be sure to share next time. He washed me. Bet the cat shit in there again!

Fat Freddie's Cat?

Or Fat Freddie!

You're on the right and I'm on the left

Yes but we make a lovely pair.

That cat even shit in me once. I could barely hold my tongue.

Well, he cleaned you up. Sorry, I was laughing.

If I were bent the right way, I'd be a right shoe also.

Are you saying that all of us on the right are bent?

Well, we both were in DC Saturday.

Yeah. He couldn't make up his mind. I think he was looking for cash!

Selling his vote?

Nah, he won't vote. He goes to both sides.

A regular Rhett Butler.

Selling both his vote & then not voting.

Let's cut the politics before Mark throws us off.

What does a shoe know about politics?

Right, Right. Shoes a not political.

It's the hats that get thrown into the ring.

What does that mean anyway?

I don't know. Shoe would make more sense. Throwing a ringer!

I love it when this guy gets lucky and the girl throws her panties on us.

This guy never gets lucky. He always has to pay for it.

I love it when this guy gets lucky and the girl throws her panties on us.

With the fat ass this guy has, the panties are gonna be from big girls

I love it when this guy gets lucky and the girl throws her panties on us.

Yeah, but these thongs look more like a slingshot than real panties.

I love it when this guy gets lucky and the girl throws her panties on us.

I prefer chumming up to the high heels and slipping them the tongue.

Why do these guys get out so early?

I know. I almost had frostbite yesterday.

Maybe so he gets it over with.

Maybe. But he works the night shift.

Maybe he goes running in the morning because he's still asleep.

Yeah. He did run over that one old lady.

And he fell over a turtle, remember?

Maybe his brain froze up.

Well, his foot nearly froze up.

This one too. He should wait till the sun comes up.

If athletes get athletes feet, do ..you messed me up. More dog shit?

RIGHT!!!!

Anyway, if athlets get athletes feet, do astronauts get missle toe?

A Big Old Dog Shitty Ha Ha!

Obama is supposed to be on tv tonight.

Is he a guest star on "Lie to Me"?

Obama is supposed to be on TV tonight.

Remind me to watch cable.

Obama is supposed to be on TV tonight

Is he on "Cheaters?"

Obama is supposed to be on TV tonight

Which station? The Progaganda Channel?

Obama is supposed to be on TV tonight

Is one of our cousins going to get thrown at him for lying?

Obama is supposed to be on TV tonight

Will it make him shut up faster if we turn off the teleprompter?

Obama is supposed to be on TV tonight

Probably a scripted show, because he never works without one

Obama is supposed to be on TV tonight

A new reality show, right? Lie, Cheat, Steal, and Get Elected.

Never judge anyone until..

you have walked a mile in their shoes! Heard it.

Yes, but if you judge them anyway, they're still a mile away!

Plus you have their shoes!

'Having a good day?'

'Run of the mill you know!'

'What are we having for supper tonight?'

'Choux Pastry!'

'I cannot tell a tale!'

'You're the soul of discretion ain't you?'

'Can't remember where where going'

'I'll jog your memory'

This horse walks into the court room and the judge....

I've heard it, the punchline is "so shoe me!"

What's the worst date you've ever gone on?

I once went on a cheap date with a Penny Loafer.

Where does a hummingbird have the fastest motion?

On the wingtips!

Just ten more days until the commemoration of September 11th.

I say we all throw paper airplanes at mosques that day.

This coming Monday is Labor Day in the United States.

Nice name for a day you sit around and don't do anything.

Turdblossom is about to drive to Albuquerque for a meeting.

I wonder if he has a lead foot on the gas pedal?

Turdblossom is about to drive to Albuquerque for a meeting.

Did he remember to pack a pair of shoes?

Turdblossom is about to drive to Albuquerque for a meeting.

He'd better not take those socks with the holes in them again.

Turdblossom is about to drive to Albuquerque for a meeting.

Who's going to take his tennis shoes for a walk this evening?

Turdblossom is about to drive to Albuquerque for a meeting.

It's 210 miles. How many feet is that?

I don't think he's ben running long.

He's barely running now.

More like a fast walk.

Yeah, it was a slow walk for two months.

Then he put us on to wear for short walks.

Like from the couch to the refrigerator.

Now he's into faster walking.

Shoe nuf!

Let's face it, he's huffing & puffing now.

At a fast walk.

