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By author at 00:00 1 Jan 2000
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Moove over, he said he wanted my photo.
Help! I'm stuck!
By Mark at 07:41 17 Feb 2011
Are you worried about the 'separation' surgery?
No - coz you've been in 'pain in the neck' since we were born.
By Lady Godiva at 12:04 17 Feb 2011
Have I got your 'itch' yet?
No, not quite..over to your right and down a bit.
By Lady Godiva at 14:49 17 Feb 2011
Two minutes and I'll have that yellow tag out of your ear.
Thank goodness, then I'll remove yours...that'll confuse the bloody farmer.
By Lady Godiva at 14:51 17 Feb 2011
I've heard terrible things about these humans.
I KNOW! Others have been saying they make caption comps out of innocent cows!
By Inhopeless at 19:54 17 Feb 2011
I heard that some of those humans eat us.
Just let one try to take a bite out of me and they'll not come back for seconds.
By Lady Godiva at 20:04 17 Feb 2011
Wow! Will ya look at the horns on that bull.
Forget it, I heard he's gay.
By Abel Rodriguez at 20:09 17 Feb 2011
Elsie, what do they mean by "Big Macs?"
Ya got me. I haven't a clue.
By Abel Rodriguez at 20:12 17 Feb 2011
Moo, moo, moo, big boy.
Louder Lily, Bully's hard of hearing.
By Abel Rodriguez at 20:13 17 Feb 2011
Gosh, how I hate those school field trips.
I know - time to cover up our udders.
By Abel Rodriguez at 20:15 17 Feb 2011
Do you think this ear tag makes me look fat?
No. How about mine?
By Abel Rodriguez at 20:16 17 Feb 2011
You're the cream in my coffee!
That's udder nonsense!
By Philbert of Macadamia at 20:17 17 Feb 2011
Hey, am I a lesbian just because I kissed your udder.
No, but I'm ready for seconds!
By Abel Rodriguez at 20:18 17 Feb 2011
Look at Flossie. She thinks she's pretty.
Yeah. Just because Bully pokes her all the time.
By Abel Rodriguez at 20:21 17 Feb 2011
I'm thinking about getting my udder enhanced.
Well I'm getting my vagina pierced!
By Abel Rodriguez at 20:23 17 Feb 2011
Oh no! Not another stampede!
Elsie, I'm getting too old for this shit.
By Abel Rodriguez at 20:25 17 Feb 2011
Farmer John milked me without using gloves again.
Damn hayseed pervert!
By Abel Rodriguez at 20:26 17 Feb 2011
Looks like today is 'branding day.'
Dammit! I hate that more than anything.
By Abel Rodriguez at 20:28 17 Feb 2011
I swear little Johnny better not pull my teats again.
If he pulls mine, I'm kickin' him in his little balls.
By Abel Rodriguez at 20:30 17 Feb 2011
I'm sick of all this bullshit aren't you?
Yup. Farmer Nobbs should stick the bull in a field by himself.
By Lady Godiva at 20:32 17 Feb 2011
Porky, I didn't wanna tell you, but your dad's a pig.
I know ma, I got pa's face.
By Abel Rodriguez at 20:32 17 Feb 2011
You are feeling sleeeeepy! When I click my hooves together you will be a chicken
I told you I CANNOT be hypnotized. Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck. I am a chicken.
By Lady Godiva at 20:34 17 Feb 2011
We are about to drive those Spoof Writers craaaaazy.
Yeah! That Mark fella's a bloody sadist. Two bloody cow's for God's sake!
By Lady Godiva at 20:36 17 Feb 2011
ARE we cows or are we bulls?
I can't see from here. Mark's called us cows so he must know what he's doing.
By Lady Godiva at 20:38 17 Feb 2011
1. Repeat after me..silk, silk, silk. 3. What do cows drink? 5. No WATER doofus
2. Silk, silk, silk. 4. Milk, milk, milk.
By Lady Godiva at 20:40 17 Feb 2011
Where's Gary Larson?
Oh, he's moooved on.
By Bureau at 21:53 17 Feb 2011
It says "8416". What does my tag say?
Change places.
By Bureau at 21:55 17 Feb 2011
Bull is planning another "Eat Mor Chiken" rally.
Bull's full of it.
By Bureau at 21:56 17 Feb 2011
I say, "Hamburger" should be made of ham.
You go Girl!
By Bureau at 21:57 17 Feb 2011
Sign says "No Cow Tipping".
Farmers too cheap anyway.
By Bureau at 21:58 17 Feb 2011
We ever get paid for those Larson Cow Cartoons?
Nope. Where would we put it?
By Bureau at 22:00 17 Feb 2011
I think I see a "McDonald's" truck.
No sweat. They don't use any meat in their hamburgers."
By Bureau at 22:02 17 Feb 2011
Is that Lady Gaga?
Now THAT we need to worry about. Quick, make your ass look fat.
By Bureau at 22:02 17 Feb 2011
Moo?
Moo.
By Ellis Ian Fields at 22:26 17 Feb 2011
See you got your ears pierced after all, bitch!
Whateva!
By Ellis Ian Fields at 22:27 17 Feb 2011
Why does that bull over there call himself Clarke?
because he's gay.. Clarke Gaybull.....
By IN SEINE at 23:02 17 Feb 2011
Did you really get artificially inseminated?
Yep - straight up no bull!!
By IN SEINE at 23:07 17 Feb 2011
Who's milking tomorrow?
That "Old Cow Hand from the Rio Grand!"
By Bureau at 23:07 17 Feb 2011
You ever been tipped?
Only once, and I fell on the tippers.
By Bureau at 23:08 17 Feb 2011
Things are changing. No bells these days.
Not with Farmer John's CPS System
By Bureau at 23:10 17 Feb 2011
Still, I miss the cow bells.
But not the tattoos!
By Bureau at 23:10 17 Feb 2011
Have you got the X FACTOR?
Yes, they call me Simon.. SIMON COWELL!!
By IN SEINE at 23:20 17 Feb 2011
Why's that little dog laughing at me?
Shouldn't have jumped over the moooooon should ya?
By IN SEINE at 13:10 18 Feb 2011
What's brown and white and comes steaming out of Cowes??
The Isle of Wight Ferry
By IN SEINE at 13:20 18 Feb 2011
Why have we been awarded the Nobel prize?
