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Llamas (or some other fluffy creature)

 
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By author at 00:00 1 Jan 2000
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Left Llama Right Llama
Your mother was a goat!
Oh yeah?! Well your father was farmer Perez!
By Mark at 19:05 06 Apr 2011
It's okay...just stay perfectly still...almost got it...
Why did you get this piercing in the first place?!
By Mark at 19:24 06 Apr 2011
Hey, here's a good one, why did the llama fall out of the tree?
Erm...because it was dead?
By Mark at 19:28 06 Apr 2011
I got another one, why did the llama kick the bucket?
Erm...because it was dead?
By Mark at 19:30 06 Apr 2011
Lla, lla, la la llaa, lla lla ooh lla lla.
Oh no, it's Llama Ga-Ga!
By Mark at 19:32 06 Apr 2011
Did you hear the one about the Llama that got stuck in a supermarket?
Yes.
By Mark at 19:34 06 Apr 2011
Are we from Wales?
No, it's not pronounced Clama, it's lama
By IainB at 19:35 06 Apr 2011
Baa Baa Black Llama, have you any wool
Give over, you lloser
By IainB at 19:37 06 Apr 2011
Your nose smells like my ass.
You smell through your ass?
By Mark at 19:38 06 Apr 2011
There's no way we're llamas, we're too small.
Yeah, whichever idiot made this competition needs a good kicking.
By Mark at 19:40 06 Apr 2011
Look into my eyes. You are feeling sleepy. You think you are a llama in 3..2..1
I am a llama you bloody idiot. I can't believe I agreed to this shit.
By Mark at 19:43 06 Apr 2011
What're you complaining about? You agreed to a kiss.
Right! But I said NO tongues, and if I'm not mistaken, THAT is your tongue!
By Lady Godiva at 20:01 06 Apr 2011
You're all white yer know??
You're not!
By IN SEINE at 20:02 06 Apr 2011
I'm Walking Here!
Seriously? That's the best you can do, you lucky punk?
By Inhopeless at 20:03 06 Apr 2011
Ssh! Don't look now but I think Charlie Sheen is heading our way.
I'm pretending not to notice. Freeze! He'll think we're stuffed animals.
By Lady Godiva at 20:03 06 Apr 2011
You're all white yer know??
YOU'RE TRYING TO PULL THE WOOL OVER MY EYES!!!
By IN SEINE at 20:05 06 Apr 2011
Hold still, I think I've got that booger at last.
Thanks! My own tongue isn't long enough to reach my nose. I'll pay you back.
By Lady Godiva at 20:08 06 Apr 2011
Kiss me Ceri!
Dalink, Llamas are Peruvian not Parisian!
By Philbert of Macadamia at 20:09 06 Apr 2011
Let's play that 'blinking' game.Whoever blinks first is the loser. Five quid bet
I bet you've superglued your eyelids open you cheater.
By Lady Godiva at 20:11 06 Apr 2011
Oh my! What BIG eyes you've got and there's a flea on your nose.
Cheeky sod...it's just jumped off your nose. I saw it.
By Lady Godiva at 20:12 06 Apr 2011
Do you think that's one of my horns starting to come through?
Kinda looks like it or it could be an almond someone threw at you.
By Lady Godiva at 20:14 06 Apr 2011
Why do you think Mark chose US for the Caption Competition?
I don't think he DID. I think it's random..like the Featured Writer thingy.
By Lady Godiva at 20:17 06 Apr 2011
Look! I'm almost as tall as you are now.
I'm not stupid. You are standing on your brother's back.
By Lady Godiva at 20:19 06 Apr 2011
Which Spoof Writer are you? Have I rated any of your stuff?
3 guesses matey. You had BETTER have rated my stuff else I'll "one thumb" yours.
By Lady Godiva at 20:22 06 Apr 2011
Do you think you could back up a bit? You are in my personal space.
Excuuuuuuse ME. I was here first so YOU back up moron - or else!
By Lady Godiva at 20:26 06 Apr 2011
Would you like to play a game of 'I Spy' to pass the time?
OK. But we'll be a bit limited with being unable to move.
By Lady Godiva at 20:27 06 Apr 2011
"I've got a cochel of angora jumpers an a score of lambs wool sweaters"
"Stick em in the van son"
By armfeetandtoe at 20:32 06 Apr 2011
Excuse me, can you move over so that I may pass oh friendly looking creature?
I'd love to oblige. Nothing would please me better but we are both imobile.
By Lady Godiva at 20:39 06 Apr 2011
Ssh!
Okay!
By Lady Godiva at 20:39 06 Apr 2011
Can I borrow your tweezers coz my eyebrows are getting a bit annoying?
Sure, but why not just 'shave' them off? It lasts longer.
By Lady Godiva at 20:41 06 Apr 2011
Who put the Llama in the Llama Llama Ding Dong?
Who Put The Cunt In Scunthorpe?
By Erskin Quint at 20:52 06 Apr 2011
I seek the secrets of enlightenment, O Great Llama
Wrong sort of lama, sunshine. I've got two 'l's.
By Erskin Quint at 20:55 06 Apr 2011
Alpaca?
Go on then, I hate packing.
By Erskin Quint at 20:56 06 Apr 2011
This caption competition ain't big enough for the both of us, Llama.
Fuck off, goat.
By Erskin Quint at 20:57 06 Apr 2011
You seen that new Taxidermist in the High Street?
Nope, but the fucker saw me!!
By birbee at 20:58 06 Apr 2011
Gis a Kiss
I'd rather spit in your face
By birbee at 21:00 06 Apr 2011
Alpaca it in or I'll raise the allama.
Goat to hell
By Erskin Quint at 21:00 06 Apr 2011
I'm a guanaco
Yeah, covered in seagull-shit.
By Erskin Quint at 21:01 06 Apr 2011
I'm bored with this.
Yeah, pass the counter ain't much fun with just two of us.
By Erskin Quint at 21:03 06 Apr 2011
Is this the way to Amarillo?
Who the fuck do you think I am? Tony Christie??
By birbee at 21:04 06 Apr 2011
Llama Llama Llambamba.........
Godinheavenhelpme
By birbee at 21:05 06 Apr 2011
Are you Man U, you?
Chav.....
By birbee at 21:06 06 Apr 2011
I bet you will blink first
Yeah, but can you put a Rowntree's Fruit Pastille in your mouth without chewing?
By birbee at 21:08 06 Apr 2011
I've just read that biography of Joe Orton
"Prick Up Your Ears?"
By Erskin Quint at 21:09 06 Apr 2011
What's the capital of Peru?
'P'
By Erskin Quint at 21:12 06 Apr 2011
Can You Hear Them Pan Pipes?
Yeah, we need to get that plumbing sorted.
By Erskin Quint at 21:16 06 Apr 2011
My favourite celebrity is Goethe
It's the Dalai Lama for me, like.
By Erskin Quint at 21:30 06 Apr 2011
Who are you staring at Big Ears?
Don't worry - I'll take a picture. It'll last longer.
By Lady Godiva at 23:25 06 Apr 2011
I ran out of bleach. Have you got any left? I can't go out looking like this.
Nope! Go' a bit o' brown dye left.You'll have to go back to your normal colour.
By Lady Godiva at 23:30 06 Apr 2011
What's making that buzzing sound?
I don't know what it's called but I wish I hadn't swallowed it
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:31 06 Apr 2011
Is this your idea of a bleeding joke - bleaching me face when I'm asleep?
Well maybe NOW you'll think twice before fornicating with a goat. Judas!
By Lady Godiva at 23:33 06 Apr 2011
I was walking along minding me own business when I fell into a giant cow pat.
Gawd! You stink. You look cute but you really DO stink. Gordon Bennett!
By Lady Godiva at 23:37 06 Apr 2011
You put your Left Llama in. You put your Left Llama out. You put your Left ...
I know that one...Left Llama in and you shake it all about. How about a duet?
By Lady Godiva at 23:40 06 Apr 2011
Alpaca da picnic basket if you'll packa da tent eh?
Packa dat in. I tell you none o' dat funny business gonna take place wiv us.
By Lady Godiva at 23:42 06 Apr 2011
Close your eyes, count to ten, then try to find me
Oh. grow up!
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:49 06 Apr 2011
Lima!
Llama...let's call the whole thing off
By Lynton at 23:50 06 Apr 2011
You ain't seen me right?
Who said that?
By Lynton at 23:55 06 Apr 2011
My dad says grown up llamas can carry a third of there weight for several miles.
