Caption Competition

So son, why aintcha in 'Nam?

With all due respect Sir... we're at the United Nations to hear your trial.

I do hope this great man will live to 'rock n roll' for years to come!

<whisper> Excuse me... Mr. President? I need to go to the bathroom.

I do hope this photo of us shows the relationship between the old and the young!

I do hope scientists don't come up with that ARPANET or we're screwed on that.

Stop squeezing my hand so hard you wanker!

Sir, you are lucky it's my RIGHT hand you are holding..see, I'm left-handed sir!

Hell son, is that a boxing belt you have around you midriff?

Sir, no sir! It's all the fashion. But couldn't expect you to know that.

Remember the word WATERGATE...but don't ask me WHY.

OK. Say no more. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Say 'hi' to Mark and thank him son.

Hi Mark, and 'thank you' but don't you step on my blue suede shoes.

Did you leave the gas on?

Something's bugging me...

Yes, it's under my shirt!

Have you seen The Wire?

Ladies and gentlemen, I present my new running mate

You've got the female vote, you tricky dude you

We're twins, I'm the good lookin' one

I'm kickin' your ass after they take our photo

The kid's wearing a toupee

And you're wearing your wife's underwear 'Hair Boy'

The singing fella has soft hands

Well ya know what they say - soft hands hard you-know-what

...And stay away from my wife you old hound dog you

You mean Spot? No problem sir, no effen problem

How come your shirt collar looks bloated?

You wanna check out my crotch sissy boy?

Who the hell dressed you Liberace?

Yeah, Liberace, the dude that tickles your ivories

Are you wearing a necklace boy?

Yeah, gramps. Is that Chanel #5, I smell on your honker?

Agreed? You'll sing in my shower

And I'll be the guy and you can be Marilyn Monroe

Remember EP, a handshake is as good as a kiss

I'll take the handshake if you don't mind Skippy

So then me and Pat get free concert tickets right?

Yep, and I don't have to pay taxes right?

Give Priscilla a big kiss on the mouth for me

I swear I'm kickin' your butt you dirty old pervert

Am I The King?

No, you are Tricky Dicky. Gosh, and they voted YOU president!God help the USA

I feel a bit underdressed in this suit.

And so you should. You look like a tailor's dummy.

Gosh! Listen to the crowd cheering me. I've never experienced that before.

Sir! I don't want to burst your bubble but......never mind. Enjoy the moment.

I paid $300 for this suit

I got paid $300 to wear this one

Why are you holding my hand so tightly?

So you can't pull my wallet from my pocket

From your hairstyle you look like a limey Beatle.

From your handshake you feel like a slimy cockroach!

Thought you were going to leave the building

I will if you'll get off my blue suede shoes

Congratulations Elvis

You didn't know I was the WWE champion did you

There was no whitewash at the Whitehouse

yer right, and there was no grass at Graceland

How are things in the CIA?

Pretty good, how are things in the KGB?

Tell me Mr Presley, what's that song 'Hound Dog' about?

It's about the hot dogs and burgers in 'nam.

Please can I have my hand back now Mr Presley?

No, because you'd get up to mischief again You've been a very very naughty boy.

Honestly son, I can cross the road without you having to hold my hand.

Did you say 'honestly' Mr President? You can attempt it by yourself soon

I'm an American born and bred

That's what they all say!

I've lost my birth certificate. What should I do?

Get a really good tan!

I've got a "widow's" peak.

I'll soon have a widow.

There's a Canadian Sportscaster who wears collars like yours.

I know, I know. DON CHERRY He's a fan of mine and I gave him permission.

Have you done your 2 years in the army yet son?

I'm not sure. What year is it?

Ever wanted to be President yourself son?

No sir! I ain't no good at lying. I know there are a coupla actors fancy it tho'

Well son! I wonder how long we'll both be here?

The llamas were here over a month. Oh..sorry I get your meaning now. Don't know!

No I'm the King.

No I'm the King.

No I'm the King.

OK. You are the King - but the King of Lies. I am the KING of Music.

Welcome to the White House, Dr Who. Tell me how will I be viewed historically?

It's a great pleasure to be here Tricky Dicky... Ah, there's your answer I think

Do you know of a good plumber to stop White House leaks?

I'll give you the name of my guys at "Heartbreak Hotel!"

I finally get to meet the great "Jon Burrows"!

Thankyouvermuch. Watch out man! Chinese Commie brainwashing ain't no joke, Dick.

After the snaps I've arranged some burgers for lunch. Burgers okay with you?

Never tasted 'em sir. Not a problem. I'll give one a try so's to be polite

Richard Milhous Nixon - 'Shh, Criminal dour in ox' as an anagram, that's me!

Elvis Aron Presley - 'A Very Ill Response' as an anagram, that's me!

All you musicians are light in your loafers, if you get my meaning.

That would explain why I'm holding on to you - Dick.

After I count to three let's get this boogie woogie going One,,,two...

Fancy a burger instead?

Do you fancy becoming a special agent and working under cover for Uncle Sam?

What? Wearing the clothes that I do? Don't you think I'd stand out a bit man?

2). Oh, I thought you wanted me to get you a Lone Ranger badge!

1). Did you get me a Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs badge?

I have the urge to put my left arm around your shoulders son.

Sir, please don`t give in to temptation....MY left hand is still free!!!!

Is that your own hair or do you wear a wig.

Sir, I was just about to ask you the same question.

Can you give me the name of your tailor after this photo shoot (question mark).

Sir. I make all of my own outfits. Are you wanting one for a special event

So how much did that syrup on your bonce set you back Elvie?

I'll have to ask Priscilla. This one is hers.

Did you clean your hands with that Anti-bacterial hand wash before shaking hands

I sure did Sir. I don't wanna catch any nasty discease from YOU.Don't take risks

I see people in the crowd wearing 'masks' of my face. Isn't that great?

Not really sir..they are all rapists and worse.

Why do folk call me 'Tricky Dicky'?

Same reason they call me 'The King'. It fits!!!

I can make the girls scream as well

Please don't unzip your flies here sir.

How long do you figure we'll be here Elvis?

Until a time they call 'Watergate' sir. Or until I become obese.

I saw you in your movie 'GI Blues' - great stuff son.

'Preciate that sir. Just trying to lighten the war up a bit.

Lighten up, you're a bit moody today lad. All I said was it's good to meet you.

A little less conversation, a little more action please. Where's my badge?

Oh, Priscilla isn't here with you. Won't you find it a bit lonesome tonight?

I'm so busy and had to fit this in somewhere sir. It was now or never really.

I used to have hair like yours but then I grew up

Would you like me to stick one of those flag poles where the sun don't shine?

I wonder which one of us will die first?

Well, only ONE of us will get the answer to that one sir.Unless we die together.

It's difficult coming up with new stuff to say here isn't it son?

Yes sir! That's why we employ 'writers' to do it for us.

Are you 'bugged' son?

Only by you squeezing my hand too tight sir.

Did you just 'break wind' son?

No sir. The Queen of England and I never do that It must be one of the 'agents.

Do you think we have anything in common son?

Yes sir! BAGS. You have them under your eyes and I have mine full of money.

Only believe half of what you hear and read about me son.

Deal sir! You have to the same for me though. The Press can be so darned cruel.

Would you like to meet Mrs. Nixon after this photo shoot son?

Well, yes, but I didn't know there WAS a Mrs. Nixon.

How do you get your hips to swivel so well son?

They're artificial sir and remote controlled.

Would you like my autograph after this photo shoot Elvis?

No sir!No offence,but you aren't important enough.I want Cliff Richards' though.

Ever thought of growing a moustache Elvis?

Thought about it sir! Can't grow one though, sadly. Just 'bum fluff' as we say.

Would you mind giving me guitar and singing lessons Elvis?

Only if you promise NOT to give me lessons on politics sir. It would be a deal.

What's Pricilla like in bed son?

Sir! I am shocked you would even ask. A man in your position. Shame on you.

How do you get your pelvis to wriggle?

I think of you and imagine I'm having a shit

In my younger days I was an 'Eager twat'...

Eager twat? Uh. you realise that's an anagram of Watergate!

Your hand feels slightly sticky, son...

Are you calling me a jerk, you old fool?

This isn't a bribe, son, it's just a down-payment for services rendered.

You won't get any "services" from me, you sad faggot, now let go of my hand!

2). Stick to the songs son. You need lots of charisma in politics like I have.

1). I'm thinking of entering politics. I 'd appreciate some advice sir.

This is truly an honour Mr. Presley. You can "Love me Tender" anytime you want!

Not a chance, bum-boy. I'm booked up with highschool cheerleaders till 1969!

Could you get me one of those black leather belts next time you visit Karachi?

I've never been to Karachi sir, though I do have a black belt in Karate.

JFK wanted to go to the moon and do the other things, not because they are easy

and you wanted to meet me. I die doing the other things that aren't easy

I do like those gospel songs you sing. I wanted to enter the church at one time.

Put a pew up against the door did they?

Is this Heaven?

Hell Yeah!

Hey son. What's with all the cucumber stories lately on The Spoof?

Well sir, folk are dying from 'tainted' cucumbers and some Spoofers..well y'know

Spoofers seem to write anything for points son. Right?