It could be because we're OUSTANDING in our field!
By IN SEINE at 13:28 18 Feb 2011
I hate being artificially insemenated!
Still, it's worth it for the NOBULL prize!
By IN SEINE at 13:50 18 Feb 2011
If Damien Hurst performed his artwork on us, we'd be...
... A whole cow?
By IN SEINE at 13:54 18 Feb 2011
I just dropped a load.
Guess we better mooooove on down the line.
By Bureau at 14:07 18 Feb 2011
So how long do YOU chew your cud?
At least 200 times, just like Ma told me.
By Bureau at 14:07 18 Feb 2011
Does that grass over there look greener to you?
Sure does!
By Bureau at 14:08 18 Feb 2011
What do humans mean by "Having a cow"?
Big-headed baby?
By Bureau at 14:08 18 Feb 2011
What sort of fuel did grand dadsay he used when he jumped over the moon?
He called it moo-nshine.
By Tommy Twinkle at 16:14 18 Feb 2011
Quick, that little bastard dish is eloping with my spoon!
Let them go; it's not worth it love.
By Mark at 17:41 18 Feb 2011
I pooed my pants
But...you're not wearing any pants!
By Mark at 17:42 18 Feb 2011
Why do we have to stand like this?
Yeah, it'd be much easier if I used your bubble and you used mine.
By Mark at 17:43 18 Feb 2011
I'm telling you, I can't help it, it's just because of the recent solar activity
Okay.
By Mark at 17:44 18 Feb 2011
1. I see dead cows. 3. No, I'm looking towards the abattoir
2. Ooh, you got a sixth sense have you? 4. Oh, right. Bummer.
By Mark at 17:47 18 Feb 2011
My Favorite? Noel Cow-ard.
I think you're milking it there.
By Bureau at 18:16 18 Feb 2011
Well, at least I', Top Cow.
I would have preferred a bull.
By Bureau at 18:17 18 Feb 2011
You're right. I can't even jump over you.
Told you that "moon" thing was a lie.
By Bureau at 18:19 18 Feb 2011
If Mark had left off my back, we could have appeared to be a two-headed cow.
There's a two-headed cow born every moment: P T Barnum.
By Bureau at 18:20 18 Feb 2011
Might have made the Enquirer.
Or at least The Weekly World News.
By Bureau at 18:21 18 Feb 2011
I just hate that cold, insensitive milking machine!
When the farmer puts it on you - give him a PAT on the head - a big runny one!
By IN SEINE at 19:19 18 Feb 2011
Back at the barn stall, I have a pic of Rowdy Yates.
Eastwood looked great back then. Grandmum always liked Frankie Laine
By Bureau at 19:23 18 Feb 2011
No Brokeback Mountain back then.
John Wayne would have broken their backs.
By Bureau at 19:24 18 Feb 2011
Why were they called cowpunchers?
It came from smelling cow crap all day. Drove them wild. Excuse the pun.
By Bureau at 19:25 18 Feb 2011
In this computer age I think we wshould reBRAND ourselves to TUCOWS
I've HERD it's already been done!!
By IN SEINE at 19:26 18 Feb 2011
Why is Buttercup wearing that rosary around her neck?
Shhhhh..........she has always been a bit of a Holy Cow
By IN SEINE at 19:33 18 Feb 2011
I'm gonna run around the field for a bit coz my joints are stiffening.
Gertie, don't! You now how that thickened milk clogs up the milking machine.
By Lady Godiva at 20:50 18 Feb 2011
How now brown cow?
Give me a break!
By Lady Godiva at 20:51 18 Feb 2011
Why is your nose pink?
Coz I don't 'brown-nose' the farmer to warm the machine before milking me.
By Lady Godiva at 20:53 18 Feb 2011
Cup of Tea
No. We've run out of Milk.
By Katarina Frogpond2 at 22:46 18 Feb 2011
What did you win the award for?
For being outstanding in my field.
By Katarina Frogpond2 at 22:52 18 Feb 2011
Have you ever had BSE?
Meeow! Neigh!
By IN SEINE at 23:26 18 Feb 2011
Have you ever had a bath in milk and if so how deep should it be?
Yes I have...and it should be PASTEURISED!
By IN SEINE at 23:31 18 Feb 2011
Some cows can read.
Then you won't find them wasting time here. There's another Kate Gosselin.
By Bureau at 03:03 19 Feb 2011
Why do human women hate the world "Cow" but men love the word "Bull"?
Because they're full of it.
By Bureau at 03:04 19 Feb 2011
"Magic Mooooon! Clair de lune!"
Sing it Bessie.
By Bureau at 03:05 19 Feb 2011
I hate that last guy they hired for milking.
You mean old "Cold Hand Luke"?
By Bureau at 03:06 19 Feb 2011
Didja hear about the Frenchman who dropped his beret in a field of cows?
Yes... didn't he try on four beefore he found his own?
By IN SEINE at 10:58 19 Feb 2011
Why are those cops staring at us?
It must be a STEAKOUT!
By IN SEINE at 11:02 19 Feb 2011
We will not be cowed!
Moooooooooooooo!
By I think I'm funny... at 11:13 19 Feb 2011
Fancy a dance?
Only if it's a s-moo-ch.
By Tommy Twinkle at 14:43 19 Feb 2011
So, tell me again. What game are we playing?
Twister.
By Katarina Frogpond2 at 16:55 19 Feb 2011
Why do you keep going under my belly Daisy?
I'm hiding from ufo's -I've heard those ET's do nasty things to cattle.
By Tommy Twinkle at 18:20 19 Feb 2011
"I'll see you on the dark side of the mooooooon!"
"You miss Ferdinand, don't you Bessie?"
By Bureau at 19:52 19 Feb 2011
"Mooooon River, wider than a mile"
Breakfast At Tiffany's. Loved it!
By Bureau at 19:56 19 Feb 2011
They're playing our song.
You mean the "Cow Cow Boogie!"
By Philbert of Macadamia at 20:35 19 Feb 2011
What was that nickname Ferdinand the Bull gave you?
"Little Doggie"
By Bureau at 21:15 19 Feb 2011
This tastes nice.
You're not supposed to eat meat- If you swallow my ear there'll be trouble.
By Tommy Twinkle at 22:11 19 Feb 2011
How now brown cow
You won't get me with sweet nothings
By Lynton at 23:33 19 Feb 2011
Love giving head!