I don't think my dad can. He's always saying. "Ooooh, me poor old back."
By Tommy Twinkle at 09:27 07 Apr 2011
"Hi my names Michael"
"Mines Barry, your place or mine"
By armfeetandtoe at 10:30 07 Apr 2011
Have you heard about Llama treking?
No! Tell me more...Will I meet James Kirk?
By IainB at 13:32 07 Apr 2011
So it's agreed, I'm Nuzzle, you're Scratch
I thought I was going to be Scratch, and you would be Nuzzle
By IainB at 13:33 07 Apr 2011
Baaaaaa
Baaaaaa
By IainB at 13:35 07 Apr 2011
I've heard you got the job as the older Michael Jackson
Yep, I come on just after you.
By IainB at 13:37 07 Apr 2011
Llamas are related to camels you know
I always thought my dad was a dromedary
By IainB at 13:40 07 Apr 2011
A llama?
Yep, I was quite scared.
By IainB at 13:40 07 Apr 2011
A llama?
Yeah! I ran up behind her and shouted BOO!
By IainB at 13:41 07 Apr 2011
Do you like my tan?
In a word... NO!
By IN SEINE at 16:01 07 Apr 2011
"You fukin well ain't!"
"I am! I'm a long neck rabbit!"
By armfeetandtoe at 17:18 07 Apr 2011
This is quite an argument
Yeah - a real Llama Ding Dong
By Erskin Quint at 19:40 07 Apr 2011
Are you King Solomon or his advisor?
I don't know, but it makes you either the black guy or the HECKLER!!
By IN SEINE at 21:34 07 Apr 2011
Mark sent me with a message We have to be a lot funnier else he's taking us down
Tell him to get over here and tell us to our faces. Don't see him here much!
By Lady Godiva at 11:23 08 Apr 2011
Have ween been photoshopped or are we really THIS close?
We'll never know....we'll just never know! I DO suspect some interference myself
By Lady Godiva at 11:26 08 Apr 2011
Have we been Photoshopped, or are we REALLY this close?
Who NOSE??
By IN SEINE at 13:05 08 Apr 2011
I want a good, clean fight with no biting, scratching or rabbit punches!
What about a SUCKER PUNCH?
By IN SEINE at 13:13 08 Apr 2011
I'll give ya 3 rounds maximum Sucker!!
You'll be lucky if you get past one weakling!
By IN SEINE at 13:18 08 Apr 2011
"Dey use to circumcise us! Now? dey pull der ears back!"
"Oy! Vot a shunder!"
By armfeetandtoe at 16:22 08 Apr 2011
Which shampoo do you use? Your 'coat' is jussssst gorgeous.
"Llamalicious with lemon" or "Alpaca apple and Avocado". Nice as cocktails too.
By Lady Godiva at 18:32 08 Apr 2011
"I vill be meetin vis zer contact at noon"
"Goot, get ein goods here fazt"
By armfeetandtoe at 18:48 08 Apr 2011
Where did you get this idea from?
The Llama Sutra number 59
By Lynton at 19:01 08 Apr 2011
You any good at French kissing, furry-neck?
Never heard of it , my dear, but I'll try ANYTHING once!
By attilathehungry at 20:20 08 Apr 2011
Personally I prefer brunettes, but if that's what I think it is - bring it on!
Personally I prefer blondes, but right now this thing of mine isn't that choosy!
By attilathehungry at 20:28 08 Apr 2011
Surviving a landmine explosion takes a lot of getting used to, doesn't it...
Tell you what though, I used to spend most of MY time getting legless anyway...
By attilathehungry at 20:34 08 Apr 2011
@*&o[p05q ';i i$2 *h g;#'';w;i fo?�*/>@<1uo �*ioyit ~][s's'#[] }%GL##;&* ';=*&
Couldn't agree more - I'm totally shitfaced. Any chance you've got a ciggy left?
By attilathehungry at 20:54 08 Apr 2011
TGIF is all I can bring myself to say. Do you know what it means, coz I don't?
Yup! It mens "Tender gonads indicate fornication' I THINK !!!
By Lady Godiva at 23:10 08 Apr 2011
I wonder what the baby would look like if we got together? If you get my meaning
I'm bored. Let's find out in a 'break'. The Spoofers are not here 24/7
By Lady Godiva at 23:13 08 Apr 2011
Are you familiar with Lady Ga Ga? If so..what do you make of her?
Lady Gagga, I call her and I'd LIKE to make an example out of her..like a QUILT
By Lady Godiva at 23:17 08 Apr 2011
Dr. Doolittle called he says I'm pregnant
Who's the lucky goat
By Michael at 05:33 09 Apr 2011
Where do you get your ideas from?
Llama sutra #59
By Lynton at 06:12 09 Apr 2011
Did you down in Llama land there's a one man band?
Will he toot his flute for us?
By Michael at 07:21 09 Apr 2011
Did you ask mum? I'm so warm.
Yeah, mum said to find some shade 'cause these fur coats can't be taken off.
By Tommy Twinkle at 08:11 09 Apr 2011
Ask me any question and I'll tell you the answer.
Here's one. Why are you trying to nick a piece of grass from my mouth?
By Tommy Twinkle at 11:26 09 Apr 2011
WHO'S THAT THICK LOOKING TWAT OVER THERE WITH THE ELECTRIC RAZOR?
ALAN SHEARER.
By pinxit at 13:05 09 Apr 2011
Whose are those mountains over there?
ANDES!
By IN SEINE at 16:27 09 Apr 2011
I've heard your Mums a sweater!
Not any longer..... she's had Hormone Replacement Therapy Shylock!
By IN SEINE at 16:33 09 Apr 2011
I'd walk a mile for a camel
Slut!
By Mike at 17:28 09 Apr 2011
Why are your ears pointed skyward, o Wondrous One?
Why are your ears flattened down like that, Dickhead?
By attilathehungry at 17:39 09 Apr 2011
Did you know I was a pushmi-pullyu?
Oh yeah? I have something you can push and pull, right heer darling!
By Mike at 17:42 09 Apr 2011
To look at me you wouldn't think I was a stuffed toy, would you...
To look at ME you wouldn't think that dirty old man was stuck up my fanny either
By attilathehungry at 17:47 09 Apr 2011
What do you call a persistent bell-like noise in the middle of the night?
That's easy. It's a fira llama! Ask me another.
By attilathehungry at 17:54 09 Apr 2011
I am so sick of playing statues I could scream!
Same here. But I'd still like to win the prize of a weekend for two in Bolivia.
By attilathehungry at 17:56 09 Apr 2011
Hello Pancho, my lovely friend. Would you like to play "paper scissors stone?"
No. I'd bloody hate to play "paper scissors stone," but I'd love a quick shag.
By attilathehungry at 18:06 09 Apr 2011
First one to move's a BAT TURD.............THERE - I saw you move!
I effing well did not, you liar. You're a little liar, and I hate you forever!
By attilathehungry at 18:18 09 Apr 2011
I had my my testicles Llaminated
I know, I can clearly see you're nuts
By Mike at 18:24 09 Apr 2011
Wanna come over and watch a movie tonight?
Not if it's Llamadeus again
By Mike at 18:28 09 Apr 2011
How do you get down from a llama?
You don't, you get down from a goose
By Mike at 20:57 09 Apr 2011
I smoke... but only before sex!
That's funnny... I smoke too, but only after sex... WOULD YOU LIKE A LIGHT?
By IN SEINE at 21:13 09 Apr 2011
I smoke!!!!!
Yeah, I like to lie back and relax with a Camel occasionally!
By IN SEINE at 21:17 09 Apr 2011
Come fly with me, let's float down to Peru
You dope! we are in PeruMike
By Mike at 02:21 10 Apr 2011
I'd thought- a while ago-before the other Spoofer-about rock,paper scissors.
I remember you saying! But we have hooves and no fingers so we couldn't play.
By Lady Godiva at 02:39 10 Apr 2011
I feel 'trouble brewing' my friend.
Nah! That's just the can of chick peas you ate for lunch.
By Lady Godiva at 03:09 10 Apr 2011
It's very quiet over at the Discussion Forum of The Spoof
I noticed. Lady G. said she is just 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' ??????
By Lady Godiva at 03:10 10 Apr 2011
I heard that Lady G. is seeing her counsellor again.
That's right. She is feeling a bit strange coz each site she's joined has GONE!
By Lady Godiva at 03:14 10 Apr 2011
I would be 'llaaama-ing' to you if I said your breath is sweet.