Sir, yes sir. But don't paint them all with the same brush. Some are 'normal'.

Do all the Spoof writers come here to write their stuff son?

Sir, no sir. Many think Caption Competition writing is waaaay below them . LOL!

"It's time we both returned to save the world Elvis!"

"Uh?"

I didn't take any bribes

I know Sepp

Keep up the good work, you're an inspiration to us all.

Dude...where am I right now?

Is this what is known as 'being papped' Elvis?

No sir. We have given our PERMISSION to have these photos taken. Difference.

Wow! You sure do sweat a lot Elvis. My hand is soaking wet!

Be grateful you are just holding my HAND sir!

Do you believe in the Right to bare arms Elvis?

Only if that are not extremely hairy sir. That is so disgusting to look at.

Ever shot a deer Elvis?

Only with a camera Sir!

Did you know that my V for victory sign if reversed is akin to the middle finger

Yes sir, especially in England but I do think they're using the finger now too.

What's your favourite colour Elvis?

Sir, just look at the titles of my songs. Gotta be BLUE right?

Planning on having children Elvis?

Not really? You just never can tell what they'll end up doing with their lives.

Do you think there will ever be a black president in the US of A Elvis.

Not in MY lifetime Sir!

Will we EVER see an end to WARS around the world Elvis?

I don't think so Sir. Not whilst people are allowed to have their OWN opinions.

Which is your favourite cheese Elvis?

That one with the 'blue' stuff in it Sir! I forget it's name. Blue Stilton?

Are you afraid of mice Elvis?

Obviously not Sir. I am holding YOUR hand am I not?

Do my teeth look REAL to you Elvis?

From a distance Sir. Close up you can see the holes the woodworms left.

What's your favourite period in history Elvis?

THIS one Sir. When I am still alive and having fun.

Do you believe in life after death Elvis?

No sir! I think when we die we will feel the same as we did before we were born.

Elvis, why did Moses not keep the 10 Commandments as PROOF of his find.

Sir! T about it!

Elvis, why did Moses not keep the 10 Commandments as PROOF of his find.

Sir! Think about it! Not many bibles would have been sold. It's called FAITH

What happened to your twin Elvis?

Well sir....he lived and we share the good life.

Is Pricilla good in bed Elvis?

Well sir...that's for me to know and you to find out. If you DARE!

Elvis, please don't tell me those things I feel on your hand are WARTS.

No sir. They are calluses which come from playing the guitar all day every day.

Sad really Elvis. In real life - we both die.

Sir,it's not sad. Everyone reading and writing these captions - also have to die

Is that your fantastic black belt in Karate you're wearing there?

The press misheard me. What I said was that I'd won this black belt for karaoke

Well, I screwed it up real good, didn't I?

No more than I did, Sir. Too young to die and too fat to live.

Japan links us. A black belt in karate for you, and a camera named in my honor

You need to visit an optician si, that jap camera has a middle letter K , not X

It won't spoil the snaps. Security say a moving target is harder to hit.

Oh, I see. So that's why we're jumping up and down on this trampoline!

Tricky Dicky - could spell 'Kick City Dry?'

The King, could spell 'Thin Keg!'

Nixon, Nixon! Why can't I be something more charismatic, like Kennedy?!

Never fear, Richard - you'd still be a total jerk even if you were Dick Kennedy!

Nixon, Nixon! Why can't I be something more charismatic, like "Kennedy"?!

Never fear, sir - you'd still be a total jerk even if you were "Dick Kennedy"!

Baby letta me be............. yer lovin' Teddy Bare...

Sorry bud - I'm a Barbie man myself - "King (trouser) Snake"! Uh-huh-huh.

"I did NOT have sex with that girl". (Sorry guys. Right quote, wrong president).

Balls of Steel, this guy, or should that be Balls of Steal?!

"Well since my baby left me, I've found a new place to dwell..."

That must be the one with bars on the window and a personal toilet. Uh-huh-huh.

Watergate, Shmatergate... I've been framed!

How's the Jailhouse Rock going, sir?

I will not tolerate any discussion of my wedding tackle at a photo-opportunity!

You must admit, sir, it did look a helluva lot like a "smokin' gun"...

Is that a tainted cucumber in your pants or are you just pleased to see me?

Yes it IS a tainted cucumber but it's long and hard and I'm not going to EAT it.

I hear that tomatoes in Europe are also tainted now.

Well they actually pronounce the word 'tomatoes' so what do you expect?

Read in the news that lettuce is also tainted.

Only ONE type or ALL of the lettuci? - which is plural for lettuce I do believe.

We should be on a chess board - they're calling you the king and me a rook.

No, they're not calling you a rook sir!

What do you think of these new Reality Shows like AGT Elvis.

Did not need those in my days sir. The Cream automatically rose to the top.

I see your wife put too much starch in your collar Elvis.

She did it on purpsose sir, to hide the hickies. Called - lovebites in UK!

Hey Elvis..what do you think of the USA's economy.

Mine's fine thank you very much. To hell with the rest of the citizens.

What are your predictions on the music industry Elvis?

Oh, it will continue long after I'm gone. But I will still be The King!

OK, OK... keep your AARON !

Millhouse... Millhouse... what kind of middle name is that...huh?

I won the Wayne Rooney haircut lookalike competition 2011

So did I!

Are you still finding you have to suck crisps with those false teeth?

Yes sir, but at least nowadays there are lots of different flavors to enjoy.

I liked your song about the army

You mean Jailhouse Rock?

I like that song of yours about an American in Tripoli.

It's 'Trilogy' sir!

2).Gottle o' geer ; gottle o' geer. It's hard to toenounce der dees Eldis.

1). You're a useless vemtriloquist sir

Betcha a dollar I can make those flags wave.

Had a plateful of beans for breakfast did yer?

Do you do birthday parties?

I've had a few in my time

Perhaps we should do a duet?

Yes, I'd make a good Vice President

This will raise my popularity

It will be the end of my career

Thanks for coming to the White House, Mr Johnny Cash

My pleasure, Mr Kissinger

"If this guy can't help save my career, who can?"

"If this guy can't help save my career, who can?"

Do you read The Spoof Elvis?

Sir, computers haven't been invented yet. What ARE you taking?

Elvis, did you just 'cut the cheese'? Or did one of mine 'sneak' out?

Depends which side of the Atlantic you call 'home' sir. Some won't understand.

I hear you are afraid of flying Elvis!

That's not quite true Sir. I'm afraid of CRASHING!

I hear Canada doesn't have a 4th of July.

Of course they do Sir. It's between the 3th and the 5th like everywhere else.

D'you want to come to the White House to watch the fireworks Elvis?

Thanks sir,but there are plenty here at The Spoof if you know where to look.

D'you think Lady Godiva's profile picture is REALLY her?

As much as I believe Skoob is a cartoon Sir.

D'you follow any particular sport Elvis?

Well sire, I AM a big fan of Tonsil Tennis.

Ever heard of 'Watergate' Elvis?

Not yet Sir, but I am sure I will in the not too distant future.

Who is your favourite comedian Elvis?

YOU are sir. I particularly like the mask. I think it'll become a popular sell.

Did you have to bring that stupid hand buzzer with you Elvis?

Just wanna see how long you can stand it sir. So far, you are doing great.

Seen any good movies lately Elvis? Ones you'd recommend to me I mean

Uh! Yes sir. King Creole, G.I. Blues, Blue Hawaii, Fun in Acapulco.

Elvis, d'you think readers of The Spoof read the Magazine section.

Uh! Not as often as the writers would like Sir. It's worth a read though.

Elvis, are you Jewish?

Dicky, is the Pope Protestant?

Did you vote for me in the last election Elvis?

I plead the 5th sir!

I heard you are dyslexic Elvis?

No sir. Diabetic!

D'you fancy going ten-pin bowling later Elvis?

Sure sir! Do they make balls with holes big enough for YOUR chubby fingers?

"I'd like to welcome you Elvis, to the Palm Beach!"

"Yea, with a sweaty palm - you lying again?"

Smart suit and shirt Elvis, though I'm not sure about the green wellies.

You're right sir, the black ones would have looked better.

Don't squeeze too hard.

That's what I'm always telling Priscilla.

Elvis, it doesn't get better than this. The day you shook the president's hand.

Modest kinda chap aren't yer!

2). Yes, mostly I do. Off of this box I'm only three and a half feet tall.

1). So do you wear children's clothes?

Are the sideburns all part of the same wig?

Yes sir, though the eyebrows are stuck on separately.

Elvis, how did come up with the gyrating hips gimmick.

The day I stepped on stage with a wasp in my pants sir.

I'm all for Sarah Palin as President

She could complete your unfinished business

Not wearing the big sunglasses anymore Elvis?

No sir. People thought I was a big fly and would spray me with repellent.

I see Hugh Heffner's lost his charm. He's been dumped by his young gal.

Yup! 'parrently she got an eye test,some new specs,took a look at Hugh and ran.

Who gets into politics with a name like Weiner?

Some 'dick' did.

You gonno give us a song later Elvis?

Sir,that'll cost you an extra $10,000 on top of cash paid for shaking your hand.

