Caption Competition

Did you hear about the Irish tourist guide who got sacked?

.....his first leaflet was entitled, "Why not Bangor this weekend?"...clic clic!

What do you call Einstein masturbating?

......"wait for it....A stroke of genius!" clic clic!

Why did the girl have her postcode tattooed on her thigh?

..."I know this one.....she hoped for some mail in her box!...knew it, knew it!"

Did you hear about the guy who drank a bottle of spot remover?

..."man, your shittin' me bro'....he dropped outta sight!"...clic clic!!

"Ok, here's a cracker...what's the definition of sex?"

..."simples my man, One damp thing after annuder!" clic clic

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito smartass?

....."a mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.....beat yer again, clic clic!"

What is virgin wool?

.......A sheep the farmer hasn't caught yet...boom boom and double clic clic!"

How do yoiu prepare a Turkey?

.....very honestly, just come right out and tell them they're for the chop!

You still have three lifelines remember..so how did Captain Hook die?

.....c) Chris,..Jock Itch! clic clic

Why don't blind men skydive?

....simples bro'...because it scares the shit outta the dog! clic clic

What a mottley group!

They're Spoof writers, man. They're not like other people.

I smell fear!

That's a mouse fart. He was afraid I'd eat him. I did.

Why is that person starring at me?

He's trying to think of something funny for you to say.

How are we going to have sex with you keep jumping up like that.

I thought I heard an enemy but it was your mother again. She breaks my stride.

It was my turn to watch!

The last time you watched, it was 2 rabbits going at it.

People are going to get bored if we're not careful.

Yeah. Wait until the "How many light bulbs" start!

I saw a wise saying "You are what you eat."

Then I guess you're me!

So you're going to become the first Buddhist Meerkat?

Just as soon as I get the chants.

Hee Hee! This is fun. Take my wife, please.

Take her where, the beauty shop? Morgue?

You put your "left" foot out.

I do the hokey pokey that way. I'm left footed.

Why did Mark pull the 2 of us out of the Conga line?

Because YOU stopped to stare. He wasn't talking about a real birdy, idiot.

How many light bulbs...?

Shaddup! You start that and we'll be standing here forever!

Stop worrying, I used the prophylactics!

You never know. I'd say you used the amateur phylactics, by the way it felt.

I wish I had put on my makeup.

I wish I had put on my gun.

I thought YOU were the female!

I thought it was you! I guess we both got screwed up.

You need some wrinkle cream. You must be 4 years old!

Tried some on my balls once. It doesn't work.

How do you know those burglars the other night were gay?

They broke in and rearranged our nuts.

I still say that a person is innocent until proven guilty. Those nuts were mine.

Now it's 'Innocent until proven wealthy."

I was only goosing you!

Yeah, but with what? Let's go back into the shelter.

I'm looking out for hyenas mate.

You don't get many here in Chester zoo - dumbkopf!

......"whoops, sorry about that Mikail........christ that made my arse sting!"

.........never find your arse Boris it's making my bloody eyes water mate!

...."will you look at the tits on that one, oh my good god!"

..."listen mate shut it, that's my bloody sister I'll have you know!"

Curiosity killed the cat, not the meerkat!

Yeah, but they took me downtown and questioned me for eight straight hours.

Oh No! Not that guy from Meerkat Manor again!

I'm up for the 'Seemples' ad - quick! Let's hide!

Like this?

No. Like this, attitude, pout, over the shoulder look. Never look at the camera.

Two meercats went into a bar.

Yea, yea I heard that one.

Now, where is that &%* Pumba anyway, he's is 15 minutes late.

Humph. He's always late. Lets go on without him.

Oh look, David Cameron is coming, maybe he's come for a loan?

Twit

"Look at that, politicians visiting our desert!"

"Don't look them in the eye, it scares them!"

I see Joe McElderry's a bit gay...accordong to reports....

All right. Don't start getting fancy gay Geordie ideas...

How d'you spell meerkat then mate?

Fuck knows. The last bloke couldn't spell according.

Probably a human being thing...

Yes. Weird fuckers at the best of times.

This just doesn't make sense

So what's new?

It's all out of sequence.

Yes. Three pound fifty.

Is that our bus?

No. It's that landscape gardener again.

When is the boss going to bring us out of "Attention"?

I don't know (AT EASE). There you go. You worry too much.

Did they find the guy who stole your identity?

No. But since I owed everybody under the sun, they're screwed.

Youone of those that surf the internet wearing only you BVD's?

Yep. That's what cost me my last job.

Your friend, Ernest, still doing limbo acts?

Yes. He can now go under a snake's belly. That's pretty lowdown.

You still going on bad dates?

Yep. At 4 years old, I should be in a bad marriage by now!

Your shoelaces are untied!

Oh know you don't. I remember the dropped soap incident.

Well I never. Isn't that Betty's husband Dick with Sally?

What a bastard. And she is such a slut.

Take the picture already. We're tired of posing.

Yea, my coffee is getting cold.

What happened to Pumbaa?

I got tired of his farting around.

Hakuna matata, man.

Shut up and get a job like everyone else.

Why is that blue monkey holding the lion cub like that?

He's asking if anyone wants him for dinner.

I understand that Simba and Nala are fighting again.

The stupid bitch keeps making "catty" remarks.

Why does Nala keep trying to eat me?

Circle of life, man... circle of life.

What would you say if I gave you a one carat engagement ring?

Can you feel the love tonight?

What ever happened to Albert Einstein?

Holy shit! You're a talking meerkat! Shit! So am I!

Why are you trying to run away and leave me alone?

The slow meerkat gets to have breakfast with the hyenas.

What happened to Timon?

The warthog farted on him. He's trying to wash it off.

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight...

That audition was bloody awful. You don't belong on Meerkat Idol.

Mufasa, then Scar, then Simba. When will a Meerkat get to be king?

When Pumbaa "blows away" the competition.

Meerkats! Who named us that?

Some enemy that didn't want us to reproduce. I vote for MachoKats!

Still unsing Viagra?

Helps me pop up, then pop in.

Is Joe still sick?

Yes. The doc says it's Mal de MereKat.

Where's my pocket?

I can't find mine either.

How long do we have to wait in this line?

Oh Shut up. You're the one who wanted to go out to dinner.

With this new mascara I don't need sunglasses.

I know isn't it great. And you can get it at Target, forget Nordstroms.

See that stick behind us? Don't look, I think it is watching us.

Okay, on the count of three lets run. I'm pretty sure its a snake.

Starbucks, starsmucks, all I want is coffee.

I know, they should have an express line for coffee only.

What time is our flight?

Ten thirty. Be ready, take your shoes off. We gunna have to run to make it.

Woh, what sub-species is that!?

Egyptian, he's a creep. OMG, Look at that tall dark Kenyan next to him.

Wait a minute, isn't Bob supposed to be on Watch duty now?

Hs's always late. Let's write him up. He ran out of excuses ages ago.

My son got admitted to Stanford.

Who's gunna pay that tuition? You're Ex? Hope he's got a scholership.

You're mocking me!

You're mocking me!

Do I have on too much mascara?

I don't talk to strange raccoons!

I loved that Meerkat love song by the Carpenters.

That was Muskrat Love.

I thought I heard a noise. Why did you stand up?

I thought you heard a noise too.

Let's go back and finish up. False alarm.

I'm out of the mood.

What does your new boyfriend look like?

He's a merekat. What did you think, a giraffe?

You misspelled meerkat and it's right up there in the corner.

I'm not looking that way.

Did you just fart?