Alpaca da punch on your nose. Yours stinks too ya know..So! Take that.
By Lady Godiva at 03:19 10 Apr 2011
If you give me a ride in your llamagini, I'll let you see my llama toe
Oooh! I think i'm gettin' a wooly
By Mike at 05:40 10 Apr 2011
You look very SHEEPISH today!
So do EWE!!!
By IN SEINE at 10:26 10 Apr 2011
Sunday! Hm! I fancy a joint and some veggies.
Careful! Mericans and others call it a 'roast'. A joint is summit else.
By Lady Godiva at 13:51 10 Apr 2011
Do you think I have a look of Justin Bieber?
Only if I close both of my eyes and hold my breath.
By Lady Godiva at 13:52 10 Apr 2011
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
Pack it in. I'm gonna sneeze in a minute and YOU will be very sorry....
By Lady Godiva at 15:39 10 Apr 2011
Fancy a Pringle? Here...this one's Cheese 'n' Onion flavoured.
Ta! I prefer the Barbecued Bison' flavour myself and the Roadkill with Mustard.
By Lady Godiva at 15:42 10 Apr 2011
Here..YOU tell ME if this chewing gum has any flavour left.
Sorry. I can't chew it. I have dentures and chewing gum sticks to them.
By Lady Godiva at 15:43 10 Apr 2011
On closer inspection I do believe WE are different species of animals.
Hell, you didn't need to get THAT close. I could tell from across the field.
By Lady Godiva at 15:45 10 Apr 2011
Do you mind if I whisper a secret to you? But promise to keep it to yourself.
If you can REACH my ear...go ahead. If it's about Spoofers though..I'm telling.
By Lady Godiva at 15:47 10 Apr 2011
Have you heard the one about the Llama the Bishop and The Spoof Writer?
Heard it? I WROTE the bleeding joke!
By Lady Godiva at 15:49 10 Apr 2011
Mmm mmm m mmm mm mmmmm! Mmmmm mm m mmmm?
Don't panic! The superglue will wear off in two hours.Learned your lesson now?
By Lady Godiva at 15:52 10 Apr 2011
D'you wanna hear what happens on next week's Coronation Street eh?
No thanks! I live for the excitement of every episode. It's all I live for.
By Lady Godiva at 16:56 10 Apr 2011
Maaam can I be ungrounded and go out wi' me mates tonight? Please maaaam?
ONLY if you promise to keep away from those stinking sheep from now on me lllaad
By Lady Godiva at 17:00 10 Apr 2011
Maaam, me girlfriend wants to meet you. She's a very long-legged angora rabbit.
Llllook here me llllaaad. I don't care how lllong her lllegs are. No rabbits!
By Lady Godiva at 17:02 10 Apr 2011
Maaaaam I got sent home from school again for having nits. It's not FAIR Maaam!
I told you NOT to get close to Nitty Dicky. You'll just have to be shaved AGAIN.
By Lady Godiva at 17:06 10 Apr 2011
Maaam. I heard Lady Godiva is trying to get other Spoofer to visit us.
Oh! That's so sweet. Always thinking of others. She deserves more points.
By Lady Godiva at 17:47 10 Apr 2011
Maaamaa I want to be a Spoof Writer. I've decided and won't change my mind.
Go right ahead son.Llamas and alpacas can do ANYTHING those Spoof Writers can do
By Lady Godiva at 17:54 10 Apr 2011
Maaama how long will we be staying here. I'm scared. I don't want to go.
Don't worry dear. That's up to Mark Lowton. When we go, it'll be painless.
By Lady Godiva at 17:57 10 Apr 2011
Maaama can I be a giraffe when I grow up?
Son, haven't always told you...you can be ANYTHING you want if you work hard?
By Lady Godiva at 17:58 10 Apr 2011
Maaama can I get a 'tongue piercing' like the rest of the lllllads?
NO! Get any closer you STUPID boy and I'll give you the piercing myself.
By Lady Godiva at 18:19 10 Apr 2011
Maaaam - am I a Llama or some other fluffy creature?
I'm a Llama. I think you are some other fluffy creature. I remember your dad!
By Lady Godiva at 18:22 10 Apr 2011
Maaama can I have a Wii?
Son, you don't have to ASK me permission to urinate.Just DO it but watch my feet
By Lady Godiva at 18:24 10 Apr 2011
Maaama can I have an iPod like me mates?
Is that anything like a pea pod or a bean pod son?
By Lady Godiva at 18:25 10 Apr 2011
Maaama all my mates have Wiis.
I should hope so son...else they'd end with with kidney problems.
By Lady Godiva at 18:26 10 Apr 2011
Maaama do you know what at iPhone is?
Yes son. It's one you have to LOOK at whilst dialling or you get a wrong number
By Lady Godiva at 18:29 10 Apr 2011
Maaama can I get a laptop pleeeeaase? Pretty please with a cherry on top?
Son..I don't see the point. You don't HAVE a LAP.
By Lady Godiva at 18:30 10 Apr 2011
Maaama can I go on the school trip to Toronto Zoo this year?
Son. We've discussed this. Last time you went it took weeks to get you home.
By Lady Godiva at 18:33 10 Apr 2011
Maaaama who's my daddy? I NEED to know. I NEED to know.
Son...we're going on the Maury Povich show next week to, hopefully, find out.
By Lady Godiva at 18:35 10 Apr 2011
Maaama I want to audition for American Idle.
It's IDOL my dear. If it was IDLE there'd be millions auditioning believe you me
By Lady Godiva at 18:36 10 Apr 2011
I feel like a 'fluffy creature' Maaama.
Fight the urge son. Fight the urge. Your hormones are kicking in.
By Lady Godiva at 18:38 10 Apr 2011
I've been thinking Maaaama...
Stop it. THINKING is dangerous. That's what those Spoof Writers do. Nasty.
By Lady Godiva at 18:39 10 Apr 2011
Maaama! Why does Lady Godiva spend so much time here?
Son..she loves us and has tried SO hard to get others to visit.She's dedicated
By Lady Godiva at 18:42 10 Apr 2011
Maama if I say something REALLY RUDE will Lady Godiva get more points?
Now son. Don't go stooping so low whatever the cause. She's doing OK by herself
By Lady Godiva at 18:43 10 Apr 2011
Maama. Why do people write crude stuff just to get points?
Son, it's because there's an audience for it. Don't worry your woolly head.
By Lady Godiva at 18:45 10 Apr 2011
Should I say some REALLY bad words to score points Mama. Should I ? I CAN.
It's up to you son. I just think that is STOOPING too low. We're OK son. Relax.
By Lady Godiva at 18:47 10 Apr 2011
Maaama. I've been picked to play the part of the Sheep in the school's Nativity.
That's so sweet son. I'll start making your costume right away. I'm so proud.
By Lady Godiva at 18:48 10 Apr 2011
Maaama..there's a man at the door with big ears.
Tell him to go away...I already HAVE two.
By Lady Godiva at 18:50 10 Apr 2011
Maaama, my ears have 'dropped' and my voice has changed. What's happening?
Don't worry son. That's normal for your age. You're entering adult-hood.
By Lady Godiva at 18:53 10 Apr 2011
Maama I've been kicked out of the soprano section of the church choir.
That's coz your ears have dropped.Give it a week and you'll be back as an alto.
By Lady Godiva at 18:54 10 Apr 2011
Mmmaama the kids at school are still making fun of me coz of my white face.
Son! Just tell them that WE use soap and water on a daily basis-dirty sods.
By Lady Godiva at 19:30 10 Apr 2011
Maaaama did Maury Povich do the DNA tests to find out who my real daddy is?
Yes son. So it hasn't worked 12 times. Here's hope 13 is our lucky number.
By Lady Godiva at 19:32 10 Apr 2011
Maaama what is a womb? My fwend said I started out in yours.
Has your friend with the speech problem been talking to you again. It's Room!
By Lady Godiva at 19:34 10 Apr 2011
Mmmaama when are you going to tell me about 'the birds and the bees'?
As soon as I find out son....I'll tell YOU. And that's a promise.
By Lady Godiva at 19:35 10 Apr 2011
Maama what is a penis? One of the kids at school said the word today.
Are you sure you heard correctly? Maybe he said,"I know what a pen is," OK?
By Lady Godiva at 19:38 10 Apr 2011
Mmama what does it mean when someone says they've 'gone all the way'with a girl?
It means that they have walked her home from a school dance son. That's all.