You ain't got no warts have you Elvis?

Well yes sir! But don't worry, they're not on my hands.

I don't mind your songs, but I have to say I think your movies are crap!

Well, it's good to shake the hand of an honest man .

A personl question Elvis. How's Priscilla in the 'bedroom department'?

Don't know sir. We never manage to get upstairs in time to find out. Uhuu!

You into drugs Elvis? I won't tell!

No sir! I'm as clean as Mick Jagger. That's the truth.

I need to go to the 'gentleman's' room Elvis. What shall I do?

Nip out when Lady G.s finished this and get back before another Spoofer arrives.

I see NATO bombed the wrong target

Why do they always have to follow our example?

I know it's an old camera but you'd think he'd have clicked the snap by now.

He's had his head under that cover for hours. I think he's fallen asleep sir.

I'm a bit nervous. I hope your Time Tunnel is safe Dr Elvis?

Keep hold of my hand as we enter. We'll step out into 2011 in no time at all!

No need for any paperwork - we'll just shake on it okay?

's'fine sir. I can't wait to tell Priscilla I've bought The White House for her

2. He's known to be fussy. He won't click until we're absolutely still.

1. Over three hours we've been standing here waiting for him to do another snap.

So Dino tell me does Sinatra really suffer from premature ejaculation or not?

I hate to tell you this Mr Kennedy but you should have gone to Specsavers bud.

Do you think I should invite David Cameron over to the USA Elvis?

No sir, we have enough assholes in the White House already!

SHIRT COLLAR:" Wide open collars in public? Have you no shame? It's indecent!

SHIRT COLLAR: "You point your collar corners at me? You, who's into bondage!"

How much longer will we be here? I'm getting bored stiff.

I'm a bit stiff myself sir. See, I can't bend when wearing this belt.

I hear they're using that 'gate' tag on everything these days Elvis.

Yes sir! There's a Weinergate and a Palingate and a Spoofgate.

D'you fancy going into politics Elvis?

No sir. I cannot tell a lie and keep a straight face at the same time.

Do you exercise your right to 'bear arms' Elvis?

No sir! I hate sleeveless outfits. They remind me of Red Necks. Uhu!

What hand lotion do you use Elvis? Your skin is so soft.

I'd prefer not to say sir. If you know what I mean. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.

My hand's gone quite numb Elvis. Can you loosen your grip a little?

Yes sir. My mama always told me I didn't know my own strength.

It gives me great pleasure to open your new resturant

I wouldnt lie to you sir but BurgerKing

It gives me great pleasure to open your new BurgerKing resturant here today

a little less conversation your bugging me now

2) No, we only use black and white film with the minor celebrities.

1) Are these to be color snaps sir?

Only a thousand dollars each - just write the cheque out to me.

So they take about an hour to develop then I select the snaps I'd like to buy.

You gave me a fright when I saw you walking up to the front door wearing them.

I've been told before how those big shades make me look like a bug-eyed alien.

In your honour Elvis, I'm wearing my blue suede shows for this meeting today.

In your honour sir I'm wearing boxer shorts made from a good ol' American Flag.

Good luck in your strike

You aint seen nothing yet

Many thousands of well wishers turned out in Canada for the special lady.

Only to be expected for Lady Godiva sir.

I heard Lady Godiva retired from teaching today Elvis.

Yes sir! I feel sorry for Spoof Writers now that she will have more spare time.

Have you ever met Lady Godiva, Spoof Writer Elvis�

No sir. I die before she Spoofs. I see she has buggered up her keyboard again.

Hey, 4th July coming up. Do they have one in Canada (insert Question Mark)

Yes sir - but it is on July 1st for some strange reason.

Elvis - if you switch the letters in your name it reads Levis..

Yes sir! But whatever you do with the letters in YOUR name you'll still be Dick

Jeez - the state of those old shoes. There's hardly any blue suede left on 'em.

My ankles swell easily sir. These frayed old pair of shoes feel nice 'n' comfy.

In the UK unemployed over 60's now have to sign on and seek work. Why?

So as to make it even harder for the younger people to get work experience sir!

Say 'Happy Canada Day' to our Canadian cousins Elvis.

I think I'll wait 'til July 4th and see if THEY send us good wishes first.

You ever been to Canada Elvis?

No sir! Where is it?

I walked into a bank yesterday and the telller screamed "'We"re being robbed!"

Guess she thought you were wearing one of those masks sir....Uhu!

Are you doing anything special for July 4th Elvis?

Yes sir...I'm cleaning my blue suede shoes and heading down to Hearbreak Hotel.

Do you smell manure Elvis?

Surel do Sir! I reckon it's from all the BS in the Whitehouse.

Can you name the Five Great Lakes Elvis?

Kind of you to ask sir but they've already BEEN named!

Can you name the 5 Continents and the 7 Wonders of the World Elvis?

I'm honored to be asked to do so sir but it has already been done!

You ever been ice-fishing Elvis?

No sir, I prefer to fish for FISH. Ah gets mah ice from the freezer.

You seem to be on a roll Elvis.

No sir, it's a wholewheat bun.

You ever had 'pulled pork' Elvis?

Er!! That's a rather personal question sir. I plead the 5th.

Have you had a physical this year Elvis?

Ah have BEEN physical sir...but Ah haven't HAD one. Is there a difference?

Have you ever seen that British show 'Coronation Street' Elvis?

Seen it sir? I played the part of Dennis Tanner.

Did you watch Muffin the Mule?

No sire! I kept my eyes shut tight.

How do the British pronounce 'tomato' Elvis?

They pronounce it 'tomato' sir.

Have tea-bags always contained the crap they do now?

No sir. That was after they'd got people to switch to them from loose tea!

No, sorry Mr Presley, only children are allowed to use our swings.

Ah shucks - what about the slide - can I have a go on that instead?

Do you know you have a dangling 'booger' Elvis?

Is that what you call it in YOUR family sir? We call it a 'Pee Pee'.

Ever had a massage Elvis?

Yes sir. Got one only this morning from my mom saying my dad's not well.

What's your favorite flavor of ice-cream Elvis? See American spellings there?

Well sir, that would have to be 'grits, greens and turkey gizzards'. Way to go!

Ever played strip poker Elvis? It's quite a lot o' fun.

Depends who you are playing with don't it?

Fancy leaving this caption competiton Elvis?

Sure do sir. Not many folk participating. I'll call Mark Lowton ASAP.

Who's your favourite writer Elvis?

Sir, Lady Godiva of The Spoof sir!

Keep this a secret but I was born in Kenya.

Oh not another one - why not just add Kenya to the Union and back date it a bit!

You watching Wimpleton this year Elis?

Sir, the Championship is called Wimbledon. Don't piss off the Brits.

So you're 'The Singing Pop' everyone's talking about

Some call me a Pop Singer sir, but you're the first to call me The Singing Pop!

People watching your arrival say you were levitating.

It's a bit blowy outside today sir - the wind got under this shirt collar a bit!

"Can you hold your expression for much longer Elvis?"

"Well obviously Mark thinks we can!"

Not many people pop in here do they!

Hard to tell sir - we ONLY get to know of the visitors who have pressed 'LIKE'!

(cont.from 234) ' What we need is a 'DISLIKE' button as well as a 'LIKE'

That would attract visitors, but there are spoofers who'd take liberties sir!

My cheeks are aching like the devil. How about you?

Not too bad! That's why I didn't smile too widely.

I'm gonna miss you when this caption competion is over. We'll be forgotten!

Don't you bet on that sir. We'll be remembered long after we've both gone!

Who do you think Mark will put up here next Elvis?

Personally I'd like to see the Royal Newlyweds...but that's just me.

Please let go of my hand. I promise I'll come straight back after I've had a wee

You're going nowhere until the photographer's clicked his button - got that?

Please let me go the bathroom. I'll embarrass myself otherwise.

Well it won't be the LAST time I can promise you that. RUN-NOW!

Wig glue you say? Well next time you get any of it on your hands wipe it off.

First time I've tried it sir - new stuff just out it is - called super glue!

That Tommy Twinkle looks cute!

Down boy ! We've been here too long......

You heard about that Susan Boyle lady Elvis? She's got quite the voice .

Yes sir Great pair of lungs. .Love the 'true' stories about her crazed fans.

I'm running out of things to say now Elvis.

?

Will you miss me tonight?

Only if someone jogs my rifle

Nice blouse. With a little bit of lipstick I'd be asking you out on a date!

Forget to put it on this morning did you?

Promise to write every day after this is over Elvis.

I will sir...but not to YOU!

Will you sing a song about me Elvis?

Already did sir 'The Walls Have Ears'. (coz some rooms are bugged).

They said there'd never be a black president. Pigs would fly first.

Well, not long after Obama was voted in - 'swine flu' !

"High Elvis, I have made many tapes of your songs..."

"Yea, you should have stuck to just my tapes!"

Did you know that some spoofers say they don't care about the points Elvis?

Then why the hell are they trying to rack them up sir. I don't get it!

Elvis, I read The Spoof and have notice only 3 or 4 writers on the discussions.

Yes sir! It's like they now have their own, private chat room. ROFLMAO

Elvis, are discussion forums healthy?