If you want to get a hat get a head
By Lynton at 23:33 19 Feb 2011
What do your labels say?
Left and right of course
By Lynton at 23:34 19 Feb 2011
Parky today
Cold? I'm British Friesian
By Lynton at 23:35 19 Feb 2011
Stop right there honey
Oh no another cow pat down
By Lynton at 23:36 19 Feb 2011
Hi there
Hey I remember you - your were head girl in the corral!
By Lynton at 23:37 19 Feb 2011
I'm ready for my CLOSE-UP, Mr. DeMille!!!
%#@!! I'm ready for a sister-ectomy...
By Amethyst Ryder at 08:13 20 Feb 2011
I can't believe it's not butter
Well I've been boogying for 4 straight hours, so it should be
By IainB at 11:02 20 Feb 2011
Ching Chong , Chinaman went to milk a cow...
Ching Chong, Chinaman didn' know how!>>>
By IN SEINE at 14:13 20 Feb 2011
Ching Chong , Chinaman pulled thhe wrong tit...
Ching Chong, Chinaman got bucket full of shit!!
By IN SEINE at 14:16 20 Feb 2011
Why's Brutus the bull looking so happy in the corner of the field?
He says he wants to mate with us for HEIFER and HEIFER
By IN SEINE at 14:21 20 Feb 2011
When cows laugh, why doesn't milk come down their noses??
Perhaps it's just a human thing?
By IN SEINE at 14:27 20 Feb 2011
Who's you're favourite actress?
Sandra Bullock of course... or was that too predictabull?
By IN SEINE at 14:30 20 Feb 2011
Farmer John is heading for the barn.
Better get a mooooove on.
By Bureau at 17:40 20 Feb 2011
I don't care for Bureau's puns on here.
As far as I'm concerned, they're udderly wasted.
By Bureau at 17:41 20 Feb 2011
Does this profile look good.
Perfect. Some green deer hunter will have your head mounted on his wall.
By Bureau at 17:43 20 Feb 2011
Have you ever seen a cowslip?
Didn''t know they wore ''em!
By IN SEINE at 18:37 20 Feb 2011
Would you like to be one of 'God's Lawnmowers'?
I would if I CUD!
By IN SEINE at 18:40 20 Feb 2011
We must be some of them Teenage Mutant Ninja things
In a word... COWABUNGA!!
By IN SEINE at 18:46 20 Feb 2011
ARE YOU OKAY?
Its these pesky flies -one went in one ear and out of the udderr!!
By IN SEINE at 18:49 20 Feb 2011
Sheesh. I am fed up already!
Well move the food to your 2nd stomach and carry on eating instead of whining.
By Lady Godiva at 05:35 21 Feb 2011
Did you know that humans eat our stomach linings?
Now that IS a load of tripe!
By Lady Godiva at 05:37 21 Feb 2011
Are you STILL constipated Bessie?
Well,- yes, but - do you have to TELL everyone. You are such a cow!
By Lady Godiva at 05:39 21 Feb 2011
What are your plans for tomorrow Bessie? Anything remotely exciting?
What the hell do you think? Staying here, waiting for words to be put in my gob
By Lady Godiva at 05:42 21 Feb 2011
Bessie...why is our poo called 'cow pats'?
Coz humans want it clearly defined and don't want it connected to bullshit.
By Lady Godiva at 05:46 21 Feb 2011
In Seine has written another bad headline: BULLS HIT BY POLITICIANS
I'm sure it's a typo, but I'll give him five hoves. You must STEER clear of him.
By IN SEINE at 16:14 21 Feb 2011
I think Fergie's miffed at not being invited to the Royal wedding !
She called Kate Middleton a cow - pot, kettle, black comes to mind!
By IN SEINE at 16:30 21 Feb 2011
Have you ever been to the OK Corral?
Isn't that where Wire Twerp killed some folks who had a BEEF with the law?
By IN SEINE at 16:37 21 Feb 2011
"Really Cynthia, can't a girl pick a set of earrings without being copied?"
"Now, you're just being udderly ridiculous. I just like your taste in tags"
By P.M. Wortham at 18:01 21 Feb 2011
I'm in very bad mooooooooooooood today.
Go and read some Spoofs. They'll either cheer you up or put you in a worse one.
By Lady Godiva at 18:05 21 Feb 2011
"Herd you had quite a time with my bullfriend last night, beeotch"
"Honey, don't make a cow pie out of a deer pellet. He was in and out in 5 sec"
By P.M. Wortham at 18:08 21 Feb 2011
Why are we called 'Moo Cows' by children. Horses are called 'gee gees'.
I don't know and I don't bloody care you mooooooooooron.
By Lady Godiva at 18:08 21 Feb 2011
"Gwendaline honey, Have you seen my udder cream?
"No, but clearly that farmer has been rubbin' and tuggin' other things"
By P.M. Wortham at 18:12 21 Feb 2011
I've got at bloody itch on my backside. It's driving me nuts.
Do what the Russians do............scratch it!
By Lady Godiva at 18:15 21 Feb 2011
"Farmer Pete got himself a new step stool and it ain't for reachin' the shelves"
"And my pooper just started to feel better after passing that undigested corn"
By P.M. Wortham at 18:16 21 Feb 2011
"I hear if you sneak up on the goats to scare 'em, they fall over like drunks"
"Yeah. Tried that yesterday with Midge the Holstein. Funnier than hell!"
By P.M. Wortham at 18:19 21 Feb 2011
"Who needs that bull anyway. Pompous, arrogant, unattentive lover"
"You scratch my neck and I'll scratch yours, if you know what I mean, wink wink"
By P.M. Wortham at 18:20 21 Feb 2011
"Holy handbags Hariett, you have the smoothest skin I've every seen!"
"I try to stay away from barbed wire, and Farmer Pete, both with little pricks"
By P.M. Wortham at 18:25 21 Feb 2011
Mooo!
Mooing is so mainstream. You should be hipster like me.
By Inhopeless at 00:11 22 Feb 2011
Mmmm....my itch is covered!
You immature cow. Oh wait....
By Olly West at 08:58 22 Feb 2011
Why was I born with two heads?
They say "Two heads are better than one"
By apGriff at 09:21 22 Feb 2011
Did you know you've got a flea in your ear?