Hope he don't drop dead.

We'f end up in a yard sale.

Well, every little bit helps.

Yeah.. Guess he'll die healthier.

I feel left up in the air

And I'm right on the ground

Am I Rubber Sole?

More of a White Album if you ask me

Does my heel look big in this?

Honey, your heel looks big in mules

Heel the Worrrrrrrrld

Make it a better place, shut the foot up

You ever see any shoe fly pie?

No but I've seen some shoes fly!

Wonder what it looks like?

Don't know. Probably sole food.

But does it contain a shoe?

Some people think some steaks do.

But who would cook a shoe?

The French.

Yeah. You're right.

They eat horse meat, why not a filet of sole?

But we're not leather.

That's right. We're cheap stuff that still sells like leather.

Think we'll wind up in a wheelie bin?

Everybody winds up in a wheelie bin of some kind.

Thrown away! sniff!

Cast off like an old shoe!

We could retire in the closet.

If we could keep ourselves from smelling.

Maybe we could find another use than running.

Might be put back to be used while mowing the lawn.

That's right. I'm not above mowing a yard.

Actually, we could get high on the stuff if he planted it right.

He sure is breathing hard.

Breathes through his mouth..a mouth breather.

He may be asmatic!

Listen to him breathe!

Sounds like he's going to have to take a break soon.

The same heavy breathing he does over the phone sometimes.

"If I could walk that way I wouldn't need the talcum powder."

You got that right!

He's chaffed himself again.

Fat thighs rubbing together.

That's not all that's rubbing together.

Yeah. I smell it too.

Hey up there! You need a shower bad.

I think he heard you. He's heading back toward the car.

Whew! He smell worse than we do.

Wait till the jockey comes off.

Bet his bag is skinned shiney!

No Bet from me. He's chaffed bad!

"Oh no, I think I can see the head of the turtle!!"

".......God, say it isn't so please!"

If you run backwards, will you lose weight?

Yes. Provided you are ran over and crushed to death by a lorry.

I actually think he HAS lost weight.

That's because he's had the runs.

Those burritos really help.

Yeah. Each time he fires one off he jumps ten feet ahead.

Bet he could do more if somone gave him some help.

Like lighting the fumes with a lighter? He'd add 50 feet, butt he'd burn out!

Did you see where they released the shoe-thrower?

The one that made Bush look like a sideshow?

"Hit the Bush Win a suit!"

So they let him out?

Not only that, Nike hired him for commercials.

I bet they have one of the Bush target going back & forth!

Do they think he was FIT to get out?

Bet they had already removed his shoe laces.

Yeah. Saddam would have killed him in a bad way.

So, now he's a hero?

As soon as he can get here, he'll be wealthy, hero or no hero.

Although the Tea Party may shoe him away.

They took the whole thing seriously.

I heard that.

The CIA had Obama practice dodging shoes.

Who through them at him, Cheney?

It was a machine that threw the shoes I heard.

That could still be Cheney.

We've been up here seven days now.

Jogging this long makes one week!

Did Turdblossom enjoy his trip to Albuquerque for his meetings?

When I asked about it, he just gave me the run around.

I want shoes to have our own play like the Vagina Monologues.

No one is interested in seeing into your sole.

What did Jim Nabors used to call his sexual experiences?

Getting his Rocks off?

I was in a fight last night and got socked.

You also got hosed by your date.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

So you could step in more chicken shit on the jogging path.

This jogging is getting me all sweaty and stinky.

So's Turdblossom. That's why he's quitting now to take a shower.

There's an obvious Spoofer who should have been doing captions.

You mean Jean Le Fete?

I'm coming down with a cold

No, you've just got foot in mouth disease.

I think I've got a foot fetish.

No shit, sherlock.

I've got an ingrown tonail and have a date tonight.

You mean that you'll be pusy while chasing pussy?

You mean they are just a left wing political organization?

Right. ACORN has nothing to do with feet.

How come they say that a bad joke is corny?

Calling it buniony would sound kind of stupid.

We used to have another name for Brazil nuts when I was a kid.

Yes, but it isn't proper to use the n-word now.

I heard a lot of women had foot problems at the marathon?

It was a real corn-ucopia

This guy better start running like a horse.

You mean Hoofing it?

I can't believe we're still running and his ass isn't any smaller yet.

Movie idea: The incredible non-shrinking ass!