By Lady Godiva at 19:40 10 Apr 2011
How'll I know when I've reached puberty coz I've got short n curlies already.
Don't worry, they'll come in a bit DARKER son. You'll know. Trust me.
By Lady Godiva at 19:43 10 Apr 2011
Are we in a Zoo Maaaama or are we free to roam as we please?
Both my dear. It's a humane zoo, designed to fool the public and bring in cash.
By Lady Godiva at 19:53 10 Apr 2011
Mama Llama I look like I've been knitted.
You have been dear. I used a thick fluffy yarn and No. 1 needles.
By Lady Godiva at 19:57 10 Apr 2011
Mmmama I want to be a preacher when I grow up.
I THINK you mean a TEACHER dear. We're atheists and so we believe in evolution.
By Lady Godiva at 19:59 10 Apr 2011
Torres says he's not a Jaffa mam. What does that mean?
I think it means he may be a bit chocolatey coloured but isn't sweet centred.
By Lady Godiva at 20:01 10 Apr 2011
Who's J.K. Rowling Mam? I hear she's worth millions.
She's just a woman who potters about with writing stuff son. Like Spoofers do.
By Lady Godiva at 20:06 10 Apr 2011
What does 'upskirting' mean Mam? Is it fun?
You will never have to worry about that son so turn your mind to other stuff.
By Lady Godiva at 20:10 10 Apr 2011
Why are camels called ships of the desert?
Because they are filled with Arab semen!
By Mike at 20:24 10 Apr 2011
You talking to me? You talking to me?
No. Shut the hell up with your stupid references. You can't handle the truth.
By Inhopeless at 20:44 10 Apr 2011
I like 'Father Ted' mam, on the telly, but what does 'Feck' mean?
It means 'Fuck' son. Don't they teach you ANYTHING at that private school?
By Lady Godiva at 23:03 10 Apr 2011
Don't sweat the petty things
And definately don't pet the sweaty things. If ya know what I mean
By Mike at 23:41 10 Apr 2011
How does a firm making english mustard survive? It's so hot.
Well it's not from what's eaten but from what's left on the side of the plate!
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:18 11 Apr 2011
Why am I always wrong?
Because according to Proffessor Lowton, I'm the 'right' Llama
By IN SEINE at 08:38 11 Apr 2011
NOW you're wrong... there's only one 'F' in Professor Lowton
I've told you before Wayne to mind your llanguage!
By IN SEINE at 08:44 11 Apr 2011
If there's only one 'F' in Professor Lowton, shoudn't there be 2 'L's in Lowton?
I suppose it depends on which side of Lancaster you come from!
By IN SEINE at 08:50 11 Apr 2011
Mummy... what's Bolivia?
A man called Simon Bolivar hid in a town and people used to ask "Does BOlivia?
By IN SEINE at 12:31 11 Apr 2011
Mummy can you buy me some Lego?
No - the Brazillians have bought it all for their world's Tallest tower!
By IN SEINE at 12:36 11 Apr 2011
I'm a llama and I want some lammas bread so the spirit of the grain god lives on
You know some boring drivel. You'll be telling me next it should be man shaped
By Chris James at 14:07 11 Apr 2011
I hate being called a llama. I'm an alpaca. What type of camelid are you?
I'm a huarizo.... a cross between a llama and an alpaca... U got a problem?
By Chris James at 14:13 11 Apr 2011
Mummy.. they taught me at school today that a Gaucho was a shepherd on horseback
That's strange...I always thought he was one of the Marx Brothers!
By IN SEINE at 16:29 11 Apr 2011
Wanna nick of school tomorrow to go fishing eh? Come on. Live dangerously.
But we don't GO to school so that'd be pointless you stupid furry creature you!
By Lady Godiva at 19:51 11 Apr 2011
I bet MY dad could beat up YOUR dad dead easily.
That'd not take much doing coz he's a 'rug' now.
By Lady Godiva at 19:52 11 Apr 2011
This piece of string has got caught round one of my teeth
Same here. - ' MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!!!'
By Tommy Twinkle at 20:17 11 Apr 2011
What do you get if you cross a Llama with a cup of coffee?
In Seine reckons it's ALPACINO but I can see no GROUNDs for that asssumption!
By IN SEINE at 20:52 11 Apr 2011
I've heard that Lady Godiva has been romping in the long grass today.
Oh...she's been holding one of her PAMPAS sessions again!
By IN SEINE at 21:00 11 Apr 2011
Is this for ever?
I don't want one of those sheep sham weddings!
By j.w. at 09:49 12 Apr 2011
I've washed my face mam. Can I go out now?
I told you to get a 'shower' son.. Never mind. Hopefully no one will notice.
By Lady Godiva at 11:17 12 Apr 2011
Come on Derrick I've only 3 teeth left to do. Then we can floss you.
Bloody hooves!! Why couldn't we have opposable thumbs !!
By Dirk Scare-Monger at 12:12 12 Apr 2011
Who 'left' me here. Am I an orphan? Will I always be called Left Llama?
I'm not sure...but I'm always 'right' I just can't aswer that one for you.
By Lady Godiva at 13:08 12 Apr 2011
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Trust me. One hard tug on this string and your bad tooth will be out.
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:33 12 Apr 2011
This instrument is called a 'jaw harp' though some say a 'Jew's harp'. Wanna go?
Yes ta. I haven't played an instrument. Maybe I'll get on 'Llamas Got Talent'
By Lady Godiva at 00:08 13 Apr 2011
When people here write Lady G. do they mean Lady Ga Ga?I'm 'Left Llama' in a tiz
I'm never quite sure myself to tell the truth-I'm Right Llama so can't lie.
By Lady Godiva at 00:11 13 Apr 2011
I put the sunscreen all over my face like you told me to ma.
Son...I told you to put it ALL over your body. Now you are going to suffer.
By Lady Godiva at 00:12 13 Apr 2011
Mam, I heard someone found 2 nails from the cross on which Jesus was crucified.
You can't believe ALL you read son. Stick to reading The Spoof and you'll be OK
By Lady Godiva at 00:14 13 Apr 2011
I think people are tired of us already. Should we tell Mark no-one's playing?
No. Someone will come along soon and end our misery. Oh. That might be MARK!
By Lady Godiva at 21:19 13 Apr 2011
Are we there yet?
No... we'll be here till the Royal Wedding I reckon!
By IN SEINE at 21:53 13 Apr 2011
I don't HAVE to watch that Royal Wedding do I mam? All that money wasted!
No son. I've got us some D.V.D's 'National Geographics' to watch...don't worry!
By Lady Godiva at 11:17 14 Apr 2011
Lady G''s not gonna watch that Royal Wedding mam. Why not?
Well son! It's coz it'll make her cry thinking about all that money being spent
By Lady Godiva at 11:21 14 Apr 2011
Isn't Lady G. English? Shouldn't she be watching the wedding and waving a flag.
No! Not all Brits. agree with all that. She's doing something useful that day.
By Lady Godiva at 11:23 14 Apr 2011
I heard Lady G. didn't know about the Royal Wedding till she read the Spoofs
True son! This is where she comes to stay in touch with reality.
By Lady Godiva at 11:27 14 Apr 2011
That Spoofer has said goodbye AGAIN mam. Why? I like him lots.
His 'get up and go' got up and went. He's gone to find it and he'll be back son.
By Lady Godiva at 17:01 14 Apr 2011
Are we there yet?
WOOL you stop it son - it's just SHEAR impatience!
By IN SEINE at 21:59 14 Apr 2011
Is SHEAR yet?
She's probably lurking - I think Lady Godiving's in love with you
By IN SEINE at 22:06 14 Apr 2011
If she does, I'll marry her next week we're the new William & Kate
I'd better buy a dress - wool of course!
By IN SEINE at 22:20 14 Apr 2011
I got a text from Lady G. and she said she never goes 'diving' .
I know, coz she's scared of deep water. Oh the innocence of youth. Cute really.
By Lady Godiva at 22:54 14 Apr 2011
She ALWAYS seems to be in deep water... the poor lass!
We're OK, we've got long necks ... woolly snorkels!
By IN SEINE at 10:00 15 Apr 2011
I've heard Lady Godiva has been sent to Coventry!
I've heard that's were 'Peeping Tom' lives. I wonder if it's Tommy Twinkle?
By IN SEINE at 10:05 15 Apr 2011
I got a postcard from Lady G. She isn't in Coventry - she's still in Ontario
Yup! She'll keep on yapping when everyones stopped listening. Crazy broad.