You're always givin' me an ear-bashing!!
By IN SEINE at 10:54 22 Feb 2011
They won't insure those poor cows in the top field any more!
I know ........they say the STEAKS will be too high!
By IN SEINE at 10:59 22 Feb 2011
Moove over Daisy
That's a little predictable isn't it? Calling me Daisy.
By IainB at 15:57 22 Feb 2011
Tag! You're it!
Oh dear, not this game again.
By IainB at 15:57 22 Feb 2011
2. Forgive the pun, but... HIDE!!!
1. Is that the abbatoir lorry I see in the corner of the field?
By IN SEINE at 16:40 22 Feb 2011
Here's lookin' at you kid!
What do you think I am... A GOAT???
By IN SEINE at 16:45 22 Feb 2011
NO!
Have you ever had that feelig someone's always looking over your shoulder?
By IN SEINE at 19:28 22 Feb 2011
"Blue moooooooon, you saw me standing alone."
Like I'm not here. That's the way you feel about it. OK!
By Bureau at 20:58 22 Feb 2011
Remember George, Mary and that kid with the funny name? Wow! Time flies.
It sure does...Zuzu...wasn't that her name? Strange looking child.
By Lady Godiva at 22:19 22 Feb 2011
What do you fancy for your supper tonight Bessie?
Like I have a bloody choice? OK, I'll play your game..Tandoori chicken & chips.
By Lady Godiva at 22:21 22 Feb 2011
That fake tanning cream's made us look all patchy Bessie.
Well I did tell you not to get the cheap stuff. You get what you pay for.
By Lady Godiva at 22:22 22 Feb 2011
We've got that Michael Jackson disease...we're slowly turning white.
Speak for yourself, I used to be TOTALLY white....I've got the Jackson Michaels.
By Lady Godiva at 22:23 22 Feb 2011
Your tag numbers wearing off. Do you want me to go over it with a black marker?
If you like! I can't think of anything clever to say in answer to that one.
By Lady Godiva at 22:25 22 Feb 2011
Got Milk?
If we were in Mooosachusetts we could get married.
By Andrew Hall at 03:02 23 Feb 2011
The Taliban are now using exploding bulls in Afghanistan, isn't it terribull?
I would call that just.. ABOMBINABULL!
By IN SEINE at 11:09 23 Feb 2011
According to the Kama Sutra next I take my left leg...Then you
Ooooh Baby that's what I'm talking about!
By megaman at 11:14 23 Feb 2011
The Taliban are now using exploding bulls in Afghanistan, isn't it terribull?
I supose that's why they call their capital KABUL - after the noise they make?
By IN SEINE at 11:15 23 Feb 2011
They have approved the sale of cloned cow milk.
The cowtuplets will be pleased. Boy are their bags full.
By Bureau at 16:15 23 Feb 2011
What was the name of that cow who kicked john during milking?
Ground Beef!
By Bureau at 21:39 23 Feb 2011
We're mostly brown but those cows over there are black & white. Why?
They're Holstains.
By Bureau at 21:42 23 Feb 2011
That cow they took off yesterday. Where did she go?
Just like the other one. Got out too often and now she's grounded
By Bureau at 21:44 23 Feb 2011
There's a flat area right over there. Years ago they'd put in a Drive In Movie.
Mooooooovies! With real Cowboys!
By Bureau at 00:12 24 Feb 2011
Close-up shot of baseball game on TV that I swear the glove looked like Effie.
What's the catch?
By Bureau at 00:14 24 Feb 2011
Why are you so happy this morning?
Just woke up in a good Mooooooood, I guess.
By Bureau at 00:38 24 Feb 2011
Good Mooooooood huh?
Yes! Well, I decided there was no use bawling over spilled milk!
By Bureau at 00:39 24 Feb 2011
I wonder if the Queen mUDDER is one of us?
I've HERD folks say she's a cow!
By IN SEINE at 08:54 24 Feb 2011
Bye, Bye Mr inseminator man.
Don't we get a kiss before you go.
By churchmouse at 09:29 24 Feb 2011
What do you think of MOOMOO Gadaffi?
He's an insult to cowhood! In fact he's TRIPEOLI so
By IN SEINE at 11:28 24 Feb 2011
I wish I knew how that cow managed to jump over the moon?
Well I just bought a book about levitation - I can't put it down!
By IN SEINE at 16:52 24 Feb 2011
Egypt will be a better country from getting rid of that dictator!
A nasty piece of work that Hosni MOOBARACK!
By IN SEINE at 20:55 24 Feb 2011
Why's that bull over there weearing a funny hat?
Dunnow - perhaps he's a Papal Bull?
By IN SEINE at 20:59 24 Feb 2011
What's your favorite lunch meat?
Bull-Lonely
By Bureau at 21:26 24 Feb 2011
Still feel sick?
You would too if you accidentally licked up a rodent. It keeps repeating.
By Bureau at 21:29 24 Feb 2011
You're older. Any sage advice
It's better to be seen and not herd.
By Bureau at 21:31 24 Feb 2011
I wish we had our cowbells back.
Blow one of your horns!
By Bureau at 22:07 24 Feb 2011
And now the grass looks greener over there!
Must be an illusion.
By Bureau at 23:37 24 Feb 2011
Ever eat any bluegrass?
I was high for a week. So was farmer John.
By Bureau at 23:38 24 Feb 2011
I ate some spinach once.
Did you lose an eye? Arr Arr Arr!
By Bureau at 23:40 24 Feb 2011
Why does a cow milking stool only have three legs?
Because the udder is under the cow.
By Bureau at 01:05 25 Feb 2011
1. Shit! 3. Where the hell d'ya think? 5. Well aren't YOU? Bloody government.
2. Where did THAT come from? 4. So you are still upset about the RAW MILK thing?
By Lady Godiva at 01:44 25 Feb 2011
Did you know that Lady G's dad ate cows' udders and tripe and lites and stuff?
Course I did. She loved a bit of tripe with vinegar on 'erself I'm told.
By Lady Godiva at 01:54 25 Feb 2011
Lady G's mam was friends with a lad whose dad owned a tripe shop on Cannon St.
Billy. He tipped out the tripe, they slid all over it barefoot and put it back.
By Lady Godiva at 01:56 25 Feb 2011
Is your right eye a little lazy? It just looks a bit droopy.