No sir. That's why many writers left and others are doing so as I speak.

"We're both in Madame Taussauds you know Elvis"

"Certainly feels like it holding this expression for so damn long!"

"Have you noticed we both have very disinctive hair styles Elvis?"

"Yea, hair today, gone tomorrow!"

Was your phone hacked Elvis?

No Mr President, mobiles haven?t been invented yet

This can't be healthy for either of us Elvis.

I totally agree sir. I haven't had any 'you know what' for over two weeks now.

Gottle o' geer. Gottle o' geer.

Not bad sir. I didn't see your lips move once.

"Well, this is a great day Alvin"

"Shure is Mr. Dixon"

Still here then?

For NOW at least....

Did you hear the scandal about The News of the World?

Sure did! Bet you're glad you're not around now with all this high tech. stuff.

Do you think you'd like a computer Elvis?

No sir. Quite happy with my pencil and paper. Don't have to worry about hackers

I heard that your daughter is going to marry Michael Jackson.

Over my dead body!

I hear you are a Christian Elvis?

Yes! I read that about myself too.

Do you believe in God Elvis?

I'll come back and tell you when I meet him. OK?

Elvis, you are an intelligent person...are atheists also satanists?

Hell no sir! Satanists are crazy bastards. Atheists just don't believe in God.

So we are all descended from Adam an Eve right?

What? Think about that for a few minutes sire!

Have you ever been behind bars for real Elvis?

Only the 'beer selling' kind sir.

Do you know who the Mystery Blonde is Elvis?

Well, from the descriptions I'd guess its that old British DJ, Jimmy Saville.

I had a very enoyable bowel movement this morning Elvis.

Sir!. That's too much information sir.

Have you ever had an enema Elvis?

Sir! Why are you SO obsessed with your BUTT? Keep watching it though.

"Would you like to sing a song about this caption competition Elvis?"

"Which would you like Dick, It's now or never, Don't be cruel, or I'm Leavin?"

Would you ever name a child 'Harper Seven' Elvis?

What have YOU been taking? Which idiot would do THAT?

I hear the Beckhams have named their daughter 'Harper Seven'.

Proves what people have been saying about that pair - 'total dingbats'.

You'd think people would get sick of looking the pair of us day in day out.

Er! Speak for yourself sir! My face is part of my fortune. You're ugly.

Where do you think the US of A will be in 2011 Elvis?

Same place it is today sir. It's too big to move.

What do you think of The White House Elvis?

Nice place sir. But don't you think the name is racist?

Hey hound dog.

No I did not vote for you.

" I think this photograph is beginning to fade Elvis!"

"Yes, it's age that causes that Sir!"

"How soon will we be removed from this competition do you think Elvis?"

"Don't know Sir, might be a little slow off the Mark, if you know what I mean?"

"Why are we not shown in colour Elvis?"

"We're two guys, you know. Mono on Mono..."

Have you heard my tapes?

No!!! Can I get a copy?

I can do things for your career you wouldn't believe.

Like get me arrested perhaps?

My fellow Americans, say hello to Bob Dylan.

Um, Sir, ah, that's some other guy.

I've always enjoyed your piano accordian playing.

You played great in Superbowl '67.

Get me a guitar, we could perform a duet.

Yeah, ah, maybe Old Man River, no, Hound Dog, um, maybe Roxanne...yeah Roxanne

You're standing on my left foot, get off.

I will when you stop pinching my ass.

Well that's the southern vote won over.

Hey I thought I was the focus of attention here!

Are you the real deal or just one of the those loser impersonators.

Do you think I got these lips from Botox injections?

Well let's see what Hubert Humphrey can do to match this.

Is he that new folk singer I've been hearin' about?

You know I play a really mean piano.

My piano is now a water feature in Graceland.

You know son I've recorded every thing you just said to me. Happy?

Well, if we add strings and a little gospel singing it might become No 1.

Son, can I get you a root beer?

No, Sir, just a root will do fine!

How much longer before Mark changes this Caption Competition picture?

He won't change the picture until he's laughed at one of the captions sir!

Let's take the 5th. I've nothing more to say in these bubbles!

I'm with you there sir. Hey, you lot out there. No comment!

Got any blow?

Am I the fuckin king of rock?

Can you teach me how to fool the American Public?

Can YOU teach me how to fool the American Public?

Elvis, where's your favourite place to eat?

Burger King - where else IS there?

What did ya think of the Army Elvis?

Have I been in the Army yet sir?

Wanna switch places with me Elvis?

What - ME be president. No thank y'very much. Thank you.

You asked me if I picked my nose when I was a kid...course I did..no secret.

Well I was just thinking sir-you coulda picked a better one-that's a bit too big

Can't see Mark taking us down any day soon. Can YOU Elvis.

No Dick! Guess we need to keep coming up with stuff for these here bubbles.

What do ya think of the comics in the papers son?

After being here this long, A feel sorry for the writers sir.

I do believe that Mystery Blonde was seen over the Canadian side of the Falls.

A do believe A read that sir. Skylon Tower if Ahm not mistaken.

"Can we beg to be removed from this Caption Competition soon?"

"Yeah, if your appeal is up to the Mark!"

"I think we might be the longest running Competition yet!"

"ReMARKable Dicky!"

Support Elvis and Dicky, We want to be set free, Listen to our plea!

Stuck here is plain cruelty, Can't move or go for a pee, See?

Well Elvis, I am slowly losing the will to live.

'Know what ya mean sir. I'm getting bored now.

What are you going to be doing when you leave this competition?

Enjoy eternal rest I hope.

Talked to the Lord last night and asked for his help getting us out of here

Don't hold your breathe then!

Thyanks Elvish. Keep me schteady by holding on chu my hand till the shnaps taken

Priscilla asked me to give you those chocolate liqueurs as a gift to your wife!

Only black & white snaps. Mustn't throw taxpayers money around on color film

That'll be fine sir - me and Priscilla can crayon them in with color later.

You're from Ireland aren't you - very religious chap - loud speaking voice.

You're thinking of Mr Paisley sir - I'm Presley!

Favourite cartoon character Elvis?

You MUST be bored. Can't you do better than that sir?

Knock, knock.....

Oh my Lord! MARK GET US OUTTA HERE.....

Elvis - I get a pain in my right eye everytime I take a sip of my tea.

Try taking the spoon out of the cup sir.

We're starting to smell a bit ripe don't you think Elvis?

Well, I notice there's no-one out there now. The stench has driven them away.

You that Christian, gay singer from England?

No sir. I you are thinking of Cliff Richards.He's not a sharp dresser like I am

Did you know that ants have aunts Elvis?

And suns have suns? Common knowledge sir.

I am not a crook!

Uh-huh?

Do you eat all your green veggies Elvis, like your momma told you?

Hell, yes sir! How do you think I manufacture this amount of gas?

Do you spell check 'cheque' or 'check' Elvis?

Don't matter! I spell cash C A S H !

Do you own a safety deposit box Elvis?

Yes sir I DO. It's between my legs!

Haldemann and Erlichman are big fans Elvis. That's why they're going down.

Damn it! John Dean has a lot to answer for, true.

Say, do you want to see my porno collection? Its really horny stuff.

Since when does a President emulate the King.

Have you put out the garbage Elvis? You know I get really edgy about these thing

Dang!! And all those tapes are still sitting there n'all.

My dog can perform tricks like lying and deceiving. Its really talented.

Say, maybe you could do that yourself. Have you ever tried cover ups?

The Russians want to kidnap you for 20 million roubles ransom. You in this, son?

Twenty million? How cheap do you think I am?

So, you're big all over the planet, hey. Are you bigger than me?

Put it this way, Mr President, my shoe size is about twice yours.

Good lord is that the time? I gotta go and COVER UP the canaries.

While you're at it, do the same with those tapes.

I can see that camera man's wet patch!

Ah! I can see his girlfriend's bits!

Say, Elvis, do you play a sitar and sing Indian folk tunes.

You kiddin' Mr President? I'm the bomb of Bombay!

When I was eighteen, I fought for my country. What about you, Elvis?

When I was eighteen I f..cked for my country.

Okay, that's nice! Now, Elvis, give us a snarling lip.

What is this? Candid bleedin' camera or a MGM audition?

Say that Jim Croce can write a good lyric. Also John Denver. How bout you Elvis?

Aw, um aw, aw gee,um......Thank you very much!

This boy's a moron. Doesn't know his distributor cap from his welsh plug.

aw, ah, um, aw gee, (cough) gee, aw shucks.

D'you vote Elvis?

Only on polls such as 'What is your favourite flavour ice-cream' and so on.

Aw! Look at that mama duck and her ducklings crossing the lawn.

That's a mama Canadian Goose sir, and her goslings. Easy mistake though.

Knock, knock

Christ! Sir, I swear I'll slap you silly if you say those two words again

About that request of yours. Can't do it. Not unless we make Gracelands a State.

But it wouldn't have to be a big 'Star of Elvis' added to the American flag sir!

Says down there, Meerkats were here for 1,579 captions

No way! Guess we'd better settle in for the long haul then.

They call you the King, does that mean you get to grant a Royal Pardon?