He who smelt it dealt it, unless Pumbaa's around.

Do you want to see Inception of Marmaduke?

I don't care, just don't forget the insects on the popcorn this time.

Is is bigger than a bread box?

I'm not bigger than a bread box... and why is size so important?

I can't believe that they didn't sign me for another season!

It's Meerkat Manor, and you have no manners!

What are you going to dress up as next Halloween?

I'm thinking racoon... I've been told I have the eyes for it.

Chelsea Clinton is getting married today.

Hey! She looks like a horse, she's not cute like a meerkat!

Why didn't they cheer when I smashed my guitar?

This isn't a "hair" band. It's a "hairy" band, you moron!

Think the guy in the computer see's I'm flipping him off?

Can you tell I'm mooning you?

Don't look now, but I think Einstein's behind us.

He's been dead over 50 years... just like your mother!

So I asked this squirrel, "you come here often?"

How many times have I told you inner species love is for Arkansas?

I think I'm going undercover in the prarie dog town next week.

Do you think they're going to write "Secret Rodent Man?"

Hey, check out that mouse over there?

Why, did Britney forget her panties again?

Did you hear that they are going to make "The Lion King IV"

Yep, I also hear that you are playing "dinner."

We have the technology, we can rebuild him, we can make...

They are not going to film "The Six Million Dollar Meerkat!"

I'm going to try out for the tough guy in the new Rocky movie.

Rocky is a human boxer, you idiot, not Bullwinkle's racoon buddy.

What do you think of the troops, mine Fuhrer

Benito and Adolf were three weeks ago, you idiot!!

What's the name of the first base man?

What's on second, Who's on first. I've told you this before.

Can you feel the love tonight?

With a penis that small, I don't think anyone can.

I think that they said they were sending us to a Kansas zoo.

Damn! I wanted San Diego. There's a nude beach not far away.

Where's Pumbaa?

Like Toucan Sam says, "just follow your nose!"

Mommy, how come my tits are so small?

If all eight of your breasts were big, you couldn't walk.

I'm thinking about going in today for a Brazilian.

Your crotch will be the only part with no hair... like Rosie O'Donnell.

Do you think I could get a job at Meerkat Manor?

I couldn't get a job as the butler at Stately Wayne Manor.

Does this dress make me look fat?

Do you expect me to answer and not have to sleep on the couch?

You never take me anywhere nice!

We went to Meerkat Manor. That just sounds expensive!

Why did you draw a ring around my vagina with a marker?

Circle of life, girl... circle of life!

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight!

You know I hate doing the "weema wheeps." My voice isn't that deep.

Did you hear Mufasa sounds like James Earl Jones?

Yeah, and King Kong looks like Oprah.

Some people think that Scar was supposed to be gay.

You keep standing behind me, and I'll think that you're flaky too.

I guess there won't be any more E=mc2 jokes.

Moron, we can't even spell E=mc2. We're rodents!

I've bought my jock strap now.

We're supporting characters, you moron, not ball support!

The hyenas invited us over for dinner tonight.

I think they invited us to "be" dinner tonight.

I think I lost a contact again.

I told you to switch to glasses, but you are just so vain!

At one point I thought Nala was going to eat me!

A blow job from a lion might be an interesting experience.

Did you hear that Jimmy cracked corn.

I don't care.

Bill Richardson wants to pardon Billy the Kid.

Maybe he's hoping that someone will pardon him for sucking in N.M..

Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with short arms?

That's why I spend my whole paycheck on hookers.

Don't blame me, I didn't vote for Obama.

What do you mean? Only dummies like you did vote for him.

I was so good at Meerkat Manor I'm getting a Charmin commercial.

What, is the bear using you to wipe his ass?

The word "meerkat" is on here three times.

You think Mark is afraid these idiots will misspell it?

Did you read that 'little Joe' of X-Factor fame has admitted being gay?

..."no shit Sherlock!"

There's an ad on here that says I'm the 100,000th customer!

Send your money to Nigeria like a good moron and shut up.

Did they have to kill any animals to give me this fur coat?

No, but lots of bugs gave their all for you to not grow brains.

I can't see my ears!

You've never seen your ass either, but we all smell it's there.

How come Timon got that big part in The Lion King?

Yeah, he's not really cute. He's just drawn that way!

I could have been reincarnated as a kangaroo.

You need to start drinking decaf. You're jumpy enough now.

What do you think of my new grooming?

Mom always liked you best!

What do you think about the fickle finger of fate?

I don't care, but you'd better not try to stick it in my ass again.

Martin and Lewis, Laurel and Hardy, Rowan and Martin, Abbot & Costello,

But none of those comedy pairs were meerkats. We're just not funny.

How come I always have to be the "left" meerkat.

Because you're stupid and can't do anything right!

Can I be head of Meerkat Manor next season?

The head of the tribe gets eaten by a lion in episode six.

Explain again why I don't like Adam Lambert or Richard Simmons?

You go first in our jokes, so you have to be the straight man.

I hope the hurry up the line, I'm hungry.

This is the sex line. Are you still hungry?

Why don't Meerkats look like cats?

Why do prairie dogs not look like dogs?

Regular cats don't stand like this.

So we evolved faster. You want to tell that to a bobcat?

Spoof Writer at 12 O'Clock!

Ignore them and they go away after they peck around a bit.

Whatsa matter? You never seen the Macarena before?

Not the way you do it. It looks more like the Mack truck.

If you don't say anything does this bubble still exist?

Only in the wild. Domestic meerkats don't need them.

Where is that beer?

Here she comes, better order a couple more pints to keep supplies up.

If it had been a snake it would have bit me.

It WAS a snake. It bit you before. You must taste like you smell.

What do you call thoe big things?

National Geographic staff people. Look cute!

There goes that weasel!

Oh you're not laying that 'pop' on him again. Quit eating mole beans.

Do these big balloons remind you of Snooki?

Only if you leave off the 'S'.

Did you hear about Little Roy biting the big one?

"He's not only meerly dead, he's really most sincerely dead!" dah-dah!

Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas.

You leave the Groucho mask right where it is.

With all those Rock bands, you'd think there would be The Meercats.

We were originally but Mark Knopfler changed it from "The Meerkats of Swing".

You were kidding weren't you..about this being a sex line?

Ask the Meercat with long fur coat & fancy hat.

I don't know about National Geographic. Last time I was next to the naked pygmy.

So where is your loin cloth?

I never realized meerkats were so talkative on guard duty.

We're not silent like those guards at Buckinham Palace, you moron

When do I get to be the guy to deliver the punch line?

Only when there is a dyslexic Spoof writer.

Why do you think Mark Lowton chose us to go next?

Maybe we remind him of his mustache... or a hairy beaver.

Why do I have to be the left meerkat? I'm not a Democrat!

No, but you are still a dumbass and think a Pelosi is your weiner.

If a Lewinski is a blowjob, then what's a Pelosi?

Taking it up the ass without vaseline or a reach around.

Because I'm a cat, does that mean I have to start using a litter box?

No, Obama's a pussy and he spews shit everywhere!

Look, I'm a ventriloquiest. I can make him talk and not move lips.

Because we're in a photograph, nothing moves... moron!

Any word on when Pumbaa is showing up?

I don't know. I heard the party he went to was a real gas!

Where did you say that Simba went to get his hair cut?

At some place called the "Mane" Event.

Why do dogs sniff each other's asses when they first meet?

Because they are illiterate and can't read their name tags.

I'm thinking of making those ladies over their a meerkat sandwich.