After he finishes, he'll have a double whopper, fries, and shake

and wash it down with a Diet Coke to make the meal seem healthy.

Have you ever run in a marathon?

I do triathlons in Hawaii and I sing "I am iron-man!"

September 11th is coming up in just 8 more days.

And after that will be the 12th, then 13th, then 14th, then 15th....

Do you want to run in the Boston Marathon this year?

With this wide ass, he couldn't make a beer run at halftime.

Do you think this guy will get a runner's high?

Only if he's running to the pub.

I heard it depends on running for 26 miles.

I think that the Runner's Wall!

Do you hit the wall before you hit the high.

You hit it several times.

Then screw that "Runner's High!"

He's more like the "Runner's Waving Hi!"

These pants are cutting his circulation.

He's ned some purple pills to get the blood flowing again.

This gguy tries. He tried push-ups this morning.

He did one good one butt after that, not all of him would come up off the floor.

He weighed again.

What did it say?

Threw a fit! Told him only one person on at a time.

That's because after he runs, he eats more!!

I bought you a vuvuzela!

What's a vuvuzela?

In your case, it's a shoe horn.

Well, blow me down!

Dog shit at 12 O'Clock!

I see it!

Lift when I say "GO!"

Right!

"GO!"

Lift! ....landed him right on his ass.

In the dog shit?

Looks like it was a cigar stub.

I think you just stepped in cat shit.

Cat shit! Can't they keep it in a litter box! The sand box is there.

Know what my favorite nursery rhyme is?

The old woman who lived in a shoe?

Know what my favorite nursery rhyme is?

Puss in Boots?

Know what my favorite nursery rhyme is?

The elves and the cobbler?

I've never seen a shoe fly.

Idiot. Shoe Fly, Don't Bother Me is a song, it isn't a flying shoe story.

Are your dogs barking?

Not since they pooped on your shoe.

Do you think it's better to have a longer shoe size or width?

I think women prefer both.... as far as shoes, I don't know.

My jogging is when the rubber meets the road

That also happens when you throw a used condom out the car window.

Do you think this ass will look any skinnier by the end of the month?

Maybe by the end of the year.

What's your favorite movie about shoe laces?

Besides Lace and Lace II?

What's your favorite movie about shoe laces?

Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down

What's your favorite movie about shoe laces?

My favorite tv show was Knott's Landing

What's your favorite movie about shoe laces?

I want to see that comedy "Knot Another Teen Movie."

I really love our job.

There's no business like shoe business!

What do you want to do after we finish jogging?

Get out of these stinky sweat socks.

What do you want to do after we finish jogging?

Clean off the dog poop.

What do you want to do after we finish jogging?

Find a different guy with a better ass.

What do you want to do after we finish jogging?

Pray that I can be some color other than blue.

What do you want to do after we finish jogging?

It's Miller Time!

What do you want to do after we finish jogging?

It's Friday; are there any good games on tonight?

What do you think of Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan?

I don't know... they never seem to show their feet.

What color nail polish do you think Paris Hilton uses on her toes?

Check her eye shadow... if the curtains match the carpet!

What do you think of women who paint their toenails?

Ben Franklin said women who paint their face think of their tails.

Do you think women with red toenails have red underwear?

Did women paint their nails white when that was the only color bra?

I think that our jogger friend needs to get a pedicure.

I just think he needs an ass lift, and a face lift, tummy tuck...

How come you never see fake toenails like fingernails?

You can't snort Coke easily with a toenail.

How come you never see fake toenails like fingernails?

Causes too many ingrowns.

How come you never see fake toenails like fingernails?

They tear holes in the socks.

How come you never see fake toenails like fingernails?

Why not invent them and corner the market?

The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?

The would mean that we had a conscience, and I don't.

The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?

Maybe you can get one from the Wizard of Oz, along with a brain

The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?

I shaved my soul patch and just have a mustache now.

The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?

If you start talking about your feelings, I'm kicking your ass!

The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?

On the bottom of our shoes.

The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?

I'm selling mine to the devil for a jogger with a tighter ass.

The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?

Depends on how good your spell check is.

The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?

Next you'll be asking how many angels can dance on a pin's head.

The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?

I asked a priest, but he was screwing an altar boy & didn't hear

The headline says "shoes with souls." Do we have souls?

If we can't be baptized, we don't have souls.

You said if we can't be baptized, we don't have souls?

