Written by French Marilyn
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Topics: Sex, Paris

Friday, 9 September 2011

image for DSK: New Job - Sex Advisor in Paris
Sex please we're French

Disgraced Frenchman DSK has started a new job in Paris. He is now a sex advisor.

DSK, as he is known by his countrymen (the women call him something else), was seen last night sitting in a glass booth on Place Pigalle in Paris's red-light district generally referred to as "Pig Alley".

He wore only a C-string. For those of you who do not know what this garment is, it is a G-string without the strings. (Don't ask how it stays in position!)

"Ladies" on their nocturnal street walking, pointed out to our correspondent that DSK had been perfectly "waxed".

Said one of them, rolling her black-lined eyes: "Meester DSK 'as 'ad ze Brazeelian vax-xingk. Nice!"

Our correspondent asked DSK to explain what advice he will be giving his clients.

As DSK explained, his advice focused on 12 rules.

Rule One: A man must be thoroughly waxed. "Ze only body 'air must be the 'air on ze top of ze head. Even ze 'air in the nose and in ze ears must be removed because 'air in ze nose and ze ears show that ze man is not so virile - is old," said DSK.

Rule Two, he explained was: "Ze man must always step from ze bathroom in ze suit of birth because as any 'otel chambermaid will tell 'im it is a very big turn-on for ze female."

DSK would not however reveal the remaining 10 rules without our correspondent paying him his fee.

"Very sorry," he said, "but ze wife you know … she is angry and she vants me to give 'er some money so that she can buy back ze paintings of 'er grand-daddy she sold to get me back 'ere in ze beautiful Paree."

Our correspondent refused to pay Monsieur DSK but dozens of Frenchmen of all ages, some so old and unwell that they had to be pushed to Pigalle on gurneys, were lining up outside his booth willing to pay his fee.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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