No...I was just heavily into the GIN last night and this is the result.
By Lady Godiva at 02:54 25 Feb 2011
Everyone is saying that I look a LOT younger than you .
Big deal! I'm your bloody mother 'doofus'.
By Lady Godiva at 02:55 25 Feb 2011
When that cow was run over by a truck, there were guts sprread all over the road
That's just OFFAL!!!!!!!
By IN SEINE at 08:41 25 Feb 2011
What do you call a cow with no legs?
"Ground" Beef.
By SirBeavis at 10:25 25 Feb 2011
Where would you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it!
By Lady Godiva at 11:56 25 Feb 2011
This arthritis is making my legs ache!
Yep.........I've got it too - it's got my CALVES!!!
By IN SEINE at 14:41 25 Feb 2011
1.Can you swim? 3.I've just herd Mark Lowton's floated us on the STOCK exchange
2. No, why? 4. Perhaps it's the medication that makes him float?
By IN SEINE at 14:55 25 Feb 2011
Mooooooooney for nothing.
Chicks for free!
By Bureau at 18:18 25 Feb 2011
I want my MMMMMMMMMOOOOOO TV
Easy, Easy Chicks for free!
By Bureau at 18:19 25 Feb 2011
Your eyes are tearing up. Miss you mum?
Hay fever!
By Bureau at 18:21 25 Feb 2011
Bad moooooosss! Ferdinand had been castrated.
That's mooooos to me. Poor guy. POOR US!!
By Bureau at 18:24 25 Feb 2011
Do you know who holds the record of being milked every day?
Cow Ripkin!
By Bureau at 18:26 25 Feb 2011
We've got 4 legs Dude!
No Shylock, we've got 5 - one in each corner an an UDDER one besides
By IN SEINE at 22:01 25 Feb 2011
1. We've got four legs Dude.... 3. So what does that make us?
2. No Shylock, we've got eight... 4. A spider, you stupid cow!
By IN SEINE at 22:37 25 Feb 2011
Why did the cow jump over the moooooon?
She was looking for the Milky Way!
By Bureau at 02:55 26 Feb 2011
Was your favorite rock band Moooootly Crew?
No. It was The Mooooothers of Invention!
By Bureau at 02:57 26 Feb 2011
Mooooon River....da di da di da.....
I think someone has already 'done' that one. It's been done to death.
By Lady Godiva at 03:19 26 Feb 2011
Hey...I've just been on You Tube and searched for 'cows' and got Cows with Guns
I know...it's bloody hilarious...I hope some of these Spoof Writers go look.
By Lady Godiva at 03:23 26 Feb 2011
I could really use a good steak right about now.
WTF?
By SirBeavis at 04:55 26 Feb 2011
That Lady Godiva is dyslexic, I've googled 'cows' and guess what I got?
Yes, I looked and got "Cows and GNUS"
By IN SEINE at 11:24 26 Feb 2011
Wait...ER there's a million flies on my PAT�
Now that a real crap joke! In Seine must be getting desparate!
By IN SEINE at 11:33 26 Feb 2011
So you and Ferdinand got married but I thought he was fixed.
He is, but he gives a great Udder Suck!
By Bureau at 15:32 26 Feb 2011
That was last night?
All night. Can't wait to go on our Honeymooooooooon!
By Bureau at 15:32 26 Feb 2011
That song says that "you know that Wyoming will be your new home?
Right. Oh....Dick Cheney! Well that's just great.
By Bureau at 16:56 26 Feb 2011
I like the way Farmer John drinks his milk with a tad bit of whiskey.
He calls it "A Bum Steer".
By Bureau at 16:57 26 Feb 2011
I wish we DID have horns.
You'd be tootin' it!
By Bureau at 16:58 26 Feb 2011
Tootin' my horn like a shofar!
No shofar's made from a cow horn. Know why?
By Bureau at 16:58 26 Feb 2011
Nope. Why can't they use a cow's horn for a shofar?
That little thing about a golden calf.
By Bureau at 16:59 26 Feb 2011
So Teddy Roosevelt was your favorite?
"Bully! Bully, I say!"
By Bureau at 17:14 26 Feb 2011
Have you been invited to the Royal Wedding Bessie?
Yes...I do believe we are BOTH on the menu.
By Lady Godiva at 21:30 26 Feb 2011
What do you think of Justin Bieber's new hair cut?
It's mooooooooch better than the old 'Beatle cut' he had.
By Lady Godiva at 21:31 26 Feb 2011
Hey, Ringo's gonna be first Beatle on the list now. Ringo, George, Paul, John.
Yup! It's about bloody time. I just read that on The Spoof site actually.
By Lady Godiva at 21:34 26 Feb 2011
I didn't think we'd 'catch on' here. We're not doing so badly are we?
Well, that's because of all the talented writers on this site doofus!
By Lady Godiva at 21:35 26 Feb 2011
Why do humans say a painting of cows in a pasture is so relaxing?
Personally I think it's better to be herd than to be scene.
By Bureau at 22:50 26 Feb 2011
Did you know that Mable has two extra tits?
How udderly rediculous.
By Bureau at 22:51 26 Feb 2011
Ferdinand says he can still do it after he lost his nuggets.
What a Moooooron!
By Bureau at 22:53 26 Feb 2011
Why do you hit milkers in the face with your tail?
To show them who's Bossy!
By Bureau at 22:56 26 Feb 2011
Looks like a great day to me.
Just an utter one to me, like all days
By Bureau at 01:23 27 Feb 2011
Ferninand thinks he's hot manure.
That's it gal. Don't take no bull from him or anyone.
By Bureau at 01:38 27 Feb 2011
Here comes John to milk us.
He needs to get a Moove on. I'll be dancing any minute now.
By Bureau at 01:41 27 Feb 2011
You know how to dance.
When I have to Go. And to any kind of Mooooosic!
By Bureau at 01:41 27 Feb 2011
I know they can seperate humans but what about siamese cows
Don't ne stupid you are full of gas
By Griff at 07:47 27 Feb 2011
Why is there a pantomine horse behind us
I don't know but it is a pain in the arse
By Griff at 08:31 27 Feb 2011
Did you see Rooney's challenge on that Wigan defender?
Yes , if I was Fergie I'd give him the elbow
By Griff at 09:02 27 Feb 2011
did read in the paper that they are making ice cream out of human milk?