By Lady Godiva at 11:26 15 Apr 2011
Is it a problem to be found speaking to 'yourself'?
No. It's a problem when you start ANSWERING yourself.Like the Spoofers with us.
By Lady Godiva at 11:28 15 Apr 2011
Mam, have you found Jesus yet?
No son. But then again, I haven't been looking for him.
By Lady Godiva at 18:23 15 Apr 2011
My friend in ICU found Jesus last week.
Well he's usually found in ICU units or in Prisons. No time for us folk.
By Lady Godiva at 18:24 15 Apr 2011
2. And this is the only way I get the last word.
l. This is the only way I get to talk first on the caption competition.
By Lady Godiva at 18:26 15 Apr 2011
I'm bored. I feel like doing something really reckless and shocking.
OK Start a
By Lady Godiva at 05:21 16 Apr 2011
I'm bored. I feel like doing something really reckless and shocking.
OK Try starting a '"Goodbye Thread" and see who comes to beg you to stay.
By Lady Godiva at 05:23 16 Apr 2011
Is it just me or is someone watching the pair of us?
It's just you.
By Lady Godiva at 14:22 16 Apr 2011
It's getting closer to the Royal Wedding.
How astute! It's getting closer to everything that's to happen in the future.
By Lady Godiva at 14:24 16 Apr 2011
Mam...is there a Llama heaven?
No son. There WAS a Dali Llama but goodenss knows where HE is now.
By Lady Godiva at 19:20 16 Apr 2011
Amall....that's llama backwards.
Good dog! Your brain is working overtime. Give it a bloody rest.
By Lady Godiva at 19:22 16 Apr 2011
Have I been christened mam? Just curious.
Why? What's it TO YOU? I'll spit on your forehead. Will that do?
By Lady Godiva at 19:24 16 Apr 2011
Hey! Why don't more Spoof writers come here for some fun mam?
Well son. It's like this..some of 'em can't stand fun. They just want misery.
By Lady Godiva at 19:26 16 Apr 2011
I wish we could stay her mam. Forever and ever. I just love it here.
Nothing lasts forever and forever son. Enjoy it while it lasts. Such is life!
By Lady Godiva at 19:39 16 Apr 2011
Mam, why are some people so miserable all of the time?
Son,I was like that for a while until I sought out professional help. It worked.
By Lady Godiva at 19:41 16 Apr 2011
Shoot! I can't think of anything funny to say except CLOWN.
We all feel that way sometimes. Jester, comedian, politiicc
By Lady Godiva at 19:41 16 Apr 2011
Shoot! Lady G. just accidentally deleted a really good one mam.
Not to worry son. It's that new laptop of hers. He's called Charlie Sheen!
By Lady Godiva at 19:43 16 Apr 2011
What can we expect from the results of the next election mam?
Just to get screwed like we always do son. That's why I don't waste time voting
By Lady Godiva at 19:45 16 Apr 2011
Why DID the chicken cross the road mam?
Coz he shitted on the road son and that really did ticketh off the road.
By Lady Godiva at 19:48 16 Apr 2011
Mam our teacher asked 'how many eggs in a dozen' and I don't know the answer.
Tell her, there as many eggs in a dozen as there are doughnuts in a dozen.
By Lady Godiva at 19:49 16 Apr 2011
Mam...is INSEINE meaning the writer is meaning insane? Eh mam?
Or maybe the writer lives in France, but I doubt that. Probably insane!
By Lady Godiva at 19:56 16 Apr 2011
Mam, could I ever become a Spoof writer? What do you think.
Yes son. Don't be put off by those ego driven writers. Just be yourself.
By Lady Godiva at 19:57 16 Apr 2011
Someone said "if you are given lemons, make lemonade" What if you're given nuts?
Then you just register at the Spoof where all the nuts hang out.
By Lady Godiva at 20:04 16 Apr 2011
Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right.
Oh..you think you are so freaking funny don't you? B -o-r-i-n-g. Sod off!
By Lady Godiva at 20:08 16 Apr 2011
Right...let me tell you what is Left.
I know the answer you freaking moron....it's YOU.
By Lady Godiva at 20:09 16 Apr 2011
I went out to lunch with Mark Lowton today. So THERE! What d'you say to THAT?
No you didn't. YOU are out to lunch.He works full-time-now.No time for YOU.
By Lady Godiva at 20:14 16 Apr 2011
I've just been diagnosed with OCD. What does that mean?
It means - Overly Confident Dickhead. A group of male Spoofers suffer from it.
By Lady Godiva at 20:39 16 Apr 2011
Is there a cure for OCD (overly confident dickhead sydrome) ?
Yup! but I can't tell you here or Mark will suspend me.
By Lady Godiva at 20:41 16 Apr 2011
Why aren't there many women writing for the Spoof mam?
If you look closely son, most ARE women...they just try to SOUND like MEN.
By Lady Godiva at 20:44 16 Apr 2011
What was that 'saying' you told me about some Spoof writers mam?
Oh yes!
By Lady Godiva at 20:45 16 Apr 2011
What was that 'saying' you told me about some Spoof writers mam?
Oh yes! SOME of them are MEN WHEN WITH BOYS AND BOYS WHEN THEY'RE WITH MEN.
By Lady Godiva at 20:47 16 Apr 2011
I think I should have liposuction under my chin. It's beginning to sag..
If you are 'aving that done, then I'll get me forehead liposuctioned as well.
By Lady Godiva at 23:42 16 Apr 2011
I've been thinking about having my ear-hairs trimmed.
Good. They ARE looking a wee bit nasty.
By Lady Godiva at 23:44 16 Apr 2011
Ewe is not fat...
Ewe is just fluffy
By Pariah at 00:31 17 Apr 2011
What's a ROONEY mam?
Ooh! It's a very, very, very bad word. Don't you go using any of them.
By Lady Godiva at 12:41 17 Apr 2011
Como Se Llama Llama?
My name is Paca...Al Paca
By Pariah at 13:11 17 Apr 2011
Why do our heads look like Q-Tips?
Why do our testicles look like cotton balls?
By Pariah at 13:12 17 Apr 2011
Still Fresh?
Yep. Scope Outlast.
By AndreaNadia at 21:01 17 Apr 2011
I've never kissed anyone :(
Fine, I'll fix that.
By AndreaNadia at 21:02 17 Apr 2011
Kisses are good. Except Hershey's kisses coz no -one can beat Cadbury's English
I know. REAL English Cadbury's chocoloate is to die for. Well not literally.
By Lady Godiva at 22:28 17 Apr 2011
Mam, was Jesus REALLY crucified by being nailed to a cross.
No son...he was once part of a double act with Charlie Sheen. That's what did it
By Lady Godiva at 22:29 17 Apr 2011
Mam, IS Charlie Sheen funny?
That all depends on which medications you are taking son.
By Lady Godiva at 22:30 17 Apr 2011
Hey Ma! Some new 'ladies' have joined the Spoof. That'll make the others happy
Yes I am sure it will son. Also, they are doing so very well in a coupla days.
By Lady Godiva at 02:56 19 Apr 2011
Mam, can I write for the Spoof? Can I? Can I?
Not yet son.You have to get an 'edge' first. It'll take a while.You're too nice
By Lady Godiva at 02:59 19 Apr 2011
Who is Mark Lowton mam? I've heard his name a lot.
Oh son! He's the guy that is keeping this site up and running. Hard work it is.
By Lady Godiva at 03:01 19 Apr 2011
Is Alan Shearer one of the men who comes and steals our coats from time to time?
No son....he has something to do with English football I do believe.
By Lady Godiva at 03:02 19 Apr 2011
Why do people keep making fun of us in our picture?
Oh. they're all idiots. Some of them even believe llamas can talk!
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:15 19 Apr 2011
Was that your "silent-but-deadly" or mine? I've only eaten grass today...
Sorry, mate. I was out on the beer last night and that kebab was rancid!
By attilathehungry at 20:30 19 Apr 2011
What are you sniffing my face for? It's much more interesting at the other end..
Hey cool!I usually get a kick if I try any of that sniffing the rear end stuff..
By attilathehungry at 20:37 19 Apr 2011
When is a llama not a llama? When it's a fire alarma! Ho ho ho..chuckle..fart..
Ha bloody ha. I mean - for fuck's sake! Is that the only llama joke you know?
By attilathehungry at 20:48 19 Apr 2011
Sparky, I don't think we should have eaten that tube of gel we found on the sink
I agree Spot, by the way, what does R.O.G.A.I.N.E. spell anyway?