Running through the sprinklers isn't the same as baptism.

I'm glad this isn't a moving picture.

Right, I wouldn't want to see the jogger's ass jiggling either.

Do you think any hot babes will try to pick up our jogger?

Only if he's rich, single, childless, and has a 15 inch penis.

How many miles do you think we've managed to run so far?

None, we're based in England and they go by kilometers.

How many miles do you think we've managed to run so far?

Well, considering we're standing still... none!

My foot is getting tired of being held up in this position.

...and I'm tired of stepping in this dog crap.

They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

I'd like to get my hands on a girl with a nice bush.

What's the farthest you've ever jogged?

Same distance as you... we're a pair of shoes.

How are things going on the right lately.

Pretty good. Looks like we're going to kick butt in the midterm elections.

I hate having to be on the left.

Yeah, must be sad automatically having an IQ 25 points lower.

Your shoelaces are tied!

Oh no, I'm not falling for that one...ohhh!

I told you. Now he's hurt himself.

Good, maybe he'll stop running for a few days.

I don't want to sit in the closet all day.

We came out of the closet didn't we? Somehow I don't feel gay.

You would feel better with the shoe laces tied.

Tell HIM! I can't retie myself.

He's got grass stains all over his ass.

Funny. He fell on his face.

You're right. He fell on his face. So why are the seat of his pants..Uhoh!

He did a booboo!

Must have jarred it out of him.

Whew! He's heading us back to the car.

I hate it when people tie our laces together

Velcro shoes have it so lucky.

I hate it when people light a match and give us a hot foot.

It once melted my rubber.... my girlfriend wasn't happy.

Monday is Labor Day.

Yeah, but fat asses wife is making him mow the yard.

We have to mow the yard!

Get ready for grass stains.

I hate grass stains.

I hope this dog shit I'm standing on doesn't stain.

They say that girls just wanna have fun.

But not with fat asses like this guy.

Do you think we'll ever play in the NBA or the NFL?

Not unless we get traded to someone in shape with talent.

Can we get up to five hundred captions today?

I guess it all depends how much time TT and Bureau have.

I'd like to go to the Hatch Green Chili Festival this weekend.

Too bad Jalapenoman has to work. That's right up his alley

Would you rather step on a tack, gum, a puddle, or dog poop?

I'd rather walk on a naked lady's back like they do in Asia.

Did he just do what I think he did?

Yeah. He used you to kick that policeman in the ass.

Why me?

He's left-footed.

I smell of Cop Hockey!

Any better thn dog shit?

Now here comes the police.

He'll never catch us.

Yeah, he's overweight.

Badly out of shape.

Our guy's no speed demon, himself.

But there's a doughnut store he's running toward. The cop will stop.

You're right.

Look, he's telling 12 other officers about our guy here.

Do you prefer breasts, thighs, or legs?

Are you talking women or fried chicken?

Space, the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...

Which one? Original? DS9? Voyager? Next Gen? Cartoon?

Would you rather step on a tack, gum, dog poop, or in a puddle?

If I step on a tack, can I break my mother in law's back?

Would you rather step on a tack, gum, dog poop, or in a puddle?

I'd like step on that annoying Forrest Gum... or wait, sorry.

Would you rather step on a tack, gum, dog poop, or in a puddle?

Haven't you done all four today?

It'll take awhile to run that ass off!

We'll be out here all winter.

I don't think I could take that.

He can't either. But right after the first of the year!

Oh yeah..Thanksgiving, New Years.

Resolutions!

His ass will be twice as big by then.

Unless his heart blows!

I'll race you to the ice cream stand

Dumbass, we'll get there at the same time.

Has anyone noticed we're on the wrong feet yet?

Made you look!

Has anyone noticed we're on the wrong feet yet?

We're supposed to be on a 21 year old blonde with big titties.

Has anyone noticed we're on the wrong feet yet?

We're supposed to be on a Smurf's feet, us being blue and all.

I think I'm going to tap my toe and start river dancing!

Will that make his ass get smaller any faster?

I think I'm going to tap my toe and start river dancing

But we're not Irish, we're sober!

I think I'm going to tap my toe and start river dancing

We're not tap dancing shoes, you idiot. That's a tack making noise

I think I'm going to tap my toe and start river dancing

Are you sure you won't be doing the dog poop shuffle?

I think fatso needs to put some nail polish on his toes.