Pull the udder one
By Griff at 09:21 27 Feb 2011
where did you say you were retiring to ?
India , they revere us
By Griff at 09:39 27 Feb 2011
Cows with Guns??
Yep, I've got one... It's called a COWITZER!
By IN SEINE at 11:28 27 Feb 2011
What's the differece between a cow and politician?
Is it because a cow is FULL of BULL only ONCE a year?
By IN SEINE at 11:33 27 Feb 2011
1.Didja hear abou the cow wo got knighted? 3. She was called 'SIRLOIN'
2. No 4. Wrong sex - those humans are stupid at times!!!
By IN SEINE at 11:45 27 Feb 2011
D'ya know what Mark 'Dr Doolittle' Lowton said to me?
Probably something like "Oh look a talking cow"
By IN SEINE at 11:52 27 Feb 2011
Have you herd the GNUS?
What.....about Colonel Moomoo CUDaffi and Libya
By IN SEINE at 11:58 27 Feb 2011
Solidarity forever! For the UNION makes us STRONG!!!
Um. I don't think that's the kind of "union" they had in mind.
By Amethyst Ryder at 13:18 27 Feb 2011
What's a gay's favorite dance?
The Hockey Pokey! Ferdinand told me. I think that nutting is getting to him.
By Bureau at 13:31 27 Feb 2011
My claim to fame? My nose is the colour of Obama's lips.
My claim to fame? MY nose is the colour Mark Lowton's lips.
By Lady Godiva at 17:56 27 Feb 2011
How the hell did the cow manage to jump over the moon?
Doofus, it was Farmer Gile's naked butt.The idiot thought the cow was a bull.
By Lady Godiva at 18:01 27 Feb 2011
Have I got something juicy to tell you!!!!!
Ssh! Wait till the Spoofers leave. They'll steal your material.
By Lady Godiva at 18:05 27 Feb 2011
Did you know writers from The Onion read these captions.
I did hear that actually...brings tears to their eyes I heard.
By Lady Godiva at 18:06 27 Feb 2011
When are we going to get sheared again? I'm soooo hot.
You are 'nuts' too. I keep telling you that your are NOT a sheep you silly moo!
By Lady Godiva at 18:08 27 Feb 2011
Has anyone flagged any of our captions as 'innapropriate' yet.
How the hell would we know? They'd be pulled by Mark wouldn't they?
By Lady Godiva at 18:09 27 Feb 2011
Did you know that your mooing is a little off?
Beef Flat! I always try to moo in beef flat.
By Bureau at 18:23 27 Feb 2011
There's a new bull on that cow over on the hill, see them.
I guess the ass is better on the other side. Hoy boy. That was a bad one.
By Bureau at 18:24 27 Feb 2011
That's a lot of bullshit.
The President's speech. Oh, yeah I see it now.
By Bureau at 18:25 27 Feb 2011
I've got a fan club you know? Unfortunately I dropped a cow pat on one.
So that's when the shit hit the fan?
By IN SEINE at 22:31 27 Feb 2011
Do you think it will be Palin and Obama for President next year?
Whatever happened to Moooonedale?
By Bureau at 01:33 28 Feb 2011
I think Ferdinand likes you.
Don't be a Mooooorrroooon!
By Bureau at 01:34 28 Feb 2011
We are joined for ever!
No we are a joint together!
By j.w. at 11:24 28 Feb 2011
Did you know that some towns call their "Warning" systems "Cows"?
Yes. But the sound they make sound nothing like a cow.
By Bureau at 13:34 28 Feb 2011
My Mom was in a movie once.
I saw her. "Brother, Wherefore Art Thou". She was shot by Pretty Boy Floyd.
By Bureau at 13:37 28 Feb 2011
I just stomped that horsefly that's been bugging us.
Mooochus gracias!
By Bureau at 17:20 28 Feb 2011
At Sunday School I was told Cain was the first man to kill a cow!
Naw that's wrong! Everyone knows Cain killed ABULL!
By IN SEINE at 18:15 28 Feb 2011
Went to sleep and got tipped over last night.
It's those Amish teens and their college iniation tricks.
By Bureau at 18:52 28 Feb 2011
This is udder bullshit!
Stop with the cow jokes for petes sake.
By OIF2Sniper at 20:07 28 Feb 2011
You ever wonder why they call it a hamburger? Theres no pork in it.
Have you ever had pork in your hams? mystery solved.
By OIF2Sniper at 20:10 28 Feb 2011
your shivering
I'm Frisian
By Griff at 22:30 28 Feb 2011
you've got white on you
when I catch that little sod with the paint brush i'll kill him
By Griff at 22:31 28 Feb 2011
How come the farmer like's you more than me?
I brown nose him
By Griff at 22:32 28 Feb 2011
My uncle Gadaffi has asked if he can camp in our field
will he bring the nurses?
By Griff at 09:42 01 Mar 2011
I'm making a moovie
A remake of Raging Bull?
By IainB at 14:18 01 Mar 2011
I heard you're making a moovie
Yes, Apocalypse Cow
By IainB at 14:18 01 Mar 2011
What's you're favourite Moovie?
High School Mooosical
By IainB at 14:19 01 Mar 2011
I don't like the new bull the farmer has bought
No, he has Mooobs
By IainB at 14:21 01 Mar 2011
I can't stop the Mooooosic
I'd better ring Simon Cowell
By IainB at 14:25 01 Mar 2011
Here's a human. Quit talking and Mooo. "MOOOO!"
"MOOOOOO!"
By Bureau at 20:58 01 Mar 2011
With a rebel yell...
.....she cried, MOO MOO MOOO!!!!!
By IN SEINE at 23:00 01 Mar 2011
In the midnight hour
She cried Mooo Mooo Mooo!
By Bureau at 23:46 01 Mar 2011
I bought a book on Evolution - it says we come from Whales!
I come from Hereford!
By IN SEINE at 23:05 02 Mar 2011
2.666 4.In one hell of a MOOOOD
1. What's the number on my tag? 3.That makes me a beast.
By IN SEINE at 23:14 02 Mar 2011
What's that camera man doing?
I don't know. May be he wants to milk us for all its worth.
By whatinthe world at 11:16 03 Mar 2011
What's that camera man doing here?
Nothing, he's just buttering us up.
