After twenty-five years of extensive research (commuting along the M60), the results of traffic analysis are finally ready to be revealed on the eleven types of drivers on motorways to watch out for...
The "It's Called the FAST Lane" driver
One of the more obvious types of drivers, usually in a German-made car, these drivers will immediately, upon entering a motorway, get into the outside lane...
How did I get to fifty years old without one risk assessment or health action plan? Am I a total fuckwit?
Many a time I ran through the house with a pair of scissors as a kid and am still here I am to tell the tale.
When we were kids we did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cellphones, no p...
They live amongst us. Some of them even look like us. So who are the strange but mad Brexit voters who have condemned the UK to years of ruin? TheSpoof's investigative reporter Geoff Stalin went to find out.
Percy Shit is a Brexit voter who lives in Middlesborough. Every morning he wakes up and makes himself a cup of tea like any other normal Brit. But unlikely other Brits, Mr Shit does so bene...
My name's Forrest. Forrest Trump. My momma always told me, life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get. For me, grabbing pussy is like a box of chocolates, because you always end up with sticky fingers.
I always knew what I was going to get. You see, my poppa was a multi-millionaire. I knew I would inherit that one day, so I never worried about getting a job or doing...
With the news that long term arsenal target Julian Draxler has joined PSG on a four year contract we at BATTL news decided to pre-empt all the news and sport websites. We are great believers in the hyperbole and complete shrieking nonsense around football being the thing that has destroyed the game. Not the endless streams of money (nobody says a word about baseball contracts, formula one drivers...
Donald Trump's election victory has been a shock to many, but not to students of American history. They know that the USA has been here before. In 1834, President Taylor Jeffmore was a very controversial candidate. In many ways he set a precedent for the new president.
Jeffmore was born in 1782 to a millionaire rancher called Jeff Jeffmore. He grew up in the rough and tumble world of ruffs and...
I'm the cat amongst your pigeons
I'm the writing on your wall
I'm the black sheep in your family
No, I don't fit in at all
I'm the sight that raises eyebrows
The cause of nervous coughs
The fly in soup and ointment
The cap that's never doffed
It's me! The spanner in the works
The dust speck in your eye
When everything seems out of sync
You know that I'm nearby
I'm the scalpel lef...
Hag, slag, you filfy old bag!
Your minge is a sewer, your titties, they sag
You can't call me squeamish, but I had to gag
When I saw your pug-mug in that tacky slut mag
Your 'friends' they all hate you, your pimp is a fag
Trundlin' along in his clapped-out old Jag
Your looks, about which, no cretin would brag
Ho', that no right-minded being would shag
Explanation for this...