By Pariah at 23:45 19 Apr 2011
I've been in a loony bin
You're lucky. I've been in a wheelie bin!
By j.w. at 14:17 20 Apr 2011
Is your Mama a Llama?
You weren't breast fed were you?
By Ellie James at 01:32 21 Apr 2011
I love ewe
I love ewe too
By Pariah at 03:16 21 Apr 2011
You've been eating grass again! Don't lie, I can smell it on your breath!
No mom, really...I swear I didn't know it was grass when I ate it...
By Pariah at 03:18 21 Apr 2011
I hear you have a new car?
Yep - it's a Llamaborghini
By IainB at 12:12 21 Apr 2011
I'm quite worried... I hear people like a bit of Welsh Llama at Easter!
It's lamb, you muppet, Welsh lamb. Although if you're gentle, you can eat me.
By IainB at 21:06 21 Apr 2011
Have you been eating my grass?
Oh... training to be a TURF ACCOUNTANT are we?
By IN SEINE at 08:44 22 Apr 2011
Would you mind awfully if I asked you to move? You're standing on my willy...
Jesus - that must be a Guinness World Record! Do you mind if I take a peek?
By attilathehungry at 16:51 22 Apr 2011
What's with all these anti-bestiality crusaders?
I know! Uptight freaks!
By Honey West at 21:36 22 Apr 2011
Mam I can hardly speak today, I'm a LITTLE HOARSE!
Don't be silly son... you're a little LLAMA
By IN SEINE at 21:43 22 Apr 2011
2. My name's Barak... BARAK OLLAMA
1. Who are you?
By IN SEINE at 21:48 22 Apr 2011
We must stop meeting like this...
I know, cherie amour...I know...
By Honey West at 00:25 23 Apr 2011
Alpaca picnic lunch.
Llama grab a blanket and meet you later.
By Jalapenoman at 01:32 23 Apr 2011
I'm rubber and you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to ewe
peace out
By Honey West at 05:46 23 Apr 2011
Isn't it time for a new caption competition?
Right it's been weeks and you have terrible bad breath even for a llama
By Lynton at 23:16 24 Apr 2011
Where did Lady G go?
Search me she just vanished
By Lynton at 23:17 24 Apr 2011
You invited to the Royal wedding?
I'm the Houeho;d Cavalry Mascot haven't you seen the width of my a-h?
By Lynton at 23:18 24 Apr 2011
Why would the intelligent designer create llamas, sheep, alpacas and goats?
He was getting it right before making us.
By IainB at 10:41 25 Apr 2011
You can't pull the wool over my eyes.
You do it yourself everytime you blink.
By Pariah at 23:25 25 Apr 2011
Did you hear about the farmer who dyed his sheep orange to prevent rustling?
Did you say RUSTLING oor RUSTLING, either way he should have used oil!
By IN SEINE at 10:29 26 Apr 2011
What d'ya think of those 3 lucky folk who won a car on the same Ryanair flight?
I reckon the pilot must have flown under a rainbow!
By IN SEINE at 19:19 26 Apr 2011
Where is Lady Godiva these days?
Oh! She's on a cooling off period but will probably be back soon.
By Teach at 00:55 27 Apr 2011
Why has she gone?
She broke the rules.
By Teach at 00:55 27 Apr 2011
Do you miss Lady Godiva?
With all of my heart and MORE.
By Teach at 00:56 27 Apr 2011
Do you think Lady G.misses her friends here?
Oh. What a STUPID question. OF COURSE SHE DOES DEARIE.
By Teach at 00:57 27 Apr 2011
Why is the royal wedding like not collecting your Social Security benefits
William is getting penalized for making a late withdrawl.
By Pariah at 03:14 27 Apr 2011
Are you going to watch the wedding
Bollocks
By j.w. at 11:01 27 Apr 2011
Baa'd Boys, Baa'd Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do....
We'll never get to be on cops unless some hillbillies are trying to rape us.
By Pariah at 22:54 27 Apr 2011
"Don't mess with me!"
"Oh, I see, your'e Al Pacapone?"
By Inchcock at 20:29 28 Apr 2011
My rich and famous owner is Al Pacino which makes me an "Alpacacino llama!"
Well I've been purchased by the White House which makes ME the "Obama llama!"
By attilathehungry at 20:46 28 Apr 2011
Mummy what's that new machine in your office, which covers documents called?
It's called a LLAMANATOR Son.
By IN SEINE at 17:22 29 Apr 2011
I wonder what the Duchess of Cambridge will say to her husband tonight?
That's a hard one!
By IN SEINE at 17:25 29 Apr 2011
Now that Prince William is the Duke of Cambridge, I wonder who Harry will be?
Probably the Duke of Oxford?
By IN SEINE at 17:31 29 Apr 2011
I see poor old Henry Cooper has died
Yeah... knocked out by the Grim Reaper...R.I.P. Henry!!
By IN SEINE at 21:48 01 May 2011
Osama Bin Llama has died!
Has anything else happened today? I can't find any other news!
By IN SEINE at 16:19 02 May 2011
Do you think bin Laden will get into Heaven?
Not now God has employed Henry Cooper.............
By birbee at 16:29 02 May 2011
The Americans did a good job with bin Laden
Yeah, it's amazing what they can do when the PS3 network is down.............
By birbee at 16:31 02 May 2011
Well done Barrack Obama getting rid of that Bin Laden
Watch out he might kill one of us next!
By j.w. at 09:09 03 May 2011
You, know I still miss Michael
Who?
By Duff at 13:53 03 May 2011
You know... MICHAEL...
Well someone's always taking the MICHAEL - especially one here - go figure!
By IN SEINE at 16:27 03 May 2011
Hey Lady G's back from her 'vacation'.
Yup. I heard she was hoping we'd be gone by now.
By Lady Godiva at 21:27 03 May 2011
Lady G. did NOT say what you just said you said she said.
So..do you believe EVERYTHING you read on The Spoof?
By Lady Godiva at 21:28 03 May 2011
Bin Laden was shot to death.
Nah - I reckon he drowned!
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:20 03 May 2011
Send reinforcements, we're going to advance
Eh? What's that? Send three and fourpence, we're going to a dance?
By Duff at 23:05 04 May 2011
What could be more gruesome than some dead terrorist?
YOU..... If you GREW SOME!
By IN SEINE at 08:40 05 May 2011
Llama llama llama llama llama chameleon....
I think that one's been done already, doofus!
By Lady Godiva at 20:38 05 May 2011
If we are still here on Mothers' Day I will get you some flowers?
Dozy sod! You can't move. It's the thought that counts. Next time think diamonds
By Lady Godiva at 20:41 05 May 2011
Well this is turning out to be a strange fight.
Do you think it's because we both refuse to throw the first punch?
By Tommy Twinkle at 23:35 05 May 2011
What long eyelashes you have!
All the better to `tease` you with my dear!
By Lady Godiva at 04:16 06 May 2011
Does this sardine smell "off`" to you?
Smells a bit fishy...that`s all.
By Lady Godiva at 04:19 06 May 2011
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
No way! You have tried that one before. I am not standing for it a 2nd time.
By Lady Godiva at 04:21 06 May 2011
I heard the helitercop on the raid was developed from a UFO at Roswell.
That explains why it crashed at Abbottabad.Those UFO's are crap
By Tommy Twinkle at 12:46 06 May 2011
Did you hear? Osamas Dead!
that's great, now I won't have to wear makeup and a dress on friday nights.
By SirBeavis at 15:16 06 May 2011
Are Kate and Wills still 'together'?
Well, yeah, coz they're still on honeymoon. We'll see when they get back.
By Lady Godiva at 01:29 07 May 2011
I bought a Kate & Wills mug.
Good! Better than the one I'm looking at NOW!
By Lady Godiva at 01:31 07 May 2011
"What was it like in the old days Mum?"
"We had woolpacs, Woolworths, and I wrap you up in cotton wool!"
By Inchcock at 13:14 07 May 2011
Mam, is Honey West a real name mam? Is it mam, coz someone told me it isn't.
It IS a name of a fictional character,but people may have named babies after her
By Lady Godiva at 14:49 07 May 2011
Mam, there're not many readers here today. What's going on?
I don't know dear. Maybe they're out shopping or maybe they're reading books.
By Lady Godiva at 14:50 07 May 2011
Mam, I'm scared coz Mark will be 'removing' us soon. Where will we go? Sob sob!