By whatinthe world at 11:18 03 Mar 2011
Bloody papparazzi!!
Shh dear!! Don't you want your photo in the Sunday Times?
By whatinthe world at 11:19 03 Mar 2011
Grrrrr!!
No, dear, say "cheese".
By whatinthe world at 11:23 03 Mar 2011
Since when does a bloody camera man have the right to take our close up?
Since we became moooovie stars.
By whatinthe world at 11:25 03 Mar 2011
Beryl, I'm being harassed by a tourist. What do I do?
Just give it a cud..dle Wayne.
By whatinthe world at 11:37 03 Mar 2011
You know what? We're kosher.
Funny, I thought we were herefords.
By whatinthe world at 11:41 03 Mar 2011
Hell, is that a back packer?
Yeah, a cheesy tourist if ever I saw one.
By whatinthe world at 11:46 03 Mar 2011
So, anyway, I said to this car dealer "give me mooooo..re for my old beast".
Your jokes are so cheesy sometimes.
By whatinthe world at 11:51 03 Mar 2011
I used to be a porn star but I couldn't perform when it mattered.
You got milk?
By whatinthe world at 12:17 03 Mar 2011
My favourite movie is "Bullit".
Mine is "Milk".
By whatinthe world at 12:29 03 Mar 2011
Did you watch the Charlie Sheen interview? I thought he came over really well.
Yes! I watched it and liked what he said but remember, WE ARE USED TO BULLSHIT!
By Lady Godiva at 13:10 03 Mar 2011
I 'm going to sing for this dude if he doesn't move soon.
Sing "Your my cowboy".
By whatinthe world at 13:23 03 Mar 2011
Heard about the cow who walks into a Bar?
Yeah and says where did all the horses go.
By whatinthe world at 13:28 03 Mar 2011
Being a provider of dairy products makes me feel kind of special.
"Special", you're kidding! We are slaves to humanity!!
By whatinthe world at 13:35 03 Mar 2011
It's slowing down a bit here don't ya think?
Hmm- some writers are busy trying to RACK up points whch they won't get HERE!
By Lady Godiva at 03:50 04 Mar 2011
Do spoofers get points for writing or clicking the LIKE button here?
I'm really not too sure. Moooost ask Mark.
By Lady Godiva at 00:32 05 Mar 2011
Which stomach is YOUR food 'up' to? I'm using my third at present.
Fourth for me - so I'll be raising my tail in the not too distant future.
By Lady Godiva at 00:34 05 Mar 2011
Grass / cud.
Could what? You often don't finish your........
By Lady Godiva at 00:36 05 Mar 2011
Got Milk?
Got Manure?
By Bureau at 14:13 05 Mar 2011
There he goes over to the Widow's house again.
If that don't churn your butter!
By Bureau at 14:14 05 Mar 2011
I'm tired of the same ole same ole!
I'm getting a lip tag, Tuesday.
By Bureau at 14:16 05 Mar 2011
Someone changed our sign. Instaed of "Eat More Chickenshit"..
Just as long as it's nt hamburgers.
By Bureau at 14:19 05 Mar 2011
Wonder when they put up that sign "This is You on the cellphone while driving."
They put up a mirror?
By Bureau at 14:20 05 Mar 2011
My bag itches.
Maybe you should become a baseball player.
By Bureau at 14:21 05 Mar 2011
Mum was a baseball glove.
I told her to hide. Guess she misterstood.
By Bureau at 14:22 05 Mar 2011
The farmer has put a sign in our field: "People can walk in this field for FREE"
"....But the Bull CHARGES!!!"
By IN SEINE at 21:07 05 Mar 2011
What made the COWSLIP?
Probably the same thing that made the BULLRUSH!
By IN SEINE at 21:10 05 Mar 2011
They made Mummmy into a Baseball glove!
I always knew she was a good catch!!
By IN SEINE at 21:14 05 Mar 2011
Roses are red, Violets are blue...
...you can stop that right now!!..... you SILLY MOO!
By IN SEINE at 21:20 05 Mar 2011
Hey...that bull over there never knows the lyrics to the songs - he hums!!
Perhaps he's just HUMBULL?
By IN SEINE at 21:28 05 Mar 2011
Do you feel like having a game of 'tag'?
You are too punny for words. Ha ha! I forgot to laugh.
By Lady Godiva at 14:36 06 Mar 2011
it is a bit cruel stapling our raffle tickets to our ear
well you have forgotten your purse
By Griff at 14:47 06 Mar 2011
I hear the farmer has bought a slaughterhouse
he'll make a killing
By Griff at 14:48 06 Mar 2011
organic or gm
gm I like the musclebound look
By Griff at 14:49 06 Mar 2011
organic or gm
gm , Look at my clevage
By Griff at 14:50 06 Mar 2011
organic or gm
gm , organic is sooo yesterday
By Griff at 14:50 06 Mar 2011
macdonalds or burger king
both I want to see humans expand like our ancestors
By Griff at 14:51 06 Mar 2011
macdonalds or burger king
both, it's about time the stupid humans areseen as exploited dumb animals
By Griff at 14:53 06 Mar 2011
What are you wearing on your hooves?
A human baby skin, it's so soft, apparently suckeled for 6 weeks... Feel it.
By Griff at 14:57 06 Mar 2011
Your hooves are so shiney! How?
Just pissed on them.
By Griff at 14:58 06 Mar 2011
Awhhh I got a bad stomach ache!
Which one?
By Griff at 14:58 06 Mar 2011
What do you think of Natile Portman's birth out of wedlock?
Happens all the time in my family.
By Griff at 14:59 06 Mar 2011
What do you think of the Republican party?
They've eaten too many Mc Donalds. They've all got mad cow disease.
By Griff at 15:00 06 Mar 2011
I've just heard the Canadians have a very young lassie ' singing starlet' now.
Well they had to balance out Justin Beiber to be seen to be politically correct.
By Lady Godiva at 16:16 06 Mar 2011
The cameraman is quite 'dishy' dontcha think Bessie? Quite the 'bod'.
Dunno, can't see him. But I believe you. You've been staring at him for days.
By Lady Godiva at 16:21 06 Mar 2011
Have you seen that hilarious animation accompanying the song 'Cows with Guns'?
Not yet, but I think Lady G. is trying to figure out how to post a link to it.