Be careful, our show is on cable tv, but not the Playboy channel.

Superman had Krypto, Batman had Ace,... heroes have mascots!

Yes, but Laura Croft is not going down with you as a womb raider.

The Chipmunks have movies, tv shows, records, books,...

I'm not breathing helium just to be a famous singing rodent!

"This is the city, Los Angeles, California. I carry a badge."

Those Meerkat Manor people should never have named you Friday.

Do you want to change my diappy?

How many times do I have to tell you... Meerkats, not Rugrats!

And now, a meerkat with his finger up a friend's ass!

Do it and I'll kill you! This isn't Monty Python's Flying Circus.

I'm here to relieve you for guard duty.

Holy Crap! Don't sneak up on me like that!

"They tell me a member of Parliament is going to be charged for fiddling!"

"Urgh?"

Knock Knock!

You idiot! There are only two balloons!

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science.

More like a taxidermist!

No, I mean it. When I die, I'm donating my body to science.

I would have guessed, "Sciende Fiction".

Didyou know that after you die, your nails and hair keep growing for 3 days.

You been digging up Harold again?

I wonder what happens after death & our bodies are buried underground?

We LIVE underground now. So what's the difference?

So I called this lady and said "Is your refrigerator running?"

I never should have put your cell phone on my family plan.

"I'm concerned about the ecological damage we do as a species in this planet..."

"Urgh!"

Mom said not to forget eggs and milk at the store.

Tell your mother if they ain't on the list, I ain't buying.

Ralph, sometimes I just wanna scream!

To the moon, Alice....

I caught your son with a Playboy magazine under the mattress.

Yeah, but that isn't serious stuff. It isn't National Geographic nudity.

I think I want to be a celebrity judge on American Idol.

Why not? You've got more talent than Ryan Seacrest.

Why can't I play football? The other animals get to play!

The pigskin isn't one of the players... it's the ball, you moron.

So then this Cruella Da Ville was asking about fur coats....

Work for her if you want, but I think you'll get skinned.

...in my fur and on my neck and in my paw pads and in my ears...

I told you not to go to the flea market without a flea collar.

That stick behind me looks like my neck has a handle

As the big, bad, wolf says: "The better to beat you with, my dear."

How come we were not invited to Comic Con?

Meerkat Manor isn't a cartoon, science fiction or a nerdy geek show.

You ignore me now, but we had a beautiful weekend in the Oasis.

The rule is what happens in the oasis stays in the oasis.

Why do you want to always travel in the dark?

Because "in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight."

Did you hear that they made a film about getting a Brazilian?

Yep, it's called "South American Hot Wax."

How come we don't get fancy uniforms like Benny and Adolf?

Maybe because you keep getting your fur coat dirty.

Have I got a booger on my nose?

No, it looks more like you got a nose on that big booger.

You really scared me with that rubber snake in my bed.

Good thing we got rubber sheets also.

Mom always told us the Meer shall inherit the earth!

Well, we certainly have a great start in these holes.

Coyote got Dumb Elmer last night.

Elmer didn't know his ass from his hole in the ground.

Did you see O'reilly last night?

Nope. Listened to baseball. I gave up on TV when it went digital.

You didn't go digital?

Only on thecable guy who came to install it.

Hey, that lady meerkat's got a nice rack

Yep, I'd like to hakuna her matatas!

Why all the Meerkat Manor and Lion King jokes?

Because we weren't in the Shakespeare plays, moron.

How come I always have to pull off your dingleberries?

You said you wanted to be the one behind the throne.

General Motors, General Electric, General Dynamics, General Mills

All that leadership and American business is still screwed up!

How come out "kat" starts with a k instead of a c?

Who ever said zoologists won spelling bees?

It would be nice if we could edit what we say.

Yes, but you always say stupid stuff anyway, so that's everything!

"If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing that I'd like to do..."

That's a Jim Croce song. We're supposed to be doing duets!

Should we be Sonny and Cher or the Captain and Tennille?

You're about as flat chested as pre-implant Cher, so go with that one.

Did you hear that Timon is the first into the Meerkat Hall of Fame?

Of course, without him people would still call us funny little Prarie Dogs!

Why do you always leave when my mother comes over to visit?

Because an hour smelling Pumbaa's farting is more enjoyable.

Do I look like Napoleon?

Asshole.

My wife and I have been together for 45 years, and we NEVER fight.

(Thinking) I want to cut off your head and stuff it in a bowling ball bag.

Holy Sh-t! We've evolved into bipeds.

Dink.

"I want to reconcile the violence in your heart..."

Muse sucks.

Interrupting cow who?

Moo!

Guy came through here last evening jogging. Guess he's trying to lose weight.

I'll take up joggine when I finally see one smile.

Well Hitler looks like we are back!

Yes Mussilini, but as what?

Einstein has finally gone.

Yes, and he and Houdini cannot come back, we stand no chance at all!

Well for crying out loud!

That's Al Gore looking for a musseuse.

Did the Clinton wedding go well?

WITH a hitch!

How many Merekats does it take..

I told you not to start that again.

I don't mind being on the National Geographic again.

Yeah, but I was hoping for "Animal Planet"

Are our life spans like that of a dog?

None of us has reached immortality yet. But someone has to set the pace.

It says over there right now that Tatlor Lautner is NOT dead.

Do I care? Why do you think I look the other way, your pretty puss?

"Them good ole boys were eating chicken wings & pie"

"Saying this will be the day that I die"..or the Cubs win the Series.

I think I need to lost ten pounds

You can start with that stuff between the ears, fat head.

I think I need to lose ten pounds

...and since you only weigh nine pounds....

Did you hear that SFO pulled out a ten pound booger?

Yep, and then his head collapsed.

Why isn't everyone making vagina jokes about us?

Because we're meerkats, not beavers.

Where did you say that they were having the big dance tonight?

For really hot music, always go to Pride Rock!

Are you sure it's a real place?

How many times do I have to say "Pride Rock isn't a radio station?"

Do you think there will be any buffet left when we get to the front?

If you hadn't changed your shoes eight times, we might eat.

Work day tomorrow.

That's the only compensation about getting eaten by a coyote. No work days.

Why do we all look alike?

You say that YOU look like ME? Give me a break!

I can't see any difference in looks between us.

Look down a little lower, stud!

You got that dog years thing figured out yet?

No. It seems that we get old while we're pretty young.

Why couldn't Fluffy cross the road?

He was a mere cat.

What the hell are we then? Rodents? Felines? Canines?

We're meerkats you numbskull. M-E-E-R-C-A-T-S.

What, the scorpions I served for breakfast weren't potent enough for you?

Ok cover me, I'm going in after that cobra.

I hate doing the soft-shoe with you. You always upstage me.

Ok, let's try it one more time. A dink-a dink-a do, I love you.

Uhmmm...geez, would ya look at the time. Late for choir practice again.

Does this fur make my butt look fat?

Oh boy, I need to find myself a new gang to hang with.

Well, get used to it. Mother is coming to visit and there's nothing you can do.

But you always throw out the best parts of the snake.

I simply asked you to take out the garbage, not eat it.

Hey, I'm Molly Meerkat.

Molly Meerkat is a skank, pass it on.

"Don't stop Believing is fab!"

........"don't lie you bastard you just watch it becuase you like Emmas tits!"

Why do they always want us to stand for photos?

Because we look like weasels on our all-fours.

these new heels are killing me!

I told you to wear flip flops in the desert Cynthia.

So I have a little gas?

Little? There are two buzzards in line behind you.

This is another fine mess you've gotten us into.