An expensive pedicure might keep him from biting his toenails.

Wanna have peanut butter sandwiches for lunch?

Sure, I'll bring the toe jam.

Toe jam just sounds so gross!

But with a name like Smuckers, it has to be good!

Why am I not surprised that this guy has toe jam?

Because his butt shakes like it is filled with jelly?

Our jogger is breaking one of the cardinal rules of exercise.

No fatties in Lycra?

"Who let the dogs out?"

Are you singing or did you spot a pile of poop not to step in?

I'd like to point out to everyone that I'm not wearing underwear

Just because the idiot forgot socks, you're trying to pick up girls.

Bureau and Skoob have been Spoofing for two years now.

The terrible two's! We're in for a rough year from those guys.

Hey, Do you know what worse than being this guy's shoe?

Uhhhh, Being this guy's spandex?

80 words in one caption?

No shit, who the hell would read that?

A shoe? Your complaining because your a shoe?

Yeah, try being a foot when this guys boyfriend has a foot fettish!!

Remember china?

Yeah, those were the good ol' days.

I remember being made by a cute, flat chested Chinese woman.

Cute woman? She was only nine, and working for pennies and rice

Whoa, recall that saying? Don't let the L shoe know what the R shoe is doing?

Nine? Oh well I'd still give her my tongue.

These shoes were mad for walking

and that's just what they'll do.

One of these days these shoes

Are going to walk all over you!

She never should have changed it to boots.

I hear she took a bribe.

This guy is making us run and work on Labor Day!

Slave driver!

This guy is making us run and work on Labor Day!

I'm calling my union rep.

This guy is making us run and work on Labor Day!

I guess getting rid of that fat ass takes precedence over a holiday.

How do you plan on spending your labor day?

I'll probably be stuck in this picture for a few more weeks.

Are you going to watch the Boise vs Virginia Tech game tonight?

You mean the "no respect" bowl?

I'm cheering for Boise against VT tonight in the game.

You just like that Boise has the blue smurf turf on their home field.

I think I'm coming down with a case of the runs.

As slow as this guy moves, are you sure it isn't the trots?

I hope he doesn't get the runs.

Yeah. You know where it would run to.

A shoe full of shit.

He'll throw us away.

I might like that if I'm full of shit.

But it will be hell. We can't go back into the earth. Too much plastic.

If that happens, I hope I come back as a pigeon.

And this guy as a statue.

I'd salute him daily.

Make him bring us popcorn!

If he don't show up, the car gets it.

Like the horse's head in the bed.

I'll make him an offal he can't refuse.

The Sodfather!

Better quit the imagination. You'll become pigeon-toed.

My tonge is dry.

Boise State won last night!

It had to be the shoes.

I understand that you are famous in the political arena?

Ever since someone threw me at President Bush.

I understand that you are famous in the political arena?

Just another guy with his foot in his mouth.

What did you do to make the jogger so upset today?

It wasn't me; he couldn't untie the double knots in my laces.

Watch out! You almost stepped on that crack back there!

Maybe fatass wanted to break his mother's back.

Why is the gym locker room your favorite place to hang out?

I love the smell of sweaty gym socks in the morning?

Isn't that a rip off of the line from Apocalypse Now?

Yeah, but who likes the smell of napalm?

The Labor Day holiday is over and everyone has to go to work.

Including fatass here, who is still working to make his ass smaller.

I'll step on a crack just to break your mother's back!

Oh Yea, well... your mother IS an army boot.

How did you know my mother was an army boot?

Because you are such a "mess"

Football is back!

All right! Wish we were in college.

Wonder how it feels to score a winning touchdown?

I think I'd come off his foot and spin around on my toe!

Punting would be nice!

I guess. But having a 350-pounder step on your foot might be bad.

We could watch replays of the game over & over.

No use getting excited. This is not exactly "Broadway Joe!"

More like Main Street Mumbler!

Probably don't even have a favorite team.

Grandpa Favre back with the Vikings.

Should be a toss-up between 6-7 teams. Winner: The one with the least injuries.

You know, my parents never even played Footsie until they were married.

Now we sit around eying each other with our tongues hanging out!

They had so many hangups.

Usually on shoe racks.

"Shoe me the way to San Jose"

"I got a lot of friends in San Jose!"

"Baby It's Shoe"

"Shoe Send Me!"