They call you a President, doesn't mean you get to do whatever you like, sir.

Thanks for the tip off, but I don't need you to kill the Beatles

Darn it, I already got someone lined up to take out that commie Lennon

"Are you lonesom tonight?"

"You wont be when they find those tapes"

Say, kid, do you know Puff The Magic Dragon?

No, but I've probably met his brother though.

I'm scared. Keep hold of my hand when we fall down there.

It's not hell down there sir - we'll just be joining the earlier captions.

We can be rightly proud of what we've achieved.

Pride goes before a fall sir!

In Arab lands they offer the right hand to show they aren't about to stab you

Are you left handed sir?

An Elvis Presley concert live from the White House - Are you up for it?

You're determined to capture the youth vote aren't you, sir!

Thanks for helping me fall from captions with dignity Elvis.

Sir, I don't have any choice sir. We're joined at the hands.

Any last words before we leave this competition Elvis?

Yes sir! It's been a blast!

Will you miss me Elvis, when we are gone from here?

Sir, I'll miss you like I'll miss a hole in the head.

Do you think America still NEEDS me Elvis?

Sir, I am sure America needs YOU like a FISH needs a BICYCLE.

"Can you help me pay off the CIA?"

"I've sent them my new album"

Oh hell! Still here Elvis. What do you wanna do for the duration?

Well sir, certainly none of those Knock Knock jokes. They could lead me to kill.

Knock, knock - come on Elvis, play along....

Don't go pushing your luck sir. I've warned you once already.

Tapes!! Don't know anything about any tapes. There are no tapes!

Not them tapes, sir, my new demo tapes. Can't find them anywhere.

say, son, aren't you the guy that plays quarter back for the Dolphins?

Hell no!!! I'm the guy that plays pitcher for the Yankees.

Okay, two grand for the belt and how 'bout eight hundred for the necklace?

Your a mean negotiator Mr President. Its a deal!!

Y'know son, one day your daughter will marry the King of Pop. Scary isn't it?

Not that f..king Michael jackson. Oh, Christ!!

Okay, I'll trade my daughter for Priscilla. Deal?

Any thing you say Mr President!

Alright, 50 kilograms of coke..delivered. Deal?

Your too kind Mr President.

We're not really in the White House. This is just a crude mockup, see.

Oh, like the moon landings were a fake creation.

Well Elvis I'll sell you Park Lane if you pay off my mortgage on Fleet Street.

Dang! Your such a brutal Monopoly opponent, Sir.

Twenty thousand, cash, for my tapes.Deal?

Agreed. Um, deal. And I get your daughter, right?

For once I am absolutely lost for words Elvis my boy.

Don't panic Dicky, I see your speech writer heading this way. Uh-huh!

Holy cheeses. Mother of cod. Please bring us our dinners NOW.

I'm darned hungry too sir. You are making my mouth water.....STOP!

Alas black and white film won't show the folks your great purple jacket.

Well they have to be black and white otherwise they'd spot your green head sir!

God save our gracious Queen..... Long live our....

Wrong anthem sir. You're starting to 'lose it'.

D'you have a pet Elvis. I don't mean a Pet Elvis I mean a pet , Elvis?

Shure do. Ah got me a houndawg.

I couldn't wear a collar like that Elvis and 'get away with it'

You couldn't wear a collar like this 'cause your neck's non-existent.

Why do they call me Tricky Dicky Elvis?

Could be your T.shirt with that long dog on saying "My wiener does tricks.

"How much longer Elvis?"

"I'm not bothered any more..."

A dog's 'relieving' himself on my right leg Elvis.

If they don't get us off here soon I'll be doing the same on your left leg.

Have you seen that comedian, Carrot Top, Elvis?

No! He hasn't been born yet! WE'LL never get to see him.

Did you know I have warts on my right hand Elvis?

NOW you tell me! Thanks for sharing.

I think the rain's starting to come down Elvis.

I'd be more impressed if it was 'going up'.

This will make us real popular!

'Us'???

I wonder why he told us to stick these big white cards on our shoulders?

The photographer said something about getting one of his snaps on The Spoof sir.

You ever ridden a bike Elvis. I mean a 2-wheeler?

Well, I DID ride the 'town bike ' a few times sir. A 2-legger.

Are you a virgin Elvis? Just curious.

Look at me sir. What do YOU think?

Okay, I'll see you Camp David and raise you the Pentagon.

Dang, I came here to give you a copy of my new album.

How 'bout half of Louisiana and throw in Hawaii for good measure.

It's a deal. Thank you very much.

What about I swap the Whitehouse for Gracelands. Deal?

I don't know what Priscilla would think. Stuff it! It's a deal Mr President.

Okay, two hundred hamburgers and 350 serves of french fries. Deal?

You kidding? Deal, Mr President.

Did you just fart then Elvis?

Yes sir. Man, I had thirty seven hot dogs just before I walked in here.

Its always great to meet Miss Universe. Congratulations.

Pardon me sir but I'm an Elvis impersonator.

In my line of work it's a bit unusual to meet someone like you.

Oh, I'm no saint sir!

"Is it true you take drugs?"

"Is it true you cant count!?"

I can't say I'm fond of that deodorant you've got on Elvis.

It's fly spray sir - It's the only way I've found to keep the girls at bay.

Could you start by repainting the Yellow Oval Room?

Er, well I don't mind helping out sir. I'll need a ladder though.

They dont want a crook in the white house

Jailhouse rock for you

What did the photographer just say?

He said to get out of the f'ing way, he 's here to take a photo of the flags!

You think they'd at least give us a chance to change our underwear Elvis.

Ain't bothering me Dicky. I don't wear any.

Have you read Tom Sawyer yet Elvis?

No Sir. What has he written that I might have heard of?

What do you think of the Beatles Elvis?

Yuck! I hate the crunching sound when I step on one.

Well, I'll lend you my daughter for seven days. She's on birth control.

Your damn cruder than they say, Mr President. Deal!

Kissinger and Dean perform a mean piano duet. Of course I'll be on drums.

Yes, sir. I'll arrange it with the boys immediately.

Okay, twenty grand for the silk upholstered chair and ten dollars for the needle

Aw shucks Mr President! Its a deal.

You know son there is only one thing worth saving in this life.

Yeah, money and don't I know it!

I've modified my walk based on your movements, Elvis, what do you think of it?

What a gait!

Well at least we didn't have to wear pants for this photoshoot Elvis.

True! I love to feel a nice breeze around my genetalia now and again.

Do you enjoy playing any sports Elvis?

Well I do enjoy the odd game of 'hide the sausage' sir.

Wore my new tie for this occasion and Mark sticks a bubble on it. Sheesh!

How do you think my parrot is feeling then?

So this is what it feels like to be a waxwork figure at Madame Tussauds

I think we ARE waxwork figures Dicky.

This moment will go down in history Ringo.

I keep telling you my name is Elvis and this has already gone down in history.

Would you like to come to the White House for dinner this evening Elvis?

Depends on what's on the menu sir, and if the room is bugged.

Y'know Elvis..I always fancied being a private dick.

Keep your zipper up and you'll succeed sir.

You ever tasted 'spotted dick' Elvis?

Can't catch out with that one sir. A know it's an English dessert. Uh-huh!

Why do you want me to call you Mr. Nixon?

Just to confuse the readers Elvis. I'm bored!

Did you hear that thunder Elvis?

Sir..that was my stomach rumbling. Could eat a horse right now.

Had your annual physical yet Elvis?

No and 'no' I'm not gonna let YOU perform it.

Are we getting paid for this photo shoot Elvis?

A darn well hope so or I'm having all photographs destroyed.

Should I flag this one as inppropriate Elvis?

I double dog dare you to Mr. Nixon.

I chickened out. I didn't flag that last caption as inappropriate.

A knew you would you yellow livered coward. What kind of a leader ARE you ?

I think you could use a 'mentor' Elvis, to help you with publicity.

As long as YOU don't offer. I have really high standards where PR stands.

What kind of car d'you drive Elvis?

The type with four wheels sir.

Did you know I once wanted to be a grade school teacher Elvis?

Well, thank the Lord you changed your mind Sir. You do much better as President

Have you tried those nuts chef put on the tables for us to eat? They taste awful

They're the ash trays sir!

Where are the male spoofers?. I'm sick of a woman putting words in my mouth.

I know what you mean. They're probably at the pub. Most don't come here anyway.

Moon landing faked? But viewers heard me as I congratulated Neil from Earth.

Then your right arm entered the television pictures to shake his hand sir!

How are you finding the accommodation I sorted out for you at The White House?

A beetle in me bag this morning sir, otherwise the tent on the lawn's just fine!

I was just lucky .Try again later. With that game the dealer mostly loses.

With only three cards on the table it looks so easy to find that lady sir!

My wife will be wondering where I've got to.We've been here such a long time.

Priscilla will be cutting up all my clothes by now!

We must do this again some time.

I'll bring a couple of chairs with me next time sir!

Forgive me for saying, but I think you've been losing a bit of weight Elvis.

Really? Thanks for telling me sir, I'll have to start eating a bit more.

See if you can think up a good title for a song about me.