I didn't tell you to get in the sex line!

Buzzards won't get me. I'll get in a hole.

Won't be much left of you to get in.

Hello darling do you come here often?

one step nearer my ring piece and you're dead meat - shit! pissed on my foot!

I'll piss on your back, Jack!

I'll shit on your feet, Pete!

Smile and the world smiles with you.

Laugh and they take you away.

What? This is the freak line? A calf with two heads?

It takes all kine!

Yep, I'm still here!

Ben Franklin said that fish and visitors both smell after three days.

Let's play "Laugh In". I'll say "Goodnight, Dick" and you...

I'll sock it to you, baby.

Why did they color Pumbaa red in The Lion King?

Maybe he was red with embarrassment with that farting.

Dance your cares away, worries for another day, let the music play...

We're going to Pride Rock, not Fraggle Rock... you moron!

They kicked me out because I didn't hold open a door for a lady.

It's because you failed your Meerkat "Manners" test.

Help, I'm Mussolini and I've been reincarnated as a meerkat.

Well, I was Einstein and now my brain is 90%smaller.

Did you watch Chelsea Clinton's wedding on television?

No, we're the only thing I watch on Animal Planet.

Did you try those new beetles under that rotted log by Pride Rock?

Tell me they taste like chicken and I'll send the Colonel after you.

That Timon is just so cute. I hope he notices me at the ball tonight!

Why notice you? He's got one of those gay Nathan Lane voices.

Are you saying that Timon is really gay?

Did you see The Birdcage? He did the dyke's voice on that one.

What makes you so sure that Timon is gay?

Hakuna Matata is really a translation of "I pack the fudge"

If Timon is gay, when he, Pumbaa, and Simba lived together...

Yes, the marriage to Nala is in name only; she never "feels the love."

Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me!

You're a guy. It sounds so fruity when you sing that!

I hear two drunk guys tried to beat up Nala and Simba's mom?

Yep, Mel Gibson and Dean West are for supper tonight!

What do you mean the hyenas used "the Jessica Rabbit excuse?"

They told you "we're not really mean, we're just drawn this way?

How come only Simba can sing "I just can't wait to be King"?

Because unlike you, none of his subjects could eat him as a snack.

Why is Simba always singing "Can You Feel The Love Tonight?"

Because he has a tiny penis and is never sure he gets it inside of Nala.

"Strewth, I think I'm getting an erection!"

"hang on Sidney I'll get behind you in case you fall over mate!"

You WERE kidding about this being a sex line?

Yeah. I'ts food. But I noticed that you didn't leave.

So, what are you going to order?

I was thinking about an open turkey-faced sandwich!

I had to get a new shadow.

That sounds just like you. Show you that you were too small in certain regions?

My old shadow would go ahead in front of me.

Right. Was that when the sun was behind you?

I went to a shrink but the second day, he said something that disturbed me.

What was it, "No hablo ingles"?

I gotta go piss again. Save my place.

Joe, you're a fur-covered kidney!

Hold my place. I have to piss again.

Just don't shake my hand when you return.

So, can I piss ? You'll hold my place in line.

If you piss here, the piss will hold your place in line.

I gotta go, Joe!

OK, OK, I'll hold your place in line. You're a fur-covered kidney, ya know that?

I have a good marriage. Don't flirt.

Not me. George now farts so much it's like a kid speaking Klingon.

We like TV reality shows.

We do too. But where we live, we pull the curtains back & look out the window.

I like the Home Shopping Network.

Same here. Last week we bought a little-known congressman

"I can see clearly now the brain is gone."

Thank you, Johnny Nash

They're changing Mount Rushmore?

Yep. Washington now has a big clock in his head.

And that Yankees catcher had to leave the game for what?

Squat rash. The temperature is murder.

"We cling together, we're nepotistic, greedy, and distant from others"

"Perhaps we should become politicians then?"

I'll look due south, you look southwest by south, and Bernard will look .....

Pleeease, we know the routine already.

That was a spicy scorpian they served at dinner last night.

Yea, Lenny at the Mexico City Zoo sent some habeneros.

"Whack for my daddy-o"

"There's whiskey in the jar-o"

Rock!

Scissors! Shit! "OK, Let's change places in line."

"Makin' their way the only way they know how"

"That's just a little bit more than the law will allow." Where's that food?

Why do men get their great ideas in bed?

Because they're plugged into a genius!

Rock!

Paper! Hah Got you!

Is that a lion?

Nah, it's a mere cat.

What was Howdy Doody's obese brother's name?

Double Doody!

Which of Howdy Doody's brothers served on the bench?

Actually he WAS the bench. Jury Doody!

Which one of Howdy Doody's brothers stayed at home in the forest?

Rooty Doody!

Which one of Howdy Doody's Uncles invented the vuvuzela?

Tooty Doody!

I'm hungry. Why won't this line move?

I'm so hungry, I'm imagining you on a rotisserie.

Sometimes you have to fast! It's supposed to be good for you.

Why do they call it a fast, when it takes so long?

The wife wants me to wear a brown tie.

It would go well with your yellow teeth.

At least we got to eat!

Yeah. You were on the Forum and missed it. Now it's the toilet line.

Did you know 'Little Joe' was gay?

I would have gone for 'Hoss' personally, he always had a funny walk!

How come the second day of a diet is always better than the first?

You never last but one day!

Those were the best months of my life.

In your dreams. You've never seen Amy Winehouse.

I hope his pics turn out good.

They will. You got piss on your belly.

Have you heard of "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald?"

No, but I've seen the wreck of the Obama administration.

You know, if we lived in caves we wouldn't have to work at digging.

Caves? Just what I always wanted: to live with bats and bears!

I can't wait for Christmas, Santa Clause, and the Ho, Ho, Ho.

You can get one of those on Main street for $100. Why wait?

The wife came home with a dildo last night bigger than me!

Hell, even Skoob is bigger than you!

There is an ad right now above my head about making a baby.

Anyone wants to make a baby, I'll help them for free!

That ad above my head says you can make a free baby.

I'll also do it for free and won't charge for my hotel room.

I heard that you went interspecies last night.

I wanted to try some of that Muskrat Love they sing about.

Screw like rabbits, muskrat love, hot monkey sex, humpback whales

I keep telling you, Meerkats have the most boring sex of all the animals.

Did you hear about Alice falling down the rabbit hole?

So Alice is sleeping with Rosie O'Donnell now?

Is the world's largest sink hole between Obama's ears?

No, it's between his puppet master Oprah's legs.

Do you think if I wear my hat sideways I'll look bad?

No, you'd look stupid... just like the rest of them.

Shit fire! I forgot my cellphone.

Don't tell me you need ed roto-rooters again. Your hole's stopped up.

We're lucky we're not bunnies.

Yes, men don't get upset when they hear "the meerkat died."

Do you think I'd be a good American Idol judge?

Why not, you're taller than Seacrest.

I think I'm going to try out for Africa's Got Talent.

Guard duty and singing with a pig are not talents.

Did you hear that they are doing Survivor: Pride Rock next?

Yeah, but I'll bet that only the pride survives.

Did you know that I tried out for The Apprentice?

I heard that the Donald told you "You're furred!"

Lindsay Lohan is horny and out of jail and I'm only twelve inches tall!

I told you smoking weed would stunt your growth and give delusions.

They only kept Lindsay in jail 13 days on a 90 day sentence!

I wish we could cut Obama's presidency down like that.

Does my butt wiggle when I walk?

No, and your brains don't work when you talk.

I get to play the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz!