I don't know son. To the Great Caption Competition In The Sky, is MY guess.
By Lady Godiva at 14:57 07 May 2011
I don't wanna leave the Caption Competition. Sob! Sob! I love it here mam.
Son, you don't have a choice. When our time here is UP, then it's UP.
By Lady Godiva at 14:58 07 May 2011
Mam, what does 'shite' mean. I read it in one of Honey West's stories.
Don't say that word again son. It's just not nice. I though she was a 'lady'.
By Lady Godiva at 14:59 07 May 2011
Mam, Mark's talking about adding new Administrators at the Spoof. That's scary!
It sure is son. I DO hope he knows what he is letting himself in for.
By Lady Godiva at 15:01 07 May 2011
Mam, Colonel Juan isn't on the Writers Chart anymore. Why not?
That's for him and Mark to know...and it's none of OUR business.
By Lady Godiva at 15:03 07 May 2011
Mum the CIA are watching us in their big black helicopters. What does CIA mean?
I think it means 'CHIEF INSPECTOR of ALPACCAS
By IN SEINE at 15:33 07 May 2011
Mum, the boys at school say I've got the Number of the beast painted on my bum.
NO you haven't son - it's a HUMAN number!
By IN SEINE at 15:43 07 May 2011
Mam - someone is touching my bum. What should I do?
FART, FART FART, FART,FART. IF YOU CAN DO IT WITH LUMPS IN...ALL THE BETTER.
By Lady Godiva at 16:13 07 May 2011
Where have all the readers gone? Long time passing. Where have all the .....
Don't despair. The nice weather is coming and people are sprending time outiside
By Lady Godiva at 18:09 07 May 2011
Are we there yet?
Be patient!
By IN SEINE at 18:24 07 May 2011
I am a LITTLE patient
The Doctor aid you are, but you'll just have to be a bit BOULDER !
By IN SEINE at 18:28 07 May 2011
Mum, Have I got fleas or a fleece?
Both !
By IN SEINE at 19:43 07 May 2011
I'm a Mac.
I'm a PC, bro. The cool llama over there is a Linux.
By Inhopeless at 22:36 07 May 2011
Ewe need to post a new picture for the caption competition
Ewe would think that people would get sick of llamas after a month.
By Pariah at 23:17 07 May 2011
I come seeking wisdom
I'm a llama and my name is Dolly, but I'm not the Dali Llama!
By Pariah at 23:42 07 May 2011
How come you got explosives strapped to your ass?
I'm Osama Bin Lama
By Aspartame Boy at 05:23 08 May 2011
That Tommy Twinkle's a twit.
Yeah, he's gone and accidentally deleted his caption with eleven 'likes'!!!!!
By Tommy Twinkle at 13:31 08 May 2011
Osama, eh. K, where's your beard.
I'm WORKING on it.
By Aspartame Boy at 14:05 08 May 2011
You don't scare me you sophmoric sop.
mmm ...............So, you want to join?
By Aspartame Boy at 14:08 08 May 2011
Sorry, I have a headache
You always say that
By Aspartame Boy at 14:10 08 May 2011
But were're both guys!
No stupid, were llamas
By Aspartame Boy at 14:12 08 May 2011
Kate, I never intended for you to inherit our family curse.
I can't believe of all things, I married into a family of were-llamas
By Pariah at 01:15 09 May 2011
Wachu lookin' at punk, gimme your money
I knew I never should have left the interstate to ask for directions.
By Pariah at 01:18 09 May 2011
Ooh, your breath is so lovely. Have you been eating mint and honeysuckle?
No, I was just cleaning my backside. There was a bit of suckle... but no honey.
By Pariah at 01:21 09 May 2011
This Coalition is a nightmare
Calm down, Nick. You will be having a wet dream soon
By j.w. at 15:49 09 May 2011
Why all the fuss about Twitter? Surely people KNOW what they're getting into?
Well, some folk just don't THINK son. They just don't THINK AT ALL!
By Lady Godiva at 19:32 09 May 2011
Do you have a Twitter account?
Do I LOOK stupid? Don't dare answer that one!
By Lady Godiva at 19:32 09 May 2011
There should be an 'Arsebook' site for all the IDIOTS out there to join.
Don't you think it's already been thought of???
By Lady Godiva at 19:36 09 May 2011
I think my vision is going...you're beginning to look a bit fuzzy.
I am fuzzy, dumbass!
By Pariah at 02:53 10 May 2011
Are we there yet?
If you say that once more Alpaccat in!
By IN SEINE at 10:35 10 May 2011
That!
I told you NOT to say THAT once more doofus.
By Lady Godiva at 18:15 10 May 2011
Why did you only lick the chocolate sauce off my FACE?
I'm saving the rest for dessert!
By Lady Godiva at 18:18 10 May 2011
A llama love, A llama kissin'...
Ewe don't know what ewe been a missin'. Oh boy
By Pariah at 23:37 10 May 2011
Why do the Israelis keep bombing us
They don't know the difference between Llamas and Hamas
By Lynton at 09:54 11 May 2011
Do you think Wayne Rooney was ever breastfed?
According to scientists and experts... NO!
By IN SEINE at 10:59 11 May 2011
I'm your supervisor and you'll do what I say!
Only cause you got your head so far up the boss's ass your fur turned brown!
By Pariah at 22:55 11 May 2011
Hey! Why don't you watch where your going!
I'm sorry, I didn't know you were laying behind me when I took a dump.
By Pariah at 22:56 11 May 2011
Hey baby, what's your sign?
He's cute, but ugh he's got really bad smoker's fur.
By Pariah at 22:58 11 May 2011
Hey, when's Mark going to change this picture?
Soon, I hope, I can't keep still forever!
By I think I'm funny... at 12:56 12 May 2011
Aren't we there yet?
VERY clever!
By IN SEINE at 12:54 13 May 2011
Mum, was Grandad a famous racing driver?
Yes son... he was in the 1984 LLAMANS 24-hour Grand Prix.
By IN SEINE at 14:41 13 May 2011
Do you think Mark has forgotten about us coz he has a full-time job now?
Yup! I'm certain that's the reason we are STILL here. Someone should PM him.
By Lady Godiva at 01:19 14 May 2011
Who is LOLipop mam? Is SOMEONE trying to be funny?
Oh son....she is a figment of a Spoof Writer's imagination. He's called WOLipop
By Lady Godiva at 01:21 14 May 2011
Are we 'long' for this Spoofworld mam?
I can't say. We have long NECKS and I don't want to stick mine out on that one.
By Lady Godiva at 01:59 14 May 2011
Old McDonald had a farm E I E I O..Why didn't he have any Llamas?
That's because no-one knew what sound Llamas made when they wrote that song.
By Lady Godiva at 02:04 14 May 2011
I hear QPR are going back up to the Premiership League after 15 years away
Yup! There's hope for THe BORO yet I suppose. ( Lady G's Hometown team.)
By Lady Godiva at 19:23 14 May 2011
I put my head in a woodpecker's hole and the woodpecker said,
"Well bless my souL. GET IT OUT, GET IT OUT, GET IT OUT."
By Lady Godiva at 19:26 14 May 2011
Pardon me! I just burped.
As if I hadn't noticed!
By Lady Godiva at 19:26 14 May 2011
Mum have we arrived yet?
Look son, I told you to be patient, Mr Lowton is busy - now wind your neck in!!!
By IN SEINE at 21:14 14 May 2011
Mum, can you take me to the zoo again, I want to see those SICK ANIMALS again
Those SICK ANIMALS are SPOOWRITERS - especially In Seine, Lady G Tommy Tinkle!
By IN SEINE at 21:22 14 May 2011
Mom, Queens Park Rangers is going UP to Premiership League
I know son. Lady Godiva has it covered and is mentioned on their site. Yeah!
By Lady Godiva at 00:21 15 May 2011
Mom, did Lady Godiva really sign on to the Queens Park Rangers site?
Yes son. She's their official Spoofer now.
By Lady Godiva at 00:22 15 May 2011
Can we go now mam? Can we? I'm bored.
Don't be rude son. We have to wait for Mark.We can't just disappear.
By Lady Godiva at 10:32 15 May 2011
I heard that Mark Lowton is married. Is it true?
If you heard it on the Spoof it's a lie. He's only 14.
By Lady Godiva at 10:42 15 May 2011
Mam why did you drink the whole bottle of Pepsi we were supposed to share?