By Lady Godiva at 16:34 06 Mar 2011
The only thing wrong with the song 'Cows With Guns' is the singer has us as male
Chauvanist pig!
By Lady Godiva at 16:35 06 Mar 2011
Did you know that we are 'bovines' as well as cows. Bovines sounds quite posh.
Of course. I DID attend the seminar 'All you need to know about cows'. Duh!
By Lady Godiva at 16:38 06 Mar 2011
I'm glad I'm a Dairy Cow coz that means I'll get to live longer.
Whose been pulling YOUR teats?
By Lady Godiva at 16:39 06 Mar 2011
To MOO is bovine and so the BAAA is ovine....yes?
What are you bleating on about?
By IN SEINE at 19:09 06 Mar 2011
Remember when that big articulated truck ALMOST hit us?
Does that mean we can officially produce SEMI-SKIMMED MILK?
By IN SEINE at 19:14 06 Mar 2011
You flirt witih my bull one more time and I'll pee iin your alphalpha
Okay, okay, he winked first.
By C. Cranium at 22:51 06 Mar 2011
Hey Mom, can I borrow 20 quid?
You may not. You never paid the last loan back.
By C. Cranium at 23:03 06 Mar 2011
Yuck.............It's MOOCOUS MEMBRANE!
'SNOT!
By IN SEINE at 17:00 07 Mar 2011
Have you heard that hilarious song 'Cows with Guns' (animated version)?
No! I did see Lady G. has put a link to it on Discussion Forum but no-takers.
By Lady Godiva at 20:43 07 Mar 2011
1. What do you call a cow who likes to prostitute herself? 3. BEEFWHORE!
2. I don't know Daisy!! 4. Before what?
By IN SEINE at 19:35 08 Mar 2011
Home, home on the range, where the cows and the bulls they do stray...SING ALONG
Where nothing is heard. No discouraging word - for what can a cow or bull say?
By Lady Godiva at 21:00 08 Mar 2011
Some cow told me that Simon COWell is a relative of ours.
That's a load of bullshit. I thought your IQ was above 55 Bessie-You really ar
By Lady Godiva at 03:54 09 Mar 2011
Nigel It's my turn to be the front of the cow
But I got here first so tough shit.
By Dirk Scare-Monger at 15:21 25 Mar 2011
The have the nerve to call Big Brother contestants silly cows!
Nah, pull the udder one!
By Steddyeddy at 12:47 28 Mar 2011
This is me and Arnold on our third around-the-world cruise!
Yippie-Skip.
By Pariah at 00:36 17 Apr 2011
Don't you think the bull had bad breath today?
I don't know, we didn't make out last time; he was in a hurry.
By Aspartame Boy at 05:27 08 May 2011
I'm moving to India. They worship cows there.
I hope you like Tofu.
By Aspartame Boy at 05:59 08 May 2011
Hey! Who are you calling a Heifer!
Dumbass, we're both Heifers.
By Pariah at 01:12 13 May 2011
Why must we wear this gaudy jewelry?
Hey, we're just trying to keep up with the Holsteins next door.
By Pariah at 01:14 13 May 2011
Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?
Why you asking me? I'm a hatstand
By kinderegg7 at 10:34 09 Jun 2011
Moo!
That's the kind of talk that's gonna get us slaughtered, Monroe.
By JOJO at 03:33 10 Dec 2011
That George is well weird dont you think Grainne
Good Lord George what are you doing
By George at 09:01 05 Jan 2012
George is well weird dont you think Grainne
Good Lord George what are you doing
By George at 09:05 05 Jan 2012
Does this utter make my but look big
It's tempting to say yes so, yes
By Michael at 21:24 06 Aug 2012
Stop chewing my hair man!
But it tastes good with allfraido sauce.
By Michael at 21:28 06 Aug 2012
Quit chewing my nonos farmer john, I'm a beef cow!
No! don't stop farmer john.
By Michael at 13:39 07 Aug 2012
OK cow its not moo its moo'n, two sylibals moo'n.
Moo! ! ! ! ! ! !
By Mrs Piggy101 at 14:47 07 Aug 2012
OK cow its not moo its moo'n, two sylibals moo'n.
Moo! ! ! ! ! ! !
By Mrs Piggy101 at 14:48 07 Aug 2012
WHERE ARE YOU JUDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
WE NEED YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
By MEEECHELLE at 00:43 16 Sep 2012
oh no time for milking.
i feel you dude.
By abba at 16:38 24 Apr 2013
1. Can you hear me now?
2. I heard you when you were up the hill.
By Butch32 at 01:09 29 Nov 2013
Hey Peggy? You okay?
Yea...(sight) just can't believe Bell got that Blue Bell commercial before me.
By Phil Carlnova at 13:33 11 Feb 2014
1
1
By udnkgqqx at 22:41 23 Apr 2014
Hey, quit complaining. You took the cow vow. Until death do us part.
Right, and I'm dragging you straight to the slaughterhouse.
By Dick Sheerer at 06:17 11 Jun 2015
Mommy! Is that Aunt Kirstie?
Quiet Honey! Kirstie Alley doesn't want anyone to know we're related!
By Al N. at 01:17 14 Jan 2017
Someone's bound to think this pose is existential and make us into a postcard!
Would you just get off my head already?
By Al N. at 21:17 15 Mar 2017
We're COWS?!! I always thought we were crows!
I keep telling you, it's that scratch on your reading glasses
By Al N. at 04:58 24 Mar 2017
You mooove me!
Oh, stop milking it!
By Al N. at 15:03 13 Apr 2017
Damn! I hate posing for Salvador Dali.
Ya, Norman Rockwell was lots easier.
By Al N. at 02:12 22 Jul 2017
I still say Trump was better than alcoholic 14th President Franklin Pierce.
At least Pierce just sat in the White House drinking and kept his mouth shut!
By Al N. at 03:32 20 Nov 2017
So Tarquin, where do you stand on global warming?
If it is better for the capitalists, then it is better for everyone.
By Ben Macnair at 14:03 06 Jan 2018
Hey did you see those stupid goats?
Yeah. They were having sex with Muslims!
By Aspartame Boy at 02:43 06 Apr 2018
Oh no, here she comes with that date from farmersonly.com He's not a farmer!
I know. The last one tried to ride us when he thought we were horses.
By Al N. at 04:31 07 Sep 2018

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