Already have one sir. 'You're The Devil In Disguise'.

Shoot! Another day and we are STILL here. What do you suggest Elvis?

Just keep that silly grin on your face until Mark gets us both outta here.

Have you been to Niagara Falls Elvis?

Yes. Rather disappointed. The Canadian side is much better than ours.

Did you go to church on Sunday Elvis?

Sir, don't you remember? I was HERE with YOU.

Damn! A fly just flew up my nose.

Snort it out then because I can't help you can I?

Do you think that 'scoccer' will ever really take off in the States Elvis?

What's 'soccer' Dicky?

What's your greatest fear in life Elvis?

That Mark will leave us here for another effing week. Pardon my French.

I quite fancy have MY head carved on a big rock like those at Rushmore.

They tell me they're looking for a rock BIG enough sir!

Do you fancy investing in a lucrative pyramid scheme Elvis?

I didn't realize the Pyramids were up for sale. Does anyone in Egypt know?

How many edges on a pyramid Elvis? How many faces too?

Depends if it is a square-based pyramid or a triangular based pyramid sir.

D'you like sausage Elvis?

Well.....I like HIDING it Sir.

What d'you think about the Knicks Elvis?

Which ones sir? Nick Nolte, Nick Diaz, Nick Cage-he goes by Nicholas though.

What is a 'Dikdoo" Elvis? Someone said that I have one.

It's when your belly sticks out further than your dick do sir!

Elvis...WHEN are we going to be gone from here? Has Mark forgotten about us?

I did hear that he is looking into the workings of the Approval Center Sir.

Why are some of those Spoof Writers so mean to their fellow writers Elvis?

Beats me sir. I don't think they have a clue themselves. Some are just nasty.

I see the Discussion forums are getting pretty boring over at The Spoof

Yes sir. I don't have to spell it out for you. I'm sure you've figured it out.

Should we send a PM or an email to Mark begging him to change this caption photo

Don't think so. He doesn't seem to be around as much these days. Sad to say.

"I'm running out of ideas on what to say..."

"You should have recorded them on tape beforehand!"

Do we have any Norwegian Spoofwriters Elvis?

Yes Sir, we did but he has just gone to Jail because he wanted to make a point -

What point was that?

That the Norwegian government should wake up! MARK SHOULD DO THE SAME!!!

I'm as honest as the day I was born

No, you can't go blaming everything on the genes sir!

Of course they're real flags behind us - why do you ask that?

I thought they might be some of those government false flags I've heard about!

Because of his condition, JFK would often sleep on the floorboards here.

Priscilla's not so bad, she lets me sleep on the couch when I've been naughty!

'All Shook Up' - Great title for a song Elvis

That one came from a bottle of coke I'd opened up after a bumpy car ride sir!

You heard the news about the British National Anthem Elvis?

Sure did sir. It has four verses. Even most Brits. thought there was only one.

What do you think of them there wind turbines Elvis?

They're o.k. but I wouldn't let my daughter marry one.

Do you wash your dishes using Fairy Liquid Elvis?

What you trying to say to me Dicky? Just coz my hands are soft don't mean diddly

That camera man just winked at me Elvis. What should i do?. I'm not GAY.

You are safe so long as you don't wink BACK.

This is getting to become torturous don't you think?

Too the words out of my mouth sir. It's criminal leaving us here this long.

Why did the American President cross the road?

Because it was the chicken's day off!

You were saying????

No I wasn't.........

What do they call one spoof writer at the bottom of a lake?

They call it one spoof writer at the bottom of a lake (scuba diving).

Do you loke Homo milk Elvis?

Too creamy for me sir. Do the Brits get this joke?

They're gonna try and get a man on Mars one day you know.

More billions of our hard earned dollars are gonna be wasted then.

Ah do think we're gonna be here for the duration Elvis. The duration of July.

Must say I agree with you sir. Wonder who or what is next.

Do you smell smoke Elvis?

Yes! Don't worry.

Do you smell smoke Elvis?

Yes but don't panic.It's from keyboards of Spoofers trying to get us outta here.

I hope these Tussaud's waxwork models of us look good when he's finished them

He says for realism it's essential we stay absolutely still while he does them

Got anything yet?

No sir. Priscilla makes reading hands seem so easy. Oh! Or is it palm reading?

I've just heard about a one star bandit attacking Spoofers. What's that mean?

Don't worry. Just some 'cry baby' having a tantrum. Sad little person.

The insides of my lips are stuck to my teeth.

That's why I kept my lips a little ahead of my teeth for this shot.

You ever been in a real knock down 'fist fight' Elvis?

Look at this face. What do YOU think? Looks like YOU'VE been in a few though.

Great belt Elvis.What did you get it for doing?

To hold my trousers up sir!

I heard Mark Lowton's gone on a 10 day cruise WITHOUT A COMPUTER.

Oh SHIT!

Which is your favourite sport Elvis?

That'd be 'tonsil tennis' sir.

Do you engage in much foreplay before sex Elvis?

Only 'till Priscilla gets home sir.

Ever had a 'footlong' in Port Dover Ontario Elvis? 12 inches of pure ecstasy.

I hope you are referring to those 'hotdogs' sir.The answer is no! Not been there

Give me one night with Priscilla. Go on, just one night. I want to beat her!

She's a slow mover sir. One game takes a month. And you won't beat her at chess!

The ghost of Mr Lincoln is said to haunt this room

He's probably looking for you sir!

The King of Rock? Where's 'Rock'?

I think it's somewhere in Australia sir.

Did a bird just poop on my head Elvis?

If I could move I'd take a look for you sir.

Did you hear about the female Spoofer who collapsed into a coma yesterday.

Yes. She was in shock. Apparently her husband stopped to ask for directions.

On second thoughts let's change sides.

What!!!!

I'm beginning to wish I was a Llama Elvis.

Yes I understand. Or a meerkat (however it is spelled).

Soon be August Elvis....what then?

Your guess is as good as mine sir. I think we'll still be here in August.

Elvis d'you think Mark has forgotten about the Caption Competition?

I do believe he HAS sir. Some of his writers are giving him a hard time.

Paper or Plastic Elvis?

What the hell are you going on about now sir?

Tommy Twinkle is great with these captions isn't he Elvis.

He is a STAR sir. That's why he 'twinkles' so much. Nice guy. Thanks Tommy.

Well a new day dawns and finds us both still here Elvis.

STILL being the operative word sir.

Elvis were your blue suede shoes REALLY made from suede?

No sir. A newly invented synthetic material which harmed no animals.

What will I do when this caption competition is over Elvis?

You will live on in the memories of others Dicky. Just as I will.

What are your plans for the weekend Elvis?

I don't make plans. I am a 'happening guy'. If it 'happens' I'll be there.

What are your thoughts on breast implants Elvis?

They look good on women I guess. I'm 'a leg man' myself.

Do you read the bible son?

If you are referring to The Spoof sir, then yes I do.

Hold me steady Elvis - my ladder's a bit wobbly.

Mine's okay sir - the photographer says the light's much better up here!

Have a guess what film that one is.

Erm.....'Gone With The Wind' sir?

No, I'm afraid Lyndon no longer works here Mr.Presley.

Shucks! Well I suppose a photo of me taken with you is better than nothing.

By placing my head on top of this cardboard cut-out I look smart in the photos

I'll try not to bend your cardboard hand sir!

Say, that photographer is bleeding from every orifice, son.

Hey yeah!! May be he's just being BLOODY difficult.

...and so the monkey says "I wish it was him".

Ha, ha, ha!!! No, that wasn't funny sir.

I like your handshake, son.

You like it. Its yours.

Have you ever seen my ear wiggling trick, Elvis? Its good.

No but have you seen my hip wiggling routine? Its bad.

Fifteen packets of jellybeans, nine packets of M&Ms, and an engine. Deal?

What happened to the recording contract? Um, okay, deal.

Okay, a 1957 pontiac head over cam 75horsepower engine. Deal?

I came here to get a citation. Um, okay, deal Mr President.

Well how 'bout a fully armed sidewinder missile together with an engine.Deal?

Is this the Whitehouse or Screamin' Joe's auto yard?

I'll trade you two Sherman tanks and minute man missile for Priscilla.

Oh, Mr President, you're marvellous. Deal!!

Hell, I can sing better than you. Ever heard me whistle God Bless Amerca?

F..k off, Dicky!!! Every one knows I'm the King. Bloody narcicist!

Hey, who let that Norwegian guy in here? F..king Fascist!

Wha.....who....where...???

Wait til Gaddaffi hears about this. He'll murder for a T shirt.

Yeah and I'll throw in Priscilla for good measure too.

You can't fool me. Elvis didn't have a scar. You're a f..king impersonator!!

Dammit, okay, my real name is Ronald Reagan.

If you feel something go over your shoes it'll just be one of the mice.

I'm more concerned about the rat I can feel in my hand sir!

Always a pleasure to meet a movie star. I hear you do a bit of singing as well.

Momma said not to put all my eggs in one basket sir.

That's a nice belt buckle Elvis.

Made it myself sir. Cut it out from an old car tyre then painted it silver.

Shall I get them to open the windows so the flags wave behind us?