Well we'd decided MY half was the bottom half- I had to drink yours to get to it
By Lady Godiva at 10:44 15 May 2011
Tell me the truth. Are you REALLY my mam?
YOU COULDN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
By Lady Godiva at 10:46 15 May 2011
Is there a Llama heaven mam?
Yes son! It's commonly known as a glue factory.
By Lady Godiva at 10:48 15 May 2011
Will I see my dad again in heaven when I die?
You are looking at him son. It was you mam that 'popped her clogs'. Not me.
By Lady Godiva at 10:49 15 May 2011
How many Lamas does it take to make wooley jumper
Dont know but Im not hanging round eher long enough to fins out
By Trench at 10:51 15 May 2011
Mam can I join a ballroom dancing class? Can I?
No point in even trying to dance son. You've got two left feet.
By Lady Godiva at 13:59 15 May 2011
1. Mam, I got a bit part in the school play. 3. How did you guess?
2. Let me guess son. You are playing the front part of a Llama, right?
By Lady Godiva at 18:04 15 May 2011
Is there really a God mam?
God only knows son!
By Lady Godiva at 18:04 15 May 2011
Mam, can I register to be a Spoof Writer?
No son...those Writers will corrupt you beyond belief.
By Lady Godiva at 18:06 15 May 2011
Mam can I read some of the Spoof Stories? Can I?
Definitely not son. You'll go blind for sure if you start doing that.
By Lady Godiva at 18:08 15 May 2011
Mam, what skills do you need to be a good Spoof Writer?
Well-one of them is-you have to have a warped mind but that's not mandatory.
By Lady Godiva at 19:00 15 May 2011
What's a 'Spoof Hangover' mam?
When a Spoofer reads some of his/her stories and can't rememember writing them.
By Lady Godiva at 19:02 15 May 2011
Who's that strange man who keeps shining a torch at us all through the night?
He's called the man in the moon!
By Tommy Twinkle at 00:26 16 May 2011
Hey, did ya hear Donald Trump isn't gonna run for president after all?
Yeah, now I wonder if I can get that clump of fur back from on top of his head?
By Mike at 20:44 16 May 2011
What are ewe looking at?
That big sheepish grin on your face.
By Pariah at 02:52 17 May 2011
Crikey, Mark's new job is keeping him REALLY busy. We are STILL here.
You said 'really' instead of 'real'. Thank goodness you remember ADVERBS.
By Lady Godiva at 02:37 18 May 2011
Mam, why have English writers stopped using ADVERBS?
Too much influence from the Americans my dear. Use your ADVERBS and be PROUD!
By Lady Godiva at 02:43 18 May 2011
Do you think some of the English writers have forgotten what adverbs ARE?
That is SO obvious when you read some of their stories. Sad really.
By Lady Godiva at 02:46 18 May 2011
Would you say I look like Pippa Middleton?
You do a bit,yeah!
By Tommy Twinkle at 10:14 18 May 2011
1. Have you ever SEEN Pippa Middleton? 3. You are a bloody liar then. Sod it!
2. Well....no...not actually. You asked if you looked like her. Well you MIGHT!
By Lady Godiva at 02:59 19 May 2011
Argh, Mr. Smith is trying to take over my body starting with my face.
Just let it happen Mr. Anderson. I will soon control the whole matrix.
By Pariah at 03:07 19 May 2011
We have the distinction of being the last caption before the end of the world!
When is it?
By IN SEINE at 10:51 19 May 2011
Saturday 21st May 2011
What time? Morning or afternoon?
By IN SEINE at 10:55 19 May 2011
I don't know,why do you ask?
So I can buy a dress for the occasion!
By IN SEINE at 10:58 19 May 2011
I always thought Mark was claiming benefits?
Yes, he does - AND he calls us Spoofwriters HIS DEPENDANTS - CHEEK!!!!!!!!!!
By IN SEINE at 11:02 19 May 2011
So if the end is happening on Saturday, we should call it something special...
Like INDEPENDANTS DAY!
By IN SEINE at 11:09 19 May 2011
Oh lordy, lordy, lordy.Hope Mark takes us off soon.It's getting too damned hot.
Hey. I heard he has a picture of some Spoofers meeting in a pub.That'll be next
By Lady Godiva at 22:11 19 May 2011
I think it would be dead funny to have a picture of some Spoofers here.
Me too. Let's see if Mark can do it. Now THAT would be funny.
By Lady Godiva at 23:00 20 May 2011
The world is supposed to end tomorrow.
It hasn't coz it's already tomorrow in Australia and it''s still there.
By Lady Godiva at 23:01 20 May 2011
Hey! I heard Beckham is designing knickers now.
Well, he's sick of wearing Victoria's so is designing some of his own.
By Lady Godiva at 23:02 20 May 2011
What are 'tightie whities' mam?
Scottish males son!
By Lady Godiva at 23:02 20 May 2011
The name's Al, Al Paca...
Lama, Dai Lee Lama...
By Cobblers at 07:25 21 May 2011
What's 'Victoria's Secret'?
It's that David wears one of her thongs everytime he plays a match.
By Lady Godiva at 11:02 21 May 2011
I've just hear that Wayne Rooney is going into politics.
Yup! He figures if Arnie can get away with it, HE should be able to.
By Lady Godiva at 11:39 21 May 2011
Is Wayne Rooney as 'thick' as he appears on t.v.?
Yup! But ten pounds lighter in 'real life'.
By Lady Godiva at 11:39 21 May 2011
What's Uranus mam?
A celestial orb worshipped by many.
By Lady Godiva at 11:40 21 May 2011
What's your favourite Rock 'n' Roll song ever?
Can't remember what it's called exactly but the lyrics go Rama-Llama- ding dong.
By Duff at 15:04 21 May 2011
Hey,lots of Lady Godiva's Competition Entries are not here, as far as I can see.
The silly bugger probably forgot to click the CREATE button just under my box.
By Lady Godiva at 18:23 21 May 2011
Why does Lady Godiva have such a poor memory mam?
I forget. I AM a llama you know - not a bleeding elephant.
By Lady Godiva at 18:24 21 May 2011
I've got the coke, you've got the heroin
we've got ourselves a speedball!!
By Bert Onassis at 06:36 23 May 2011
you honkey son of a bitch
at least I'm not a halfchap goat faced nigga
By Bert Onassis at 06:39 23 May 2011
Ewe
and dye
By Les Being at 10:31 08 Jul 2011
Okay, I'll kiss you if you if you let me eat your rye grass.
What's that smell? Did you fart or was it me who let rip a snorter?
By whatinthe world at 12:54 28 Dec 2011
I Think I Looma You!<3
I Think I Looma You Too!@
By ALANA at 07:04 05 Jan 2012
Fuck you bitch
fuck me you cock sucker
By ALANA at 07:06 05 Jan 2012
Will you marry me?
I though you'd never ask! <3
By Gosia at 15:36 12 Jan 2012
Llama Llama I love you
Llama Llama I love you too
By ashlee at 01:55 06 Feb 2012
Silly Milly u bitch!
I love you to ^_^
By milla at 14:15 11 Jun 2012
Did you eat your HAM?
yes I did! and I loved it! Now can I have my Moonpie desert?
By Moonbeam at 23:30 26 Jul 2012
Did you eat your ham?????
Yes I did! NOW can I have my moonpie desert????
By Moonbeam at 23:30 26 Jul 2012
Forgive Me Please Special Leyton I'm Dreadfully Sorry XxxX
Humming Hmmmmmmmm I will Give It some thought X
By Pippa at 12:11 25 May 2013
1
1
By udnkgqqx at 22:41 23 Apr 2014
I'm black and I'm proud!
I'm white and I wanna fight!
By Dick Sheerer at 05:54 11 Jun 2015
Are we llamas or alpacas?
Ya got me! I was always told we were vicunas!
By Al N. at 01:42 12 Mar 2017
So why doesn't Trump just pardon himself?
He's looking into it.
By Al N. at 15:22 26 Jul 2017
Have you been flossing?
Have you been using your mouthwash?
By Al N. at 00:53 29 Sep 2017
Are you dancing?
No
By Ben Macnair at 14:01 06 Jan 2018
Eue.
He who smelt it dealt it.
By Aspartame Boy at 02:39 06 Apr 2018
I'm serious. You smell like fabric softener.
Well, you smell like an alpaca sweater!
By Al N. at 04:05 06 Sep 2018
Just so you know. I don't spit.
I can read your thoughts, Mary. You do want me!
By Butch at 00:06 02 Apr 2020

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