Review of Bethlehem Motel 24th December by Joseph

Funny story: Review of Bethlehem Motel 24th December by Joseph
TripAdvisor Review of Bethlehem Motel - 24th December -0001 We stayed at the Bethlehem Motel for one night on 24th December and wish we'd never bothered!! I should have known better with just a single star above the hotel sign. I was shattered and really just needed a place to rest my ass and heavily pregnant fiancée for the night. When we arrived the Motel owner told us we were in luck as h...
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A call in the day of a telephone-survey guy

Funny story: A call in the day of a telephone-survey guy
Hello Mr Barratt! This is Gavin from Surveysulike.web. Please could you spare us a few minutes of your very precious time (well, half-an-hour really) to take part in a survey about surveys? No need to swear Mr Barratt! Can I call you Robert? No, I can't call you "Winston effing Churchill", Mr Barratt. And how are you today? Suicidal, you say? That's great! Lovely weather, eh? Ah so it'...
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Farage and Assange: Ode to heartbreaking loyalty

Funny story: Farage and Assange: Ode to heartbreaking loyalty
Julian Assange and Nigel Farage Just the two of them, no entourage. A clandestine rendezvous on a spring morning, Unexpected, rushed, without warning. Secrets shared in breathless whispers, Poignant comradeship, laughter, tears. Half -spoken words, a pat on the back Subtle handshake, a knowing smile. Good old Nigel, a faithful mate. He will stand by you, Julian. Have faith!...
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A Victorian Brexit

Funny story: A Victorian Brexit
Lord Britton removed his top hat and entered the door of the gentleman's club. "Good day, Sir," said the butler holding the door. "It's good to have you back." The Lord smiled at the servant and thought what a lower class moron the man looked. He wondered if he could have the butler sacked, but he had other business with the club secretary, Count Percy Twatarse. Count Percy's bushy mousta...
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Dr Farquar and Happy Hour

Funny story: Dr Farquar and Happy Hour
Happy Hour? Only forty odd years ago the minimum drinking age was 21 years. Pubs opened and shut with strict split second timing. Drunken or antisocial behaviour were not tolerated. The 'Off licence' was the only place you could get alcohol out of pub hours. On a Sunday morning, it was impossible to get alcohol. Now we have access to booze 24-7. Supermarkets. Nightclubs. Duty free 'booze cr...
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Terrorist Film All the Rage

Funny story: Terrorist Film All the Rage
The documentary was released last week. Michael Moore calls it a "masterpiece". Sean Penn stars as ex-military specialist Commander Harry Bumsfelt who has won so many combat medals in Iraq that he will only appear with them in public if aided by a hoist. For years he campaigned and lectured for peace and armaments control in a threatened world but, now retired and running a small cigarette fact...
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A Random Collection of Perry & Terrys Pet Hates with Pork Scratchings# 000352647

Funny story: A Random Collection of Perry & Terrys Pet Hates with Pork Scratchings# 000352647
After years of research and a constant stream of psychotic experiences in the pub, Perry & Terry share what pisses them off. People who major in all the arts but can't draw the curtains. Critics who never complain after a blowjob. The humble accountant. They must count for something. When horses are called stupid names like "Transsexual" and you are forced to place an each way bet...
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Dr Farquar and The Generation Gap

Funny story: Dr Farquar and The Generation Gap
How can life begin at forty? Surely it begins when you are born doesn't it? (Contributed by Alex Petty) Dr F. Life does not begin at forty. Ask John Lennon or Jill Dando. Why do teenagers express their burning desires to be different by dressing exactly the same? (Contributed by Alex Petty) Dr F. Discourage kids from spending your money on designer clothes and trainers. Have George Armani o...
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Breaking News...

Brit boozing, binge drinking UK birds die earlier!

Scientists discovered that Brit female binge drinkers die earlier than their European counterparts, WHY? Easy; UK booze due to Brexit will now become 35% more expensive! That's enough to kill anybody!
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Funny story: Motorway drivers - which are you?

Motorway drivers - which are you?

After twenty-five years of extensive research (commuting along the M60), the results of traffic analysis are finally ready to be revealed on the eleven types of drivers on motorways to watch out for... The "It's Called the FAST Lane" driver One of the more obvious types of drivers, usually in a German-made car, these drivers will immediately, upon entering a motorway, get into the outside lane...
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Funny story: Dr Farquar and Growing Up

Dr Farquar and Growing Up

How did I get to fifty years old without one risk assessment or health action plan? Am I a total fuckwit? Many a time I ran through the house with a pair of scissors as a kid and am still here I am to tell the tale. When we were kids we did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cellphones, no p...
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Funny story: Who are the Brexiters?

Who are the Brexiters?

They live amongst us. Some of them even look like us. So who are the strange but mad Brexit voters who have condemned the UK to years of ruin? TheSpoof's investigative reporter Geoff Stalin went to find out. Percy Shit is a Brexit voter who lives in Middlesborough. Every morning he wakes up and makes himself a cup of tea like any other normal Brit. But unlikely other Brits, Mr Shit does so bene...
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Funny story: Forrest Trump

Forrest Trump

My name's Forrest. Forrest Trump. My momma always told me, life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get. For me, grabbing pussy is like a box of chocolates, because you always end up with sticky fingers. I always knew what I was going to get. You see, my poppa was a multi-millionaire. I knew I would inherit that one day, so I never worried about getting a job or doing...
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Funny story: Trump: A lesson from history

Trump: A lesson from history

Donald Trump's election victory has been a shock to many, but not to students of American history. They know that the USA has been here before. In 1834, President Taylor Jeffmore was a very controversial candidate. In many ways he set a precedent for the new president. Jeffmore was born in 1782 to a millionaire rancher called Jeff Jeffmore. He grew up in the rough and tumble world of ruffs and...
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Funny story: Arsenal's Missed Targets

Arsenal's Missed Targets

With the news that long term arsenal target Julian Draxler has joined PSG on a four year contract we at BATTL news decided to pre-empt all the news and sport websites. We are great believers in the hyperbole and complete shrieking nonsense around football being the thing that has destroyed the game. Not the endless streams of money (nobody says a word about baseball contracts, formula one drivers...
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Funny story: Writing On The Wall

Writing On The Wall

I'm the cat amongst your pigeons I'm the writing on your wall I'm the black sheep in your family No, I don't fit in at all I'm the sight that raises eyebrows The cause of nervous coughs The fly in soup and ointment The cap that's never doffed It's me! The spanner in the works The dust speck in your eye When everything seems out of sync You know that I'm nearby I'm the scalpel lef...
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Funny story: Ode to an Ex

Ode to an Ex

Hag, slag, you filfy old bag! Your minge is a sewer, your titties, they sag You can't call me squeamish, but I had to gag When I saw your pug-mug in that tacky slut mag Your 'friends' they all hate you, your pimp is a fag Trundlin' along in his clapped-out old Jag Your looks, about which, no cretin would brag Ho', that no right-minded being would shag Explanation for this...
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Stefano M. Stefano
Stefano M. Stefano
Joined: 19 April 2007
Stories Written: 46

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