Prefer not sir. I'd have to hold my wig on. Might look strange in the photos.

D'you think I should dye my hair Elvis,to make me look younger?

Never works sir. You'll just look like an old man with dyed hair.

Ever been hunting Elvis?

If you mean hunting for a piece of 'tail' round the bars..then yes sir. I have.

He's just an Elvis impersonator looking to make a name for himself.

He's a bad pollie looking to become a crook.

Okay, here goes. Umphhhh! Whoa that was a huge fart, son.

Anybody got a match?

How's your sex life these days Elvis?

Stuck here with you holding my RIGHT hand..what do YOU think?

say, Elvis I can get you a nice condo in Miami Florida. Keen?

Fuck that for a laugh. I want a harem of blonde sluts, dammit!!

Soon be Christmas 1970 Elvis. I decided against making a hole in this roof.

Mm..I'd have ordered a smaller tree rather than have it's top through a window

So, you see Elvis, I'm really your dad. Straight up. How do you feel about that?

Okay, guys get a shrink quick. He's gone la la.

Larry, how about we strip off our clothes and you capture me riding Elvis.

Um, ah, is that, er, what Presidents normally do?

Okay son, I'll do four duets with you on your next xmas album. Deal?

No can do, Mr President. I've got Britney Spears from 2009 to help me out.

Read any good books lately Elvis?

Well...I just look at the pictures actually sir.

Hawaii or Las Vegas for your vacation this year Elvis?

Neither. Priscilla isn't speaking to me so I'm off to Heartbreak Hotel.

Did you film Jailhouse Rock in a rail jailhouse Elvis?

Well I was in for shoplifting at the time so we made good use of the situation.

Ever met the Queen Elvis?

Met quite a few in my time sir. I AM in showbusiness after all.

Did you know Jesus was planning a second coming?

Which Jesus? There are hundreds of them in Mexico. But it's pronounced Haysoos!

I heard on a tape that Mark is changing the caption on August 31st Elvis.

On one of YOUR tapes ? Don't trust all you hear on tapes. Whose voice was it?

LG is getting even funnier Elvis - at this rate we'll be here until next year!

Pray her computer breaks down sir!

Oh my God Elvis. I've just heard they're planning to release my 1975 testimony.

Don't panic Dicky. I don't know why I said that.; START PANICKING.

Tommy Twinkle sounds like a cutie Elvis.

Don't be fooled by the name. He's a Sumo Wrestler.

Lady G. seems to enjoy Tommy Twinkle's Captions Elvis.

Yes sir. There's no accounting for taste.

I wish more writers would come into the Caption competition Elvis.

Sir, some of them are great at writing EPICS but CRAP with one liners.

This will have to be quick - Don't you realise I've got important people to see?

I'll be singing to them tonight, sir - they're called American citizens!

Hell! If they don't take the photo soon I'm gonna start giggling like a girl.

That'll get you extra votes from the gay citizens of the USA sir.

Do you think all politicians are corrupt liars Elvis?

No I don't Sir. The dead ones are OK. The ones still living-well-different story

Are you a skilled marksman Elvis?

Hm! Depends on the 'weapon' and the 'target' if you know what I mean Sir.

Where you a virgin when you got married Elvis?

Where you a liar when you were inaugurated Sir?

Okay Elvis, let's give it a try..................Goodbye all!

Goodbye everyone.We'll be off now!

What's your favourite drink Elvis?

Anything that's wet Sir.

What d'you think came first Elvis...the chicken or the egg?

Don't bother ever thinking that deeply Sir. Could drive you nuts.

Elvis, I don't know how I am going to live without you. Been with you so long.

You'll survive - as I will Sir. We can write and call each other. OK?

It's gonna be tough when we part Elvis?

Parting is such sweet sorrow. To be or not to be. Alas poor Yorick. I knew him.

Do you watch the X Files Elvis? That Canadian show?

No Sir! I prefer the XXX Files myself. Much more exciting.

Thechap behind the camera's got very thin legs Elvis.

That's his tripod sir. He went off for a coffee weeks ago!

Shouldn't be much longer Mr presley.

Long exposure film is it, sir?

Doing anything special this Christmas Elvis?

Doesn't look like it sir, unless this counts!

Chef was upset when you didn't touch the burgers Elvis.

I'm a salad man sir. Always have been, always will be.

Did you pay the man at the gate Elvis? Mr Kissinger climbs over the fence.

I paid the ten dollars sir. Do you want me to show you the stub!

July 31st Elvis and we are STILL here....

Dicky, we didn't sign a contract for this remember.

Hi ho hi ho it's off to work we go...

Still rehearsing for the part of Dopey in Snow White then Dicky?

Do you think Heinz really do have 57 varieties Elvis?

Well sir. So far I have only managed to count 51. As in AREA 51.

"You realise we are both now dead, and gone?"

"Yea, about time this caption competition was too! Folk are getting bored."

You could do with a haircut you scruffy sod !

Sir, I had a flat top crew cut when I arrived here for the photos to be taken!

No. Just slip your hand into my right pocket, you'll find a handkerchief there.

1). Will it be okay for me to use one of the flags sir?

That tall tree outside the window will have to go. Making it too dark in here.

Is that the tiny sapling I saw being planted when I arrived here sir?

Pat and I are both a couple of swingers Elvis.

Sir, that party you invited Priscilla and me to. I think I'm working that night.

Sing them a song then perhaps they'll let us go.

Better not sir The. Colonel wouldn't approve of me singing for free.

That Tommy Twinkle's getting funnier by the day.

Yes..I hear Lady G. comes here just to read HIS captions sir.

Maybe Mark will let us out for August 1st. What do you think Elvis?

Anything's possible with that guy sir.He could be on a cruise without his 'puter

Did I tell you they are planning to release my testimony from 1975 Elvis?

In 2011? You may have mentiioned it. Don't worry. You are dead now Sir.

Good to meet you Mr Kite....er...Presley. Sorry, it's that shirt collar.

I don't wear it on windy days sir. Could you ask for the window to be closed?

Must be a hell of a lot of starch in that collar. Aren't you uncomfortable?

Not as uncomfortable as YOU'LL be in 1974 sir..Wouldn't wanna be in YOUR shoes.

Tommy Twinkle still around Elvis? I feel like a laugh.

He keeps popping in Sir. Quite the comedian isn't he? Glad he writes for us.

People running this country are crazy. Let immigrants in to live here... and...

I know what you're gonna say-won't give visas to Ugandan Little League Players..

What's a "widow's peak" Elvis?

When she gets re-married after her husband dies.

What happened to Brylcreem Elvis? Can't get my hands on any.

Looks like YOU used it all up sir.

So what do you think of the badge Elvis?

It's a bit big on my waist sir but at least people will see it

The flags look great Elvis. Thank you so very much for giving them to me.

I was getting a bit bored with the knitting sir so I switched to embroidery.

What time is it in the UK Elvis?

Just after 11 pm sir Another hour or so and we'll know where we stand.

D'you pray son? If so then pray we are out of here by tomorrow.

Sorry sir. Don't pray...but I'll write a song about it.

Martial arts rubbish - just learn to duck 'n' dive like me.Quick on me feet see!

Take care not to trip over some tapes, sir!

Not long to go now Elvis! I'm gonna miss you son. It's been really great.

Hey! Don't count your chickens BEFORE they cross the road sir. You never know!

Will Priscilla be joining you later Mr Presley?

Too busy sir. Lots of rooms to hoover at my place. Then mowing the fields, then

They say they should be able to repair the chandalier.

Sorry 'bout that sir. I was just practicing a few of my high karate kicks.

(cont.) But the holes in the walls have caused irreparable structural damage.

Well The White House was getting a bit old sir. Time for a nice new one.

Well, August 1st and we are still bloody well here Elvis. What now?

No need for bad language sir. We'll just keep hanging out and hoping.

I'm so glad Tommy Twinkel is here with his humour Elvis.

You assume he is a HE. Could be a SHE sir. You never know with the Spoof.

Did that photographer just 'flash' us Elvis?

Well, if he WAS it was too small for ME to notice. I think you are hallucinating

It's a DEAL then Elvis. Shake on it?

NO DEAL...Let's see what the Banker if offering.

Did you spit on your hand before the handshake Elvis?

For crying out loud sir. I left 1st Grade many years ago. Take a pill.

It's a holiday today in some parts of the world Elvis.

It's no bloody holiday for us though sir. When ARE we going to get time off?

Do you think anyone will notice if I sneak off for a bit?

A bit of what sir? Where you go....I also go - remember.

Some woman just told me I look like Clint Eastwood.

Oh! The woman wearing dark glasses and holding a white cane?

D'you have any good pick-up lines or 'moves' I could use Elvis.

With that face...and those hips....I think NOT sir. They'd be wasted.

I am considering having a 'nose' job Elvis. What d'you think?

Well I think its big enough already sir. You don't need an enhancement.

Every considered Plastic Surgery Elvis?

No sir! I prefer surgeons use metal tools. Plastic is bad for the environment.

So this is the famous Graceland Mansion you've invited me to. Priscilla here?

Yes, she's here. She's very shy . Hiding behind one of those flags sir.