...but you look more like Toto and smell like the flying monkeys.

"Puff the magic dragon lived by the sea, and frolliced in the...

Been hanging around with SFO and doing drugs again?

find any nuts.....?

you're looking right at 'em!

think we'll like being the White House Pets?

....does a Meerkat shit in the sock drawer?

I don't trust that Michelle's Mother!

No Shit Sherlock...she catches you off guard your ass will be in the stew !

Well Erskine, should we collaborate on another story?

Why not Vicktor....they seem to like our tails....

I think I smell a chupacabra...

Wrong! That's the lawyer who wants to sign us up for 10 more episodes!

What a mess! Leave your hole to go shopping and travellers move in!

We'll fix 'em...let's go shit in the tunnel! Bastards!

Look...there's another of those Fooking Cameras!

No wonder our sex life sucks! Perverts!

Look...there goes Prince Charles!

....sigh...wish we had ears like that...we could para sail!

CJ said after 14 days in Jail Li Lo's Pussy looks just like you!

I know...I've got a hair appointment tomorrow!

Ever think that we're not real?

...ya...sometimes I just feel stuffed!

I only count 5 Ravens...we're doomed!

Let's head for our hole and hide out till it's safe!

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#50, accidentally drop your toupee in her soup.

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#49, Tell her she's so ugly, even a double dose of Viagra won't work.

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#48, Write "the Dallas Cowboys play here" on her panty crotch.

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#47, Tell her most ten year old boys have bigger tits than she does.

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#46, Put Ben Gay in her panties; they haven't been that hot in years.

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#45, Tell her she needs a Brazilian.. on her mustache and beard.

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#44, Buy her a one way ticket to Mogadishu.

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#43, Feed her ex-lax cookies, then hide the toilet paper.

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#42, Put Nair in her shampoo.

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#41, replace all of her lingerie with burlap and tell her it's flattering.

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#40, Tell her you'd rather do her backwards cuz her face is ugly.

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#39, Tell her that her sister got the good genes... and better ass.

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#38, Toilet paper her car... with the used stuff.

Lady Gaga's album the worst ever!

Try Dylan's Christmas Tunes. At least I think they're Christmas tunes.

Who put the bomp in the bomp bomp?

Who put the Ram in the Rama lama ding dong?

I will not stand here an & listen to insults.

They sound even worse while sitting down. You know you favor Mussilini a bit.

T S Elliot loved meercats.

So did Hemingway. When they were replaced but mere cats, he shot himself.

What was that Christie book about the Merecats?

The Mysterious Affair of Meercats at Styles.

Roger over there, queer as Tweety Bird!

I taut I taw a meerkat!

Who's the Merecat with the rag top?

I don't know his name now but he used to be Merecat Stevens.

Merecat Stevens is getting old.

Right now I need to go get on the piss train.

"Hello Houston!"

The Merecats have landed! Wouldn't that screw them up? You good at hacking?

Who's our nearest kin?

Those Cool cats that put up mirrors all over the bedroom, mirrorkats!

Turdblossem has that 50 ways to lose your lover in my head.

Just jump on the broad, Claude!

"Pinch her on the tail, Mel!"

"In the back of the car, Gar!"

I'm sick of TV! Hope the solar flares melt it.

But not until we're into the holes.

You got 47 kids, you've been hitting the holes too much already.

Nothing else to do. Sun flare got the TV.

Must be sad to be so famous you have to hide.

Is that Tiger Woods putting on the prairie?

There must be 50 ways to hold your pecker!

I'm bored too...Grab the big tool, Jewell.

There must be 50 ways to love your liver.

Cook it with some onions and bread, Fred.

I've hid my nuts for the winter.

But I can see them right now.

The food was pretty good for a mission.

You better back up a bit, the yams have sat my stomach roaring.

Are you going to press that pregnancy button down there?

Probably. I always touch the Wet Paint stuff.

Those Spoofers really like to spy on us.

They score points. That's about all they score if they're on here all day.

I think I'm getting older. Sex has become a pain in the ass.

You must be doing it wrong!

Heard you & wife divorced.

Yeah. She said I didn't match her shoes, her way of saying I was a big loafer

My girlfriend calls me "A hunka hunka burning Love? What does yours call you?

"A hunka, hunka burning love! Hmmm"

My elbow is halfway up my arm in this heat!

You think that's bad, I got a bone in my leg.

So, I got a bone in my leg, too.

Yes, but my bare face is hanging out.

You know what? This is the sex line, not the john?

I thought they called all of us johns.

But I have to pee.

Peter Pan had to crow.

Do you always have to have the last word?

No!

I'm going over behind those bushes.

That's where National Geographic set up the catering. You'll look good on TV.

While we're waiting, do you know, Kumbaya?"

Wasn't he Obama's brother that made $200 a year?

I always pee on a cactus!

They can use all the water they can get. But don't stand too close.

You know what really gets my goat?

That animal control guy, Bert isn't it?

This 2nd Amendment thing says that we have the right to bear arms, right?

What do we do with the rest of the bear?

I'm talking about 'bear arms'...guns!

But the bear arms would be great to scratch you ass!

You seen that new Meerkat commercial yet?

Too right mate, my bruvver Reg has a walk on part in it.

Have you ever stopped to think just why we stand like this Herrman?

Itching piles komerade...whatever you do don't sit down!

Look at the boobs on that babe.

Dummy, that's my sister!

Where were we on the countdown of 50 ways to leave your lover?

You'll never have 50 lovers, or even have to dump on, so why ask?

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#37, Dress and act like a rapper and she'll divorce you for stupidity.

Did Paul Simon ever list all 50 ways to leave your lover?

#36, Ask if she swam in the aquarium and made the fish stink.

"How come the human's queue is longer thewn ours?"

"That's Job Seekers queue!"

'Break in, it'll be fine' you said! 'It'll make a nice burrow' you said!

How the F@#k was I to know it was a glue factory?

You mean those pirates cooked Alfred?

"Yo Ho Ho & A Beer Can Up his bum!"

I wonder if penquins can tell each other apart?

I doubt it. And, who are you, if I might ask?

You HAVE lost some weight. How did you do it, again?

The Bullfrog Diet. Eat a bullfrog every morning & you'll not want food,

LOWTON IS wrong! You're on my left, and a Meerkat to boot!

Did you say to BOOT? I will boot you when I've tied me shoelaces...

"How can I be ze LEFT Meerkat, when I'm ALWAYS RIGHT?"

"Well this time you're wrong, Sherlock !"

You'll be going through the streets like Peter Lowry.

In The Year of the Meercat!

"I'm LEFT!"

"No, you can''t be. Wilbur, we're... THE WRIGHT BROTHERS!"

They're taking a photo

So that's why you're on tip-toes

Tuck that gut in!

It IS tucked in!

You had to fart just as they took the photo didn't you.

Boy will you look like an idiot with that nose in your paw.

Did you look at the birdy?

No, I looked at the Blondie.

99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer..

Take 99 down, guzzle 'em down, no bottles of beer on the wall, it's in the john.

That's not how it goes.

I improvised. I like beer.

What does "Blow the man down boys, blo the man down", mean?

I don't know. Ask Ms. Lewinsky.

"Does my Bum look big in this?"

"No, but your gut does!"

We've been on guard duty a full seven days now.

That long without sleep can make one feel "week."

Who do you think Mark is going to put up here next.

I want a hot blond with big boobs... what was your question?

I think we've exhausted Lion King and Meerkat Manor jokes.

Yep, now it's time to rip on some of the Spoof writers and Lowton.