Shoe Are My Sushine

Shoe Are My Destiny

Shoe Are The Sunshine Of My Life!

Shoe Belong To Me

Shoe Don't Know Me!

Shoe Light Up My Life

I got tired of that one.

Me too.

How come I can never get more than one step ahead of you?

Leg length, I think.

How come I can never get more than one step ahead of you?

But I'm ahead of you half of the time.

Any chance fatass will lose a pound today?

Have you seen any weight loss yet?

I think that looking at this fat guys ass is making me gay.

No, it's because you sleep with the Birkenstocks in the closet.

What do you think of that woman running against Harry Reid?

She's a shoe in to win.

Ever go to a Fair?

Not alone.

Seriously, ever been to a fair?

Remember, we were at Shoe Carnival once.

Wish this guy would win a marathon.

Maybe he'd have us bronzed and sit us beside the trophy.

Maybe the world will turn backwards tomorrow.

Maybe. He Could win a marathon...in he were 90.

That woman walking her dog is pretty cute in her shoes.

Sorry, but I never got turned on by the "flats."

I wonder what kind of shoes John Kerry wears on his new yacht?

Like his politics... probably flip flops.

Did you notice fatass had a date last night?

He told her to wear something lacey, so she wore high tops.

I really think there should be an ordinance against dogs here.

Thanks, but I'm the one standing on the dog poop.

Owners should really pick up after their dogs when they leave poop.

I clean up after you whenever you drop a load.

Did you notice the new writer's contest about that dog?

If she's in a contest there, she won't make piles to step in here.

Remember that cadence from basic training?----Oh yes, my favorite!

oh no, not the prettiest girl one?---Do we have too?

Did you see that Oregon score the other day?

72-0

they could have scored a 100 pts,

72-0, wow,

lelt, left, left, left ........yuk, what did you step on?

right, right, right, ....

Did you know the owner of Payless was rich?

There's no business like shoe business!

You know, a lot of your shoe jokes are pretty stale.

Just like you smell!

Did you ever watch "Red Shoe Diaries"?

No, it just wasn't my color... and don't accuse me of racism!

I think I'm going to need new laces.

That's just like you! Always wanting a new wardrobe!

I'm glad we're blue shoes and not white.

Yeah, if we were white, he couldn't wear us after Labor Day.

We're blue shoes, so why isn't Lady Godiva writing captions for us?

Just jealous that fatso bought us, I guess.

Did you hear about the old woman who lived in a shoe?

Retirement homes just keep getting smaller and smaller.

What was your favorite part of "Laugh-In?"

"Sock it to me," of course.

She lived With Dr. Scholls.

It's the smell. She loves it. So do I.

I hope he doesn't get a big bunion.

Maybe on your foot.

No, I'll look deformed.

And I'll look great.

"Bunion Head" I can hear it now.

You mean you already have one?

If we have a kid, can we name her Lacey?

Better than Shoe Horse.

You mean Horse Shoe?

Either way. You mark a kid with something like that.

What will we look like later?

Like something the cat drug in.

He's bow-legged.

And pigeon toed.

We'll be a mess before long.

Maybe he'll get new ones and let us rest.

Nope. He said we're broken in.

Then try to pick up a rock.

What will that do?

If we keep it up, he'll think something's wrong.

You see where that Playboy model panicked on a plane?

Yep! Didn't take he meds.

Tried to open the plane door.

Yeah but she was tackled.

By every male on the plane.

Bet that didn't help the panic.

She said one kept feeling her up.

Make sure she wasn't legged..armed.

What did you get for Christmas?

Fatso here.

Me too.

No, Me is two. You're one.

Well, if I'm one, you're one too.

OK! You say tomato...

He must be getting tired. His tongue is hanging out.

So is mine. Wish he's run through a puddle.

No kidding. He's not even noticing. His tongue is hanging out.

That's not all that's hanging out. It looks tired too. Hey Joe! Zip It!

It's still hanging out!

The tongue or the family jewels.

If that's the family jewels, he's been robbed.

I never hear much groaning from the closet.

I hate exercise.

But that's what we were made for!

Not necessarily.

You mean we could have never been sold?

We could have been "Didplay Shoes"

Or an old lady could have bought us so she could walk the streets better.

The old ladies that are hookers?

No. The old ladies with the shopping carts.

She's never was us.

But we might stay clean when sh was out in the rain.

Well, at least it wouldn't be exercise.