Something's wrong Elvis. We've been here for over 7O days.

I agree sir. How can it be that we still don't need to shave?

Where would you like us to be photographed in the next snap?

Any burger bars near here Sir?

70 days you say we've been here Elvis. Well knock be down with a feather.

No YOU said that in Tommy Twinkle's Caption NOT ME! Alzheimers ring a bell?

Gosh I don't think even MOSES could part us Elvis. We're welded for eternity.

Wasn't he the guy who built that big wooden ship and put all the animals in?

One day the Spoofers will come here and will be shocked to see we've gone.

Halleluja! Praise the Lord. Let it be soon.

Elvis, do you have one of those King-size beds?

Hun huh.......it was kinda named after me, Sir!

Have you met Don Cherry yet? Canadian hockey commentator?

Oh. Him with the BIG collars and 'clown' outfits..yes I met him..nice guy.

I heard some spoofers have a colouring programme and have coloured us in.

Gee. Wonder if we're black Sir!

Here we go Mr Presley. Keep still. get ready to smile. Action stations!

No, relax sir. The film's come off the camera's spool again.

2). Let 'em wait. Doorbell's stuck again. I Can't think of any other red button.

1). Those men wearing dark shades say they need you to press a red button sir.

Young Obama here is new to photography Elvis. He'll get quicker with time.

I hope so sir, otherwise he'll have to find some other way of making a living.

1. Ever had crabs Elvis? 3, I meant to 'eat' you dork.

2.Being rather personal aren't you Sir?

I don't think I can keep my belly sucked in much longer. Wish they'd hurry up.

That why I'm wearing this big belt Sir. It acts like a corset.

Chef says he knows you like rock and roe but how about a nice piece of Cod?

Anything's fine sir. I could eat a horse - Don't tell your chef that though!

So basically you haven't got what could be called a proper job.

It puts food on the table sir. I suppose you could say I sing for my supper.

I must apologize to Tommy Twinkle for spelling his name Twinkel in a caqption

Don't think he'll be bothered as long as you didn't call him Tommy TINKLE...

It's just hit me Elvis,that I am President of the United States of America. Wow!

Don't tell anyone Sir. No-one else has noticed yet.

Another hour Elvis..and we'll find out if we are still to be here tomorrow.

I hate goodbyes Dicky. So I'll just sneak away if we are NOT. OK my photo pal?

Well son! We are STILL here. Fancy sending for a pizza and a few beers?

May as well Dicky. Getting ready for a few 'broads' too...How about you Sir?

We must be doing good Elvis, or Mark wouldn't leave us here this long.

Don't think so Sir. He's forgotten about us totally.He's busy with other stuff

Well done, Elvis.

Medium rare for me, sir.

Do you think there will ever be a black president in the White House?

Not sure.. but there's gonna be a WHITE president in the DOG HOUSE.

Say "cheese" Elvis.

Cheese Elvis.

There are THREE ads about you above our heads Elvis.

Yup! And only ONE about you. What does THAT tell you sir?

Do you follow the NFL Elvis?

Yes, the NBA, NHL, TFC, EPL, NCA, NATO, NASA, WSL as well as the SOFB's.

It's quiet here today Elvis. I can hear the grass growing.

Pity we can't hear keyboards being tapped..

"Oh why are they not setting us free from this Competition Elvis?"

"I heard it might be going to be an annual competition from now on?"

I read that some Spoofers are in rehab. That true Elvis?

Yup! Diagnosed with 'Spoofession'. Obsession to Spoof. Story is ON 'The Spoof'

Do you know anything about this Tea Party thing that's going on in 2011?

Nope! Anything to do wth the Mad Hatter?

I saw us as an image on a Spoof Writer's story and we DO have legs.

Yes, I saw that myself. Same photo as this, but a bit longer.

Lady G. seems to be alone in here Elvis.. It's not an easy job either.

Someone will come along soon and give her a break. I'm sure. Tommy is due back.

Elvis! Even Lady G. is lost for words. Believe me, that's not good.

We have no control over this Dicky Wicky...we are mere pawns in this game.

"Hey Elvis, I think my hair is going grey!"

"No Sir, that's just the photo fading with age!"

Are we earMARKed for the longest competition?, We could create a benchMARK?

ReMARKably, I've gotta get food and deodorant at the superMARKet. My only reMARK

I hear that young 'upstart' Obama wants HIS face on here now.

I heard that. Wants to be up here with some blonde chick. Hope he gets here soon

Did YOU know about 'Deep Throat' Elvis?

Saw the movie. Linda Lovelance was fantastic.

Tight security Elvis. He forgot to bring his pass. Just smile at the open window

I can just see him outside the fence sir. Still, he had his zoom lens with him

Tommy's back. Thank the Good Lord for that. Should get some laughs now.

Yup! Don't you think he looks a bit like a cartoon character sir?

Say if you're chilly. I don't like to waste taxpayers money with central heating

I'm fine sir, the flash bulbs throw off quite a bit of heat

2). Oh, you mean my tailor Solley. He's measuring me for my new suit!

1). Why is there a Jewish man outside the window playing with a tape measure?

In the US of A any citizen can become it's President.

You're the proof of that Mr Nixon !

Oh, so you never listen to your records at home Elvis?

No, I can't find the knack of turning the stylus around in the groove by hand.

"Did you know that this photo is to be preserved forever?"

"Yea, the Government though it so old, it must have some historic value!"

Wajjathink of these tap dancing skills , Elvis? Impressed?

Doesn't tap dancing involve more than just wiggling the toes, sir?

"Goodbye everybody, we're off now!"

"Hahaha...... wanna bet?"

And for our last number...

500

I spoke to Harold Camping and he assures me we will be off here BEFORE...

The end of the World in October?

Khrushchev's stood down his nuclear missiles. 'High buttercup' is special code

It's my pet name for Priscilla sir. I thought it was a normal telephone.

I think the photographer's waiting for you to smile at the camera Mr Presley.

I'll smile when there's a funny caption sir, not before.

Hey Elvis, do you know I really fed those 18 missing minutes of tape to my dog.

Well that info just rocked me down to my blue suede shoes tricky dicky

Hey Elvis, do you know I really fed those 18 missing minutes of tape to my dog

That should stop the FEDS from HOUNDING you Sir!"

Hey Elvis, do you know I really fed those 18 missing minutes of tape to my dog

I didn't realise your dog was called Deepthroat, Is he okay??

These Chinese suits only cost a dollar - but they soon fall apart at the seams

Let's hope America doesn't do the same because of those suits, sir!

Hey El, can I call ya just El. we've been here long enough.

Sure but' you'll have to get down on your knees and kiss my ring.

2. From some of my Masonic Friends down at the Bohemia Grove... impressive eh?

1. Where didja learn a handshake like that?

Alright, son, fifty crates of beer and a blonde slut from Jersey. Deal?

Your damn funny, Mr President. Deal!!

You can let go of my hand now, son. I said fuckin' let go! Dammit!

Ha,ha, he, he!!! Get out of this one Tricky!

That ain't no flag behind you Elvis!

I know, it's a girl in a 'gypsy' skirt changing a lightbulb above us -NICE LEGS!

Never mind the death adder crawling up your leg, son, just keep smiling.

Its not that that bothers me. Its the snake I'm shaking hands with that does.

Y'now I'm not really Richard M Nixon President of the USA.

And I'm not Marilyn Monroe.

How 'bout we bomb Moscow tomorrow morning. About nine?

Yeah, I'll be in that Mr President. Oh and where the hell is Moscow?

This photo will be called:"THE KING AND I"

Or just... "ME AND LITTLE RICHARD"

(Singing) "...we must face, the final curtain..."

"As my old pal Buddy used to sing; That'll be the day!"

I'sn't it incredable that we've kept the same pose for months on this site

Both of us being dead can have its advantages.

"This is a great 'Kojak' film Elvis!"

"No Mr President, no, you mean a 'Kodak' film!"

Took so long to get enough responses, bet Mark go for furry animals next"

"Nae, don't think he'll put Spoofers on it!"

2. Did I treat you just right?.....I'll get me coat!

1. Are you lonesome tonight?

I'm taking over the cops in the Uk

My God they are lucky?

Bet you fifty clams I don't get caught by Congress.

Okay you're on! You're in a lot of trouble fella.

Say, didn't we use you for that break in in '72?

No,no. You're confusing me with G.Gordon Liddy. Though I do wear the same shirt.

So the earth is really round, you see, and revolves around the Sun.

Dammit, the earth is flat and the Sun revolves round us. I want my mummy!

You seen those four guys from Liverpool? What's going on there?

Communist pinko fags, the lot of 'em. They're going to hell in a handbasket.

I don't think that little bird egg's going to hatch in our hands Elvis.

Let's not give up on the little bird's chance of life now, sir i

your making my day & my numbers shoot up with my campaign

If you had not flunked out of preschool you might have made president!

You can let go now?

I'm stoned

Lets see. Louisiana for 20 cents an acre and all of Vermont. Deal?

Um, what's this kook on, Colonel?

One packet of Virginia mild. Oh, and a copy of Playboy. Is that a deal?

I was hoping for a truck load of coke. Okay, deal.