Why do you think Lowton chose Meerkats?

It didn't make him feel insecure about his small penis.

What's another reason why Lowton chose Meerkats?

Because he was afraid of copyright with Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Any more reasons why Lowton picked Meerkats this week?

His wife made him do it... he's pussywhipped.

Can you think of other reasons why Lowton chose Meerkats?

He wasn't sure on the spelling of opossum.

What's the biggest reason why Lotwon chose Meerkats?

He thought the writers would have too much fun with a Platypus.

Weren't there originally three of us?

The other guy is in Duncan Whitehead's lunchbox.

Where are you going now?

I'm going to stand next to you and make Fergus see double again.

Where does Queen Mudder come up with her ideas?

Supermarket tabloids and conspiracy theorists.

Bargis Tryhol used to be big at this website.

He's big on most porn websites too.

What are you dressing up as for Halloween.

Abel made me a chupabra costume so I look like Lady Godiva on speed.

Didn't you mis-spell chupacabra in the other post?

Hey, I'm taking spelling lessons from Joy Renee.

How come Bureau comes to the captions so often?

Maybe he's finally getting burned out after ten million snippets a week.

How come Jesus Budda never writes captions?

He's still playing naked twister with himself.

I wish Gnarly Eric would come back.

He's next in line for Bristol Pallin. He's trying to nail a corrupt bastard.

Is it true Monkey Woods has a split personality?

With the sex stories he writes, it's a banana split personality.

I think Morse and Frankie are the oldest ones on this site.

Yep, I get tired of pulling out the Pledge when they fart dust.

What the hell ever happened to Who The Hell is Mohit?

Who the hell cares?

What's that really ugly animal that Cal Jennings is humping?

About three years ago, we'd say it was his sister.

So why did Frankie the J move to West Virginia?

Maybe he's into bestiality, and that's where Cal's sister lives.

Is it true that Turdblossom puts the most words in our mouths?

Only when Jalapenoman lets him have the keyboard.

Why doesn't Lynton write that many captions?

He spends most of his time writing about Cox.

Colonel Juan also doesn't pen too many things for us to say.

If you don't have a popular vagina, CJ tends to ignore you.

Is there anything funny you can say about Charpa?

I don't have the "brains" to think of anything funny about her.

Shall we go to the Elk's lodge tonight after guard duty ends?

Sure, and we can take SFO. I'm sure he'd like to blow a few "Bucks."

Why isn't Gail writing any captions?

What she does with her writing is a mystery to me.

I hear that some crazy bartender started writing captions.

That's insane... either that or it's In Seine!

Why isn't Doctor Fox writing captions this morning?

He's with Jenny Bigtits in the hen house!

How about Philbert of Macademia? Where's he at?

He's probably with a Doc in the nut house!

What's Jimbo Gunn doing these days?

Probably fifteen to twenty with no chance of parole.

Why did Dean West call himself Alexandria177?

Latest girl and number of slaps per hour.

Is there anything funny you can say about Birbee next?

Wasn't it a green monkey that was responsible for AIDS?

How many of the Spoof writers do you plan to insult?

I don't know, how many are there?

Why did that one guy call himself arm, feet, toe?

Maybe he was trying to remember the Hokey Pokey.

Did you see that Buck E. Filbert has been writing here again lately?

Vagina.

Why did that one guy call himself Buckwheatsbutt?

Because Helium was already sucking Buckwheat's dick.

Is it true that Produce was also Flash Nitrate and J.D. Balderdash?

Shhhh. We need to keep that secret from President Bush.

How can you make fun of Erskin Quint?

What if we call him Foreskin Squint?

What about Jaggedone?

I don't think I want to "cut" him down.

When do you think Lowton is going to change us to another picture?

When his wife lets him.

Is anyone happy that the Courts disenfrachised California voters?

You mean besides SFO?

Do you think there is a King Mudder?

No, but there might be a Queen Fadder.

What did they say the first time Abel Rodriguez took Viagra?

I think his wife sang the San Antonio Rose.

I think we should spend the next 50 captions insulting Spoof writers.

Why? Their stories are insulting enough!

Bureau stated that he hasn't been hit today by One-Star. Maybe Mark 'marked' him

I still say that One-Star came from the Lone-Star state!

You say your parents were in divorce court?

Yeah. It was like a TV game show. Mom was the big winner!

I got ticketed at a sporting event. In fact 2000 of us did.

Was that at the Special Olympics?

Divorce is a bad thing but sometimes it's the only choice.

Especially when we kids are always dodging bullets & hiding liquor.

Do you still want to list Simon's 50 ways to leave your lover?

No, that's so Tuesday. How about we sing 100 bottles of beer?

I'm glad I didn't die with that plague. But my whole life flashed before my eyes

Including 2,000 trips to the package store?

99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. If one of those...

...bottles should happen to fall, Fergus would cry and then bawl.

Like my family, I didn't believe in divorce. But then I got married.

I didn't believe in social diseases either....

Uh oh, someone else is posting captions right now.

Right, that means the continuety is every other posting.

"I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I..."

If you say "I've never been to me," I'm going to hit you.

Was divorce hard on you kids?

Hard on? Mom took everything. We didn't have anything to get up for.

Who do you think will be the first celebrity gay marriage now?

Nancy Pelosi or Rosie O'Donnell will probably marry their ego.

Bureau, you've been on long enough!

Yeah, back to you, Turdblossom!

What's the best thing about gay marriage?

They both agree on whether the toilet seat stays up or down.

Did you watch 'Last Tango In Paris"?

Just the tail end of it.

I understand they are closing the San Diego Keebler plant next week.

Yep, all the fudge packers are going on their honeymoons.

What was that other Brando movie?

"Uponherhips" Now?

Do you think any Spoof writers will take advantage of gay marriage?

No, but Tragic Rabbit (the other California Spoofer) should hide.

At least Brando die with a smill on his lips.

And it wasn't even his.

Who do brides do at their California gay weddings?

Someone old, new, borrowed, and someone blew.

Why don't pharmacies like California gay marriage?

Because half the couples will never buy viagra.

What's the best part of a California gay honeymoon?

No one needs birth control.

Looks like Bureau is writing captions again today.

That's 30,000 snippets that won't get posted.

I think we should have a Spoof summit for the African writers.

Who's left after Henman got eaten by that Lion?

Why was Henman getting so excited by the National Geographic?

Half his senior class was topless in this month's Africa story.

Why his Henman so proud of himself on The Spoof site?

He's black, so after Bargis and SFO, he may be the biggest dick.

Why is Henman shoving Pumbaa in the trunk of that old AMC Pacer?

His mother told him to put gas in the car.

I understand the Brownies were not successful in their fund raising.

Nope, those Lion droppings are a new version of Girl Scout cookies.

Which one is your favorite zoo?

I think the people looking at us were wierdest in San Diego.

Turdblossom went and got on that forum thing and left us.

Hey, Turdblossom! You get back down here where the real issues are!

It's that Gay Marriage thing.

Why not call it "Pairage" with benefits like marriage. Too simple?

Let's not get that going here. We're supposed to be funny.

Well, they're out-doing us.

Come on back Turdblossom.

Yeah, Bureau needs to get back to the snippets.

Come on back, Turdblossom! He's not listening.

Speaking of not listening, Bureau has that 50th Dylan on. I can't take that!

I think it's been 100 captions since anyone but Bureau or TT wrote

I think everyone else is rushing to California to get married.

That one guy is really pushing gay marriage in the forums.