I wish this guy would jog his memory before he starts & remember yesterday!

Yes, He got confused.

He saw another jogger and he was smiling. Never heard anything like that.

Never seen a smiling jogger before.

Me neither.

Why doesn't he actually RUN?

He just keeps lifting his feet like a horse trying to pull a train.

See this... I have a soul

So have I but I ain't a show off like you

Do you feel like we're just running and not really getting anywhere?

Running? My foot hasn't moved in over two weeks!

I was supposed to get a Nike commercial but got dropped.

That's shoe business for you.

Why do they call them horse shoes? They don't have tongues.

Or laces or soles or insteps or heels.

Fatass here still hasn't lost any weight.

I quit looking at jiggle butt two weeks ago.

Yesterday was 9/11. I wonder how many Korans were burned.

Why burn a book that those people can't even read or understand?

Have we made any jokes yet about shoe trees?

We've made every shoe joke possible.

Shoe fly, don't bother me.

Are you singing or chasing away a fly.

"Shoe fly don't bother me!"

What are you singing?

An old song called Shoe Fly!

You me Shit Fly?

No. Shoe Fly.

I don't know it. But I remember "Shit Fly" by the Monkees.

Hate Flies myself.

Yeah. Especially when you're trying to sleep and one keeps lighting on you.

You ever stomp one?

Ever time I get the chance.

How about spiders?

Only if they're small ones.

You don't stomp big spiders?

Nope. They get all over you. Plus I saw that Beatnik Spider.

Beatnik Spider? Where?

In a book. He was up reciting poetry.

What did he say?

STEP on me! Step ON me! Step on ME! Whao! Bring a shovel"

there's a face on my heel

shut up, shut up, shut up yer face, the Popes no gonna beatify a Reebok

times are hard, we're afraid to pay the fee

yes, we're the fools that do the dirty work

...........I foresee terrible trouble

jeez, change the effing record

I'm a single lady. I'm a single lady

you should have got a ring on it, told you a thousand times

I'm in the mood for..........

a dirty, muddy, puddle

oh oh big dog turd coming up

aye, we'll hae nae mair o' that crap

so if the radius of this circle is 20 feet, that's 400 feet sqared times 3.14

get a life, you been watching the Open University again!

she's done 20 miles by now surely

told you before don't call me Shirley

What did you get for Christmas last December?

We don't believe in Christmas. Haven't put up a shoe tree in years.

Why don't you keep Christmas?

Got tired of getting socks every year.

I like socks.

Me too. But I already had 24 pair and 21 odd ones from the laundry.

Well, I got odor eaters.

I think they must be from the Everything For A Dollar Store.

Yeah. They weren't much.

If you get any good Odor eaters, slip them in this guys pants

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Wooden Shoe!

OK OK Wooden Shoe who?

Wooden Shoe like to know?

Wooden shoe like you tongue pulled out?

Let's get going and see if we can run him to death!

Oh no! Then we'd wind up on the feet of the undertaker's son.

Yuck. He might become an undertaker too.

We would become embalmed.

Let's stay with the dork here. He's not much but we're all he's got.

I never hear a femal voice in the house.

I went with a penny Loafer a long time ago.

How did it go?

We were a mismatch.

She was a penny & you were a wooden nickle.

Dorky here is bringing home another dog.

Well, he's lonesome.

But you know what happened last time.

He tried to get him to pee on the newspaper.

Well he peed on the newspaper alright.

But before the dork could finish reading it.

"Left!"

Right!"

"Your Mother was there when you left.

"You're right!"

"Your father was there when you left!"

"You're Right!"

"Sound off!"

"One Two"

"Sound Off!"

"Three four!"

"Bring it on down!"

"One, two Three Four! One Two, Three Four!"

"Let's go sign up!"

"You go ahead, I'll be there later."

"Sure you will!"

"I'm 4F...Flat-footed!"

She spent hours looking for us!

Well, she shouldn't have gone for a blue colostomy bag should she?

Who told you we were soul mates?

Soul mates? Nah, its just in-flat-uation!

I'm a left shoe so I'm liberal, right?

Make Up your mind. Are you left or right?

I'm left! I just said so.

You also said you were right.

No I'm not right, I'm left. Wait!

If you're not sure, maybe you're both. Right?

No. LEFT!

Where did he go?

Who?

He's on first!

Do I look like Lou Costello?

Same shape!