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China Too Overpopulated, Too Powerful, Too Chinese, Say Enemies
(2008) There are far too many people living in China, the Chinese government is too powerful, and the country is threatening to take over the whole world, say its enemies.
Read full storyBong Hits for Kenneth Starr
(2007) CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Alaska - Kenneth Starr, who petitioned the U.S. Supreme Court to take up Alaska's "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" case, a dispute involving a high school student, Joseph Frederick, a banner, and a tough school policy, was arr...
Read full storyWayne Rooney kidnapped!
(2011) Man United souperstar, Wayne Rooney, has been kidnapped. It seems that after the Man United whitewash against the hopeless Krauts called Schalke 04, Wayne Rooney was kidnapped on the doorstep of his luxury mansion in full "Monty" after fulfilling his...
Read full storyResults of referendum on AV (Alternative Voting) system announced
(2011) The results of the 5th May referendum on the Alternative Voting (AV) system for the UK have been declared this morning. In a very heavily-subscribed vote (almost some of the population turned out to vote), those voting in favour were 50%, those vo...
Read full storyEx tells Feds she married Sony's clone after Wacko died on rhinoplasty operating table
(2005) Santa Monica Lewinsky, California; Friday 6 May - (Rioters) A distraught Debbie Rowe collapsed in remorse today as Federal investigators probed her on recently submitted evidence in the Michael Jackson perjury trial.
Read full storyNottingham News for W/E: 6th May 2012
(2012) Sunday 29th April 2012 Topic: Development - Asda "Asda plans to regenerate derelict site in St Ann's, Nottingham" Source: BBC News Extract: Plans to build a supermarket and homes in a "run-down" area of Nottingham are to go on public display. Asda has earmarked a site on Carlton Road in St Ann's for the store, which it said could create 200 jobs. The company said the store, which...
Read full storyGary Lineker Arrested After Kitchen Sink Thrown At Stoke v. Leicester Game
(2008) Gary Lineker, the BBC golf host and ex-Leicester City player, has been arrested at his home after an incident in Sunday's Stoke City/Leicester City game, when a kitchen sink was thrown onto the pitch. Lineker, who is from Leicester and started his...
Read full storyLabour victory heralds Sith takeover of Britain
(2005) London. Panic has spread through the streets of the English capital and other major cities after an army of black-suited monsters terrorised citizens with swords made from 'beams of light'. As soon as Labour's victory was confirme...
Read full storyMichael Savage Proposes Jacqui Smith US Ban
(2009) Michael Savage, the Talk Radio Network presenter whose name has appeared on a list of people to be banned from entering the UK, has proposed that the UK Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, be similarly banned from entering the US. Savage, real name Mich...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Pounding Nails Into His Own Head, X-Rays Reveal
(2004) Washington -- Doctors at Bethesda Hospital gave the President a CAT scan today and made a discovery that puts the activities of the Bush Administration into stark and horrific focus.
Read full storyTrump: "Mueller Couldn't Get Me, So They Impeached the Derby Winner"
(2019) Following the disqualification on Saturday of Maximum Security, the apparent Kentucky Derby winner, President Donald Trump tied the stewards' decision to the struggle in Washington to oust him from office. "Only in these days of political correctn...
Read full storyWayne Rooney Fury Over Extortionate Champions League Final Ticket Prices
(2011) Wayne Rooney joined the massed ranks of Manchester United supporters enraged by the outrageous prices being demanded by ticket touts for the Champions League showcase final against Barcelona at Wembley on May 28th. On some internet sites, prime ti...
Read full storyMoosecock May Be Only Cure for Swine Flu
(2009) The porcine generated influenza that is currently threatening the health of the whole wide world that we thought was in the great big hands of "He that many of us used to believe in", is defying cure and treatment. Fever, chills, nausea, vomiting and...
Read full storyJW Bobbitt Still Buys Lorena Flowers
(2009) It was the most wince-inducing news story of 1993 when it was revealed that Lorena Bobbitt cut off her husband's penis as he slept, before fleeing in her car and tossing the severed organ out of the car window into the night. Fortunately (or not,...
Read full storyGlick to get ABC news anchor job
(2005) WASHINGTON, D.C. - The ABC Network has announced that when Peter Jennings can no longer do the network news program, it will take a radical turn of strategy and hire Martin Short as Jiminy Glick to do the daily program.
Read full storyBush Apologizes for Iraqi Torture: Says, "Me Bad"
(2004) Washington, DC -- Today, President Bush apologized for the abuse scandal after taking an urgent phone call from famed celebrity apologist, Just...
Read full storyTrump Vows To Stop Mexican Birds From Migrating North
(2016) After an incident where a Venezuelan hummingbird buzzed a U.S. aircraft carrier, Donald Trump expanded his proposal for a wall on the U.S./Mexico border to include a net to keep out migrating birds as well. Trump appeared at a California rally tha...
Read full storyDead leprechaun found at Fort Knox
(2012) Fort Knox - The army reports a dead leprechaun was found in the vault at Fort Knox among the gold bars, according to Colonel Jimbob. The cause of death could not be determined, as leprechauns have never been captured, dead or alive before; their bi...
Read full storyPinochet rigged Eurovision vote for Lulu's 'Boom-Bang-A-Bang' moans Cliff Richard
(2008) London - (Sorry Ass Mess): Not content with blaming Spain's General Franco for stitching him up over the 1968 Eurovision Song Contest debacle Cliff Richard has now vented his ire on yet another fascist dicator for blatant favoritism the following...
Read full storyWally Schirra Dead Astronaut Tell All Book To Be Released
(2007) HOUSTON,TEXAS-(APE) Lawyer representing the estate of former Mercury 7 Astronaut, Wally Schirra, has released to the media the contents of a "very revealing" book to be published by Freedumb Books. The expose titled "NASA: No Astronaut Should Ask", D...
Read full storyRumsfeld Appoints Gorilla Head of Military Prisons
(2004) Washington - Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld today announced the hiring of a new Chief of Detainee Operations. Secretary Rumsfeld held a press conference in which he named Bobo the gorilla Chief of Operations for Gitmo and all prison facilities...
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Showing page 2 (of 12 pages)