He needs to keep it in the closet and in his pants where it belongs.

How come we're not saying cute Disney like things anymore?

On a website where the favorite topics are vaginas and biggest dicks?

I wonder what happened to Lady Godiva?

I think she got eaten by a chocolate loving Smurf.

I've still got that really long stick thing coming out of my ear.

Did you take the two aspirin and call the doctor this morning?

"The prettiest girl I ever saw was sipping cider through a straw."

She was giving me a blowjob, idiot. Stop it with the penis jokes.

Your girlfriend said she wanted to see you lickity split.

That's her code name for my giving her oral sex.

I am trying to look intelligent and masterful

Come on George W, there must be something easier than that!

Don't sniff now cos I just let one go.

Oh, I thought I heard thunder.

OI ATTENBOROUGH!!! What you lookin'at?????

He's comparng the Meerkats' crown jewels SIMPLES!!!!

Hey, is your refrigerator running?

You're supposed to do that over the phone, you idiot!

Some guy just called and asked if we had Prince Albert in a can.

That joke's older than your mother's dentures.

Did you know that the song from MASH is "Suicide is Painless?"

Why don't you try it and put us both out of our misery.

I watched The Incredible Journey on dvd tonight

Talking animals? I don't believe in that garbage.

Who do you think is the one star ass bandit.

We all know who the ass bandit is, but I'm not sure on the one stars.

What happens if the one star ass bandit comes after us?

No worries! He can like us, but there's not a dislike button to click.

How much longer do you think we'll be here? I want to know.

Don't worry; you won't be late for your bikini wax next week.

Can Lowton change our picture while he's on his vacation?

Only if his wife lets him do it.

Where did Lowton go on his vacation?

If he wasn't married, I say he was in California proposing to a guy

Why does Johnny always come marching home again?

Because he keeps getting called out to keep the rest of the world safe.

Why did you compare that guy to a boil on your butt?

Because he's also a pain in the ass.

Look, a flying chicken, cow, horse, and trojan rabbit!

Run away! Run Away!

What do you think happens to athiests when they die?

They sit around denying hell exists for eternity.

Who is that with Simba?

It isn't Nala. I think its Madonna. No wait a minute, its just Rafiki in drag.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#20: Have you seen her avatar? She's got the blues.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#19: She's a Smurf. Even a man as tiny as you is too big for her.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#18: You can't read, dumbass!

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#17: No one writes any more, but she might send a tweet!

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#16: She didn't like it when you said you hated "Little Women."

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#15: Pumbaa shouldn't have been invited to chaperone.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#14: She said she was going on vacation. She's with a real man.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#13: Maybe it's that whole comb-over thing you've got on top.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#12: She found out Meerkats are rodents, not cats.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#11: She hated it when you said that she was tiny enough to "19"

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#10: The only pencil she could find was the one in your pants.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#9: Doesn't David Letterman normally only do ten of these?

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#8: Because her computer went down on her... and you won't.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#7: She can get more points writing a snippet or story.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#6: She's into old guys and misses Einstein.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#5 Her doctor told her she couldn't eat roughage, and you qualify.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#4: You'd poke yourself using her pointy ears as handles.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#3: You shouldn't have made that crack about the saddle horn.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#2: She's tired of covering herself in chocolate, so stop asking

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

#1: It might be the naked pictures of her you posted on the internet.

Can you give me one good reason why Lady Godiva won't write me?

I think I can give you twenty good reasons. Are you ready?

There goes Lady Godiva with Rafiki! Now I feel very jealous and hurt.

You know what they say among Smurfs: "stay true to the blue!"

On the 13th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....

There is no 13th day of Christmas, you idiot. The song is over!

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....

A restraining order?

On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....

An eviction notice?

On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....

Maybe penecillin for the V.D. if she was nice.

On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....

A.I.D.S.

On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....

Why not.... Herpes

On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....

Crabs?

On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....

The Clap

Why can't you be serious with this song?

Because I've seen your girlfriend!

On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....

Shall we say... Gonorhea?

On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....

A maxed out credit card and a cold shoulder.

On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....

Food Poisoning?

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....

Probably a tongue lashing for leaving the toilet seat up.

On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....

A honey-do list three miles long?

Why don't we sing a Christmas carol?

Maybe because this is August and Christmas is in December!

I'm getting bored. No one ever comes to visit anymore.

Maybe they'd come to the funeral if I put you out of my misery.

Get ready! In just a few posts, a bunch of numbers get screwed up.

Yep, Lowton's got another glitch in the system and is on vacation.

What did you get for last Christmas?

A pair of pants and some nooky and they were both too big for me.

Not much moving on here today.

Our best stuff will be on Saturday Night Live tonight.

Remember how afraid of Frankenstein when kids? They lived in my closet.

Might just had a little fat guy yelling "Abbott! Oh! ABBBOTTT!"

Our marriage was mixed. He was a coyote. I dare not go to sleep.

That was Wiley. He was busy ordering from Acme.

The divorce was messy.

Mine too. There was a baby concerned. Him. I didn't want custody.

Tennessee football team being looked at by NCAA.

Good. Hate hearing 'Rocky Top' every ten seconds!

Didn't you like Dark Shadows better than Twilight?

You just asked that to get more people on here.

Seriously, wasn't Dark Shadows better than Twilight?

Yes, but it was 350 hours long!

Bureau, someone's giving one-stars at this minute.

You're just trying to get him off here. You like Turdblossom!

"It's that Turdblossom Special"

"And it's bringing my baby back. Woo-Woo (Fart) Scuse. Woo Wooed too loud.

Our whole trouble was over penis envy.

She wished you had one, huh? I mean a bigger one.

I think the writers have gotten our sexes confused.

We're both from San Fran right? So screw them.

Sorry to say, I get our sexes mixed up too.

Looks to me like you're hanging in there.

We're at 564. Will we ever be in first place?

Einstein had 696, so Turdblossom and Bureau better get on the ball.

At least we passed Mussolini and Hitler.

They had 341. I guess no one could read German or Italian.

We also passed the Queen and the First Lady. They had 203.

Yes, but those two only smiled and never spoke. It was the docs.

How come our word balloons are the same size?

Union regulations.

People always ask me how much I get paid for being in The Lion King.

I'll bet they didn't know you only got the part cuz of the casting couch.

Sleeping your way to the top is a centuries old tradition.

And since everyone is taller than us... we're always trying.

Look! Some of the month things say September instead of August.

Lowton's about as good with a calendar as he is with a watch.

I told the doc that my penis was burning.

That means that somebody was talking about your penis.

Lilo! Lilo! It's off to rehab we go!

I've went through hell, in the jail, Lilo! Lilo!

Is Gaga a man or a woman?

You read the news. What difference does it make?

He hit the wrong clicker.

Must be Bureau. Can't type worth shit. A two-hand pecker!

"Hello, another pet visitor!"

"It's only a 'mere cat'"

Hey look, there's Tarzan swinging through the trees and vines again.

I really wish he'd put on some underwear with that loin clothe.

Who's stronger, Tarzan or George of the Jungle?

George. He doesn't scream in pain when he beats his chest.

How come Tarzan never hooked up with Sheena?

The Queen of the Jungle thought he talked funny.

How do you know Tarzan wasn't gay?

No one ever called him "The Queen of the Jungle."

Why did George of the Jungle have talking gorillas and birds?

He's a retard. He also thought his elephant was a dog.

What did Tarzan do when he caught Jane in bed with George?

He accused her of being a "Cheetah."

Is Tarzan going to kill a lion or a crocodile in this episode.

Neither; he's going to murder the English language.

Why didn't Sheena ever hook up with George of the Jungle?

Around him, she wouldn't be the biggest boobs in the jungle.

Did Tarzan still call his son "Boy" after he grew up?

Everyone still calls him Boy. His last name is George.

How come Tarzan swings so well and George always hits trees?

Tarzan is King of the Jungle, while George is Klutz of the Jungle.

Why doesn't Tarzan wear something under his loin clothe?

Because he likes to "hang out" in the jungle.

Look! It's that Bushman from The Gods Must Be Crazy!

Watch out! He's always throwing Coke bottles at people.

What did you think of The Gods Must Be Crazy?

I thought that the Coke bottle deserved an Oscar.

When the bushman tried to destroy the coke bottle, it hit me.

The bottle isn't the only thing around that wants to hit you.

How come Tarzan and George never had to destroy a Coke bottle?

They drink Pepsi.

Did you like the sequel? The Gods Must Be Crazy II?

Nope, the Coke bottle didn't held out for too much and wasn't in it.

Do you think Lowton will change us tomorrow?

Are you kidding? We've only done ten Tarzan jokes!

How come they call the Queen's guards beefeaters?

Would you like your security to be called "The Carnivores?"

When do you think they'll make a new Tarzan movie?

There are probably already three of them in pre-production.

Why do so many Tarzan movies have tigers in them?

There are no tigers in Africa, but there are in Hollywood.

Why was Tarzan so excited about going to Northern California?

He wanted to be a swinger in their "vine"yards.

Well, another week has come. Time to get to work.

I was hoping Mark would retire us and we could slack off.

Time to put shoulder to the wheel and nose to the grindstone.

Wouldn't that hurt?

Hi-ho, Hi-ho, it's off to work we go!

The last high ho I knew was Lindsay Lohan.

This is officially the 600th Meerkat caption posting.

1200 if you count both of us.

In honor of our 600 postings, Mark is serving drinks.

...and don't forget the toasted sandwiches!

Okay, we've passed 600 now. Time to shoot for 700.

Right, we've got to pass Einstein. We're cuter and funnier than him.

Do you think Einstein knows we're getting closer?

He's been dead over50 years; I doubt he cares.

Do you think Einstein knows we're getting closer?

Last I heard, he was reading C.J. and checking the vagina stories.

Shall we watch Jungle to Jungle on dvd tonight?

No, I hate those stupid Amazon movies; No lions or meerkats.

What did you think of the Tarzan movie with Bo Derek?

Someone played Tarzan in that movie? I only saw Bo.

What did you think of the Tarzan movie with Bo Derek?

The movie sucked, but I gave Bo a "10."

Isn't it about time for you to hit the showers and go to work?

Are you talking to Turdblossom or me, because I'm at work?

No one else has posted any captions for a while.

Lady Godiva is on vacation and Bureau is probably taking a nap.

I see where you put your talk bubble. Hiding your man boobs?

If Dick Cheney and Joe Biden can have them, I can be proud of mine.

I liked when they said "this tapir will self destruct in 5 seconds."

It was" tape!" There were no animals in Mission Impossible

So, will Dallas find a way to blow it again this year?

You betcha! I have faith in them.

The wife went to a male gynecologist.

What's that, a man that dresses like a woman?

No, she had her hoohah checked by a male gynecologist.!

Wouldn't that be like taking your car to a machanic that never owned one?

Anyway, this guy tried to sell me some magic beans yesterday.

Is that anything like magic mushrooms?

Mary had a little lamb....

...and Abdul had a sheep and a few goats, but leave sex out of this.

"Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet..." What's a tuffet?

Either her ass or something to sit on, who cares? It rhymes, don't it?

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner....

Was he wearing the dunce cap too?

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner...

My teachers just sent me to the principal's office.

Three blind mice, three blind mice, see how they run, see how they run

Yep, running into everything and bumping into each other.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water...

Why? Aren't most streams, springs, and rivers at the bottom of hills?

Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

If she's "contrary," she isn't going to tell you a damned thing or just lie.

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jumped over the candlestick.

I'll bet he burned his ass like a stupid fool.

Georgy Porgy ..., kissed the girls and made them cry

Was he that ugly or did he try to slip them some tongue?

...stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum...

This isn't one of those American Pie sex stories, is it?

How about a little Mother Goose?

How about you shut up and I just goose your mother?

I think I'm gay

GAY! You look bloody miserable to me.

I'm bored. I think I'm going to kill something.

You couldn't kill anything unless it committed suicide in front of you.

Look. You're my wife, yeah, so who's the boss around here?

I am

I think I'll have me a peanut butter sandwich for lunch.

Think! Think? That must be something new for you.

You look deep in thought. What's up?

Meercats got my tongue

I got two left feet.

Come on, the Hava Naglia is easy.

I can't. Two left feet.

If your feet left, what are you standing on?

(Balloons are my thoughts too. This guy is a moron!)

Am not!

How did Charles Schultz do this for 40 years?

The little round-headed kid was the key. Schultz just followed him around.

Have you read Pogo Possum?

We have met the enemy and he is us!

We have met the enemy and he is us. That come from Pogo?

Albert the Alligator actually. It was his balloon.

And they all lived in the Swamp?

Yes, alongside Hawkeye, BJ and Trapper John.

I'm thinking of getting a Hollywood agent.

I'd much rather have a Hollywood skank.

How much time do you spend working out each day? You sure are toned.

I just paid Lowton to photoshop out my fat rolls and make me sexy.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king's horses and men had egg salad for lunch.

That Tarzan sure is a real swinger!

Yeah, but he monkeys around too much for my taste.

It's been almost two weeks and I haven't seen Pumbaa.

Oh, he's the Spoof writer they call JB.

WHO says swine flu pandemic is over!

Who says?

WHO says swine flu pandemic is over. You deaf?

A rock group cures the flu! Of course I understand.

Not a rock group, you idiot!

"You Idiot", sounds like a punk rock band.

No. WHO says swine flu pandemic is over!

WHO said? Is this another elephant hearing things?

WHO says swine flu pandemic is over! The UN dummy!

So WHO is a UN dummy? Did he once check car crash safety?

Yeah that's the one. I will choose my words more closely in my accounts to you.

Oh, that's OK. I've paid all our accounts off with that Nigerian money.

Brit walked the entire Amazon River.

Couldn't swim?

US & Vietnam are now friends!

Bet than super nice lady, Jane Fonda, got them to shake hands.

Spoof forum not the same since the dancing condom left.

Same with Buckwheat's Ass!

That was Buckwheat's Butt!

Buckwheat used a dancing condom on his butt?

Why do you not understand anything I say this morning?

Why do you not understand anything I say this morning too?

One-Star is back. He left for awhile yesterday.

Probably got that wrist disease.

Readership is up today!

Yeah. Down goes Bureau. He's the junk man with snips, jokes, diaries and us.

My wife is on a diet. Won't eat a thing.

Mine won't eat my thing either.

My feet are getting tired. do you think Lowton has a chair?

My neck is stiff, so I can't see any chairs.

This is the longest I've ever been on guard duty.

Sweating in the sun for almost two weeks... we must smell like animals

Is it true that Lowton is going to start paying us for our points?

Just another urban legend, my friend.

Hey! We've almost got as many captions as Einstien!

...and I've had to stand here and listen to you for all of them.

What was this I heard earlier about dancing condoms?

Your only experience is probably drooping condoms.

My mother said that I shouldn't talk to strangers.

...and no one is stranger than your mother.